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first contact emails... what really gets you. - 4/8/2010 1:06:56 PM   
Phoenix73Sir


Posts: 139
Joined: 4/2/2010
From: Northants, UK
Status: offline 		When you receive a message on CM, what is it that either attracts you or repulses you from replying to it?  do you prefer long and full of details or short and polite?

I am sure there are many here who can gain some insight from this, myself included.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: first contact emails... what really gets you. - 4/8/2010 1:14:35 PM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		what I love is a message from someone who has clearly made an effort to find out about ME, not just 'a sub'. So they'll say something about my profile, or about something I've posted on the messageboards. They won't be overtly dominant - they'll just be 'one person saying hi to another'. That's really important to me - my subness is part of me, not all of me.

It'll be more than one word or one lacklustre sentence - but a couple of sentences is usually all it takes to pique my interest. One word emails are usually binned, unless I'm in a bitchy mood ... hehehe.

And whatever you do - no 'erotic fiction' or poetry! Just....no.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)
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RE: first contact emails... what really gets you. - 4/8/2010 1:15:01 PM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline 		Attracts: Someone writing a message in a polite and rather normal way, without showering me, so to speak, with details about their sexual life since that is not something I'd discuss in a first email. Also, if I notice someone has obviously read my profile because they are referring to it makes it more likely for me to reply. And even if that someone is not someone I'd want to talk to/ get into a relationship with, if they pay attention to some basic stuff they will get a polite reply.

Repulses: Someone who writes an email that seems to be one they sent to many people (if it's about wanting to 'get it on' with me). Also, people who clearly haven't read a word of what's in my profile usually don't get a reply or, sometimes, not a really polite one. I think if you write a message to someone, you should at least have courtesy to see if they are okay with that and so on.
Rudeness, of course, also is one of the reasons for me not to reply.

(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)
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RE: first contact emails... what really gets you. - 4/8/2010 1:18:12 PM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		Short and polite.

i always appreciate when someone shows that they've read my profile - or found something in one of my pictures that is interesting or that we have in common. Of course, i've had plenty of SCUBA questions.....

Some of the more thoughtful messages i've received have been when they've read my journal (or now, my blog) and then sent thoughts in response to something that i've written. i always like and appreciate that.

But if you go the route of showing you've read her profile, still keep it short and sweet and polite. i had a guy once who read my profile on here, then on bondage.com (you can never delete profiles on there lol) and also my FetLife account. Then he proceeded to tell me in great detail what he learned at each site. It was a bit....stalker-ish. Creeped me out.

Good luck to you!

ETA: i second the recommendation to keep sex out of it on the first email, unless it's just a sexy compliment - but nothing about what you want to "do to me". blecch.

< Message edited by UniqueRaven -- 4/8/2010 1:19:25 PM >

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)
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RE: first contact emails... what really gets you. - 4/8/2010 1:19:54 PM   
elleX


Posts: 161
Joined: 10/24/2009
Status: offline 		Hi , i will alway take the time to answer a personal message that is short and show that my profile was read

and i dont like when i get * letters* that are copy and paste
elleX

(in reply to Alecta)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: first contact emails... what really gets you. - 4/8/2010 1:24:16 PM   
jbcurious


Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		First the message... I love when they refer to something I wrote in my profile. It shows that they at least took the time to read it to see if we have anything in common.

I prefer that the message is light and conversational...if they make me laugh even better.

Next... The photo. Being the shallow bitch that I am...I need some sort of attraction...and no, I'm not impressed with the really cool "Dom" outfit, or the "penetrating stare" or "dangly bits" etc.

_____________________________

'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'


I have an explosive personality...


(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)
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RE: first contact emails... what really gets you. - 4/8/2010 1:24:52 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		Intelligent questions.
(It is what first attracted me to the cmail from the man who became my Master.)

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to elleX)
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RE: first contact emails... what really gets you. - 4/8/2010 1:46:11 PM   
HisSub1213


Posts: 219
Joined: 11/3/2008
Status: offline 		When I was first contacted here by Sir, He commented on something on my profile, and said He'd like to chat sometime IF I was agreeable. The rest is History.

Today I got one that came across as demanding... telling me to read their profile and decide if I wanted to be their slave. I find those repugnant. And I think what makes it even more repugnant is that these people claim to have read your profile, and clearly they haven't. Its obvious that if they had read my profile they wouldn't have wasted the keystrokes, and it clearly says OWNED. LOL

_____________________________

HisSub1213

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. (Elbert Hubbard)

Fear is the mother of morality. (Friedrich Nietzsche)

(in reply to angelikaJ)
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RE: first contact emails... what really gets you. - 4/8/2010 2:02:42 PM   
monywildcat


Posts: 452
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline 		Aside from the other points that have been mentioned (read my profile, don't start right off with the sex-talk, use good grammer and spelling) what would catch my eye is some humor.  If I giggle, then more than likely I will reply. 

I despise the new messages that just say "hi" or even worse, "kneel, slut" or something to that effect.  EEWW. 

_____________________________

Major Life Change Necessitates Personal Reinvention...

(in reply to angelikaJ)
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RE: first contact emails... what really gets you. - 4/8/2010 2:09:44 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		Something not too long but shows they've read my profile. I love it if I laugh when reading it. Any mention of sex turns me off, how presumptious in a first email to think we're going to get naked - there has to be some kind of connection first for me to consider that and then hey...we'll discuss it. No nude pics. Someone else said this but no erotic writing, poetry, stories, etc....omg. The writing is always horrible unless it's plagiarized and once again it presumes that I'd want something so personal from a complete stranger....um no. Keep it to yourself please. I'm not a prude but a stranger wanting to hump my leg is just such a complete turnoff and more common than a mosquito in June- I can do better than that and will as soon as I toss that type of email in my trash bin.

Just something to show that you read the profile and are an intelligent, perhaps witty, man with an interesting life of his own and no assumptions that the two of you will get down and dirty asap. Include a friendly picture of your face if possible. Please remember that anything between two people starts with a mutual attraction so being polite, friendly, and interested is the best way to go in my opinion. The more 'interesting' stuff comes after you've established that the two of you are interested in taking it a bit further...

*Edited to add good grammar and spelling are a must.

< Message edited by lizi -- 4/8/2010 2:10:31 PM >

(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)
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RE: first contact emails... what really gets you. - 4/8/2010 3:03:43 PM   
DWCskitten


Posts: 199
Joined: 3/2/2010
Status: offline 		~FR~
i love a short, polite letter that comments on something in my profile.....especially something in the essay portion that is specifically about me. It shows they actually took the time to read it and find out about me as a person, and they are not just writing to some generic s-type.

Things that turn me off are copy & paste letters, one liners like "Hi. How are you?" and nothing else, and the "On your knees, bitch, NOW" variety. lol

~kitten~

_____________________________

formerly sweetsub1957.

New beginnings...my first poly relationship.

Proudly Owned property of MasterDWC.


(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: first contact emails... what really gets you. - 4/8/2010 3:35:26 PM   
blueeyedbbwsub


Posts: 435
Joined: 12/9/2009
Status: offline 		I am put off by the single word messages: "hi" just doesn't cut it. The messages that are rude, crude or boorish. Being single, i hate the "cunt/slut/bitch" messages. The cut and paste "mass" messages, the latest one from a female "slave" who called me Master. The messages from kinksters looking for a good time. Not what I'm looking for.

If someone has really taken the time to read my profile, then I will respond. The messages where Doms have a true interest in who I am and are genuinely curious. People who are looking for friendship.

The list could go on, I don't have the patience or wherewithal to deal with the silly asstard messages. I may play along for awhile, but there has to be a cut off point.

_____________________________

fuzzballed goondorker

(in reply to DWCskitten)
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RE: first contact emails... what really gets you. - 4/8/2010 3:43:40 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		The first Dominant  I ever met was from Collarme.  He saw that I mentioned gardening in my profile.  He has an extensive garden so wrote about it.  We enjoyed sharing ideas and I enjoyed listening to his plans for his new property.  Even though we weren't meant to be a couple, he and I, his submissive, and Gary, my Dominant are all great friends and we see each other regularly during the year.  Having something besides kink in common is so very important for any kind of lasting relationship.  

(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)
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RE: first contact emails... what really gets you. - 4/8/2010 3:53:48 PM   
HisSub1213


Posts: 219
Joined: 11/3/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

Having something besides kink in common is so very important for any kind of lasting relationship.  


I couldn't agree more, we both ride motorcycles and that makes things much more interesting.

_____________________________

HisSub1213

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. (Elbert Hubbard)

Fear is the mother of morality. (Friedrich Nietzsche)

(in reply to peppermint)
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RE: first contact emails... what really gets you. - 4/8/2010 4:00:50 PM   
Phoenix73Sir


Posts: 139
Joined: 4/2/2010
From: Northants, UK
Status: offline 		I always have a big problem with first contact Emails. most of the profiles on here are so short  if they even consist of more than one line. "I want to find XYZ" with a slight bit about themselves so you have to hope that a compliment on the picture isnt taken the wrong way etc as there is little else to use to strike up a conversation.

A good long profile at least gives you a place to jump in and plenty of things to compare and share.

I try not to do anything that might remotely look like cut and paste but sometimes it ends up looking that way due to sheer lack of information to work with.


_____________________________

Yes, I have 2 profiles. my active one is Username: Syrox. I chose to keep this one though for the message boards.

"Just when you think you have ALL the answers... I change the questions" ~ Roddy Piper.

(in reply to HisSub1213)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: first contact emails... what really gets you. - 4/8/2010 4:26:07 PM   
jbcurious


Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		If they say so little that you can't find anything in common with them or interesting enough to comment on...Why would you want to contact them?

_____________________________

'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'


I have an explosive personality...


(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: first contact emails... what really gets you. - 4/8/2010 4:29:44 PM   
Elisabella


Posts: 3939
Status: offline 		What attracts me is talking about *something* rather than talking about him or me. I don't care how pretty I am or how educated he is at first conversation, and a list of facts (hi I'm a swm age 37 with a degree in crackheadery) that is probably on his profile anyway. I have no clue what to say to that..."37, eh? So uh...were you born in 72 or 73?" But if they send me a message about something, a book, a movie, some of the forum posts, etc then I actually have the opportunity to determine if the person is someone I'm interested in talking to, based on talking to them and not a list of statistics.

Other instant turnoffs are emails that include any of the following:

hey sexy/cutie/honey

how r u

discreet

discrete (unless they actually are using the word discrete in proper context)

"I wonder why such a beautiful woman is....." whatever follows, I wonder why you think the defining factor in my life is my appearance

"experience in the lifestyle" - nothing inherently bad about this, just not for me.

"I am looking for a submissive who..." I know it's a dating site, but to me, I don't want to be "a submissive who..." I want to be a woman, who managed to make a man fall in love with her. Not just the first available one that fit a couple criteria.

--

And yeah, I know I'm a picky bitch. Guys thank their lucky stars that I'm off the market.

Also I've very rarely gotten any "kneel bitch" messages, I'm grateful for that...and the few times I have gotten one they have been sufficiently amusing that I've replied and had interesting conversations with surprisingly intelligent yet frustrated misogynists.

Maybe it's how I wrote my profile? I didn't really mention kink in it when I was single. Ah well. Thanks pervs looking for one night stands, for going with "hey sexy" instead of "kneel bitch" - it's just as cheesy but being objectified ranks slightly higher than being degraded.


< Message edited by Elisabella -- 4/8/2010 4:34:51 PM >

(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: first contact emails... what really gets you. - 4/8/2010 4:38:17 PM   
Phoenix73Sir


Posts: 139
Joined: 4/2/2010
From: Northants, UK
Status: offline 		See, us guys never really have to worry about that (or at least I don't) I havent really been approached by anyone who is genuine yet.  Get a lot of the "Lost in Africa" girls etc but none that are genuine.

I often wonder if it may be due to Subs and slaves feeling that it is the Dom/me who should make the contact but thats a completely different thread.

i suppose I'm just doubting my techniques a little.


_____________________________

Yes, I have 2 profiles. my active one is Username: Syrox. I chose to keep this one though for the message boards.

"Just when you think you have ALL the answers... I change the questions" ~ Roddy Piper.

(in reply to Elisabella)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: first contact emails... what really gets you. - 4/8/2010 5:12:36 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Just a quick word here.  This isn't specifically what you're going to find as only applying to submissives.  The Dominant females say the very same thing, so I tend to think this applies across gender, rather than role lines.

You may actually be interested in a thread that was posted some time back.  It was based on another site's data, but it's still the same thing that women on this site have been saying for years.
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

There was a thread about this in the off topic section not too long ago.  http://www.collarchat.com/m_2816665/tm.htm 

Some of it was rather interesting, but a lot of it was just confirmation on what a lot of us have been saying around here for years.





< Message edited by LadyPact -- 4/8/2010 5:15:25 PM >

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: first contact emails... what really gets you. - 4/8/2010 5:17:22 PM   
Phoenix73Sir


Posts: 139
Joined: 4/2/2010
From: Northants, UK
Status: offline 		Yeah.. i got a profile on OKC and I love reading those blogs.. the true statistical facts are often exactly the oppposite of what you would think.

_____________________________

Yes, I have 2 profiles. my active one is Username: Syrox. I chose to keep this one though for the message boards.

"Just when you think you have ALL the answers... I change the questions" ~ Roddy Piper.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 20
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