CaringandReal
Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline
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There are so many different things I could list, let me see if I can prioritize them:
--Saying something about why they wrote me/non-form letter.
--Creativity/flirty/funny/intriguing--showing something that inidcates there's still life and a spark in in their bodies, minds, and emotions. The majority of people who write me on collarme are my age or older. Reading their emails often reminds me of walking on Mt. St. Helens, a few months after the 1980 eruption. Perfectly fine emails, say all the officially "right" things a dom is supposed to say, except that they're dead, dead, dead. :(
--I usually read the profile before I open the email and if the profile is very negative or shows clear incompatibilities, I won't read the email. I think this is a minority behavior, but still, it may help to consider your profile your "first email." Also, look at your profile the way others will first see it: search for it in the list. A lot of people paste a profile from another site into the collarme text box. Often what they paste is full of formatting codes, making their profile total gibberish. For some reason, you can see this gibberish in list view (when you search for your own name) but not in full view (when you see the larger photo and the interest list). But if I see that nonsense code in list view, it strikes me as sloppy, and I seldom click the profile.
--Someone who, without being particularly explicit, gives me a hint that they are capable of controlling me. This is a subtle art: it takes brains, experience, perception/understanding of others/and a desire to affect a particular person to pull it off. Someone who can do this tells me they are someone pretty special.
--Coming on strong sexually is not a problem for me if everything else in the email works. Quite frankly, the majority of individuals who write me are far too timid and staid, and their avoiding any mention of sex at all adds to my impression that they are dead--or at very least boring and sexless. I think this sort of attitude is inflenced by age: so aim your tone at the age group you are most interested in. Younger submissives on average seem to prefer the non-sexual, intellectual approach, whereas women my age tend to be more concerned that the plumbing still works, so it can be good to give us a sign! :p
Turn-offs:
--Heavy criticism, cynicism, bitterness in the profile. It doesn't matter how nice the actual email is. Those profiles are deal-breakers for me. I auto-block/delete those types, because I assume they're going to turn all their anger and resentment onto me if I should become a focus and because letting it all hang out on one's profile signifies lack of control: someone's compulsion to emotionally act out has taken over.
--Non-bdsm Fetishists, slightly disguised as dominants. Foot lovers, rubberists, stockings-n-heels guys, ticklers, etc. Having a preference for these things is fine. But with many writers, it's clear this is their major sexual interest, and the dominance is just tacked on in order to get this core sexual fetish better met. Also, in the same class, are the "Sado Extermist Every Second With Me Will Be Total Misery For You" types. Don't get me wrong, I like a sadist as much as the next submissive (maybe even more than the next submissive) but the one-dimmensionality of that approach is not exactly a big draw. :/
< Message edited by CaringandReal -- 4/9/2010 5:54:46 AM >
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"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo
"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris
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RE: first contact emails... what really gets you. - 
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