Respect - Do You respect Your submissive - and Why or Why Not ???

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Respect - Do You respect Your submissive - and Why or Why Not ???

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Respect - Do You respect Your submissive - and Why or Why Not ???

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Respect - Do You respect Your submissive - and Why or W... - 4/13/2010 3:31:04 PM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline

Respect - Do You respect Your submissive - and Why or Why Not?

Saw a similar question posed on another thread, perhaps, with a little different content and context; but clearly off topic. Yet it reminded me of a question, that has troubled me about Female Domination and BDSM since 1999.

To preface this, i am asking the question from three different perspectives.

First, i do have a deep background in a certain type of classical philosophical thinking that says Dominance and submission are basically unfulfilling for both the "Master" and the "slave"; and thus can only be reconciled with equal "recognition".

This same philosophical argument, has also been used intellectually in numerous other contexts, including: Woman's Rights and Civil Rights. So it is argued quite freely today, at least among "intellectuals".

Second, i grew up in a city where a young man needed a certain, "street savvy" to survive, and honestly, this background implies the concept of Female Domination must be inherently unfulfilling to the Domme, because the Domme cannot possibly have a man she respects.

And unfortunately, this line of thinking makes sense to me, because of the first perspective, above. (But if it is true, than it also theoretically applies to the male Dom, equally.)

And Third, because i was involved in a long term relationship with a Domme during the 1990's, Her lack of respect for me because i did what She wanted was discussed numerous times. And although this was CLEARLY NOT the reason this one relationship ended, the respect aspect of Female Domination has always troubled me.

Now for additional background:

i am a male, heterosexual, submissive man, so i am personally interested in, the Dominant Woman perspective. And i must add i am speaking specifically about Dominant Female/submissive male dynamics.

That said, i do not mean to be inherently unfair, so every one is welcome to share there experience. Plus i also know that the Dominant/submissive relationship dynamic ... should apply equally regardless of gender.

So here You go ... Do You respect Your submissive/slave ... and why or why not?

Post #: 1

RE: Respect - Do You respect Your submissive - and Why ... - 4/13/2010 3:43:14 PM

Amanece

Posts: 19
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: San Juan, Puerto Rico
Status: offline

I need to respect my sub or slave. I need to respect the man I am with or I cannot be with that man. And I am a very powerful woman in all senses and man must earn his respect with me- not easy.
I respect submission becuase my dominance craves it. I like to be obeyed and am sadistic or not, but I believe in punishment. I believe in I am leading. Ds is a strong addiction in me and all of it is very serious. Maybe as it grew in my fantasy as a child, it has the most pure values of honor, integrity, loyalty. I believe in that the pèrson that completes my half is my equal and his offering is submission. He honors that as well.

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

Post #: 2

RE: Respect - Do You respect Your submissive - and Why ... - 4/13/2010 3:47:37 PM

ReginaMirus

Posts: 240
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline

Yes, and why would I NOT respect him?

(in reply to Amanece)

Post #: 3

RE: Respect - Do You respect Your submissive - and Why ... - 4/13/2010 4:00:56 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Yes, I respect him. Why on earth would I want him if I didn't?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to ReginaMirus)

Post #: 4

RE: Respect - Do You respect Your submissive - and Why ... - 4/13/2010 4:05:03 PM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Why on earth would I want him if I didn't?

a) That.

b) I have a ridiculous amount of self-respect. IMO, I'm awesome. I therefore deserve the best, so I don't settle for anything less than the best, and you gotta respect the best

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 5

RE: Respect - Do You respect Your submissive - and Why ... - 4/13/2010 4:21:51 PM

aphrodite5

Posts: 71
Joined: 8/5/2007
Status: offline

I'm with VaguelyCurious on this one! I deserve the best. He is the best. Gotta respect that.

Yes, I respect my boy. He is intelligent, creative, talented, witty, fun, and more. You mentioned an experience with a woman who couldn't respect you because you did what she said... I had a rebellious sub experience. I couldn't respect that person because they wouldn't do what they said they wanted. I respect the boy for being true to himself despite what society has told him. I respect him for overcoming his fears and opening up to me.

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

Post #: 6

RE: Respect - Do You respect Your submissive - and Why ... - 4/13/2010 4:54:55 PM

blmtrsne

Posts: 201
Joined: 6/29/2004
Status: offline

I respect my husband/slave because to submit like that he needs a lot of courage and dedication.

_____________________________

-- Owner of slrn733561 --

(in reply to aphrodite5)

Post #: 7

RE: Respect - Do You respect Your submissive - and Why ... - 4/13/2010 6:48:02 PM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline

Rather than keep reposting, my answer is here. The short form is yes, I very much do. I would not want to own them if I did not hold them in high regard.

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

Post #: 8

RE: Respect - Do You respect Your submissive - and Why ... - 4/13/2010 7:11:02 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

The one I might disrespect would be someone who didn't respect their submissive. There are those that don't respect them, but you won't find them anywhere near my inner circle.

Someone doing what I want them to do is a blessing to me and my life. Now if I were to disrespect them because they obeyed me without a lot of challenge... that would make me the crazy one, dragging another along for the ride.

To each their own... but anyone in my household is respected.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)

Post #: 9

RE: Respect - Do You respect Your submissive - and Why ... - 4/13/2010 7:47:47 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo
Her lack of respect for me because i did what She wanted was discussed numerous times.

I understand your question. I am limited on time but will try to respond at a later sitting.

Elaborating on the text quoted above might help clarify more specifically what you mean with your use of the word respect.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

Post #: 10

RE: Respect - Do You respect Your submissive - and Why ... - 4/13/2010 7:48:43 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

I agree with all the ladies above. I'll ad that admire them as well. And in many cases, have loved them deeply.

I've respected every single man that I've been with to date and I will every one that will come down the road. I could never share my life with a man I don't respect.

I see Domination and submission as two entities that aren't superior or inferior to one another. I see them as being in harmony with one another.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

Post #: 11

RE: Respect - Do You respect Your submissive - and Why ... - 4/13/2010 8:01:23 PM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

Someone doing what I want them to do is a blessing to me and my life. Now if I were to disrespect them because they obeyed me without a lot of challenge... that would make me the crazy one, dragging another along for the ride.

Knocks a hole in the ole an extremely obedient slave is a boring one. For me anyway.

To the Op..Pretty much what everyone else has said..I wouldn't be with a person that I couldn't respect.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 12

RE: Respect - Do You respect Your submissive - and Why ... - 4/13/2010 9:48:11 PM

AlexandraLynch

Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline

Absolutely I respect my boys. I don't do humiliation and all that sort of thing with them, though as the one finds it very very hot we may do a little "in scene" stuff that goes that way. I delight in them and love them deeply, and understand the strength it takes to submit, and consider it a great and amazing responsibility to be their Lady. I love them. How can I love someone I don't respect?

_____________________________

I use fastreply. Don't take offence where none is meant.

Just because I'm not a bitch doesn't mean I'm not perfectly capable of making sure you'll be very sorry if you disobey.

(in reply to Icarys)

Post #: 13

RE: Respect - Do You respect Your submissive - and Why ... - 4/13/2010 11:25:57 PM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline

Okay, thus far everyone has said what i expected .... and i will thank each of You later ...

BUT ....

Here is the post i was referring to in this OP ... and the author of it .... has yet to speak up on this thread ... and his attitude, on this topic, is really what i want to address ... because frankly ... there is an element of logic in it ...

maybe in a twisted sort of way ... but their are many who could ask the same question ..

(of course the OP he is referring to is from a different thread ... but a Dominant Lady, too)

So, may i ask those who respect their submissive to share their thoughts, again?

Even if it is a second time ....

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

I have had some run ins with the op, I just don't think at times you guys "get it." You think you are in control, but you are the ones being continually pursued by the guys that want to be "dommed."

You say you want strong men but who really is in control? Just because you have the strap or the whip doesn't mean you own the day.

It's really is a very odd dynamic. I often see the disdain that dommes hold for subs within these posts. I can understand at times from where the resentment stems.

How do you respect a man that will do anything that is asked? He might feign revolt or revulsion but the hard on speaks louder than words. It reminds me of Stewie from the Family Guy where he is trying to get Lois to hit him.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

1) he's mostly vanilla, and kink is his 'flavor of the month' - he thinks this is the way a submissive should behave in order to be interesting prey
2) he's a fairly savvy manipulator and knows how to "make" women top him; he insists on being in control, and by manipulating the process and playing the "catch me if you can...oh you caught me..oh you didn't, I was faking!" he can be in control all the time

Akasha

This sums up a lot of what transpires out here. You might get your feet rubbed, your toilet cleaned or a few extra bucks in your pocket but at the end of the day he is getting exactly what he wants.

Oh and by the way ... when he says "you guys" ... he means Dominant Women ... in case You did not realize it already ...

And the highlighted area in the copy and pasted post ... are mine ..

< Message edited by seekingOwnertoo -- 4/13/2010 11:41:12 PM >

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

Post #: 14

RE: Respect - Do You respect Your submissive - and Why ... - 4/14/2010 12:07:07 AM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline

Okay Domiguy ... i don't have forever to play here ... so i will answer the question for every one ....

It is simply because these Ladies RESPECT themselves ... and people who respect themselves ... do not associate themselves with someone whom they don't respect ...

A lot of Women have been beaten down over the years ... just as both of our forefathers have ... they want the same thing we do ... R-E-S-P-E-C-T ...

Try giving some sometime ... you might be surprised by the results ...

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

Post #: 15

RE: Respect - Do You respect Your submissive - and Why ... - 4/14/2010 12:46:59 AM

jbcurious

Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

I fail to see why you took Domi's statement in a negative way. As a female sub would I not be getting exactly what I want when with the right Dominant? We are all looking to have our needs fulfilled...whether we're male or female, Dominant or submissive.

As regards to your previous relationship where your partner didn't respect you because you did what she wanted. I would have to ask if she truly is a Mistress, if that role honestly fulfills her needs.

Her reaction sounds a great deal like mine. While I have a very easy time dominating a relationship...if I'm allowed to, I lose respect for my partner. In my heart I want a man who controls me, I need him to be stronger then I am in order to respect him.

I think being in and staying in a relationship in which you don't respect your partner.... shows a lack of respect for yourself.

_____________________________

'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'

I have an explosive personality...

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

Post #: 16

RE: Respect - Do You respect Your submissive - and Why ... - 4/14/2010 2:04:15 AM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline

jbCurious ... thank You for Your reply.

i understand what You are saying ... but ... there are some things You might have missed.

First, i am not offended, personally, by Domi's statement .... but the context .... he made it in .... it was totally inappropriate.

And it so happens ... he was making it in a manner i believe is offensive to a good friend of mine ... that is the first reason ... i always back up my friends. It's kind of ... well, the daredevil code ... unwritten of course ... but it is there, and expected.

Second, there are people who know nothing about D/s that come on these boards to learn ... and it is important ... not to create impressions that are ... well .. misleading. Especially deliberately misleading.

Third, from the comments made above ON THIS THREAD, i think it is clear, there are a number of Female Dominants who respect their submissives ... so ... to say what was said ... well ... see point two above.

And finally ... Your profile states You are a submissive ... and i respect that ... BUT my post says this former relationship ... She was the Domme ... i think there is a difference.

If she was the Domme ... wasn't she supposed to Dominant the relationship? And wasn't she supposed to understand the sub would do what she wanted?

i am wondering if You are not confusing the words women and submissive; men and dominant? Are You?

Truthfully ... she wasn't really a Domme ... in my mind, now ... and i should have just dominated the relationship ... then again ... would i be happy?

Frankly, i thank the lord for the Ladies who posted earlier ...

(in reply to jbcurious)

Post #: 17

RE: Respect - Do You respect Your submissive - and Why ... - 4/14/2010 2:53:03 AM

jbcurious

Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

You have basicly said exactly what I said.

I don't equate gender with D/s. The posts, from what I consider to be Dominant women, on this thread show their comfort in being Dominant and respecting their subs.

My question, and you answered it, was "was your previose partner really a Domme"?

I used myself as an example because I am a dominant person, but that I would never confuse that with being a Domme. I know that to be happy in a relationship I need to be submissive and that would be the case if I were gay as well. So a person who allowed or expected me to be Dominant in the relationship...It would make me uncomfortable and I would end the relationship.

I believe that any D/D who doesn't respect the gift of submission isn't very comfortable in the role they have chosen.

_____________________________

'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'

I have an explosive personality...

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

Post #: 18

RE: Respect - Do You respect Your submissive - and Why ... - 4/14/2010 3:48:54 AM

MsStarlett

Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline

Dittos.

Alexandra mentioned "I don't do humiliation and all that sort of thing with them, though as the one finds it very very hot we may do a little "in scene" stuff that goes that way."

My Wall-e is heavily into humiliation. He and I have had many discussions on how much I actually respect him and how very fond I am of him. In fact, if I didn't admire him so much, I would never go to the lengths that I do to provide him with the little 'buzz' that he enjoys above all else. I have a hard time saying horrid things to him when we are together. He gets most of his humiliation buzz from Emails. It takes me at least an hour to write him ONE good, ripping letter. I honestly sit with the thesaurus open and hunt for interesting ways to degrade him. I have been known to get my husband or Dom friend to help me come up with disgusting, humiliating things to write as they have that unique male viewpoint. It is very difficult for me because I DO admire my Wall-e very much. But I do it for him because I want him to be happy. He is strong, generous, brave and highly intelligent. He finds ways to make me happy, spend time with me and he endures the punishment that I so love to dish out to him. Figuring out a much more creative thing to say than "Grovel at my feet, worm!" is such a small thing for me to do for him. He loves it so. I call him a 'slutty whore' or an 'uncouth cretin' because I am fond of him.

_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to jbcurious)

Post #: 19

RE: Respect - Do You respect Your submissive - and Why ... - 4/14/2010 8:06:51 AM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

I don't know where you got that philosophical viewpoint, but there's a huge difference between consensual D/s or M/s and historical slavery. If neither person (or either person, really) is getting unfulfilled by their relationship dynamic, then something is wrong!

I don't see any reason why a submissive man can't be street-smart, intelligent, strong, and able to fight. I don't really see any connection between that and a Domme being unfulfilled - if that's what she wants in a man, great, if she wants someone who is a bit naive and not into fighting, nothing wrong with that either.

I had a 5-year relationship with my former submissive, starting in 1994, and I had a great deal of respect for him, and wouldn't have dated him if I didn't. It sounds like your former Domme had some conflict in her own mind about D/s, but you shouldn't let that continue to colour your interaction with other Dommes now, except by screening to make sure you're on the same page.

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Respect - Do You respect Your submissive - and Why or Why Not ???

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.109