What exactly makes you think that you are Submissive? (Full Version)

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PravdaIsvestia -> What exactly makes you think that you are Submissive? (4/14/2010 2:54:04 AM)

So you call yourself a submissive or a slave? How do you define yourselves as such? Who gave you that title? Why do most people who call themselves such actually behave like they are dominant and in control?



RCdc -> RE: What exactly makes you think that you are Submissive? (4/14/2010 2:59:40 AM)

So are you researching for a paper?  Or a book?  Seeing as you have asked the same question with a different slant in multiple forums, with no visable profile.

the.dark.



jbcurious -> RE: What exactly makes you think that you are Submissive? (4/14/2010 3:22:22 AM)

Because I am dominant and in control until I choose a partner to give my control to.

What kind of messed up life would I have if I were submissive in all aspects of my life? What kind of target would I be for abusers and those that wanted to take advantage... What kind of single mother would I have been, how could I run a business... if I am submissive in life?



RCdc -> RE: What exactly makes you think that you are Submissive? (4/14/2010 4:02:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious

Because I am dominant and in control until I choose a partner to give my control to.

What kind of messed up life would I have if I were submissive in all aspects of my life? What kind of target would I be for abusers and those that wanted to take advantage... What kind of single mother would I have been, how could I run a business... if I am submissive in life?


I would say you can be a wonderful one.  Don't mix up submission with having a head for business or an ounce of commen sense. 

the.dark.



jbcurious -> RE: What exactly makes you think that you are Submissive? (4/14/2010 4:12:47 AM)

Thank you Dark.

I have a question for the Op... When addressing this question to the M/M's you used the word "please" in your request...why did you feel that level of politness wasn't due in this thread?



zephyroftheNorth -> RE: What exactly makes you think that you are Submissive? (4/14/2010 4:23:21 AM)

quote:

What exactly makes you think that you are Submissive?


*shrugs* Master tells me I am.



Aileen1968 -> RE: What exactly makes you think that you are Submissive? (4/14/2010 4:34:32 AM)

I crave being controlled 24/7. I crave being hit. I crave making him happy.
I have to be dominant and in control at times because I have two small kids and I have my own business.
All other aspects of my life are directly controlled by him and even the kid and business aspect is influenced by his opinions that he gives me when I've asked for it.



DesFIP -> RE: What exactly makes you think that you are Submissive? (4/14/2010 4:51:26 AM)

I'm submissive to one, and you ain't him. So yeah, I get to be as assertive as I like with anybody else.


And judging by your profile, you're never going to get a submissive either.



catize -> RE: What exactly makes you think that you are Submissive? (4/14/2010 4:56:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PravdaIsvestia

So you call yourself a submissive or a slave? How do you define yourselves as such? Who gave you that title? Why do most people who call themselves such actually behave like they are dominant and in control?

Much like the concept that a master /mistress/dominant must have control of self before they can master another, I also believe that before I can submit to another I must be in control of myself.

No one can “make” me do anything. I could be beaten into compliance, but that isn't submission now, is it?

I am the one who chooses my actions when I abide by the agreement that this person or persons have authority over me. I am the one who overcomes (dominates) my own mind in order to accept their authority.


I define myself as submissive because the dominant men in my life are more than happy with my actions and attitude toward them.. They don't, nor do I, care what your definition of submission may be. I meet their definition, their criteria, their expectations; not yours.


I would suggest that your time would be better spent analyzing why you expect people you don't know to justify their choice of orientation and why you have the need to repeatedly try to get others to validate that your way is the only way.



lally2 -> RE: What exactly makes you think that you are Submissive? (4/14/2010 4:58:53 AM)

i dont 'think' im submissive -

personally i dont imagine anyone would go through the hoops and hooplah involved in trying to suss this whole thing out for themselves unless they were driven by the emotional, pyschological and physical power house of needs that propells them 'here' in the first place.  youre just not going to stick around if youre ambivilant about who you are and what you want from a relationship in either Ds or Ms.

the question about being dominant - a sub responds submissively to the one theyre in submission to but not always to everybody else.  most subs are pretty strong personalities and, i think, up to a point, with me anyway, i have learnt how to feel stronger, hold my convictions, speak my mind and be more assertive through being encouraged and valued and put through some serious shit aswell, under the care and Mastery of a few good men.



bestheadyet -> RE: What exactly makes you think that you are Submissive? (4/14/2010 5:35:03 AM)

i think for me......submissive nature means i know what love really is........devotion ,caring,ect.
im sick of the haters ......the ones who think because i say im subby....means i need a beating,flogging or a good spanking. geeeezus.
my 2c



kittinSol -> RE: What exactly makes you think that you are Submissive? (4/14/2010 5:36:29 AM)

Fear makes me come.



Delicous -> RE: What exactly makes you think that you are Submissive? (4/14/2010 5:38:04 AM)

I'm only a submissive to my b.f when were either at Nimhneach or at a house fetish!!! But I hope to be excactly that when we move in together like when I get up in the morning till I leave the house and then when I get home that evening after work!!!I love to please my master in this way as besides him feeling really wanted I feel greatshowing that I want him in my life that much both of us are rewarded!!!



myotherself -> RE: What exactly makes you think that you are Submissive? (4/14/2010 5:40:18 AM)

~FR~

Why am I straight? Why am I a geek? I don't know - I just 'am'. It feels natural to me within the confines of a relationship, and so I go with the flow.

But I go with the caveat that I'm also only submissive to one person. That person is my Dom/Master/LordHighOberFuhrer/partner/lover/best friend.

Everyone else is just 'another person'.

I try to treat everyone politely and with respect, unless their behaviour indicates that they do not deserve that.

And then I just ignore them - mostly because I find name-calling to be juvenile and indicative of a rather unpleasant personality.




DarkSteven -> RE: What exactly makes you think that you are Submissive? (4/14/2010 5:46:49 AM)

To me, a submissive is one that has a desire to please another, and to do things they might not necessarily want to do, as long as it pleases their D type. Some additionally crave direction.

Note what jbcurious said.  Being a submissive does not mean she sits around and waits for a Dominant to make her decisions.  She is capable of making her own decisions but wants to submit.  Until she finds someone to sub to, she just doesn't give it away to anyone.



leadership527 -> RE: What exactly makes you think that you are Submissive? (4/14/2010 7:01:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious
What kind of messed up life would I have if I were submissive in all aspects of my life? What kind of target would I be for abusers and those that wanted to take advantage... What kind of single mother would I have been, how could I run a business... if I am submissive in life?
You'd have a life a lot like Carol's... which as generally been healthy and happy. Carol is generally submissive. That does not make her stupid or unwise. To the best of my knowledge, Carol has not been the used/abused in her life any more than I have been... which is to say sometimes when we were younger, less so as we got older.

I'm not picking on you personally JB, but I find this kind of bias terribly interesting in a community which, allegedly, focuses on dominance and submission. I don't see any particular maladjustment in a predilection to follow/obey rather than lead/command. It's just a different mindset and it does not imply that someone is incapable. I think this bias is just a reflection of the larger society's focus on #1. There is an automatic assumption that it is somehow better to be #1 and anyone who is #2, 3, or 4 is just a failed #1.



leadership527 -> RE: What exactly makes you think that you are Submissive? (4/14/2010 7:04:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PravdaIsvestia
So you call yourself a submissive or a slave? How do you define yourselves as such? Who gave you that title? Why do most people who call themselves such actually behave like they are dominant and in control?
Carol is submissive because I tell her she is. To her, it's not really a matter of great import.

I tell her she is because, largely, as she goes through life she does so from a submissive mindset. She would rather follow/obey/comply/whatever than lead/command/confront/etc.



jbcurious -> RE: What exactly makes you think that you are Submissive? (4/14/2010 7:07:12 AM)

I understand what you're saying Jeff... but how many years did Carol spend on her own? I've been single for 26 years...



AquaticSub -> RE: What exactly makes you think that you are Submissive? (4/14/2010 7:11:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PravdaIsvestia

So you call yourself a submissive or a slave? How do you define yourselves as such? Who gave you that title? Why do most people who call themselves such actually behave like they are dominant and in control?


I do not define myself as sub or slave, nor does my owner athough we seem to be unusual in this regard. My owner gave me the title of his girl, which means, to us, that I'm his wife, his lover, his best friend, his slave, his jester, the mother to his future children and his submissive.

I refer to myself as a submissive because it's a handy shorthand to get the point accross that I submit in my personal relationships.

As for being in control... I'm actually in control a lot of time when I'm not interacting with Valyraen or the poly family. With the career paths I'm exploring I have to be. I suppose if Valyraen were interested he could run it for me but he has his own career and no interest in making one for me.

Beyond that, you have to define what is dominant behavior and being in control. It's entirely reasonable for an owner to hand over any tasks that they don't do want to do themselves - including the running of the house so that the submissive/slave is making most of the decisions at the command of their owner.



DomMeinCT -> RE: What exactly makes you think that you are Submissive? (4/14/2010 7:14:41 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RCdc

So are you researching for a paper?  Or a book?  Seeing as you have asked the same question with a different slant in multiple forums, with no visable profile.

the.dark.


It's Spring Break and papers are due back to the professor in 2 weeks.



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