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littleone1960 -> RE: Raising children? (4/24/2010 1:17:43 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: slvemike4u
I agree completely with your "blank slate" tazzy....although in the back of my mind,and I am perhaps just a little ashamed of holding this belief....I do think there are bad seeds.Perhaps it is lingering vestiges of my Catholic upbringing but I do hold that there are those that are inherently evil....and I'm not so sure that this is allways as a result of lack of love or nurturing....I simply believe some are born that way.
I almost feel stupid admitting to holding such a belief....but it is what it is.
note: please forgive spelling errors I am dislexic and can't spell for beans
I have just read through this thread. Alot to absorb.
as far as a blank slate. Hmm true to a point. I have a child with Autisem spectum disorder. Although mild he still at 2-6 had tantrums that lasted up to 5 hours and at time woke up in full tantrum. He was born like that I had no fault. There are also ( although very rare) childern who are born with brain damage who simly have no sense of right or wrong and cannot be taught no matter what a parent does or doesn't do. That said, a good parent takes the time to know their child well enough to see somethingg is very wrong and to do everything possible to find help for them. Something which is very hard if they are poor.
Also every child has a hard wired temperment, as an example. I was a excitable child with ADHD very emotional and had a very hard time with self control. My sister was shy and soft spoken and focused and we were for the most part parented simularly with very different out comes. I was a wild child and she was not. however being raised with love and consisencey ment that we were both empathetic, loving, and open minded.
As far as examples of people who should not have childern? My foster son's mother. I have often called her the poster child for forced sterilization. I got him when he was 12 when his step father slamed his head agenst the fridge door because he had the nerve to drink 2 glasses of milk as he was only allowed one a day. After he got here, he hid food, cut and burned himself, stole ,lied etc. Two years before he was in a wreak with his "parents" that killed his 2 year old sister( they were drunk) he had a hand that was deformed from the wrek. Although they got a huge settlement from this wreck they still had not done anything about his hand. When he had bad grades they locked him in the basement with no light over night instead of perhaps helping him with the homework or talked to him about the reasons he was failing. No child should have to go through this and no one who would parent this way should be allowed to have kids. So many people give more thought to which car to buy then what is best for their kids or learng ways to become a better parent. BTW he is 18 now about to graduate high school with A's and B's
his PTSD is under control (thanks to the guitar) and a more thoughful, assertive young man does not exsist. and all I did was pay attention.
As simple and as hard as it may be paying attention is what I belive to be the missing compotant to modern parenting. Look at cars, cell phones TV's loud music all in cars now. I love long drives with the boys. I have them hostage and they tell me stuff they would not otherwise. Odd concept that talking to the kids intead of the plastic in you hand. ( might drive better too)
Knowing what they watch what games they play etc. all important. And yet parents busy with work, freinds the home etc etc are to tired pay attition to whats happening with their kids.
guess I've preached enough.
littlleone
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