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RE: Losing the privilege... whatever that means - 4/23/2010 5:14:54 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I dunno. I get the idea that it is implied that collar removal is a regular occurrence in the relationship in question, and I don't know if that's the case.

I once had a sub under consideration and she did something that made me immediately remove her status as under consideration. Had she earned the status back, I might have placed her under consideration again. She chose to blame others for what I considered to be her own actions, and that was it. We remain friends today, but that's it.

Collar removal is a very useful way to send a very clear message to an s type that he/she is on probation and one more offense finishes the relationship.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 21

RE: Losing the privilege... whatever that means - 4/23/2010 5:19:11 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Hello Levelicious,
I didn't take it as an attack. I often go through the struggle of hope and reality. You got me there! I think this may be another of those examples. I dunno.

I'm watching Braveheart right now. Robert the Bruce has just said, "I want to believe... I'll never be on the wrong side again." Hope and reality... Can't hope be reality?

Meh, sometimes I think too dang much for my own good!

Best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 22

RE: Losing the privilege... whatever that means - 4/23/2010 5:23:42 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Hello Steven,
Thank you for your explanation.
Best,
sunshine

< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 4/23/2010 5:24:11 AM >

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 23

RE: Losing the privilege... whatever that means - 4/23/2010 5:26:09 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

WOW . . . yes, you are totally off base! Your entire OP is off-base because it operates on the premiss that there is NO accountability or responsibility on the submissive's part. What a crock of shit.

“to me that seems like there's a "Master" out there somewhere who doesn't know how to lead”
---perhaps it is the job of the submissive to follow... ya think?

“ If she didn't understand the significance or what it represented, then maybe he needed to make sure she did”
---Each party, both Dom and sub are responsible for understanding their own roles. The quote didn't bias interpretation against the Dom . . . you did!

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 24

RE: Losing the privilege... whatever that means - 4/23/2010 5:27:11 AM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I dunno. I get the idea that it is implied that collar removal is a regular occurrence in the relationship in question, and I don't know if that's the case.

I once had a sub under consideration and she did something that made me immediately remove her status as under consideration. Had she earned the status back, I might have placed her under consideration again. She chose to blame others for what I considered to be her own actions, and that was it. We remain friends today, but that's it.

Collar removal is a very useful way to send a very clear message to an s type that he/she is on probation and one more offense finishes the relationship.

Or you can just say that through verbal communications. What a concept! Communication! Seems kind of high school to be removing and giving back"the ring" with musical collar game.
If one has to go that far, after communicating, they are not compatible.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 25

RE: Losing the privilege... whatever that means - 4/23/2010 5:29:12 AM

barelynangel

Posts: 6233
Status: offline

quote:

The quote didn't bias interpretation against the Dom . . . you did!

ResidentSadist -- Thank you THAT is the point i was trying to make.

angel

_____________________________

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 26

RE: Losing the privilege... whatever that means - 4/23/2010 5:34:46 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

WOW . . . yes, you are totally off base! Your entire OP is off-base because it operates on the premiss that there is NO accountability or responsibility on the submissive's part. What a crock of shit.

It's a fair point - Of course there is responsibility on the submissive's part. However, the leader is ultimately responsible for the forward movement of the relationship, isn't he? (or she of course)

quote:

“to me that seems like there's a "Master" out there somewhere who doesn't know how to lead”
---perhaps it is the job of the submissive to follow... ya think?

“ If she didn't understand the significance or what it represented, then maybe he needed to make sure she did”
---Each party, both Dom and sub are responsible for understanding their own roles.

Well of course they are both responsible for their own roles. But I go back to .... isn't the leader responsible to lead the relationship, to run it? To make sure all the t's are crossed and the i's are dotted?

quote:

Absolutely.

The quote didn't bias interpretation against the Dom . . . you did!

I can live with you thinking that.

Best,
sunshine

< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 4/23/2010 5:37:10 AM >

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 27

RE: Losing the privilege... whatever that means - 4/23/2010 5:35:44 AM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

WOW . . . yes, you are totally off base! Your entire OP is off-base because it operates on the premiss that there is NO accountability or responsibility on the submissive's part. What a crock of shit.

“to me that seems like there's a "Master" out there somewhere who doesn't know how to lead”
---perhaps it is the job of the submissive to follow... ya think?

“ If she didn't understand the significance or what it represented, then maybe he needed to make sure she did”
---Each party, both Dom and sub are responsible for understanding their own roles. The quote didn't bias interpretation against the Dom . . . you did!

Maybe neither are being responsible?

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 28

RE: Losing the privilege... whatever that means - 4/23/2010 5:37:35 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I dunno. I get the idea that it is implied that collar removal is a regular occurrence in the relationship in question, and I don't know if that's the case.

I once had a sub under consideration and she did something that made me immediately remove her status as under consideration. Had she earned the status back, I might have placed her under consideration again. She chose to blame others for what I considered to be her own actions, and that was it. We remain friends today, but that's it.

Collar removal is a very useful way to send a very clear message to an s type that he/she is on probation and one more offense finishes the relationship.

Or you can just say that through verbal communications. What a concept! Communication! Seems kind of high school to be removing and giving back"the ring" with musical collar game.
If one has to go that far, after communicating, they are not compatible.

Nope. Reread my post. I said that this is NOT a tool to be used on a regular basis. Believe me, when I removed a sub from being under consideration, I made it very clear why - no lack of communication there.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 29

RE: Losing the privilege... whatever that means - 4/23/2010 5:40:40 AM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I dunno. I get the idea that it is implied that collar removal is a regular occurrence in the relationship in question, and I don't know if that's the case.

I once had a sub under consideration and she did something that made me immediately remove her status as under consideration. Had she earned the status back, I might have placed her under consideration again. She chose to blame others for what I considered to be her own actions, and that was it. We remain friends today, but that's it.

Collar removal is a very useful way to send a very clear message to an s type that he/she is on probation and one more offense finishes the relationship.

Or you can just say that through verbal communications. What a concept! Communication! Seems kind of high school to be removing and giving back"the ring" with musical collar game.
If one has to go that far, after communicating, they are not compatible.

Nope. Reread my post. I said that this is NOT a tool to be used on a regular basis. Believe me, when I removed a sub from being under consideration, I made it very clear why - no lack of communication there.

I should have made it clear. I wasnt really talking about your situation. I doubt that person was even wearing a collar at that point. I mean your person who was under consideration. You are very thoughtful in your processes.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 30

RE: Losing the privilege... whatever that means - 4/23/2010 5:41:59 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

quote:

The quote didn't bias interpretation against the Dom . . . you did!

ResidentSadist -- Thank you THAT is the point i was trying to make.

angel

The haters on these forums trying to disguise their motives as a question just grate my nerves!

They really ought to have a “I hate men”, “I hate ProDommes” and a “I pretend to be submissive but really have to many control issues to submit” sections !

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to barelynangel)

Post #: 31

RE: Losing the privilege... whatever that means - 4/23/2010 5:46:46 AM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

quote:

The quote didn't bias interpretation against the Dom . . . you did!

ResidentSadist -- Thank you THAT is the point i was trying to make.

angel

The haters on these forums trying to disguise their motives as a question just grate my nerves!

They really ought to have a “I hate men”, “I hate ProDommes” and a “I pretend to be submissive but really have to many control issues to submit” sections !

I disagree!

There are many immature dominants who put all the blame on the submissive as their are submissives who dont accept responsibility. Its life.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 32

RE: Losing the privilege... whatever that means - 4/23/2010 5:56:20 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

WOW . . . yes, you are totally off base! Your entire OP is off-base because it operates on the premiss that there is NO accountability or responsibility on the submissive's part. What a crock of shit.

“to me that seems like there's a "Master" out there somewhere who doesn't know how to lead”
---perhaps it is the job of the submissive to follow... ya think?

“ If she didn't understand the significance or what it represented, then maybe he needed to make sure she did”
---Each party, both Dom and sub are responsible for understanding their own roles. The quote didn't bias interpretation against the Dom . . . you did!

Maybe neither are being responsible?

Or maybe both are taking responsibility.

We don't know and it's doubtful that we ever will.
This whole forum is the ultimate in fruitless speculation.For all we know the Dominant knew exactly what he was doing and had hellaciously good reasons for doing so.
The one fact we do have is that whatever was wrong has been rectified so his solution worked.

(Edited to make it clear my comment wasn't aimed at the luscious one)

< Message edited by Kana -- 4/23/2010 5:58:37 AM >

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 33

RE: Losing the privilege... whatever that means - 4/23/2010 6:03:15 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Hello everyone,

I just want to clarify something. As often happens, a particular thread or comment will make me think about a concept. The thread is not meant to be about a particular person, couple, whatever. It's meant to show an example of a concept.

best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 34

RE: Losing the privilege... whatever that means - 4/23/2010 6:03:56 AM

DomImus

Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist
WOW . . . yes, you are totally off base! Your entire OP is off-base because it operates on the premiss that there is NO accountability or responsibility on the submissive's part.

That was my impression, as well. Breakdowns in a relationship cannot always be due to the lack in the dominant's ability to lead or teach or whatever. At the very least if he's going to shoulder all of the blame when things go wrong they he must be given all of the credit when things go right. Let's see how many submissives sign up for the latter part of that.

_____________________________

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. harris

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 35

RE: Losing the privilege... whatever that means - 4/23/2010 6:07:50 AM

hallieB

Posts: 63
Joined: 5/7/2008
Status: offline

hello sunshine, this has become one of the reasons i dont post here often. This quote was taken from a complete different thread about how you feel wearing your collar in a public place.
If you were curious or wanted to understand my Masters reasoning for doing what he did i wish you had just e-mailed one of us. Master is always open for a discussion. Sometimes i dont always choose the correct words when i am expressing myself, but by no means do i want anybody to think that for a moment he released me or let me wonder about aimlessly. I have always worn his gold chain with his monogram and i was always under his guidance and his care. We have been together 2 years now and i love and trust him more than any man i have ever met. He does not use the collar over my head and he knows i am truly dedicated to him and he as well to me. We have a bond between us that no one can break. It might seem drastic to some but it worked for us. i no longer take his love and guidance for granted. i respect him for who he is, what he represents and what he means to me. If you would like to discuss this further you can find him here on collar me.
My pet pea here and in life in general is that people are always ready to judge someone else and always looking for the negative in somebody. Take the time to get to know someone, if you are curious about someones behavior ask them why they did it, who else is better qualified to answer.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 36

RE: Losing the privilege... whatever that means - 4/23/2010 6:12:58 AM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

quote:

The quote didn't bias interpretation against the Dom . . . you did!

ResidentSadist -- Thank you THAT is the point i was trying to make.

angel

The haters on these forums trying to disguise their motives as a question just grate my nerves!

They really ought to have a “I hate men”, “I hate ProDommes” and a “I pretend to be submissive but really have to many control issues to submit” sections !

This is such BS and shows just as much bias. There are all kinds of people here.

Lets just take this quote and flip it....

They really ought to have a “I hate women”, “I hate Subbes” and a “I pretend to be Dominant but really have to many control issues to dominate” sections

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 37

RE: Losing the privilege... whatever that means - 4/23/2010 6:13:29 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Hallie,
I didn't write to you because what you said made me think... It wasn't about you. Your post was an example for me. No disrespect to you or your fellow or your relationship was intended. If I'd been talking about *you*, I would have emailed you. I"m sorry my thread hooked into your pet peeves, but it happens. And I believe I did just ask about someone's behavior. I asked people to explain a concept of which your post was only one example.

Imus - I absolutely agree with you. He does get the credit when things go well. It's the other half of the same coin. (Does that surprise you?)

Best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to hallieB)

Post #: 38

RE: Losing the privilege... whatever that means - 4/23/2010 6:25:40 AM

VirginPotty

Posts: 11624
Joined: 7/16/2008
From: Virginville
Status: offline

It probably hurt him as much as it hurt her.

As someone put it earlier, engagements break off all the time, the ring is returned the wedding is back on. Why should it be any different in this chosen lifestyle?

When folks post about what they should do about cheating Doms, how do you catch a Dom etc. we refer them back to what they did in their vanilla relationships when they had these same questions & apply them accordingly. We also remind them that the requirements we had when looking for a vanilla partner should extend to looking for a BDSM partner.
Same situation here. He's human, he's in this lifestyle w/his chosen partner. He knows what needs to be done to get his girl back in line.

quote:

this has become one of the reasons i dont post here often. This quote was taken from a complete different thread about how you feel wearing your collar in a public place.

I'm afraid you'll have to get used to that, HailleB if you stay on this site or any public venue where anyone can read what you write.

_____________________________

Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 39

RE: Losing the privilege... whatever that means - 4/23/2010 6:28:41 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

WOW . . . yes, you are totally off base! Your entire OP is off-base because it operates on the premiss that there is NO accountability or responsibility on the submissive's part. What a crock of shit.

“to me that seems like there's a "Master" out there somewhere who doesn't know how to lead”
---perhaps it is the job of the submissive to follow... ya think?

“ If she didn't understand the significance or what it represented, then maybe he needed to make sure she did”
---Each party, both Dom and sub are responsible for understanding their own roles. The quote didn't bias interpretation against the Dom . . . you did!

Maybe neither are being responsible?

My sexy long legged friend . . . I take the quote for exactly as it was written . . . and whom it was written by. This is a story told by a slave, that to their surprise, in Master's judgment they were errant in their ways and lost privileges. The slave corrected the errant behavior and Master restored privileges. How in the world does this remotely imply the Master or slave was not being responsible? To the contrary, I see a Master doing exactly what Masters are suppose to do, training his slave using a reward system. The slave was very responsible and stood accountable, correcting their errant behavior and earning their privileges back. How could either be irresponsible in this lovely little story with a happy ending about two people doing exactly what their relationship roles would have them do?

quote:

Master actually took my collar away for a long time because He didnt think i was worthy of wearing it. He didnt think i understood the significance or what it represented. i am happy to say that i did improve and was able to earn back the priviledge of wearing it once again.

There is no body language, there is no speech inflection to overlay on those written words. The only bias is in the text itself:

--emphasis: surprise and/or disbelief--
Master ACTUALLY took my collar away -vs- Master took my collar away.

--emphasis: “his thinking”, not necessarily the slaves--
He didnt think i was worthy of wearing it. -vs – I wasn't worthy of wearing it.
He didnt think i understood the significance or what it represented. -vs – I didn't understand the significance.

--emphasis: slave's opinion of self “i did improve”--
i am happy to say that I DID IMPROVE and was able to earn back the privilege of wearing it once again. -vs- He thinks I improved.

The writer is obviously quite capable of conveying the difference between what Master thinks and what they think. If you look at this quote, taking the time sequence and emphasis into account, it tells a clear story.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 40

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