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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

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ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

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ORIGINAL: slvemike4u

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ORIGINAL: sirsholly

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Punishing in anger is futile..... Doesn't matter the punishment, it's self defeating.

Abuse is defined as an act that mistreats another. A smack is a mistreatment

i have to agree with this for the most part. Where as i do not see a smack on the butt as abuse i do see it as unnecessary and, at times, plain old lazy parenting. It is easy to smack the kid and have it over with. But as opposed to smacking, other methods of discipline require more effort from the parent. A time out for the child means Mom also has a time out to monitor the situation. Removing a privilege generally involves a change of plans/routine for the parent as well.

Raising my hand to my child in anger is wrong and i will not do it, ever. He gets a time out, instantly and immediately, no matter where we are (i can be discrete, as embarrassing/humiliating a child can be more detrimental than an angry act by a parent). Sometimes the time-out is all the discipline that is needed, often times it is not. Irregardless, it is needed to allow both the parent and the child to calm down and take a deep breath.
Sure i could smack him when my anger has dissipated, but by that time my common sense is no longer clouded by the anger/frustration of the moment and i am able to rationally deal with the situation.

I really don't have time to read this whole thread.I'm heading into the city to see my son in his last college Improv show( the son I never struck,,,whether in anger or not).....anyway Sirsholly has pretty well summed up my opinion where the utility of smacking a child is concerned.....simply put there are better ways to parent!!!!

Curious that everyone associates a "smack" with anger.

So Tazzy are you saying that when you came home with a 100 on a spelling test, you were rewarded with being hit? We're not talking about learned erotic/pain relationships here.

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ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

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ORIGINAL: barelynangel

Chuckles, for some yeah -- a punch on the arm in good job, a smack of damn good job son on the back or a pounding on the back as they get a hug as MANY people do.

Yeah it happens DESfip, but as in all things -- intent makes a different. A smack on the butt for discipline from a parent to a child can be intended as a smack on the back for a good job can be a reward.

But i bet most people say but noooo that's different cause its not in anger -- a smack on the butt for discipline isn't always delivered in anger or frustration either. But see most people enjoy calling it HITTING because its a dramatic effect there because the same weight wouldn't be determined by calling it what it is a smack on the ass or a spanking.


You can't just call it hitting when its a negative connotation for dramatic effect unless you call it all hitting in a negative way.

angel

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ORIGINAL: barelynangel

Windchymes that is how my mom was. She knew what worked for each of us. But she followed through no matter the tears or tantrums or whatnot. The big thing was - she never "took it away" as many parents do -- i.e., take it out of their room etc, she simply said its gone and it meant you better pretend you don't have it cause if you get caught it went in the trash period.


She did that with one of my favorite books -- i was grounded from reading and she didn't take my books out of my room or hide the ones in the house, i got caught once reading my favorite one (in the bathroom lol) and she caught me and she tossed it on the fire. So i got smart, i started reading my DAD'S books lol she caught me once when she grounded me again from reading and she went up to my room, got another one of my favorites and threw it away and grounded me for a month from reading. grins, she stopped saying if i wanted to read i could read the dictionary lol cause that's what i would do lol.

BUt all in all, she didn't back down. She once told me if i didn't follow the doc's instructions (i was prone to pneumonia as a kid and use to act like i didn't have it) she would have the doc hospitalize me and then write me a note that i wasn't allowed to play ball for a month afterwards. I didn't listen, i was diagnosed with pneumonia and sure enough while mom was at work i called my BF and he picked me up and took me to practice -- my coach called my mom (they had a system grumbles) and my ass was in the hospital that night for a week and i missed Regionals because doc wouldn't let me play - even though i WAS fine! AND i tried to bribe the doc lol with free babysitting -- but no go, he was afraid of my mom!

follow through, not just threats work wonders on kids.

angel

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Grounded from reading?

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ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

A swat isnt always out of anger. A swat would have been given if my child had tried to reach for a hot pot near the stove. Given if he tried to cross the street without holding my hand. Given if he had walked out the door without an adult he knew outside. Now these would have been administered before the age of reasoning set in.

How all of you equate swatting with abuse, anger and neglect, i will never understand.

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ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

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Grounded from reading?

My parents did this, too. I learned to read at age 3 or 4, and was a voracious reader as a child (still am, lol), so taking away music, phone, or TV didn't work with me. Taking away my books? Now that worked!

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As to kids these days, I still remember being in the grocery store several years ago and hearing a kid, about 10 years old, say to his mother, "I said I want Coco Puffs, you cunt!" I looked at the mom, who was obviously both embarrassed and humiliated, and she started hemming and hawing, saying things like, "That wasn't very nice, was it?", "But cornflakes are good for you, sweetie" and "Let's get the cornflakes... please?" The kid grabbed the Coco Puffs and replied, "Fuck you". Being me, I looked at this nasty little snot and said, "You know, if I ever spoke to my mother the way you just did, I wouldn't have been able to sit down for a week" (and no, I wasn't lying).
Mom looked at me and replied, "Oh! I couldn't do that! He would report me for child abuse and have me arrested!"
That's right about the time I realized that, in some cases, the inmates are running the asylum 

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A swat isnt always out of anger. A swat would have been given if my child had tried to reach for a hot pot near the stove. Given if he tried to cross the street without holding my hand. Given if he had walked out the door without an adult he knew outside. Now these would have been administered before the age of reasoning set in.

How all of you equate swatting with abuse, anger and neglect, i will never understand.

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ORIGINAL: Jeffff



A swat isnt always out of anger. A swat would have been given if my child had tried to reach for a hot pot near the stove. Given if he tried to cross the street without holding my hand. Given if he had walked out the door without an adult he knew outside. Now these would have been administered before the age of reasoning set in.

How all of you equate swatting with abuse, anger and neglect, i will never understand.

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Okay. So you're about to enter a room with a wooden floor. I have been mopping that floor. It is wet.

I prevent you from entering the room by shouting 'No!!' slapping you across the face and pulling you out of the room.

Acceptable behaviour to you?

Ah but you see, I'm applying the exact same logic as you did in your example and hitting you to stop you entering a room with a wet floor.

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You are hitting a child. Your intention, action and this causes a reaction. There is a relationship between you and your child defined at that moment by communication (the swat).

You are the adult, you are using reasoning, logic, you are the one delivering the swat.

What about the child? You know, the one who receives the swat? Do you know how they feel? Do you care?

Unlike you, the child doesn't use logic, or rational thinking, but uses reasoning based on feelings and emotions. You even stated that these swats would have been used before the age of reasoning sets in.

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ORIGINAL: sirsholly

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A swat isnt always out of anger. A swat would have been given if my child had tried to reach for a hot pot near the stove. Given if he tried to cross the street without holding my hand. Given if he had walked out the door without an adult he knew outside. Now these would have been administered before the age of reasoning set in.

How all of you equate swatting with abuse, anger and neglect, i will never understand.

Hitting a child is an act of emotion (anger usually) and raising your hand to someone in anger is abusive.

Taz...if you and a friend are crossing the street and they do not see a car coming at them and nearly get killed, would you pull them back to safety and then whack them a good one? Of course you wouldn't. You could handle it in many different ways but raising your hand to them would not be an option and would be a criminal act. Any action you chose when dealing with your friend would be done out of emotion, be it anger, fear, frustration, etc but as a reasonable adult you are expected to have self control.

Yet...when dealing with a child it is ok not to have the self control you have with another adult?

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ORIGINAL: barelynangel

I think our society is a LITTLE TOO concerned with children's feelings and it shows. They baby them, conjole them, nad pretty much act afraid of them and many kids simply take advantage and utilize the fear of adults to manipulate them.

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ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

Slap someone in the face and expect to get belted... especially if that person is me. A swat to the bottom or hand is hardly the same thing, with hardly the same force.

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ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

Shall i have my child join this site so he can answer those questions for you? At the moment the swat is given, i care more for his safety than his feelings. We have grown into too much of a touchy society. Children have feelings, they also have piss poor knowledge of actions and consequences.

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ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

I am a parent, and a good one according to my son, which is all that counts for me,

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ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

Stella you tend to come across as an authority on topics such as these.

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ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

You have admitted you are in the entertainment field. May i ask exactly what are your qualifications for saying other parents are right or wrong in how they parent thier children?

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ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

What practical experience do you have?

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ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

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ORIGINAL: barelynangel

I think our society is a LITTLE TOO concerned with children's feelings and it shows. They baby them, conjole them, nad pretty much act afraid of them and many kids simply take advantage and utilize the fear of adults to manipulate them.

I couldnt agree more. Children have their parents by the balls... and they are enjoying it. Children no longer have any fear... and that is a bad sign.

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ORIGINAL: subtee

I've never hit my kids--no "swat" or "paddle," "spank" or whatever you want to call it. They are amazing human beings--intelligent, gifted in different ways, empathetic to others and funny as hell. I too have heard repeatedly how well behaved and respectful they are. They were taught to call adults Mr./Ms.--which almost always flustered the adults. They were taught to shake hands and make eye contact upon meeting someone. They were taught to help whenever and however they can. Dishes, laundry, yard work--if they are physically capable, they do it and have for years.