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RE: lied to my Master... - 5/3/2010 7:10:06 PM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterTslave

i just didn't want to see disapointment on His face again when i told Him that i needed more time. 


This right here is what i'm hoping you can figure out how to talk with him about.  It sounds as if you two are at a disconnect right now. 

i always tell the truth, as best i can, and if i can't, then i just don't say anything.  This means i wouldn't tell my mother she looked bad on Easter....i'd just give her a hug and tell her i love her.   

Honestly my life changed profoundly when i made the conscious decision to stop lying - and to always be honest, even if it hurts.

Good luck to you.

< Message edited by UniqueRaven -- 5/3/2010 7:12:51 PM >

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to MasterTslave)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: lied to my Master... - 5/3/2010 7:32:55 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterTslave
...and there are a few out there that have NEVER lied and will even go as far in the truth as to tell their mother that they look like crap on Easter.


There is telling the truth and there is telling the truth with tact. Using tact while telling the truth is not a lie. It's entirely possible to tell someone that they are not looking their very best without them feeling like they must look like something the cat dragged in backwards. And that is totally different than the situation you were discussing. You were talking about something that needed truth-telling, not a lie. No one said you had to be nasty about telling it, just truthful.

And I don't lie. I make a habit of not lying. I am an excellent liar so I work very hard never to lie because it's way too easy for me. It takes self-discipline for me not to lie and to take the consequences of my honesty. Lying can easily get me out of consequences but that would negate the relationship structure I prefer so I *do not* lie.

_____________________________

"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

(in reply to MasterTslave)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: lied to my Master... - 5/4/2010 7:23:10 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterTslave

. i understand that some of you understand where i am coming from (but will post that you would NEVER lie and would NEVER do something like that) and there are those that will understand and agree...and there are a few out there that have NEVER lied and will even go as far in the truth as to tell their mother that they look like crap on Easter.


thats so lame it just doesnt hold up.

you might think youre mother looks crap, but others might not.  she might not - thats a subjective observation (of youres) and nothing to do with building or breaking trust.  if youre mother knows she looks crap and you tell her she's looking great all that she will know is that youre being tactful, kind and considerate of her feelings.

lying to avoid personal discomfort (dissappointment in youre Masters face) is just lying to avoid discomfort.  no ones feelings are being spared other than youres.

im curious to know how you felt when he said 'weldone' or whatever he said when you told him youd completed the lines knowing it was a lie.  and how dissappointed did he look when he found out you had lied.

you seem to be missing the big picture here.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to MasterTslave)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: lied to my Master... - 5/4/2010 8:11:59 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterTslave

i know i should not have lied to my Master.  i don't think that there is anything seriously wrong with our relationship.  i post thing in my blog about our M/s relationship, not always about our "vanilla" relationship.  Master T is a very loving husband and wonderful friend and strict Master.  i didn't want to see the disappointment on His face to tell Him that i didn't get something that He wanted me to get done.  i had not been able to do many things for Him in the past few months due to an illness and felt like even tho i didn't have TIME to get what He wanted done, i just didn't want to see disappointment on His face again when i told Him that i needed more time.  i understand that some of you understand where i am coming from (but will post that you would NEVER lie and would NEVER do something like that) and there are those that will understand and agree...and there are a few out there that have NEVER lied and will even go as far in the truth as to tell their mother that they look like crap on Easter.


I am 48 years old. I have most certainly lied. I am very VERY good at lying. Lying is the easy way out of a large number of scary life issues. But, it's really not.

When I was a kid and lied.......I never fooled my mother....even if she never let me know she knew. When I lied to teachers because I hadn't done my lessons, they knew. When I lied to my ex-husband, he knew. Even though he didn't know the details, he felt the divide. When he lied to me, I always knew, it widened that divide. When I lied to my kids, they felt the distance, knew something was wrong, even if they didn't know what. When I lied to myself, I was cheating myself of so much......no words to explain.

Yes, we have all lied. Part of growing up is learning to be honest without being hurtful. It is possible, most definitely. Part of creating a good relationship is giving your partner/s a safe place to be honest. The other part is taking responsibility for your actions and words.

None of us here, aside from you, know whether or not your husband/master has created a safe place for you to be honest. And none of us here really know why you felt you could not be honest. Perhaps not even you, not really. The reality is that we don't need to know these things but you and your husband/master do. He must provide a haven in which you have no reason to fear honesty and you must break the habit of dishonesty as an easy out. Without that, there will always be a barrier between the two of you.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to MasterTslave)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: lied to my Master... - 5/4/2010 5:30:44 PM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline 		Not much more I can add to LaTigresse's post above.

The disappointment on his face knowing that I had lied would have been a look that would have broken a level of trust that may not have been able to be repaired if I lied to him. The look on his face when I told him the truth had I failed at a task, would have been one that would have led to a much better understanding of why I failed (on both our parts).

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: lied to my Master... - 5/4/2010 5:33:54 PM   
playfulotter


Posts: 2195
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		I almost lied as a few days ago he asked me to buy a lottery ticket for the big megamillion thing..I said sure I would as he is in Canada for business till Thursday...heck the last time I bought a ticket was when I was in my 20's..but I bought five tickets today at the drug store...and feel so much better...i can be such a procrastinator but today I wasn't!

< Message edited by playfulotter -- 5/4/2010 5:36:07 PM >

(in reply to kallisto)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: lied to my Master... - 5/4/2010 5:56:01 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterTslave
i know i should not have lied to my Master.  i don't think that there is anything seriously wrong with our relationship.

Wonderful then. You won't find me questioning the direct statements of someone else I don't know.

quote:

i post thing in my blog about our M/s relationship, not always about our "vanilla" relationship.  Master T is a very loving husband and wonderful friend and strict Master.  i didn't want to see the disapointment on His face to tell Him that i didn't get something that He wanted me to get done
.
All I can assert is that not just this lie, but the thought pattern behind it would be extremely harmful to myself and Carol. That is not to say that in the 15 years we've been together we both haven't done it. But when we have, it is has been extremely bad.

quote:

i had not been able to do many things for Him in the past few months due to an illness and felt like even tho i didn't have TIME to get what He wanted done, i just didn't want to see disapointment on His face again when i told Him that i needed more time
.
Again, if that works for you then I'm delighted and happy for you. It would not work for Carol and I.

quote:

i understand that some of you understand where i am coming from (but will post that you would NEVER lie and would NEVER do something like that)

I've seen people post the same. Anyone over the age of 3 who tells me they have never lied I am immediately suspicious of. I automatically assume they are lying to me and treat them accordingly.

In the end, nobody here can really tell you whether this sort of behavior is good for you and your Master. You assert your marriage is wonderful and so I'm happy for you. All I can really say is that these thought patterns, along with several others in your blog would be poisonous to Carol and I. And again, since I have failed to attain perfection yet, that doesn't mean we haven't done similar things. Just that when we have done them, it has been poisonous.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to MasterTslave)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: lied to my Master... - 5/12/2010 9:27:04 AM   
poshspice


Posts: 45
Joined: 3/1/2010
Status: offline 		Always delighted to get an opportunity to say this again but your Master sounds like a pile of puky covered in wank stains.

(in reply to MasterTslave)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: lied to my Master... - 5/12/2010 11:16:12 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Has anyone else lied to make your Master happy?


People bend the truth all the time. Including seemingly perfect slaves. But they may not post that out in the open. :)

Here's the deal. It happened. If you really had a lot going on that would have compromised your completion of the task it's always easier to be honest. I'd figure you didn't tell him due to the consequences of doing so, your desire to please, or you really could squeeze a morsel in and didn't want to hear his reaction about your schedule. Whatever the case, it's done and over with and hopefully you've learned something from it.

Do I advocate lying? Nope. But I recognize the futility of human subjects and I know it takes place far more than most will readily admit.

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to MasterTslave)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: lied to my Master... - 5/12/2010 12:58:32 PM   
SweetNika


Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterTslave

Master wanted me to post this as a part of my punishment for not being 100% truthful to Him the other day.  Master told me to write 300 times a line that He wanted to get thru my head.  I wrote the line about 100 times then put the other numbered pages thru the shredder and told Him that it was done(he figured it out).  i have not lied to Him before this about anything (we've been together for almost 3 years).  i had work, lots of things i had to get done around the house and family coming over and simply didn't have time to get the lines written in time, so i lied to make Him happy. 
i was punished for my lie, but still had to tell everyone about it. 
Has anyone else lied to make your Master happy?


Not only did you lie but you are still trying to justify your lie so IMO you haven't learned anything. I could / would never lie to my dom / partner. If I felt the need to lie IMO that means there is a more severe underlying problem that we need to adress. Without trust in a realtionship, there is nothing. If you needed more time why not simply ask for more time? If you can't be open with your partner what do you have? If he can't understand that you need more time or that perhaps that his expectations are unrealistic what kind of relationship do you have?

< Message edited by SweetNika -- 5/12/2010 1:01:16 PM >

_____________________________

Blessed be,
Nika


(in reply to MasterTslave)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: lied to my Master... - 5/13/2010 5:49:57 PM   
kateindenver


Posts: 35
Joined: 8/4/2004
Status: offline 		No The number one rule is ghonesty/ you are headed down the wrong road if you do not do as directed
kate

(in reply to MasterTslave)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: lied to my Master... - 5/13/2010 7:44:40 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		From my view...

I find myself  seeking integrity in my life on all levels. If someone's demands caused me to feel as though I had to be deceptive I would question the sustainability of the relationship. If they thought that public shaming was the way to deal with a lack of authenticity in the relationship, I would think that person wasn't someone I wanted to be with...

If you feel like you have to lie in your relationship, you have big problems, and not the type that public shaming will address.


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to MasterTslave)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: lied to my Master... - 5/13/2010 7:48:14 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Write out 300 hundred times,...MasterT is a douchebag.


Actually, this is much more succinct than the way that I phrased it


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: lied to my Master... - 5/14/2010 3:32:14 AM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterTslave
Has anyone else lied to make your Master happy?

I hate being told lies because somebody thinks it's gonna make me happy.


_____________________________

Жизнь ума ебет.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

(in reply to MasterTslave)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: lied to my Master... - 5/15/2010 10:51:25 PM   
beltainefaerie


Posts: 610
Joined: 4/15/2006
Status: offline 		Lying would be very, very bad for my relationship.  Whether it led to getting hurt in none of the fun ways or simply the relationship ending would depend, but I can't imagine doing it.  If I can't own up to what I am doing, I shouldn't be here. 

(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: lied to my Master... - 5/17/2010 3:16:58 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Write out 300 hundred times,...MasterT is a douchebag.


Type it out once and copy it 300 times; one page a sentence... i would waste as much paper on this as i could

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: lied to my Master... - 5/17/2010 3:31:38 AM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline 		My experience is that whenever I have lied, I did terrible damage to both myself and others. It keeps me awake at night.

You had better fess up to your master.

(in reply to MasterTslave)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: lied to my Master... - 5/17/2010 3:49:34 AM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		OP - i lied to my exhusband to keep him happy. ...... and now he is my ex.

It took a while for me to realise that a relationship can't be built on lies, for the simple reason that if your husband makes decisions based on your lies, then the whole encillada falls apart. You end up living in a structure that is based on lies, not on reality, and sooner or later, you can't live it any longer.
Yes, it keeps him happy right now, but is it sustainable down the road?

I entered into my relationship with my Sir determined to be honest - and actually that is a whole other kettle of fishe than just not lying. My Sir and i have been together now for 5 years, i have never lied to him and we shall be together until his death. And we have the sort of relationship that i could have only dreamed about when i was married.

One thing to add - part of the reason i used to lie to my ex was so that he would be pleased. Oh yeah! I was a people pleaser! I wanted everyone to be happy and harmonious, but after 13 years of marraige and misery, i learnt that sometimes happy and harmonious have to be postponed for the greater good of the relationship.

(in reply to Rule)
Profile   Post #: 58
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