GoddessDustyGold
Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Real0ne
ok i have a question. just for kicks whats wrong with some dude being obssessed with fantasy?
It seems to me the more a sub wants something the easier they should be to control? or arent they?
my point is so what if its all about fantasy as long as you can use it to transform him to you? or doesnt it work that way
Alright...let's begin here.
RealOne...there is nothing wrong with it. As long as the boy knows he is obsessed with fantasy. This does not make him a submissive. It makes him a fetishist, and he is looking for someone who will satisfy that fetish. He is not looking for a relationship with a real Woman who is also a Dominant. I will liken it to the boys who can't feel submissive unless they are cross dressing. The clothes come off, and the submission is gone.
Sometimes if the sub really wants something it might be helpful in the control areas. But most of the time, at least for Me, the desires should be understood, on both sides. They shouldn't be a "I do this for you and then you do this for me". If the only reason a boy is serving, or attracted to a Domina is because she is constantly in the mode of "Bitch Domme", that can get tiring really fast. We are human and get tired, get cranky and don't always run around with pefect hair, make-up, jewelry, 6 inch heels and a corset. We get sick, we bleed, we have families, we get hungry, we have allergies, we have work and deadlines to meet. We volunteer in our communities (vanilla and lifestyle), we read, we watch tv, we plant flowers and some of us are even grandmas! Wow!
I do not have the energy or the inclination to depend on some boy's fantasy to make him into what I want. I can do it. For a time. It won't last, if he is so focused on the fantasy of it all that he cannot make the transition from every day life to the moments when these fantasies can come to life. And while I am trying to make him what I want, I also have to change who I am, to be who he wants. Not gonna happen!
So the answer, for Me, is "No...it doesn't work that way". There has to be some sort of realistic relationship that encompasses more than the stereotype of Dominatrix. Else the boy is going to be spending his days feeling like he is getting cheated because he thought he was with a Woman who was a Dominantrix. And, to this boy, that means the fet wear, the perfect make-up and the constant planning of ways to humiliate him or meet his particular fantasies. It does not mean that there cannot be, (in fact, there should be) a constant flow of D/s or M/s energy. I am always Dominant. Dominant does not mean being in "Bitch Dom" mode 24/7. It means having the authority and respect, the automatic response of the boy to your power (which was given). And that should be given without the constant need of the Lady sitting with thigh high boots and a crop. I don't want a boy who needs to be under constant threat in order to be submissive.
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To subapplicant: I am sorry to hear that you were shocked at some of the replies. I also notice you did not reply to some very important questions. This is going to be long folks...I will be quoting from the OP's various threads...his comments as well as some of the responses to try to get My point across.
Bear in mind, all, that these are My opinions and what I have seen.
All bold emphasis in quotes are Mine:
To begin with a quote from the original text by this OP on this thread:
quote:
As I began to explore my sexuality I (like all young boys) read Playboy and Penthouse. Occasionally you would stumble across an image of tall, statuesque, strong woman dressed in leather boots and corset, carrying a whip and an angry sneer.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. Except that you seem to have not moved past the exploration of your sexuality, and into the exploration of your personality. How does this apply to your life, subapplicant? Throughout, all I read from you, it is about your sexuality. You speak of being a natural submissive, but I see submission in your sexuality. Not in your everyday life. If you are not being treated in a humiliating fashion, if you are not under the gun, so to speak, you seem to have little to say or share.
quote:
The OP imparts the idea that he has a desire to be dominated in a certain way, and it is not about pleasing the Domina, but about being reduced to a quivering mass of jelly. It is the assumption that these are the ways and means that she is pleased.
This is a quote from Me, on this thread. The operative phrase is "it is the assumption that these are the ways and means"...Many Ladies I know, including Myself, are not necessarily pleased or thrilled with the constant need to correct (in public or private) and punish. Where is the example of you getting up and preparing Me a lovely breakfast tray, picking a rose from the garden to put in a bud vase, adding a linen napkin and My newspaper, and then sitting on the edge of the bed being happy that you can do this special service for Me? I, in turn, would smile as I sleepily awaken. I appreciate that I have a boy who will be this thoughtful Not that I have a boy who will melt and lick My boots (in public) because he didn't keep the bar area clean.
quote:
While we were chatting I noticed that she glanced down at the bar. A subtle change in her eyes sent me a signal that I felt in my stomach - a little rush of adrenaline. I looked down and noticed that i had let things slip. I immediately jumped to clean our area.
I always remember the look on her face. A little shake of the head, a subtle roll of the eyes, a flash of anger, a non-verbal message: "Boy, what the FUCK is your problem". She didn't have to talk about it. A little glance, and I felt that lesson deep in my bones.
Was it a lesson, or was it a mini scene in your mind? Do you want to relive it? Sounds like it. Which means you got a thrill from it, so it was not a lesson.
From: Have you ever slapped a male in a vanilla public situation
quote:
If so, how did he respond? How was the experience for You?
One of my favorite memories is getting my face suddenly in a small lingerie store in Soho. My Mistress then dressed me down verbally, making me stand there, head bowed, for a few minutes while she hissed and bitched me out under her breath. Everyone in the new store knew what had happened.
I was mortified and trembling when it happened. For hours afterward I felt like I was floating, seperate from my body, my head in an empty but deeply submissive space.
Today it is one of my fondest memories.
and...
I've been slapped a few times when "playing", alone behind closed doors.
I was slapped a second time in public, by my Mistress in a crowded bar. Immediately me get down on the ground and lick her boots. So incredibly delicious. It was a mixed fetish/vanilla situation...
But the one i described before was pure vanilla. That makes it the most memorable...
and...
Plus - i adore knowing that i am the object of staring vanilla eyes. I don't think you are truly a slave until you are seen as one through a third party's eyes.
And - there is the added thrill that some interested guy - or strong Woman! - notices the interaction.
Really!! You would not feel like a slave until someone else (especially a vanilla, it seems) has noticed it? It has to be seen through some third party's eyes? This isn't a any sort of M/s relationship, or D/s relationship. These are public scenes that thrill you. All about being humiliated in public. You seem to have a strong focus on this. I must repeat there is nothing wrong with this as long as you can find a Lady who is willing to go along with this game. It is a game. It is not a relationship. There has also been discussion on these boards in the past about the care needed when acting out in public. It can be done, but much of what you describe is not even discreet.
From: Do you have different codes of behavior at different times
In post #5 you grabbed an opportunity to specifically describe a "rules scene" which really had nothing to do with anything that had been posted to that point...as follows:
quote:
One of my favorite memories is the time a Dominant Woman was taking control of me while we were at home alone. Like she often does when we "played" together, she made me strip naked and kneel, while she prepared herself. Only this time she shoved a typed list of "Rules for the Slave" under my nose with twenty rules of conduct. She told me to memorize them before she returned.
Of course, since i was entering subspace, my ability to concentrate was taxed. But I did try to memorize it. But she returned much quickly than normal, before any human could have memorized every rule.
Then she made me recite the rules. Of course, since I did not have time to prepare, I failed at the task. The punishment (riding crop) was quick and severe. She demanded not only that I know each rule instantly, but that I also repeat it word for word. A lot of opportunity to punish me, until the combination of mental concentration and slashing pain sent me into a space where I couldn't perform. She reduced me to a quivering mass of jelly.
Of course, the next time I had the rules FULLY memorized. And acted them out perfectly.
Perhaps that was Her ultimate goal anyway!
Again, I raise an eyebrow. Taking control of you? In a 24/7 relationship the control is always there. I do not want to have to be contantly "taking control" of a boy. I will have the control already.
You enter sub space pretty damn fast. I was surprised at that assertion. You must release endorphins pretty quickly, since according to your scenario you were only stripped naked and kneeling while the Domina was leaving the room to prepare herself. But, I will give you the benefit of the doubt. Maybe you can achieve subspace that easily.
I have to say that this read to Me as a fantasy story. It may have really happened, and you do have a heck of a writing style, but I do see it as a writing style with a focus on all things erotic to you. Again, this is a scene. A good one, but a scene.
From: How does a Dominant Woman use grooming as a method of control
quote:
<snipped>
As a personal contribution, a Dominant Woman told to keep all of my nails in perfect condition. It was up to me to go often enough for a manicure and pedicure. Nothing outrageous - just buff on the fingernails, and clear polish on the toenails. She could inspect them at any time - and if they were not up to her standards - watch out. Some nice memories of being asked to present my hands for her view in public...both hands up in a submissive posture, head a little bowed...
I see we are in public again.
From: Why I am a submissive
quote:
I am fascinated by how a Dominant Woman thinks. I enjoyed your own description of your (in part) "awakening". I want (need) to know more about what attracts a Dominant Woman, what pleases Her, how her mood is created, what interests Her erotically.
You seem to dismiss the fact that everything that interests and pleases us is not erotic in nature. You may say, subapplicant, that you are a natural submissive, and that you seek a full time relationship, but this constant focus on the scenes and the eroticism is wearying.
Are you in the least interested in what else makes us tick? Or are you only interested in the part of us that wears the boots with the stilletto heels, and sneers at you while slapping your face in public? (in front of vanillas, because that is very important, else you will not be a real slave)
quote:
LoneGoddess: Which leads me to another question... two Dominas you've been enthralled with? And neither of them was the "one"? Hmm, why no love? Why no relationship such as the one you claim to seek now, then?
Was it a case of "not ready" for a relationship? Or a case of she wasn't the one who you'd give your heart to? All of these things make me wonder, because I myself had a four year experience with a submissive whom was the love of my life to date, and he would never commit to a real relationship with me. It would appear I was his perfect fantasy woman, but he couldn't bridge the erotic with the very real woman I am.
Why does the erotic focus seem to keep submissive men from committing to their Dommes on a real and lasting level?
This was a very important and honest question. You maintain that you have experience. You say you have been "in the thrall" of 2 Dominas for a fairly long term, even though no live-in or full time.
I came back to this thread several times in the hope that you responded to this. But you did not. It was ignored.
There is nothing wrong with wanting what you want. It is wrong for you to try to elicit specific information from Dominas who will agree and give you more examples. I doubt that many of these Ladies who have so graciously asnwered your questions would live in fet wear with pefect hair all the time. We have all done these things in various degrees at some point. But what you describe is the stereotype, and that stereotype turns you on. No doubt about it!
You are very unlikely to find that in a 24/7 relationship.
From: Do Dominant women recognize a submissive male
quote:
subapplicant:
I've heard it said that some Dominant Women can recognize a submissive when they meet him, even in a vanilla situation, even if the man doesn't know she is a Dominant, and even if he is acting "normally". In other words, submissive give out a signal of "whip me, beat me, fuck me" even without trying.
Jasmyn: Keep in mind, too, there's always two sides to a fence ... some will be subservient to me like I said in the hope of getting something in return..and yes in the face of a promise of a sensual trip...most men I've dealt with have readily been subjugated for my pleasure but I wouldn't necessarily class them as 'submissive' in the sense you are using the term.
MH00314: Here is where I take issue---the assumption that submission and the kink are synonymous---they aren't--(now My esteemed colleagues, don't flame Me here, I am going to present some generalizations for the sake of debate...)
There needs to be a separation made between submission and how its "exhibited"--the whip me, beat me scenario is only one and IMHO not the main one-- and to Me is not a sign of submission but only one of many ways it can be exhibited---however there are an awful lot of men in general with the "fuck me" attitude...does that make them submissive? Hardly.
Well, several ladies have tried to make this point in varying ways to you. You don't seem to be getting the message. If you choose not to, and you choose to follow through with finding a dream Domina who will dominate you according to your terms, go for it. I think you are cheating yourself out of some great opportunities for a full D/s or M/s relationship, but...*shrug*( You just might find a match out there. I also wonder what happened to the other two Ladies. It seems you had some very rich experiences with them but you are no longer with them. Could be that these were the only interactions you had with these Ladies? It seems the likely answer since you have posed some very basic questions that were good questions, but more likely to come from a newbie with little experience in this lifestyle.
I don't think it is the best idea to approach any Lady who fits your physical ideal and assume that what is going to please her is doing things your way. But that is just a personal opinion, thrown in for free. I am Dominant. All the time. Even if I am not forcing you, with a look, to lick My boots in public. (Which I would not do anyway, so be sure to cross Me off any list you might be generating.)
This will read "in response to "RealOne", because I began by clicking to quote his question. These are My opinions and are in response to both RealOne and subapplicant, as well as any other interested boys.
Too tired to edit again. Hoping there are not too many typos.
< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 4/11/2006 12:35:52 PM >
_____________________________
Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom
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