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Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists" - 5/3/2010 2:23:30 PM   
MissAsylum


Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline 		by being on this site, i have notice there tends to be a rift,so to speak, between people who offer Pro BDSM services, lifestylers and self-proclaimed "BDSM Purists". I don't go trolling for cash as many anti pro members have accused me of, and if i get on some people enough, they are personal subs/slaves. Not just towards me, i've noticed it seems to be in sport now to harrass those who offer their paid services(Dom/Domme or Sub) to lower their rates to barely anything or for free to please those who are not willing(typically) to pay, or to blame them for destroying the economy. With lifestylers, I've noticed that some people who claim to be submissive/slave or those toying with the idea of being submissive, expect a Dom or Domme to be willing to take on a partner regardless of the Dom/Domme's interest, or that subs/slaves should fall to a Dom/Domme's feet upon the first message.And according to a Purist, you're a fake if you go outside those lines-be you a Dom/Domme or sub/slave. any thoughs on the subject?
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RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/3/2010 2:27:56 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		I think that ain't the case at all.  About the only folks I see whining about paying for pussy are the worms who want to know what grease mistress uses on her strap-on, will you cut my dick off, will you not wash your feet for a week so I can lick them, will I be your toilet, will you bleed in your monthold panties and cook them with pasta for me with tarragon and rosemary, sort of rather cant function sorts who have nowhere to go but up.

Ron 

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/3/2010 2:31:58 PM   
MissAsylum


Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline 		the bleeding in the monthly panties part...have you actually heard that before?

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RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/3/2010 2:45:50 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail
I think that ain't the case at all.  About the only folks I see whining about paying for pussy are the worms who want to know what grease mistress uses on her strap-on, will you cut my dick off, will you not wash your feet for a week so I can lick them, will I be your toilet, will you bleed in your monthold panties and cook them with pasta for me with tarragon and rosemary, sort of rather cant function sorts who have nowhere to go but up.
Yeah, what Ron said. I was gonna get my panties all in a bunch over it, but I'm too busy trying to move. Maybe next week though.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/3/2010 3:23:03 PM   
MissAsylum


Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline 		agreed. nothing to get upset about. i'm just wondering if anybody had noticed it. and i'm hoping to get a Purist view on it if they arent a self-serving asshole.

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RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/3/2010 3:33:53 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Out of curiosity, what exactly do you mean by "purist"? Granted, I'm new to all this and my involvement in "the scene" is non-existent, but with my newbie eyes, all I see is a vast sea if different folks doing different stuff. It'd be really hard to pick out any particular strain and call it "pure". From reading the personals, it'd appear that SM is the single largest common denominator with BD a close second and D/s coming in third. But even that analysis ignores the dizzying spread of differences.

I'm pretty purely vanilla. Does that count? :)

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to MissAsylum)
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RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/3/2010 3:36:46 PM   
AspX


Posts: 69
Joined: 3/23/2010
Status: offline 		MissAsylum,

I am a little confused by what you said in your post versus what I am hearing when I read it. You say that you are not a pro-domme, even though members "accuse you of going to troll for cash". Then you say the following:

quote:

i've noticed it seems to be in sport now to harrass those who offer their paid services(Dom/Domme or Sub) to lower their rates to barely anything or for free to please those who are not willing(typically) to pay, or to blame them for destroying the economy.


This sounds like a statement that a pro-domme would make from personal experience because I have not seen evidence of this anywhere. Its not that I don't completely believe that it is true, because I do understand the level of crap that pro-dommes have to put up with in dealing with clients, but I am just wondering where you picked up the information if not from personal experience.


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RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/3/2010 3:39:37 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

any thoughs on the subject?


I think you have isolated two of a million ways of seeing things here. I also don't think that most people who participate on these boards fall in either or the categories.

As far as the issue of the subs/slaves who "expect a Dom or Domme to be willing to take on a partner regardless of the Dom/Domme's interest, or that subs/slaves should fall to a Dom/Domme's feet upon the first message", you'll realise that this kind of talk comes from people who have very little real life experience and/or social skills, take your pic (they usually go hand in hand).

- LA

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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/3/2010 3:46:41 PM   
MissAsylum


Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline 		i am a pro-domme, but i do have personal slaves that dont pay for my time. is that anymore clear lovie?

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RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/3/2010 3:52:07 PM   
MissAsylum


Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline 		your guess as to what a true purist may be is as good as mine. the purists people i have come in contact with just seem to have a very i'm-better-than-you attitude without clearly defining what i'm doing worng in their eyes. i really dont see how anybody can be a purist in BDSM- there are so many different interests, kinks, and styles...it makes me wonder if they have mastered everything there is to know about this. but i personally doubt it.

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RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/3/2010 3:57:51 PM   
MissAsylum


Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline 		thanks for the heads up. i tried to take care not to generalise anybody- there are tons of wonderful people here, just like you. but thats why i kept putting "some people" or something along those lines. but agreed on the little social life, and/or real expirence comment. its a sad, sad mixture of both in my opinion.

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RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/3/2010 4:11:41 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I can't say I am 100% sure of what your definition of Purist BDSM is, however I do know some who claim to be purists. They tend to get their knickers in a twist and go all holier than thou when they see things which in their opinion is not "proper" BDSM (I imagine according to what books they use as a BDSM Bible). On the other hand I do have friends trained in traditional shibari in Japan by recognised Masters of that art who do feel offended when someone tries to practice Japanese style rope bondage and tells folks it is shibari without ever having the background or knowledge of the philosophy and understanding of the real deal. This I can relate to, understand and agree with. 

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

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RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/3/2010 4:20:54 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum
by being on this site, i have notice there tends to be a rift,so to speak, between people who offer Pro BDSM services, lifestylers and self-proclaimed "BDSM Purists".

I've noticed this in real life too.  There are quite a few female dominants who look down on prodommes, because they are not "real" dominants.  It is part of an ultra-feminist, or sometimes FS (female supremacy) position that women are superior to men and should act that way all the time, and by catering to male fetish and sexual appetite, prodommes are like traitors to the cause.

Frankly, I think there's a grain of truth in this, though I don't agree with the overall analysis.  The two prodommes I've dated were both sub/switch in personal relationships, and Niteflirt telephone dommes are very often subs or slaves in personal relationships -- they see service topping as a service they can provide to men, and they know what they like when they get dominated, so there you go. So a lot of pro service tops are really "pro subs" who happen to be beating on the guy, or sitting on his face.  The difference between me and the FS'ers is that I don't believe pro service tops are "traitors" to anything.

I dated a leftist at one point, and she asked me, totally serious, "How do proletarians have sex?"  She wanted our lovemaking to have political significance.  Well, unless it's broadcast nationally somehow, I don't see how fucking is political.  (Bill Clinton or Larry Craig fucking -- that was publicized, so it's different.)  I have the same response to BDSM purists: primarily, this stuff is fun, and, for me at least, an expression of affection and care.  People who want to make kink into something more than it really is are a bit too obsessed for my taste.


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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to MissAsylum)
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RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/3/2010 4:26:45 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum
by being on this site, i have notice there tends to be a rift,so to speak, between people who offer Pro BDSM services, lifestylers and self-proclaimed "BDSM Purists".

I've noticed this in real life too.  There are quite a few female dominants who look down on prodommes, because they are not "real" dominants.  It is part of an ultra-feminist, or sometimes FS (female supremacy) position that women are superior to men and should act that way all the time, and by catering to male fetish and sexual appetite, prodommes are like traitors to the cause.


And some of us just see it as ProDommes and Lifestyle Dommes as two completely different things that seem similar on the surface but aren't in principle. If a woman chooses to be a ProDomme, then more power to her. But I won't see her experience as the same as mine.If a woman is both, then I'm sure she realises that her relationships with her subs by choice and her paying subs are not the same.

I do make a distinction, but not a value judgement in general. It is like comparing apples and oranges, where one doesn't have inherent value over another. I do however make a judgement value for what is right for me and that's completely healthy.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/3/2010 4:32:41 PM   
AspX


Posts: 69
Joined: 3/23/2010
Status: offline 		Yup... that totally explains it and is not that unusual from my experience... thanks for the clarification.

As for your question, I believe that people who believe in living in a BDSM lifestyle as part of a relationship feel that people who dabble in BDSM are "pretenders" who give BDSM a bad name. "Purists" probably feel that the "dabblers", are more likely to view BDSM as a sexual kink that they want to satisfy and that denegrates the "pure D/s lifestyle" of the people who live it on a daily basis.

Pro-dommes enable these dabblers to satisfy their kinkiness, so they would naturally be resented by those who fully believe that BDSM should only occur within a committed M/s relationship. Pro-dommes can also viewed as sex workers, just like a prostitute is, and therefore may face the same type of resentments from the "purists".

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RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/3/2010 4:38:15 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Where I live, Queensland, Australia, Pro-doms/dommes are legally seen as sex workers and regulated (including health department) as such. not such a bad idea in my opinion.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to AspX)
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RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/3/2010 5:01:33 PM   
MissAsylum


Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline 		i'm never offended by being called a sex worker. a large chunk of BDSM does result in some type of sexual satisfaction, regardless if actual sex was involved or not. now i just just find it funny when people who look down on pro-dommes call me a whore. if you have a day job and your skills are being used for the gain of money- are you not doing what a prositiute does, except that what you are selling may be different? besides, its typically the ones who think its below them to pay for a session and will try to degrade a prodomme to the point where she will give them a heavily reduced price or for free. just from personal expirence.

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RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/3/2010 5:26:09 PM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum

<snip> its typically the ones who think its below them to pay for a session and will try to degrade a prodomme to the point where she will give them a heavily reduced price or for free. <snip> 


Which is what was said HERE basicly.  To be honest, I'm not sure why it would matter what a person says or thinks about you.  There will always be people who try to get something for nothing and who are willing to use what they can to make their positions known.  So you've been told you're not "real"... real what?  You've been told you're a fake... by anyone that matters? 
Please understand, I'm not trying to be flip here but I am trying to put this all into perspective.  How you choose to live your life and what you choose to do for work is your responsibility and yours alone. 

On a side note.... this bit here...

quote:


and i'm hoping to get a Purist view on it if they arent a self-serving asshole.


just doesn't jive with what you say here...

quote:


i really dont see how anybody can be a purist in BDSM- there are so many different interests, kinks, and styles


Maybe you could clarify how someone would be a "self-serving asshole" for expressing a different view.

To be honest, I get the impression that this thread was started with the sole purpose of seeking validation.  My question is why? 



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"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~


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RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/3/2010 5:39:34 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		"some people".

In any group of people there are 'some' who whine and want something for nothing. Why should it be any different here?


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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/3/2010 5:40:41 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I don't like the term "purist".  I like my sex and my play dirty.  

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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