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RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/3/2010 5:52:20 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

OK. Fine. I'll bite. I'm a purist.

I don't think that what happens during a session is the same as what happens in a committed M/s dynamic.

I do happen to think that in many cases, pro dommes would be better off calling themselves pro tops, because the role play of dominance doesn't really exist in-between sessions. Topping and bottoming, whether there is money exchanged as part of the arrangement or not, isn't necessarily Dominance and submission. In the professional's case, when the session is over, unless additional arrangements are to be made, that's the end.

Now, as a self-proclaimed purist who also happens to be one who enjoys casual play (not casual sex) I do think it's important to Me to know the difference. I don't pretend that I have control where I don't really have any and I'm basically doing it for fun.

Let Me take that a step further. As I said, I am a casual player as well as having one boy currently in My collar. I also happen to be poly. I'm high protocol and one of the better ways to classify Myself would be leather.

This is different than a number of folks around here. For example, there are a good number of people on this site that do not play casually for any reason. Some of them may not think very much of the fact that I do. Yet, you aren't going to see Me starting any posts about why they have to find the idea of casual play acceptable and the reasons why I think it should be for everyone. It doesn't even bother Me if they think less of Me because of it.

Time and time again, pros and their clients will create posts to attempt to change public opinion on their choices. It's not going to happen. If people equate what you do to earn an income to the definition of the word "whore" in their mind, the only reason that is your issue is if you chose to make it one.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to MissAsylum)

Post #: 21

RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/3/2010 6:06:14 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

LadyPact, what I respect about you is statements like this. You make clear distinction between BDSM play and D/s dynamic. You have both in your life and you make no excuses for it. Kudos.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 22

RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/3/2010 6:19:47 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
OK. Fine. I'll bite. I'm a purist.

*Laughs* I knew it you haughty bitch!

quote:

This is different than a number of folks around here. For example, there are a good number of people on this site that do not play casually for any reason.

It's because I'm pure... which I'm gathering is distinctly different than being a purist.

quote:

Some of them may not think very much of the fact that I do.

Nope, I like you anyway.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 23

RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/3/2010 6:32:28 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

My thanks to you both.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 24

RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/3/2010 6:44:45 PM

MissAsylum

Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline

umm....which is why i said i find it funny when i'm called a whore. validation? not even.

(in reply to CarrieO)

Post #: 25

RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/3/2010 6:56:28 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

Then permit me to ask MissAsylum, why do you start these thread if this situation doesn't bother you at all? I'm sincerely wanting to understand.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to MissAsylum)

Post #: 26

RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/3/2010 7:01:33 PM

MissAsylum

Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline

*groans* maybe i'm too wordy in my posts. however- i am making no issue of being called a whore. i know you are vastly intelligent, so i you had to have read my complete post. i'm not trying to change anybody's opinion simply by stating my own and sharing my expirence. but if you feel otherwise, thats your opinion.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 27

RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/3/2010 7:11:22 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum

*groans* maybe i'm too wordy in my posts. however- i am making no issue of being called a whore. i know you are vastly intelligent, so i you had to have read my complete post. i'm not trying to change anybody's opinion simply by stating my own and sharing my expirence. but if you feel otherwise, thats your opinion.

No, I don't feel otherwise. I'm actually sincerely trying to understand your motivations. This isn't an accusation so don't take it as one, please. :-)

Can you just answer for me simply what motivated you to discuss this. I know you aren't trying to change anyone's opinion.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to MissAsylum)

Post #: 28

RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/3/2010 7:24:18 PM

CarrieO

Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum

validation? not even.

Then why? You say you wanted people's opinions and yet you offer the "purist qualifer"....

quote:

and i'm hoping to get a Purist view on it if they arent a self-serving asshole.

....which makes me question your desire for actual thoughts and opinions instead of validation.

My question, again, is why? Why does it matter what others think if you're comfortable with your status quo?

My opinion....The more I explore WIITWD the more I learn to take what I need to move forward and leave what I don't behind (actually, that's what I do in life anyway). If I'm involved in a D/s dynamic, the only opinions that matter are those of my partner and myself. That's just me, though.

*edited for clarity*

< Message edited by CarrieO -- 5/3/2010 7:25:41 PM >

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~

(in reply to MissAsylum)

Post #: 29

RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/3/2010 8:17:32 PM

MissAsylum

Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline

what can i say? i like to learn other people's viewpoints.

i never have an underlying motive when i post topics. if i need clarification, i ask for it; if i'm ranting, i say that; if i'm asking for anybody's thoughts on something, i post that, just like at the end of my OP- i asked for thoughts.

that was my motivation behind it.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 30

RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/3/2010 8:24:58 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum

what can i say? i like to learn other people's viewpoints.

i never have an underlying motive when i post topics. if i need clarification, i ask for it; if i'm ranting, i say that; if i'm asking for anybody's thoughts on something, i post that, just like at the end of my OP- i asked for thoughts.

that was my motivation behind it.

Ok. I accept that. :-)

I hope you are getting the answers you are seeking.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to MissAsylum)

Post #: 31

RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/3/2010 8:31:35 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

*groans* maybe i'm too wordy in my posts. however- i am making no issue of being called a whore.

Actually, I don't think this post is the first time you've mentioned it, which is why I included it.

i know you are vastly intelligent, (thank you for the acknowledgment) i you had to have read my complete post. i'm not trying to change anybody's opinion simply by stating my own and sharing my expirence. but if you feel otherwise, thats your opinion.

I read what you wrote. Maybe you didn't quite get what I was referring to in Mine.

As a Dominant woman, I have a very clear definition of control. I see it in very two specific areas. Those being 1) things I do control and 2) things I don't. People outside of My control are exactly that. Just as I am outside of the control that they may wish to try to have over Me when there really isn't any.

A number of your posts have gone along the lines of 'such and such person said this today and I want to know what you think' kind of theme. They do often go along with some connection to your profession. Not being in your profession, I have to use the parallel of My dynamic.

If I had people telling Me that the way I set up My dynamic was wrong, or the way I handled My sub, or any other thing that you could compare to people telling you what your rates should be or something similar, knowing where My control (and their lack of it) lies, I'd probably turn around and tell them that I don't give a fuck what they think. I'm the one running the show here. It's not a democracy and people not involved in My life don't get a vote.

I realize My glimpse of you is relatively small due to the fact that I only get My impression from what I am able to get through the screen, but I don't always see that in you.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to MissAsylum)

Post #: 32

RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/3/2010 8:40:36 PM

MissAsylum

Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline

ORIGINAL: CarrieO

Then why? You say you wanted people's opinions and yet you offer the "purist qualifer"....

quote:

and i'm hoping to get a Purist view on it if they arent a self-serving asshole.

....which makes me question your desire for actual thoughts and opinions instead of validation.

My question, again, is why? Why does it matter what others think if you're comfortable with your status quo?

My opinion....The more I explore WIITWD the more I learn to take what I need to move forward and leave what I don't behind (actually, that's what I do in life anyway). If I'm involved in a D/s dynamic, the only opinions that matter are those of my partner and myself. That's just me, though.

*edited for clarity*

so....I can't just ask others what they think? i don't need validation- nobody should. i'm intrigued by people so i like to ask. we have the forums, i take advantage of their purpose.

and the Purist comment- if you take a really good look at my OP and any posts that i put there after, i don't think there really can be such a thing as a purist in BDSM. Hence my statement:

quote:

your guess as to what a true purist may be is as good as mine. the purists people i have come in contact with just seem to have a very i'm-better-than-you attitude without clearly defining what i'm doing wrong in their eyes. i really dont see how anybody can be a purist in BDSM- there are so many different interests, kinks, and styles...it makes me wonder if they have mastered everything there is to know about this. but i personally doubt it.

i mean, unless one single person or a really small exclusive group came up with the idea, developed, wrote the rules, and published literature on BDSM as whole(every last thing involved and related to it), i don't see how being a purist in this lifestyle is possible. maybe in a few areas somebody may have mastered techniques and the like, i would consider them to be experts. but things work differently on a person-to-person basis.

i just think it falls along the lines of being very rooted in your beliefs. but i don't see how it justifies being told i am wrong for what i do. thats where the arrogant behavior would to come in when i had encountered people who dubbed themselves as a purist, and here and my vanilla life, i can't stand it. i just refuse to believe that every person who considers themselves to be a purist has their nose in the air.

< Message edited by MissAsylum -- 5/3/2010 8:55:15 PM >

(in reply to CarrieO)

Post #: 33

RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/3/2010 8:46:40 PM

MissAsylum

Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I realize My glimpse of you is relatively small due to the fact that I only get My impression from what I am able to get through the screen, but I don't always see that in you.
[/color]

not calling you abnormal by comparison(which isnt a bad thing to begin with), but in places like a forum, i don't feel the need to push how dominant i am, and i personally feel as though nothing is wrong with just having normal conversation even though the subject manner may not be conventional.

i don't typically care about somebody blowing smoke out their butt in my direction when they call me a whore or other delightful little pet names. However that doesn't mean that i only pay attention to the postive notes people make of me.

i take stock in things that help to enrich and expand my life, be them good or bad.

and I believe LA said it best on another post, "Only sociopaths don't care about what others think"

< Message edited by MissAsylum -- 5/3/2010 8:51:50 PM >

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 34

RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/3/2010 9:28:24 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

OP, the people you describe in your OP aren't purists, they're jerks. Block and delete. Problem solved.

We are all the controllers of our own actions, thoughts and feelings. If you don't want to be upset by these people, just decide not to- and then don't. Thought control, and cutting off contact, are your best bets for doing this.

Looking at your profile text, its mostly a rant- as are the five journal entries visible on the first page of your profile. They are a very negative- they come off as essentially a bunch of whining and complaining. It sure seems like you aren't happy, based on that and these kinds of posts you've been making. And since you are the controller of your own actions, thoughts and feelings, you hold the key to your happiness. All the time that you are complaining is punctuated by these posts in which you claim you aren't really bothered much by the things that apparently really are bothering you.

To borrow a quote from Dr. Phil: "You can't change what you don't acknowledge."

You are standing in front of the door, and you are holding the key. Use the key. Open the door to a new way of thinking and feeling. Or just stay there, holding the key, in front of the door. Just let the things people say and do, bother you. But keep saying they don't. Just stand there in front of the door. Hold the key in your hand. But don't use it.

"If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice." - Neil Peart (Rush)

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to MissAsylum)

Post #: 35

RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/3/2010 9:52:44 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

In that event, I might just be a sociopath.

I wrote on another post recently that I am very prioritized when it comes to My interactions with others. Random people on the internet that I haven't yet has a reason to respect or admire them are very low down on My list. They aren't connected to Me any more than someone that I don't know who happens to live in the next town over. Sure. I bet some of those folks disapprove of sadism or poly or many of the other things that I do. So what? They aren't changing My happiness one bit if they don't like it. They have their life and I have Mine.........
and I'm pretty content with Mine.

I don't see that as pushing Dominance. I do see that as having a realistic view. As an example, the fact that you mention to Me that I might be abnormal on the subject isn't going to change My cheerios one bit in the morning. Unless someone says something that really matters to you, it shouldn't change yours, either.

You know what I would like to see? I would like to see you more as a person, rather than your profession. I'm betting there's a lot more to you than what I've been able to get a grasp of so far.

Doesn't mean I'm not a purist, or even an asshole.

You're going to like Me anyway.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to MissAsylum)

Post #: 36

RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/4/2010 2:39:56 AM

reynardfox

Posts: 417
Joined: 9/8/2009
Status: offline

If someone wants to pay for it, let them. It's their choice.
I've never charged anybody and no one has ever charged me, but I seem to get given a lot of wine and champagne. Most of my bling seems to have come as presents, maybe I'm just a man whore, and maybe I'm just lucky enough to know people who appreciate me. Either way, everything people do is their choice and no one should slag anyone off just for making a living.
It's not like Doms or subs are doing anything really dishonest, like banking.

< Message edited by reynardfox -- 5/4/2010 2:40:53 AM >

(in reply to MissAsylum)

Post #: 37

RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/4/2010 3:44:58 AM

MissAsylum

Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline

lol- point well made about the banking.

(in reply to reynardfox)

Post #: 38

RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/4/2010 4:02:08 AM

CarrieO

Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum

behavior would to come in when i had encountered people who dubbed themselves as a purist, and here and my vanilla life, i can't standi just think it falls along the lines of being very rooted in your beliefs. but i don't see how it justifies being told i am wrong for what i do. thats where the arrogant it. i just refuse to believe that every person who considers themselves to be a purist has their nose in the air.

I'm addressing the bolded portion above and the underlined sentence in particular.

OP, this post and your other thread asking about rates, in my opinion, screams for a need to be seen as right or understood...validated.
You keep mentioning the word 'purist'...which means, according to Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary 'a person who adheres strictly and often excessively to a tradition; especially one preoccupied with the purity of a language and its protection from the use of foreign or altered forms.' Yes, there are purists in the BDSM-D/s world...yes, there will be some who see prodommes as less-than or different...yes, some of these same people will also say things like submissive enough/dominant enough/let's not throw switches into the mix because they can't possible be anything more than players. So what? My point is if you're comfortable with yourself and your choices regarding your lifestyle...who cares?

quote:

and the Purist comment- if you take a really good look at my OP and any posts that i put there after, i don't think there really can be such a thing as a purist in BDSM.

Then why the need to for the statement,

quote:

and i'm hoping to get a Purist view on it if they arent a self-serving asshole.

which you did say and have ignored when I bring it up. "Opinions are like assholes, everybody has one." is how the old saying goes. I refer back to the definition of purist and ask that you keep in mind, what's important tradition to one person is unnecessary fluff to another. It doesn't make them an asshole (which, by the way, isn't my most favorite word but one that's seem very easy to type) or arrogant or wrong/right...just different.

*edited to add.....OP, I understand you were just trying to start a conversation about a topic and were looking for thoughts. I'm offering my thoughts on the matter and hope they are taken as such.

< Message edited by CarrieO -- 5/4/2010 4:04:23 AM >

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~

(in reply to MissAsylum)

Post #: 39

RE: Professionals vs Lifestylers vs BDSM "Purists&... - 5/4/2010 4:09:52 AM

MissAsylum

Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline

i'm a bit confused here. if i post a topic on a forum, that means i want a solution or i'm just whining? i don't believe i asked for one, nor did i beging whining. As with my journal entries- yes they may be negative(i post the negative hilarity as soon as it happens), and even though they may be publicly avaliable- its still a journal. I'm not trying to come off as pissy or anything towards you, but i feel like if i feel as though i have the need to do so, i can whine all i want in my journal. i dont whine in a forum- what good would that do me? i'm well aware of the block button, i'm quite the fan of it. but when it comes to the pricks that try to assert themselves as purists(Not LP), i've attempted to ask what makes them so high and mighty about BDSM or what is it that i'm doing wrong in their opinion. when i fail to recieve on- i press the block button. i never said "why are they contacting me?" or "why do they hate me" or even "my feelings are hurt-somebody stroke my ego" i can do that myself if needed.

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

Post #: 40

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