RE: Hard limits

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Hard limits

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Hard limits

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Hard limits - 5/6/2010 1:18:29 PM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

How about doing things that are illegal and could get us a massive prison sentance, like killing someone.

I dont call these things "hard limits". They are illegal, therefor not a limit at all. A limit implies something you wont do personally, no matter what. Illegal defines what no one should do ever.

Perhaps that is the problem. Too many use the same definition to mean too many things.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

Post #: 21

RE: Hard limits - 5/6/2010 1:44:42 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

No Tazz,we just grew apart and she ripped me off so there was no going back after that. Sex was about the only thing which kept us together for the last ten years of the marriage even though Vietnam was safer then being married to her.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 22

RE: Hard limits - 5/6/2010 1:46:27 PM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

I can totally relate to sex being the only thing keeping a relationship together. I was teasing you.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 23

RE: Hard limits - 5/6/2010 1:48:02 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

I know sweet one. I sort of expected you might..

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 24

RE: Hard limits - 5/6/2010 2:04:01 PM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

oh gee! its been a long time since a man made me blush!

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 25

RE: Hard limits - 5/6/2010 2:20:15 PM

jbcurious

Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

So we should do things we don't enjoy, or find distasteful or morally wrong? How about doing things that are illegal and could get us a massive prison sentance, like killing someone.

Cause that's what limits are for, to make clear things we do n't want to do, wouldn't do, or would be a hell fucking no, that's way against my morals type things.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RCdc

I just don't get the whole 'lets limit ourselves so we can be cool!' jargon.
That is all limits are - it's about as useful as the word 'consensual' - with the same feel good factor.

the.dark.

What kind of people are you hanging out with? Why would you be in a relationship or even a play situation with someone who would want you to do that?

Anyone Ilm in a relationship with is going to know what I like, love, hate and their morals and values are going to be simaler as well, so I feel comfortable saying within the bounds of the relationship I have no limits.

_____________________________

'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'

I have an explosive personality...

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

Post #: 26

RE: Hard limits - 5/6/2010 3:25:34 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

But tickling can be a valid hard limit. Not just something you will react negatively to. For many people, it was done to them to incur pain and to prove that an older sibling/cousin/neighbor could do what they wanted to you. If it was an abusive act then, it is not safe to play with. It will hit an emotional trigger and cause mental anguish. Not to mention lose you the sub's trust.

For me, duct tape on skin. Especially as a gag. Just the mention of it even teasingly can trigger a panic attack. And anyone who would deliberately cause one in me is not someone I would trust. With that said, back when I was unattached, you would be surprised by the sheer numbers of men who had read my profile, seen this and wrote me to say that the first thing they would do when we played would be break this. Excuse me? You write me to say you want to cause me emotional harm and think this will earn my trust? What planet they live on, I have never figured out.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to jbcurious)

Post #: 27

RE: Hard limits - 5/6/2010 3:29:28 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I don't have limits at all with Master but that's because we pretty much share the same morals and values and I know I'm in good hands with him.

However if I was not with him and I was looking again, the limits I have are pretty basic...no underage, nothing that will get me fired or unhireable, broken bones, no poly, no married/taken men, no lying/cheating just to name a few things off the top of my head.

If it crosses the grain of my morals and values then it's not happening and thus why I chose carefully.

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

Post #: 28

RE: Hard limits - 5/6/2010 3:50:38 PM

lucylucy

Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: esoclectica
So many subs say they have no limits that I have developed my 3 limit test. I always ask "Really? What about K9, children and dead people?"

These three things, along with doing something illegal, are so obvious as limits any sane person would have that I don't even consider them limits. They are in a different category.

I get a little tired of the whole, "Really, you have no limits? Well, what about [insert anything a sane person would never do under normal circumstances]?" It doesn't further any kind of conversaton and it implies that the person who says they have no limits is lying, when in fact the person who says they have no limits may think it's just so obvious that they won't do anything involving children that it goes without saying. I mean, really, do I have to specify that I won't do anything with dead people for you to know that?

Also, that statement is often made with a derisive, smug tone, implying, "All you dishonest subs who say you have no limits are liars and I, being superior and dominant and all, can see right through it. Ha."

< Message edited by lucylucy -- 5/6/2010 3:53:28 PM >

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

(in reply to esoclectica)

Post #: 29

RE: Hard limits - 5/6/2010 3:55:56 PM

reynardfox

Posts: 417
Joined: 9/8/2009
Status: offline

I can't stand tattoos. I find them spine chillingly repulsive and can't touch them.
The real bugbear in my life is smoking. I absoutely, resolutely, categorically, can't stand the smell of cigarettes or the odour on smokers. I support people in their right to be free to enjoy tobacco and have no problem with that, but not close to me.

(in reply to TomCypress)

Post #: 30

RE: Hard limits - 5/6/2010 4:09:23 PM

DomImus

Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: esoclectica
So many subs say they have no limits that I have developed my 3 limit test. I always ask "Really? What about K9, children and dead people?" Of course I used to know a guy whose purity test score could only have been achieved by doing at LEAST 1 of those frequently, or 2 of them at least once.

It's a sad statement on the bdsm community at large that we even have to include these crimes as limits. Those three things should never enter into consideration but sadly they are routinely mentioned (at least the first two) since some people consider them kinks and not crimes. I have always felt that this is the biggest black eye on the bdsm community.

_____________________________

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. harris

(in reply to esoclectica)

Post #: 31

RE: Hard limits - 5/6/2010 4:11:47 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Whats one of your hard limits you would rather not talk about or to share with others who your are not involved with

If I'm involved with someone, they are going to know all my hard limits and I'm going to require for them to come forward with theirs.

Sharing them with a message board, that's a whole other story...

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to TomCypress)

Post #: 32

RE: Hard limits - 5/6/2010 4:20:23 PM

TomCypress

Posts: 29
Joined: 4/16/2010
Status: offline

Reply DesFIP

quote:

tickling can be a valid hard limit. Not just something you will react negatively to. For many people, it was done to them to incur pain and to prove that an older sibling/cousin/neighbor could do what they wanted to you. If it was an abusive act then, it is not safe to play with. It will hit an emotional trigger and cause mental anguish. Not to mention lose you the sub's trust.

Original thread

quote:

"one of your hard limits you would rather not talk about or to share with others who your are not involved with"

It was playful, It was in jest, it was last thing I heard.

Thank You

< Message edited by TomCypress -- 5/6/2010 4:28:19 PM >

(in reply to reynardfox)

Post #: 33

RE: Hard limits - 5/6/2010 5:13:28 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TomCypress

Whats one of your hard limits you would rather not talk about or to share with others who your are not involved with

I hate to be tickled.....Hate it......makes my skin crawl (shutters)

Mistress once told me "Its mind over matter, I don't mind and you don't matter"

A Switch with swagger

Hard limits....anyone who misrepresents/misappropriates the English language (shudders).

Aside from that...a woman who doesn't respect what is inherent in me. Native.

In my case it's rather specific, however, any woman who doesn't respect what I do well...be it basket weaving, doing right turns exceptionally well or...

Well...anyway....

(in reply to TomCypress)

Post #: 34

RE: Hard limits - 5/6/2010 11:52:34 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

jbcurious, There was a discussion about pet peeves in it's not a lifestyle dammit group on fetlife, and someone was annoyed when people said no limit slavery. I said well if you're likes and interests match well enough and you picked smartly enough, there'd be no need to state you have limits, cause, well you picked well enough that you don't need them with that person since the things you won't do are things he won't do either.

Which I guess is a tad bit different than plain old just no limits, but close enough.

I didn't see the other part, where she said why not just say I don't like this, or that or I do like this or that when I said why not have limits.

quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious

What kind of people are you hanging out with? Why would you be in a relationship or even a play situation with someone who would want you to do that?

Anyone Ilm in a relationship with is going to know what I like, love, hate and their morals and values are going to be simaler as well, so I feel comfortable saying within the bounds of the relationship I have no limits.

(in reply to jbcurious)

Post #: 35

RE: Hard limits - 5/6/2010 11:56:37 PM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

So we should do things we don't enjoy, or find distasteful or morally wrong? How about doing things that are illegal and could get us a massive prison sentance, like killing someone.

No, they aren't limits, they are things that either cannot or should not be done. It's that simple. Dressing it up in 'hard or soft limits' is just that... something pretty and makes BDSMers look fabulous! And please remember - being beating is illegal in most places - so it being illegal just doesn't cut it.

How else would people get to argue that people MUST have limits or MUST be more hardcore or MUST be far more superior and deeper than so called vanillas?

Limits is nothing more than fluff and nonsence.

quote:

Cause that's what limits are for, to make clear things we do n't want to do, wouldn't do, or would be a hell fucking no, that's way against my morals type things.

Again. Fluff. What ever happened to just saying 'I don't like doing that'. or 'gosh that's fab I'd love to try that'... or 'ewwww... that's disgusting... and illegal... no way!'.
Why do people need to call communication something else? Why else - to make it seem extra special or to give it some sort of justification.
That is all.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

Post #: 36

RE: Hard limits - 5/7/2010 12:02:18 AM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

That certainly can happen a lot. For me though, saying hard limit, it just seems a bit stronger, than, nope not doing it, no way no how. I guess though, Eww disgusting, or no fucking way, is just as forceful as saying that's a hard limit lol.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RCdc

No, they aren't limits, they are things that either cannot or should not be done. It's that simple. Dressing it up in 'hard or soft limits' is just that... something pretty and makes BDSMers look fabulous!

Limits is nothing more than fluff and nonsence.

What ever happened to just saying 'I don't like doing that'. or 'gosh that's fab I'd love to try that'... or 'ewwww... that's disgusting... and illegal... no way!'.
Why do people need to call communication something else? Why else - to make it seem extra special or to give it some sort of justification.
That is all.

the.dark.

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 37

RE: Hard limits - 5/7/2010 12:06:12 AM

pompeii

Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline

dremel tools

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

Post #: 38

RE: Hard limits - 5/7/2010 7:35:48 AM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

DomImmus, I agree. I don't list them or other major crimes as hard limits. If anyone wanted me to engage in those things, or wanted to do so himself, he would have been off my list of possibilities the instant I realised it. That would make the *person* a "hard limit," I suppose.

Celeste, I agree that tickling is a valid hard limit, since a lot of people have had bad experiences with it during childhood, and it can trigger panic and/or asthma attacks. Personally, I like getting tickled, usually but it is a form of breath play for me. In some circumstances, it can make me feel claustrophobic. If I bottom to knives or other similar sharp things, I need to be immobilised because I am so ticklish that I'm likely to move toward the blade accidentally.

MoGa, someone lightly running their fingers along my ribs like you describe tickles more than the finger-wiggling style!

RCdc, I generally dislike using the "limits" terminology, and try to communicate more effectively about it. If I'm playing casually, then I have firm boundaries regarding casual sex or sexual activity, even though I enjoy those things in a relationship. If someone tried to "push" my limits in that area, because it wasn't a "hard" limit, I'd get furious. I would red, and if they persisted, would scream my safeword, and refuse to play with them or interact with them after that. Within a relationship, there are some things that scare me, or that I have concerns about. I expressed them respectfully up-front, and explained exactly what my difficulties were, and why. Some of them, my Master decided he wasn't interested in, others have been tabled, the rest he was able to address my concerns and approach in baby steps until I was able to do them for him. I specifically sought out someone who was reasonably compatible with me in those areas. While I can be a fairly heavy bottom, my pain tolerance isn't constant, and some things could still cause harm/damage if done too hard. I figure he can hurt me in ways that I'll love or hate, no matter what he is using on me!

(in reply to pompeii)

Post #: 39

RE: Hard limits - 5/7/2010 8:03:34 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

My hard limit is telling strangers my hard limits

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to Andalusite)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Hard limits

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.109