quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Well. I've been back here for two days after having originally joined in December of last year. I've received some very thoughtful e-mail messages and enjoy reading the boards and I do realize that most people probably have their heart in the right place and do not consider myself normally to be a "whiner."
 
But - I received a letter tonight that stopped me dead in my tracks - and had me crying for a good portion of my evening.
 
If I had more sense and was feeling less vulnerable right now, I would have just deleted it and moved on. Instead I spent an hour crying in my shower about it, and then more time brooding about it in my room. Guess it just struck me where I live, I am not sure why. I've been kinda emotional lately. 
 
It was simpy a one-liner. It said:
 
WHORE
 
That's it. That was all that was on the page. 
 
At first, visions of a Freddy Krueger wannabe had me thanking God that this person doesn't know where I live. Then, about 15 minutes later, apparently believing this somewhat accusatory phrase deserved elaboration, the writer followed up with:
 
WHORE - How dare you be here so soon after your man died!
What kind of girl are you?
 
That's it.
I should have deleted it, but felt this was so completely judgmental and arrogantly over-the-top that I wrote back the only thing I could think of to say to someone who would presume to make this judgment of a complete and total stranger and write to tell them so. I said:
 
Does this mean we won't be seeing eachother anymore? (snicker, he).
 
Then I contemplated at some length what kind of person takes time out of their day to find one potential thing about someone that could perhaps viewed as objectionable (based on their profile), and ignore anything in a profile that could be construed as good, and then writes to tell them what a WHORE they think they are.
 
What is at work in this person's head here? Do they think their approach will make me leave this site?
 
Do they believe that I am going to write back and say: "You know, you're right. I repent. I will join a convent until you write me back telling me it's "okay" to join the rest of the human race and live life like a real human being again"?
 
Maybe I am a whore. What IS a whore, exactly? Isn't this an "alternative life-styles" site where terms like "slut" and "whore" are pretty much passe' anyway?  If I am a whore least I try my best to be a nice, articulate, kind-heated whore. Can the same be said of the writer who wrote me (you know who you are and I hope you see this). This comment really hurt me - it cut me to the core. It also made me mad (and it usually takes a lot to get me going, but I've been "edgier" lately (no pun intended).
 
I recently lost my husband to bone cancer. When I married him we loved eachother, but for some reason, about five years after we married he lost all interest in sex (and he was not a homosexual). I did everything I could to revive our sex life, because naturally I thought this was all my fault. I bought sexy nighties. I became the "aggressor" in the bedroom (something I  dislike, but it seemed the only option at the time). I cried, I begged, I said I would leave. I did leave. He asked me to come back and promised he would spend less time at work and more time with me and would try to "work on things".
We saw a marriage counselor and he quit going after 2 months because this "wasn't a problem that concerned him, I was the one who was concerned" (so I was the one who needed the counselor).  
 
Finally, we saw a medical doctor who prescribed Viagra, which worked like a charm. Unfortunately, he wouldn't take it continually because he said it gave him migraines. I suggested we try Cialis or another Viagra-like drug. He wasn't interested.    
 
He never beat me physically (I mean in the "bad" way) - he was just this innocuous-looking guy who everyone thought wouldn't hurt a fly who almost killed me with his inattention.
 
When we married, he promised me we would look into adopting children (he'd had a vasectomy and it was not reversible). Every year, he would say the '"timing isn't right." It finally occurred to me after about four years of this he wasn't interested in children and I think asking anyone who isn't to adopt any is foolhardy so I gave up on that and adopted two dogs and started doing volunteer work with children instead on an ongoing basis. I love it. It is too late for me to think of having children now (I think so) but have found a fairly decent substitute for my maternal yearnings. I resent he led me on about this, but I guess I did let it happen.

The only reason I did not seek a divorce sooner was because I am a Catholic (we Catholics are raised to have a hard time with the whole  idea of divorce). I was also reminded by any relatives to whom I dared mention the thought had crossed my mind that: "There's never, ever been a divorce in this family. You'll just have to work things out."  Even two priests I visited and talked to about my situation said that.
 
One night I decided I'd rather be dead than face the next thirty or so years being almost competley ignored - it wasn't just no sex, it was feeling like my existence didn't matter at all. I just couldn't face my life and took half a bottle of anti-depressant pills. I fully intended to die and it was not just a "cry for help". I wanted Out. For good. If a friend had found me just two hours later (we had a dinner date I'd forgotten and she let herslef in the house and found me unconscious on my bed), the ER docs said I would have been dead.
 
After that, I deciced I did matter, and had a year-long affair with a very nice and attractive man who'd been subtly making passes at me all year in a social organization to which we both belong. He was single, close to my age (not that it would have mattered) very good-looking and made me feel like a special person who mattered to him. His entry into my life was truly a gift at a crucial point. After a year (another foolish move by me perhaps), I started thinking it was "wrong"  of me to be having an affair and ended it as kindly as I could. I regret having hurt that man (if i did, which i think I did, at least a little) to this day.

When my husband got sick, the only reason I stayed was that getting a divorce seemed too complicated at that point. He also he really did need me around and it would have been completely cruel to leave at that point. I thought also that since almost the entire marriage had been a failure (at least from my perspective) it was a chance to do at least one little, last thing the way it should be done. So I did. But mostly because it was inconvenient to leave at that point, not because I am some noble heroic person.
 
So. Maybe I AM a Whore. But -  
In retrospect, buying into the garbage about having to stay in a miserable situation for as long as I did for the reasons I was fed was me being  a complete and utter  fool. If I had it to do over, I would get a divorce. Then, maybe, I wouldn't be a whore - I guess I'd just be a kinky Slut. 
 
Sorry if this entire post sounds like an over-reaction, I just could not believe someone thought sending me a letter like that would in any way be helpful to my life. Maybe some will think twice about the fact that they really don't know how a person on the other end of what they write will respond - I will not hold my breath, but thought it might be worth a mention.
 - Susan 

In the meantime......Whores Unite!!!!!!!  LOL

quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

I wonder, what is the official non-whorish minimal time limit allowed for grieving?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Yedi

Ok from what I can see the only whore you could be is if it was a symbolisim or shortening...

Woman
Honerable
Opininiated
Regal
Exciteable

And I would not say that for many... what you did with your Husband took a lot of guts and showed more honor that whoever that was could have ever hoped to show