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RE: Maybe I am a Whore! - 4/7/2006 10:32:44 AM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

Susan,

I am so sorry that you got the email that you did. You made it clear that you are primarily looking for friends and information, that you want to get to know, with integrity, a long-buried part of yourself. But I also find grief to be a strange thing, something that people feel like they can judge from the outside, and many folks haven't gone through.

My own husband died of cancer 10 years ago. We had a good, though not perfect, relationship. I loved him and was happy with him. And in the days and weeks after his death, I wanted sex ... lots of it. I was a part of the pagan community in our city, and I thought that, by rights, all the pagan men should have slept with me. I wanted comfort, love, but mostly ... to feel like I was alive! I think it's pretty typical to want to grap onto life after you've been released from caring for someone who is moving toward death. I feel lucky that I was able to feel normal in the way I wanted to embrace life. It seemed odd to me, but I knew it was right, and a sane way to express myself. And this was true even though I adored my husband. I remember how fragile I was after his death, and how open I was. If people expressed strong negative feelings around me, it flattened me. I can imagine how painful it was to get those emails that you got.

In the year before Rod died, we had no sex. I realized when he was diagnosed that it was because he was so ill. But before then I felt so at bay. We were monogamous, so if he didn't want to have sex, I didn't get any. And that was profoundly upsetting. I felt rejected and I felt cut off from my own sexuality. A whole part of myself was denied and shut down. And you endured this situation for so much longer. I would think that on some level it would be a relief that your husband died, because it released you to enter back into life (I'm not trying to put words into your mouth). But that can feel terrible to admit -- I know it was for me. But that's normal, too, to feel that.

Who knows what the right way to express your grief is (your grief for him, but also for yourself)? It's a mystery that we move through. Maybe you don't know, but certainly a stranger doesn't.

Best thoughts and care to you.

(in reply to Evanesce)

Post #: 41

RE: Maybe I am a Whore! - 4/7/2006 10:36:03 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Well, I'm a whore, but I don't see it as a very bad thing.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

Post #: 42

RE: Maybe I am a Whore! - 4/7/2006 11:07:59 AM

PrinceSitri

Posts: 99
Joined: 3/28/2006
Status: offline

My partner has already responded in this thread, and I have nothing to add except my agreement to the consensus and my best wishes for a happy future free of malicious mail!

_____________________________

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
Albert Einstein

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 43

RE: Maybe I am a Whore! - 4/7/2006 11:45:12 AM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

I'll post here so he can come pick on Me I most certainly am a Whore.
I do sessions for money and we all know that means whore...so tell him to come My way.
The more assholes to stuff with some ginger root the better.

I hope you take evryones advice and tell yourself you a good person.
You are not the one with a problem,its him all the way.
Someone mentioned others lash out when unhappy and bash anyone they can just to feel good about themselves.
Dont enable them to feel better,as hard as it is,just walk away and KNOW that you are a good person.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 44

RE: Maybe I am a Whore! - 4/7/2006 12:02:51 PM

SirKenin

Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline

Damnit!! I had a post all typed out and the board wiped it out.. Well, here goes again.

You may very well be a whore. You might not be. I do not know you well enough to make that judgement call, and there is a good chance that neither does he.

However. The mistake you made was airing your dirty laundry on the board for him and everyone else to read. You posted how upset you were. You posted your life history. This guy does not care about any of that. This guy had one mission and that was to get your goat, which he succeeded at doing. Now with you posting this thread he knows for sure that he succeeded. No matter what anyone says in this thread, all the name calling, all the blowing sunshine up your ass. None of it matters. He does not care. He won.

See, this is the difference between you and Me. I do not give a shit what other people think of Me. They can say whatever they want, but not only do I not care, but I will not post My drama in the forums to give them the upper hand and to empower them with the knowledge that maybe I really do care. At the end of the day you mean nothing to Me. You do not put food on My table. You do not cuddle Me at night. You do not give Me a hug when I walk into the door and you do not even offer Me a beer. You are just a screen name on the computer, hiding behind a monitor, for all I know you could be a timid little shell of a human.

Now, if you came to Me and said "I respect you for who you are, and I will stand beside you", then I am all for that. I treat My friends as I treat Myself.

People can say what they want about Me. I am whatever you say I am. People can like what I write, people can hate it. I am not here to win any contests. I am here to express Myself and share ideas with others. This is not a soap opera. They are on Global.

Repeat after Me. "I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT".

If you had this mentallity, a guy like this would not have the upper hand. He would not have brought you to tears. You would not be posting your drama in the forum. You would be blocking him, thinking to yourself "what an idiot", and the worst that would happen is that this guy would have lost out on quite possibly a very nice, devoted women..

I shoot from the hip. I do not mince words. I will never bullshit you. I am not here to lie through My teeth. What you see is who I am. I have people here that do respect Me because of who I am. They tell Me they like that I am "independent", which I very much am. I am not afraid to tell it as it is. Of course I do try to stick to the rules too. lol

Anyways, I wish you the best and hope that you will take this as the constructive criticism that I am trying to offer it up to be.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 45

RE: Maybe I am a Whore! - 4/7/2006 12:18:20 PM

MasterRenegade77

Posts: 1852
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Upstate N.Y. (Broome Co.)
Status: offline

I wholeheartedly agree W/ SirKenin... There are always going to be assholes that hide behind the anonymity cyberspace affords them... That person is prolly a little mousy lame in R/t & the only place they can feel powerful is on the internet...
Didn't your mama or daddy ever tell you that even if it hurts not to let it show as it only serves to encourage those that are trying to hurt you???

(in reply to SirKenin)

Post #: 46

RE: Maybe I am a Whore! - 4/7/2006 12:23:11 PM

EvilGeoff

Posts: 523
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline

Hi Susan,

Not that I'm wanting to scare you but that type of reaction is almost always generated by someone who _knew_ the deceased and/or knows you and has an ax to grind. Family will often react that way. Friends who were close may react that way. Strangers? Strangers will normally react like most of the respondents on this board have: "It's okay... you deserve to be happy... only you can determine how long it's proper to grieve..." etc...

The sheer petty vindictivness of the messages indicates a personal antipathy. If it's not someone close to your husband, it may be someone you shot down before and they are using a new nick. After all, people are not above posting fake pictures of themselves and/or using incorrect locations and other information in their profiles...

In any case, I will join the chorus: What that message sender did was uncalled for, and it was wrong. Grieve for what was right in your relationship, grieve for the good that was in your husband, grieve for what might have been and never came to be. Grieve for the time you lost. And move on. You WILL heal if you let yourself do so. You will never forget, pangs will sometimes strike you at the oddest moments. Losing someone you've been close to is like that. I smell certain foods and the memory of my mother comes back... I hear a hammer banging, smell sawdust and beer, and I feel a pang of loss for my father (who passed away in '86, and I still miss the ol' man, even though we were estranged for several years before he died). It's okay. It's normal, don't worry if it happens to you. Life does go on.

And if I may be so bold... {{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}

Just because I felt like you need one.
- Geoff

(in reply to MistressSassy66)

Post #: 47

RE: Maybe I am a Whore! - 4/7/2006 1:45:38 PM

tears4him

Posts: 30
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline

I've been reading the boards as a guest for days, and I have to say. This group when it wants to can sure be supportive when the right post surfaces. I do believe you have had some great advice here. And as for your mystery e-mail hit and runner. I agree, with others, put the jerk on ignore. One moving on with their life after the death of a loved one, no one is going to happy about it. But you need to live for you now. You've already lived for the "us".
Best wishes to you.
Tears.

(in reply to EvilGeoff)

Post #: 48

RE: Maybe I am a Whore! - 4/7/2006 2:02:06 PM

sophia37

Posts: 1433
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline

Now that I've read your posting, the replies to your post, and then had a look at your profile, I can see why being called a whore would sting. Here you are, trying to reach the end of the suffering tunnel and someone sticks out a leg to trip you.

You're not crying becuase you think you're whore, or that someone believes you're a whore. You're crying because being a whore would have been a lot more fun than say, sacrificing how much of your life over the years for others?

Its like the reason some people stray from the marriage. If you say to someone, "I know you're cheating on me", well then, minds well cheat! But you never did that. No whoring for you. The only person who's been cheated is you. That's for sure. And you know you'll never get that time back.

I have regrets too. Boy do I have regrets. But there's nothing I can do about the past. Same goes for you. But you know what? Lets say you're forty. Figure out how long you think you'll live. If you decide you will live to exactly 100 years of age like say, George Burns, well then, you have one more entire lifetime to live,...starting right now. Theres a lot of living left in you, and your youth is apparant. Rejoice not in the fact that you feel so old. Rejoice in the fact that you are still young!

See that? Notice now that you've fogotten all about some idiot on the web. He's not the problem at all. Your future lies ahead. And here's a toast to you girl, and your brand new world. Welcome to it. xoxoxo Sophie

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 49

RE: Maybe I am a Whore! - 4/7/2006 2:13:24 PM

ScooterTrash

Posts: 1407
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline

About all I can do is agree with the rest of the posters...you certainly aren't doing anything wrong and YOU come first. I guess my reaction would be "piss on that jerk" and go on with what you were doing..he/she certainly isn't worth shedding a tear over. Good luck on your quest.

_____________________________

Formal symbolic representation of qualitative entities is doomed to its rightful place of minor significance in a world where flowers and beautiful women abound.
-Albert Einstein

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 50

RE: Maybe I am a Whore! - 4/7/2006 2:28:33 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Susan ~ Just a couple of points: I applaud you restraint and handling the situation. These bothersome emails are really no different to the phone calls where some voice makes such comments or the old deep breather is on the phone. (Before some one jumps me.. yep with phone calls some one knows your number and either knows your address or can get it but lets leave the physical threat out for the moment ehh?) I’ve had a large number of such phone calls over the years including the classic at 2.30am when it’s cold and dark and I’m almost asleep and some hollow voice tells me where I live and that it is going to kill me…. Now thar is fucking scary no matter how good you are.. The point is you have only two choices here.. You can go to ignore status and block the sender of the filth you got lass. May buy you some peace on the inbox for a while by not playing the game, but may not give you peace of mind.. OR You can join the game. If you join the game you must first alter the game and play by your rules and not his… You did this perfectly…. The only other answer you could have sent him was perhaps, “Yes I am a whore, just not YOUR whore!” Or something similar…. You susan have left the prick nowhere to go BRAVO. Point is all these things are a game people plat I oft quote: “Its all in the game and how you play it!” (Part of the entry theme for Triple-H in WWE but it is so true. By bringing this who thing under the spotlight here in the forums, you almost guarantee that the wanker will not boast and brag to any one he/she plays with here anyway….

< Message edited by IronBear -- 4/7/2006 2:32:16 PM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 51

RE: Maybe I am a Whore! - 4/7/2006 2:55:17 PM

amaidiamond

Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline

Just wanted to say how much i liked your profile, you seem open, honest and a generally nice person. straight up about what you want and what you are looking for.
You have nothing to be ashamed of and are far from a whore.

dia

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 52

RE: Maybe I am a Whore! - 4/7/2006 8:54:11 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

Dear susanofo....Well dear girl, you have seen a great deal of loving support from many respected members of these forums.So look upon the messenger of WHORE as someone who did you a favor.He/She tried to cause you harm, but instead inspired a certain catharsis if you will in your tears, AND showed you a community of many shoulders on which you can lean and learn upon..be well..Tempting

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 53

RE: Maybe I am a Whore! - 4/7/2006 11:33:48 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Susan, you might be surprised if you knew how many your post probably effected. And so the ripple effect of an ignoramous sending you a cruel email is that you worked some thoughts out in the creation of this thread, and probably helped other silent readers with their own plights. Do not let the thoughts of one who doesn't truly know you, dent your spirit.

And welcome back to your life.

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 54

RE: Maybe I am a Whore! - 4/7/2006 11:51:25 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

Yeah, surprise surprise, I agree with Kenin. The guy who sent that e-mail is a fuckwit, and you shouldn't let fuckwits affect you. It's good that you were able to get some emotional support on this board, but you really can't let a one-word e-mail disintegrate you like this.

(in reply to SirKenin)

Post #: 55

RE: Maybe I am a Whore! - 4/8/2006 12:11:27 AM

Reilithion

Posts: 25
Joined: 3/27/2006
Status: offline

Am I the only one who is reminded of Margaret Cho? SusanofO, I am thrilled to hear that you've freed yourself of that self-demeaning aspect of a religious subculture, and I recommend you look up some of the comedy routines that Margaret Cho has put onto DVD. She's a hero of mine for her outgoing and all-accepting views on human sexuality (among other things), and her shows never fail to both entertain and educate me (which is really quite impressive!). I feel good about myself and good about being different, in part, thanks to her. Slut pride!

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 56

RE: Maybe I am a Whore! - 4/8/2006 2:00:32 AM

CERCKL

Posts: 1039
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline

agree, so-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o, want to have fun? You can't flame him obviously but there are enough Go to Hell types here, if everyone emailed privately for a nic...fun could be had by all...

Personally, very few people cause that type of pain to me...they have to be very close to me and not many are. As for the post about airing laundry, I'm certain there was a cathartic feeling which accompanied it, personally, I can tell you any intimate detail about myself I choose to and it still shows little to most.
Though I am not as cold and detached as I was twenty years ago...I am at the point now that I care less if you have an 'in' or not...
As for the OP I, as many others recognize staying beyond the desire to...but instead of feeling loss over the time, emotions, etc spent, was anything learned? If so, it was a wise investment...

C

_____________________________

AND I AM TOO AN ASSHOLE, I HAVE REFERENCES!!!

"Please, please, please believe me, I really am an asshole. All that Enlightenment and Higher Learning shit was all a ruse."

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 57

RE: Maybe I am a Whore! - 4/8/2006 2:01:19 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

Ha! You are right. I have seen Margaret Cho and from what I know I could be a big fan, I think her humor is on target.

I appreciate everyone's kind words. I know I cannot walk through life being that sensitive to what other people think. Normally I really am not and am almost embarrrassed at my original post but very much appreciated the kindness people showed and the opportunity to unburden myself of what may have well been bottled up for a loooong time. It mattered (to me).

Everyone's kind remarks resonated with me and I liked the idea of there not being a definite "time-line" as far as any greiving period (very true) and also that maybe I am not mad someone called me a whore so much as that I might wish I had spent a little more time having fun and less on Duty and Obligation - I could have handled them both at the same time a lot of the time more often maybe.

And so - with that thought in mind - I decided that for what remained of yesterday I was going to do whatever I wanted because I needed to Relax and have some Fun. I am not in the habit of just "putting everything on hold" for "no good reason". and haven't done it in at least 9 months. I also felt like doing things by myself, alone and just 'meandering'. I went to a local forest and then to the zoo (new baby Pandas!). Then I took myself out to lunch. Then I went to the local art museum, and then I went to Barnes and Noble and just browsed. Then a nap. Then got in my car w/some new CDs and just drove about 80 miles out of town with no idea where I was going (I didn't care). I had a good day.

I am doing it again tommorrow except with different venues.
Hope everyone has a good weekend! - Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 4/8/2006 2:21:19 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to Reilithion)

Post #: 58

RE: Maybe I am a Whore! - 4/8/2006 2:17:25 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

The nic idea is a cute one, and I appreciate the thought but I deleted his e-mails altogether and he really is becoming history in my mind (I had a great day). There is probably enough misery in the world as is (although if he does it again I may be contacting you, he).

I really feel a bit self-conscious I was maybe a baby about this. It was just an e-mail and I know that. It struck me at a raw moment and sorta spooked me because it was almost like this person had an inside knowledge of the kind of remark that would really hurt me at just that moment and it made me feel like I was on some bdsm episode of "The Twilight Zone". He must be just a "good guesser". There was no way he could know that, he doesn't know me. Thanks for the thought. - Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to CERCKL)

Post #: 59

RE: Maybe I am a Whore! - 4/8/2006 3:05:56 AM

CanadianGuy

Posts: 219
Status: offline

Meh... I think he gave you a gift. It spurred you to think, and to write this great story of yours, which in turn made ME think. Thank you for that.

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 60

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