RE: Do submissives prefer the "bad boy" type?

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RE: Do submissives prefer the "bad boy" type? - 5/10/2010 6:30:19 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Gracias, hope things keep popping!

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RE: Do submissives prefer the "bad boy" type? - 5/10/2010 7:00:23 PM

sweetboundesire

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bad boy is a relative term.

i like a gracious rebel. I like a man without fear to act on his desire. I like a quick, intelligent mind. I enjoy being submissive yet also having my Dominant acknowledge and respect my place as i do his.

When first meeting and knowing each other, it is a meeting of the minds...anyone who acts like a barbaric fool will be treated as such.

That said, i do have a thing for bad boys....and sexy geeks.

it's the shy guys and jerkass's that will never get anywhere with me.

like UniqueRaven, i very much enjoy contrasts.

< Message edited by sweetboundesire -- 5/10/2010 7:06:44 PM >

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RE: Do submissives prefer the "bad boy" type? - 5/10/2010 7:02:10 PM

forsaken555

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I personally like to explore friendship first, before any bdsm sets in, so if someone plays instant jerk, I'd not take him seriously.

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RE: Do submissives prefer the "bad boy" type? - 5/10/2010 7:30:21 PM

subtee

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MysticMaster2u
Your thoughts... please and thank you.

Why did you ask so politely??

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RE: Do submissives prefer the "bad boy" type? - 5/10/2010 8:40:25 PM

MysticMaster2u

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I appreciate the thoughtful insights and it's comforting to realise that many are looking for and can recognise substance over crass superficiality.

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RE: Do submissives prefer the "bad boy" type? - 5/10/2010 9:23:42 PM

whipmaker7

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LOL
Brava, and well said.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

There's a difference between stern/terse and asshole. I do not prefer assholes.

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RE: Do submissives prefer the "bad boy" type? - 5/10/2010 9:34:08 PM

WyldHrt

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quote:

it seems submissives receive rude, arrogant, insulting, presumptuous, and disrespectful responses from some Doms. Aside from the those who enjoy humiliation, do you think this type of attitude and approach is effective? Do submissives think that in order for someone to be Dominant, they also have to be abusive, unmannerly, uncaring, selfish, and possess a four letter word vocabulary? It seems to me that on some level this type of approach must be working or Doms wouldn't keep using it. Your thoughts... please and thank you.

When I receive such a missive, I either think 'newbie' or 'HNG who has seen too much bad BDSM porn'. As I find neither attractive in any way, my reply (if I even bother) is usually anything but subly. If I suspect that the person is new, I might take the time to attempt to educate them, but I will not be even remotely interested.

As for that approach working, it probably does with some subs, particularly those that are very new and don't yet know that it doesn't have to be that way. That said, I think said approach is also the single most common cause of whiny threads started on the forums by 'doms', bitching about 'rude' submissives never answering the cmails they send.

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RE: Do submissives prefer the "bad boy" type? - 5/10/2010 9:51:53 PM

itsmeinLV

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I can't speak for everyone else but that is the most ineffective way to approach me. No one, D-type, s-type, lifestyle based or not, should ever be excused being rude, unmannerly, selfish, inconsiderate, etc. Some might associate those kinds of unappealing characteristics with being confident. There is a fine line between being confident and being an effen a-hole that sadly, some cannot define... :-/

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RE: Do submissives prefer the "bad boy" type? - 5/10/2010 10:26:09 PM

pegbundy

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quote:

I think said approach is also the single most common cause of whiny threads started on the forums by 'doms', bitching about 'rude' submissives never answering the cmails they send.

Truer words have never been spoken. Ok, that may be a wee bit of an exaggeration. But you are so right. I can't recall which thread, but someone earlier posted "95% of people on here are fakes and the other 5% don't read their mail". That statement told me everything I needed to know about the person who posted it.

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RE: Do submissives prefer the "bad boy" type? - 5/10/2010 11:08:18 PM

fadedshadow

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for me, i like people who are genuine and kind. people who are assholes and rude don't appeal to me

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RE: Do submissives prefer the "bad boy" type? - 5/10/2010 11:35:17 PM

GreedyTop

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~FR~ welcome back, LuckyA!!

OP- for me, the 'bad boy' approach only works(sometimes..ok, rarely, but it does happen) in initial face to face meetings. It NEVER works online.

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RE: Do submissives prefer the "bad boy" type? - 5/11/2010 12:28:28 AM

willowspirit

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[[ I have wondered where L.A. has been... Glad to see you are okay! ]]

Well, seeing as you are asking submissives...
I never have been attracted to the rude, crass type of "BadBoy" - even in my earliest of beginnings. If this helps, I've hungered only for the Man who makes me ache for Him because of His depth of inner honor and self-control, self-respect, His correctness, His positive and effective leadership qualities, etc.

When I am bound and naked, or otherwise unable to escape, the LAST guy I want near me is someone who is truly uncaring, rude, and selfish. HOWEVER --- if part of the mind game is to make me think that he might have that diabolical evil twist... that a hidden "BadBoy" wants to come out and play -- I'm open to that!

My over-riding desire is that I have a very deeply held need to give my utmost LOVING respect.

Now --- Respect can come in many forms, and in response to different behaviors.

For example:
There is a form of "respect" that grows out of fear.
There is another which results from a shared vision and expectation of "duty, responsibility, and obedience".
There's the kind that comes from his or her reputation in the larger community, or the skills He (or She) may possess.
Then there is the kind that grows from honor and love. That's where I live.

Of course, bottoms, or the non-submissive masochists, extreme risk-takers, people with low self-esteem, some newbies, chatroom/porn jerk-offs, those with that particular fetish... may seek out the rude jerk, asshole types.

As for the idea "doms" continue to use it "because it works", my take on this is that it doesn't. Wandering wankers, experimenting Tops, etc. give it a shot. They block me when I try to explain it to them, and soon close out their accounts. At least, that's been what I've noticed.

< Message edited by willowspirit -- 5/11/2010 12:34:46 AM >

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RE: Do submissives prefer the "bad boy" type? - 5/11/2010 8:20:45 AM

thishereboi

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quote:

Speaking for ~myself~, that sort of attitude makes me want to slip poisonous mushrooms into the stew, but that's just me. ;)

Wow, for someone who was speaking for yourself, you did a real good job of speaking for me also. Poison mushrooms in the stew. I love it.

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RE: Do submissives prefer the "bad boy" type? - 5/11/2010 8:23:26 AM

thishereboi

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I saw your name and thought I had fallen into an old thread again, then I looked at the date and saw it was current.

Woo hoo. LA is back.

Nice to see you on the boards again

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RE: Do submissives prefer the "bad boy" type? - 5/11/2010 9:59:47 AM

littleone35

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That approach does not work for me. Before i had Master i would play with them sometimes sending a reply but more times then not it was just a roll of the eyes ,thinking jerk and hitting block and delete. I always responded to a polite well thought out e mail espically one that shows they read my profile. I have to admit i never was attracted to bad boys. Now naughty men, well that is another story ;o).

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RE: Do submissives prefer the "bad boy" type? - 5/11/2010 6:42:14 PM

MarcEsadrian

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MysticMaster2u

Do submissives think that in order for someone to be Dominant, they also have to be abusive, unmannerly, uncaring, selfish, and possess a four letter word vocabulary? It seems to me that on some level this type of approach must be working or Doms wouldn't keep using it. Your thoughts... please and thank you.

Hi Mystic,

Pontifications about online mirages aside, I tend to suspect this is part of what's wrong with a lot of the irksome "dominance" I've seen over the years off-line (in men in particular)—the locus of which resides more in their thinking than in the desires of their female counterparts. Most submissive females I've known have molded their ideals based upon a more refined and sophisticated male archetype that is discriminating and a pinch unsettlingly—but intriguingly—cold. A certain combination of dark intelligence and even arrogance perhaps, but one that isn't crass and artless.

Over the years and the handful of private venues I've attended, I have noticed the "bad boy" thing played out more than once. It has its natural fans in the female sex of course. Does it work? Perhaps sometimes in the short-term, depending upon the individuals. It may work for a "scene" or a weekend warrior relationship, but I believe the stratagem runs out of clout in the long term if it lacks grace. My experiences are limited to those I tend to associated with, however, and so are entirely relative.

< Message edited by MarcEsadrian -- 5/11/2010 6:43:41 PM >

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RE: Do submissives prefer the "bad boy" type? - 5/12/2010 9:22:31 AM

porcelaine

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quote:

Do submissives think that in order for someone to be Dominant, they also have to be abusive, unmannerly, uncaring, selfish, and possess a four letter word vocabulary?

No, I think some people will post supposedly offensive or controversial things under the cloak of anonymity on the Internet. Whether that approach is effective is difficult to quantify, and there's always the possibility that it will be appealing to someone. Differing tastes exist.

quote:

It seems to me that on some level this type of approach must be working or Doms wouldn't keep using it.

You're under the assumption that the 'dominants' want to make real connections that will culminate in relationships outside of this space. Quite a few are not. They're killing time.

~porcelaine

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RE: Do submissives prefer the "bad boy" type? - 5/12/2010 1:28:39 PM

Kana

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~An LA sighting~
Happy dance
Welcome back from your hiatus.

In teeny tiny print cuz this is a slaves forum: this Master generally sees people who are boastful, arrogant, bullying, and use tactless intimidation tactics as being insecure and scared, which IMO is the exact opposite of masterful.

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RE: Do submissives prefer the "bad boy" type? - 5/12/2010 2:54:13 PM

petmonkey

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While i have been momentarily attracted to meatheads in real life during my more dysfunctional periods [read: late teens, beginning 20's], seeing it in type makes it easy to think with my head and not with my pussy. Rough words alone do not a valuable rough lover make.
Furthermore, what Kana wrote in tiny, tiny, squint-worthy type.

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RE: Do submissives prefer the "bad boy" type? - 5/12/2010 4:09:12 PM

sunshinemiss