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So I'm curious - 5/12/2010 1:35:14 PM   
SailingBum


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Status: offline 		When your referring to your experience level do you include the time you spent on the net on sites like this? Does time spent reading about it, or the online thing. Would you consider that a "experience factor"?

I'm not looking for the online vs RL debate. I was thinking more along the line of going to collage to be whatever after your in the work environment now you can say I have this much "actual experience" So the time "spent in school" is that "experience?

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RE: So I'm curious - 5/12/2010 1:38:26 PM   
sirsholly


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Status: offline 		Education wise, my experience began with my first job after i graduated. D/s experience is along the same vein..it began with my first actual encounter.

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RE: So I'm curious - 5/12/2010 1:41:59 PM   
porcelaine


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quote:

When your referring to your experience level do you include the time you spent on the net on sites like this? Does time spent reading about it, or the online thing. Would you consider that a "experience factor"?


No, I wouldn't characterize it as experience. I can't read a cookbook and consider myself a chef, or watch a season of Grey's Anatomy and believe I'm prepared to handle medical emergencies. Nor do I consider it exposure in the manner most associate with the word.

It's a presentation of ideas. Some you've crafted and others you never contemplated. You're privy to different opinions and styles of relating that may expand your mind or introduce new concepts. But without some physical demonstration of these things they're merely untested theories in my opinion.

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RE: So I'm curious - 5/12/2010 1:44:52 PM   
Aileen1968


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RE: So I'm curious - 5/12/2010 1:53:49 PM   
LaTigresse


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Status: offline 		I don't consider my time talking/writing/reading about ANYTHING as experience. To me, experience is actual doing.

And no, I don't consider making someone that is 1,000 miles away do what I want, hop around like trained monkey on camera, keep a journal, whatever........as experience either.


< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 5/12/2010 1:56:15 PM >

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RE: So I'm curious - 5/12/2010 1:55:20 PM   
mnottertail


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RE: So I'm curious - 5/12/2010 2:05:10 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		20 years in dysfunctional relationships?
20 years reading about it?
20 years in the scene playing casually?
20 years being held in high regard in a dysfunctional bdsm community?
20 years since you first masturbated to bdsm porn?

OR

A guy who has healthy vanilla relationships, can relate to women as actual multi-dimensional people, has good relationships with his parents and ex partners, holds down a steady job, and in short is a full functioning adult and just found out he was kinky.

Frankly, my money is on the vanilla guy as having more valid "experience" than any of the "20 year guys" I listed.

In my case, I count my experience from the time I first entered the scene, which is about 15 years ago. Now I had kinky relationships before that but to me, that doesn't count. In that time, I have done a fair bit and now teach on bdsm topics, mainly relationship stuff at the national level. I see a lot of people presenting locally who have less than five and quite a few at the national level who don't have 10 years of experience.

While I am the first to say the "scene" has issues, it is also a place that will expand your understanding of all sorts of kink topics from what sort of relationships are out there, ways of doing kink, and all sorts of things, both good and bad. Some with 5 years of active scene involvement in San Francisco is quite likely to have more "experience" than someone with 10-15 in a much smaller community simply due to exposure to such a wide variety of things.


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RE: So I'm curious - 5/12/2010 2:07:18 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


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Status: offline 		I think internet experience is relevant on internet forums.  You don't really have an appreciation for just how deep set some issues are until you've been through an identical thread about it for the 50th time :)  The forum world is much better for real discussion versus the softer social friendly make nice world.



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RE: So I'm curious - 5/12/2010 2:24:36 PM   
IronBear


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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Personal opinion based on personal experience shows me that education is necessary in almost anything you do followed by hands on experience. This is why with so many and certainly in such areas as the army, part of the education process is show and do simply because often one demonstration followed by the student copying hands on is worth more than hours of lectures. Follow this with real life experience in the work or play place. The advice given to most Rugby League players who have graduated to the top professional teams, is to get involved, carry the ball get tackled a few times so you know how it feel in the pro games then have fun playing ball. To a very real extent I see this working in many other areas where you hopefully make your mistakes early with a mentor or experienced person there to guide you and explain what you should have done. I do agree with LA in that on line forums tend to be better for open discussions even if you get flamed. let's face it mostly no one knows anyione else other than on line and if you don't take things too personally good information comes to the surface in even the most heated discussions along with much humour. 

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RE: So I'm curious - 5/12/2010 2:29:33 PM   
jbcurious


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Status: offline 		Even if I was counting online time...what's that about 3 months? Most of that has been getting to know men from a vanilla aspect or here on the forums.

So I'm a newby in pretty much every way...except getting my toes wet several years ago.

Does enthusism count?



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RE: So I'm curious - 5/12/2010 2:38:21 PM   
laurell3


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Status: offline 		I think the internet can teach some things about bdsm d/s in general, mainly how freaking goofy y'all are!

Seriously, experience should mean how much real life experience, but that's not saying you can't learn about who you are from internet encounters. Isn't that what you are looking for when you ask about another's experience? How well they know themselves in that paticular area?

Here's another thought. I can say I have "been in the lifestyle" for 18 years, as my first encounter was that many years ago. However, there were years when I didn't participate in it. I think you have to be careful, because 20 years can mean one relationship. I'm not saying that is bad, but we just make assumptions it may mean something else.

I agree with SimplyMichael that experience can mean a whole hell of a lot of nothing in many cases and discarding a mature adult for not having it seems silly to me.

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RE: So I'm curious - 5/12/2010 2:45:42 PM   
subtee


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Status: offline 		I've been "Sub Certified" for 20 years.

I don't like to brag.

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RE: So I'm curious - 5/12/2010 2:47:31 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
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Status: offline 		Interesting question. The example you used of gaining wisdom through college was a good one to the whole BDSM ball of wax. If you are filling out a job application and there is a section on there for work experience, its for what you've done in real life- not the time you've spent getting your education. So I think that example sums things up pretty well.

If someone is going to touch me, I want to know about their real life experience - that is what is relevant to me as a fleshy breathing person about to be put into compromising positions.



< Message edited by lizi -- 5/12/2010 2:48:26 PM >

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RE: So I'm curious - 5/12/2010 2:49:56 PM   
Jeffff


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quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

I've been "Sub Certified" for 20 years.

I don't like to brag.


You of course have a certificate of authenticity.............. right?

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RE: So I'm curious - 5/12/2010 2:52:59 PM   
AquaticSub


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I suppose I'd call what I've learned online as opposed in real life knowledge as opposed to experience. Experience, for me, would be something I've done real-time and I can say "When I did this, such and such happened" as opposed "It's my understanding from what others have written that this, this and this can happen with you do such and such".

I firmly believe that you can learn a great deal from sites like this but it doesn't give you experience. It just gives you more tools for when you are ready to have the experience.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 5/12/2010 2:53:27 PM >

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RE: So I'm curious - 5/12/2010 2:54:48 PM   
LadyHibiscus


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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I went to school for 12 years before I even went to college...should THAT count for "experience" on the job?

My experience in real time smutmongering and perversity goes back 20 years or so. It turns out that I was actually doing D/s shit in high school with my minions, but who knew? I was just being myself. So I don't count that.

Experiences on the internets count toward your typing credits. You can have an unlimited number of those, but they will have a surprisingly small effect on your real life.

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RE: So I'm curious - 5/12/2010 2:57:45 PM   
windchymes


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Status: offline 		I consider the online time "education".......though I do use the term very loosely.

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RE: So I'm curious - 5/12/2010 2:58:30 PM   
subtee


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

I've been "Sub Certified" for 20 years.

I don't like to brag.


You of course have a certificate of authenticity.............. right?


It's a tag: "Do not remove under penalty of law." Like that.

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RE: So I'm curious - 5/12/2010 3:00:26 PM   
LadyHibiscus


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quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious

Even if I was counting online time...what's that about 3 months? Most of that has been getting to know men from a vanilla aspect or here on the forums.

So I'm a newby in pretty much every way...except getting my toes wet several years ago.

Does enthusism count?





You bet it does! Especially if it's backed up by a BRAIN!

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RE: So I'm curious - 5/12/2010 3:17:36 PM   
laurell3


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quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious

Even if I was counting online time...what's that about 3 months? Most of that has been getting to know men from a vanilla aspect or here on the forums.

So I'm a newby in pretty much every way...except getting my toes wet several years ago.

Does enthusism count?





Yes because you're clearly not an idiot and have the ability to communicate in a mature manner. I don't know how far that goes with Dom/mes though....they could communicate like a pro and if they tell me I want to whip you and have never done it before, I'm still going to have a hell of a lot of questions before I consider it.


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I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

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