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How important is your partners’ orgasm? - 5/16/2010 12:43:10 AM

TimrehIX

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Joined: 6/29/2009
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When you are having sex how important is your partners’ orgasm to you? If it was just obvious that your partner wasn’t going to cum would you be upset? Could you still have an enjoyable sexual encounter if your partner didn’t cum?

For fairness my answer:
My orgasm isn’t that important to me I have no problem if I don’t cum or if I am told not to. My partners’ orgasm is very important to me though. When they cum it’s just as satisfying as if I had cum. When they don’t get off I feel like I failed them. And I am disappointed.

Post #: 1

RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? - 5/16/2010 3:20:29 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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One of my greatest pleasures is to please people close to me and this is just the ultimate example especially with my wife Neets.

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(in reply to TimrehIX)

Post #: 2

RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? - 5/16/2010 3:35:57 AM

jbcurious

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It's vert important to me and I don't understand why a man apologizes if he cums quickly the first time...I take it as a compliment and there's always round 2 & 3.... *wicked grin*

I once had a man tell me after his 4th orgasm that if he had any fluid left in his body he would cry... It was great to bring that much pleasure to someone I cared about.

He more then returned the favour... I think it's more fulfilling when it's mutual.

< Message edited by jbcurious -- 5/16/2010 3:37:46 AM >

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RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? - 5/16/2010 4:41:37 AM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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OP, that's a double standard. It's okay if you don't orgasm but not if they don't? What happens if they feel the same?

More importantly, we aren't robots. Illness, stress, lack of sleep, medications and all kinds of other things can prevent orgasm. If I take a decongestant, I'm unlikely to cum. Doesn't mean I don't enjoy a certain amount of stroking, because I do, but I won't orgasm. If he's under a lot of stress, he's unlikely to. He can still enjoy me stroking, sucking etc but no orgasm. So what? It's the journey, not the destination that's important.

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RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? - 5/16/2010 4:47:33 AM

DomImus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TimrehIX
When they don’t get off I feel like I failed them. And I am disappointed.

That's a incredibly unhealthy posture to take and just a complex waiting to happen. Showing an interest in your partner's mutual enjoyment is very admirable. Deriving a sense of failure and/or disappointment if that does not occur for reasons that might be totally out of your control... it's not how I look at the situation, let's just leave it at that. If I considered myself a failure any time a woman I was with did not have an orgasm I'd have chosen celibacy years ago. That notion is also far too destination oriented for me. To suggest the journey was flawed if a certain destination was not arrived in matters like this at just seems wrong to me.

I can't be the only one who feels this way.

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(in reply to TimrehIX)

Post #: 5

RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? - 5/16/2010 4:48:01 AM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

OP, that's a double standard.

Seriously?

This is a BDSM site where a large proportion of the posters have D/s relationships and you're criticising the OP for having a *double standard*?

If the OP wants a partner who focuses more on their own orgasms than on his then that's perfectly reasonable-it's a compatibility thing.

Edited to put a smiley in because I realised the writing sounded cross (which I'm not) rather than amused (which I was)

< Message edited by VaguelyCurious -- 5/16/2010 4:58:44 AM >

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Post #: 6

RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? - 5/16/2010 4:51:29 AM

Level

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quote:

jb:

I think it's more fulfilling when it's mutual.

I very much agree, but there are occasions where it doesn't happen, and to the OP, no, I would not necessarily be "upset" over it.

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(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

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RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? - 5/16/2010 4:56:51 AM

Pyramus

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One of the greatest pleasures is to control the fact she will have an orgasm - every time - for a long time - quivering and shaking and moaning - all at your control - multiple times. It's better than your own orgasm!

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 8

RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? - 5/16/2010 5:03:07 AM

Phoenix73Sir

Posts: 139
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From: Northants, UK
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HER orgasm(s) are VITAL.. I derive nearly ALL of my pleasure from making her squirm, hold back and then explode all at once and doing this repeatedly.

My OWN orgasm... if it happens it happens.. if it doesnt, well then it just means she get's more pleasure as it isnt all over untill we run out of energy drinks lol

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Post #: 9

RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? - 5/16/2010 5:18:26 AM

Pyramus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level
there are occasions where it doesn't happen, and to the OP, no, I would not necessarily be "upset" over it.

I agree on the not being upset, no matter what. But, I don't know a single occasion in my entire (long) life that I didn't have orgasm when being stimulated. Perhaps it arrived in just five or ten minutes when I was in my twenties while now it can be held back for a half hour or more - but it's always there.

If it didn't happen - well then, thinking about it reflectively, I actually might be "upset" in so much as I'd begin to wonder what's different that would cause forty years of sameness to be different. But, I assume if that happened, I would just try again in an hour or a day and all will be back to what it has been for decades.

So, I can see being 'concerned' if it's unusual not to orgasm. But I only speak for me and I really have no idea how other men act or think.

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 10

RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? - 5/16/2010 5:21:23 AM

elleX

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Joined: 10/24/2009
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His orgasm are more important to me than mine and if you ask him he will tell you that mine are more important
a good equilibre i guess
wink

(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)

Post #: 11

RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? - 5/16/2010 5:35:21 AM

DarkSteven

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From a previous post of mine:

I want my sub to come. I want her to have her nipples, clit, breasts, pussy, ass, and mouth all in on it. I want her to have the hardest, loudest orgasm of her life when she's with me. And I want her to associate that with my capabilities as a lover.

Call it Dom ego.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to elleX)

Post #: 12

RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? - 5/16/2010 6:40:34 AM

sirsholly

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*blinkblink*

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Post #: 13

RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? - 5/16/2010 7:13:49 AM

leadership527

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Joined: 6/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TimrehIX
When you are having sex how important is your partners’ orgasm to you? If it was just obvious that your partner wasn’t going to cum would you be upset? Could you still have an enjoyable sexual encounter if your partner didn’t cum?

Like IB said, pleasing the person I love is a great joy to me. That being said, Carol is not all that focused on having an orgasm anymore. She does most of the time. Some of the time it just isn't in the cards. I want to know when she is "done", not when she has orgasmed. And yes, I enjoy myself and enjoy basking in our shared love afterwards whether or not she has orgasmed. My advice to you is you need to focus more on whether you have made your partner happy/satisfied. In the end, that's the point, neh?

It's also worth noting that at least sometimes, I just take her spontaneously. It's not a particularly comfortable thing for her and she sure as hell isn't going to orgasm. In that case, I still enjoy myself, just differently.

_____________________________

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to TimrehIX)

Post #: 14

RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? - 5/16/2010 8:00:03 AM

daddysprop247

Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
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ages ago i posted a thread on the "ask a Master" board wondering if there were any Dominants (besides my own) who did not care about a submissive's orgasm or sexual arousal. i was very shocked to learn that the overwhelming majority of Dominants cared very much about bringing their submissive to orgasm, and that an overwhelming majority of submissives cared very much about this as well!

it was a bit of a disappointment for me, as i cannot relate whatsoever. sex for me is about service and being used. meaning, i am either serving a man, being used by a man, or both. that is it. it is NEVER about me seeking my own arousal or physical release. it is not that i hold back in any way, it is that i don't have any interest in it or desire for it. it's not part of my sexual thought process, you could say. as a result, it has been many years since i have actually had an orgasm.

instead my partner's pleasure is paramount to me. however, this does not necessarily equate to an orgasm...perhaps what may please a man most at a particular moment is NOT to orgasm, or at least not to orgasm until he has done other things he would enjoy. so then it is my duty not to do something to cause an orgasm at the wrong time. basically, it is my place and duty to please my partner sexually, whatever that may entail.

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 15

RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? - 5/16/2010 8:00:57 AM

SunNMoon

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Joined: 3/18/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus

quote:

ORIGINAL: TimrehIX
When they don’t get off I feel like I failed them. And I am disappointed.

That's a incredibly unhealthy posture to take and just a complex waiting to happen. Showing an interest in your partner's mutual enjoyment is very admirable. Deriving a sense of failure and/or disappointment if that does not occur for reasons that might be totally out of your control... it's not how I look at the situation, let's just leave it at that. If I considered myself a failure any time a woman I was with did not have an orgasm I'd have chosen celibacy years ago. That notion is also far too destination oriented for me. To suggest the journey was flawed if a certain destination was not arrived in matters like this at just seems wrong to me.

I can't be the only one who feels this way.

You're not the only one that feels this way. I agree with you. All it is doing is setting up your partner for a complex, that's a lot to put on someone. It basiclly comes down to saying, if you don't orgasm then I'm not going to be happy, you're disappointed in them; they've just ruined the sexual encounter. I personally feel that as long as both people are happy with the encounter over all then everything is fine. I do not ever want my partner to feel that our sexual time together is stressful.

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Post #: 16

RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? - 5/16/2010 10:03:47 AM

krikket

Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
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i'm in the "it's best if it's mutual" camp, but...(and isn't there always a but..lol) -- i don't always have an orgasm (age and/or meds being the main causes), nor am i crushed emotionally if my partner doesn't. There have been times when my partner didn't want me to have one, and while frustrating physically, emotionally i was okay with that too. A couple of times, though, i've been with a man who was impotent yet he didn't bother to tell me that before we became intimate. It wasn't that fact that i found disappointing, but that he didn't trust me enough to share with me before our relationship reached that point. Neither relationship progressed further. A lot is said about the sub having to trust the Dom, but, imho, it's also important that the Dom trust his sub/slave.

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin

When your heart speaks take good notes.

(in reply to SunNMoon)

Post #: 17

RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? - 5/16/2010 10:07:45 AM

rideemwet

Posts: 93
Joined: 6/12/2009
Status: offline

For me its a real exercise of control to be able to push a subs sexual buttons and steal her body away from her. Its not the only way to control, and doesnt have to be the basis of every d/s interaction, but damn its good ...

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RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? - 5/16/2010 11:12:07 AM

mixedemotions

Posts: 123
Joined: 8/16/2007
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I can't orgasm from sex. I do love it when my partner does. I think I would feel a wee bit disappointed if he didn't cum, but understandable. And like someone else said, I find it a compliment when he cums fast.

(in reply to TimrehIX)

Post #: 19

RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? - 5/16/2010 11:19:59 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: elleX

His orgasm are more important to me than mine and if you ask him he will tell you that mine are more important
a good equilibre i guess
wink

This is an accurate description of my current relationship. It works for me.
It also works for me not to orgasm and just enjoy the entire process. I'd always rather he cums but if he doesn't it doesn't bug me too much. As long as we enjoy what we do when we do it that's all that really matters to me.

(in reply to elleX)

Post #: 20

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