RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm?

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OrpheusAgonistes -> RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? (5/16/2010 11:55:16 AM)
Let me preface this by saying that, generally, I find it very nearly unbearably frustrating not to have an orgasm. I want pleasure, and I hate not getting what I want. That said, it's still more important to me (in any relationship) that my partner have an orgasm than it is that I have one. This is true for three reasons (things are always true, for recovering philosophy students, for three reasons): 1) I have an enormous ego and it's more important to me to be a good lover than it is to have an orgasm myself. Years later, when the woman is sitting in a cafe with her new boyfriend, comparing him unfavorably to me, she won't be thinking "I miss Orpheus Agonistes--that selfish son of a bitch came every time," she will be thinking "I miss Orpheus Agonistes. Though he was a selfish son of a bitch, he also made me come pretty much every time." 2) I get pleasure from giving pleasure to people I care about. This is why I sometimes go over the top on gifts/dinners/etc. I just really like seeing good people happy. Good people are seldom happier than when having an orgasm. 3) I feel a kind of sense of grim Calvinist duty to give orgasms to the less fortunate. That's why, if nothing else is effective, I'm perfectly prepared to just dig in and really go at it with a bleak, Protestant work ethic and a dogged conviction that, being favored by God, the ability to provide an orgasm (and prosper in mercantilism, produce a bountiful barley crop, steer a whaling boat through the summer storms) is a predetermined inevitability. The third point may have been spurious. Only my analyst and I know for certain.

myotherself -> RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? (5/16/2010 12:20:42 PM)
I can orgasm really easily - that's never been a problem. But I have a range of different orgasms, from the fairly routine 'solo' orgasms through to the whole body shaking/screaming out loud orgasm resulting from intense pain play followed by rough sex. But for me, the very best kind of orgasm is the one I have when he is wrapped round me and inside me and is heading for his own orgasm. I can feel his breath quicken, his heart beat faster through my own skin, and see the sweat begin to bead on his brow and upper lip. The deep emotional feelings induced by this kind of orgasm outstrips any of the other kinds. So maybe I'm being selfish in wanting him to orgasm, but I hope that he feels even a small fraction of what I do because I know he'll feel amazing. For me that's what turns 'having sex' into 'making love'. [:)]

laurell3 -> RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? (5/16/2010 12:32:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OrpheusAgonistes 3) I feel a kind of sense of grim Calvinist duty to give orgasms to the less fortunate. That's why, if nothing else is effective, I'm perfectly prepared to just dig in and really go at it with a bleak, Protestant work ethic and a dogged conviction that, being favored by God, the ability to provide an orgasm (and prosper in mercantilism, produce a bountiful barley crop, steer a whaling boat through the summer storms) is a predetermined inevitability. The third point may have been spurious. Only my analyst and I know for certain. Let me say, I skim when I read the forums to see if it catches my interest. I was skimming, I hit 3) and spit out my soda. You are bad! I always want my partner to orgasm. It is more important than my own. However, as I'm primarily submissive, on occasion when they don't agree with that I have a mental struggle to keep from focusing on what I naturally see as the conclusion of any sexual encounter to letting them lead and accepting it's up to them. I have to say the times the "game" of the day has been to bind me and make me orgasm until I beg to stop, it's been with some guilt on my part at least at some point in the process. As an occasional switch, I'm pleased to see you say that you want the pleasure of an orgasm. I so often run into male subs in my area that don't and don't even know how to anymore and it's not something I'm prepared to deal with personally. I get the game they've been playing, I just have any interest in that game. Even on the other side I see orgasm as important in sexual encounters.

usemetopleaseyou -> RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? (5/16/2010 12:58:07 PM)
I can't explain why, but orgasmic denial is what I enjoy while giving her orgasmic pleasure!

sunshinemiss -> RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? (5/16/2010 1:19:28 PM)
quote: 3) I feel a kind of sense of grim Calvinist duty to give orgasms to the less fortunate. That's why, if nothing else is effective, I'm perfectly prepared to just dig in and really go at it with a bleak, Protestant work ethic and a dogged conviction that, being favored by God, the ability to provide an orgasm (and prosper in mercantilism, produce a bountiful barley crop, steer a whaling boat through the summer storms) is a predetermined inevitability. The third point may have been spurious. Only my analyst and I know for certain. Shall we call that suffering for the Lord? <<<<< wishing to be of the "less fortunate" ilk. On topic: As I've gotten older, the intimacy has become more important. I like when they have the happy ending, but meh. Too many medications, medical conditions, etc. that aren't really helpful. best, sunshine

OrpheusAgonistes -> RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? (5/16/2010 1:28:30 PM)
quote: Let me say, I skim when I read the forums to see if it catches my interest. I was skimming, I hit 3) and spit out my soda. You are bad! Ha ha. Excellent. quote: As an occasional switch, I'm pleased to see you say that you want the pleasure of an orgasm. I so often run into male subs in my area that don't and don't even know how to anymore and it's not something I'm prepared to deal with personally. I get the game they've been playing, I just have any interest in that game. Even on the other side I see orgasm as important in sexual encounters. Yeah, tell me about it. I'm the last person who is in any position to comment on the way someone else is wired/rewires themselves, but I think life would feel like one raw, gray November day after another if I didn't deliriously love a few things (orgasms, the Cubs, Scotch, chocolate, Douglas Adams). If that's how some people are, that's how they are--but it's a position that's pretty much incoherent to me.

LadyNTrainer -> RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? (5/16/2010 1:31:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP OP, that's a double standard. It's okay if you don't orgasm but not if they don't? What happens if they feel the same? Then you end up having an interesting relationship. There's times I'm just not physically horny, or I'm tired or in pain, and I don't really want to get all acrobatic or tense up all my muscles to have an orgasm. But it's still fun and pleasurable to watch and assist my partner in getting off, or to lay back and let him do his thing. Some of the time that leads to my getting turned on enough that I'm not tired anymore or don't care any more if I'm sore from a heavy workout. Some of the time it doesn't, I just enjoy the show on a more cerebral and emotional level. One of my two partners (we're a poly triad) is okay with this after I took a long time explaining to him why it was still fun for me and not a horrid, selfish, unsubmissive thing for him to do. The other would generally rather not get off himself than not have me get off. That's probably exacerbated by the fact that he has sensitivity issues and it takes him forever to orgasm, while my primary is literally multiorgasmic and can come - repeatedly, and usually without losing his erection - at the drop of a hat. Yes, I know, lucky me. [:D] It can end up as a mutually annoying "but you have to go first" situation if both partners are hung up on the other one's orgasm and not that into their own. We solve it the same way we deal with other issues that come up in the relationship, with a lot of honest communication and negotiation. It works pretty well.

sweetsub1957 -> RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? (5/16/2010 1:35:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TimrehIX When you are having sex how important is your partners’ orgasm to you? If it was just obvious that your partner wasn’t going to cum would you be upset? Could you still have an enjoyable sexual encounter if your partner didn’t cum? my partner's orgasm is very important to me. i will do everything i can to help Him cum, like i've given lip service before for an hour and a half to insure He did. He said "Don't worry about it" but i knew He was frustrated, so i just continued lovingly. i think, even if He said it was no big deal really, i would still feel like i'd short-changed Him were He not to cum. i want Him to have the most explosive, awesome, mind-blowing orgasm of His life and be completely satiated, purring like a kitten. [:D] ~sweetsub~

Level -> RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? (5/16/2010 1:43:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Pyramus quote: ORIGINAL: Level there are occasions where it doesn't happen, and to the OP, no, I would not necessarily be "upset" over it. I agree on the not being upset, no matter what. But, I don't know a single occasion in my entire (long) life that I didn't have orgasm when being stimulated. Perhaps it arrived in just five or ten minutes when I was in my twenties while now it can be held back for a half hour or more - but it's always there. No, I meant I would not necessarily be upset if she didn't cum. [;)]

HisEvelyn -> RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? (5/16/2010 2:00:36 PM)
I have always, even before I knew I was a submissive, cared much more about my partner's pleasure than my own. Honestly, I couldn't care less if I cum as long as my partner is satisfied. If that means he cums and I don't? I am as equally satisfied as if he made me cum twelve times. Don't get me wrong, I DO enjoy orgasms. If properly teased and stimulated, I will beg to cum with incredible sincerity and vigor (in fact, my Master very much enjoys pushing me to the point of pleading for release). But I have never needed to cum to feel satisfied and content after a sexual encounter. I enjoy most of all knowing I have pleased and satisfied HIM. If I please him by being denied orgasm, I am satisfied. If I please him by cumming after being teased and then commanded to release, I am also satisfied. Some people tell me I have issues because I am so very oriented towards another's happiness. But that is just my reality and what is natural. I exist to please him, and in doing so? I find personal fulfillment and joy.

kallisto -> RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? (5/16/2010 2:04:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level quote: ORIGINAL: Pyramus quote: ORIGINAL: Level there are occasions where it doesn't happen, and to the OP, no, I would not necessarily be "upset" over it. I agree on the not being upset, no matter what. But, I don't know a single occasion in my entire (long) life that I didn't have orgasm when being stimulated. Perhaps it arrived in just five or ten minutes when I was in my twenties while now it can be held back for a half hour or more - but it's always there. No, I meant I would not necessarily be upset if she didn't cum. [;)] [:)] Thanks for the confirmation. I thought that's what you meant. [:)] I would only be "upset" if it happened over and over again (him not having an orgasm). After all, it's all about "his" pleasure anyway, right? [:)] Seriously, of course it is much better when it's a mutual thing, but it's not always like that. But it is, for me, anyway, making sure that he is always pleasured and satisfied. However, it has been on more than one occasion that my pleasure was not what he wanted .. which in itself is very exciting and pleasurable to me.

Level -> RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? (5/16/2010 2:30:37 PM)
Well said, kallisto; there is more than one way to find pleasure, fulfillment, etc, and I would certainly think that making sure one's dominant is happy would be at the top of the list. I don't say that to demean the importance of the submissive, their feelings, their cumming like a freight train, so forth. A good example is right now... I've spent the day outside, working like a heathen, and I'm exhausted. Now would be a wonderful time for a subbly wimmins to make me feel good, and not expect anything in return, except knowing she made me happy.

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? (5/16/2010 2:34:13 PM)
Yeah, that would be nice, and it's something I offer my partner now and then, when I just want to blow him and not get any myself, but he's like no, cause if you blow me, then I'll feel bad for not being in the mood to give you something. To which I happily chirp that's ok the blow job is my enjoyment. quote: ORIGINAL: Level Well said, kallisto; there is more than one way to find pleasure, fulfillment, etc, and I would certainly think that making sure one's dominant is happy would be at the top of the list. I don't say that to demean the importance of the submissive, their feelings, their cumming like a freight train, so forth. A good example is right now... I've spent the day outside, working like a heathen, and I'm exhausted. Now would be a wonderful time for a subbly wimmins to make me feel good, and not expect anything in return, except knowing she made me happy.

windchymes -> RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? (5/16/2010 3:32:12 PM)
His orgasms are EVERYTHING to me! Tasting him as he cums in my mouth as well as hearing him do that growly shout when he slam fucks and then explodes inside me. It's the BOMB! [:)]

VaguelyCurious -> RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? (5/16/2010 3:35:32 PM)
That raw enthusiasm right there just made me feel a little bit better about the world [:)] (Not that I was feeling bad, but there was room for improvement)

Level -> RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? (5/16/2010 3:37:06 PM)
Hell, I was wondering if someone had taken control of her pc!

January -> RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? (5/16/2010 4:55:33 PM)
quote: how important is your partners’ orgasm to you Very. A few years ago, because of a medical problem, my husband wasn't able to come easily. That meant sex went on and on. Yeah, it wasn't as fun as you might think. After fifty minutes or so, I got plenty of climaxes, but I also got sore. I also tensed up, worried he'd never come. He'd sense my anxiety, making his release even harder. Not good. The medical issue is fixed, and we're back to normal. I love the way he pulses into my cervix when he orgasms. Now I am relaxed enough to savor the sensation. January

kallisto -> RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? (5/16/2010 5:59:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level Well said, kallisto; there is more than one way to find pleasure, fulfillment, etc, and I would certainly think that making sure one's dominant is happy would be at the top of the list. I don't say that to demean the importance of the submissive, their feelings, their cumming like a freight train, so forth. A good example is right now... I've spent the day outside, working like a heathen, and I'm exhausted. Now would be a wonderful time for a subbly wimmins to make me feel good, and not expect anything in return, except knowing she made me happy. Thank you. I certainly don't take what you said as "demeaning the importance of" by any means. It's exactly how I feel. And you cited a perfect example of one way of what I was talking about.

reynardfox -> RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? (5/17/2010 12:21:45 AM)
Making your partner come is like any other form of art, you want it to be beautiful, but not too easy, and you want it to last as long as you can. An orgasm is a prize to be wrested from the banality of life. A tiny little brilliant diamond of pure life. You can never get enough. I can never make enough of them. Could it be that I am the Faberge of fucking? The cartier of cunnilingus? The Aspreys of anal? The chanel of the crop? Or just another damn Dom? A Dom perignon? I have to stop this, I'm laughing too hard.

ranja -> RE: How important is your partners’ orgasm? (5/17/2010 2:39:37 AM)
i understand it might be difficult to cum sometimes, and i know sometimes maybe a person is not so bothered. i also know there are unfortunate people who can never physically cum, but i don't get or believe people who say they do not care about cumming ever.

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