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Tell your story... How did you discover you were kinky? - 5/16/2010 5:24:10 AM

Phoenix73Sir

Posts: 139
Joined: 4/2/2010
From: Northants, UK
Status: offline

This has ALWAYS been a subject that facinates me. Going from my own experiences and journey into discovering I wans't just a wierdo, but the things I thought and felt were shared by others and had a name. I was a Dominant! and there were other Doms out there too.. I was as 'normal' as those other Doms out there. Thats the nut shell version, all happened about 10 years ago. yes I procrastinated lots aboput actually stopping READING about BDSM and actually living it.

What fascinates me is other peoples stories of self discovery. realising that you were a Dom/sub/slave/switch and your journey to it and from that initial point.

(Yes I realise there are probably other old threads around here covering exactly the same thing, but it isnt on the first 10 pages and I recently got a ticking off for commenting on a 6 month old thread so I thought I would start a new one. Besides... this site must have a pretty good turnover so it gives the current people (many of whom I have grown to respect their opinions) to tell their stories.

_____________________________

Yes, I have 2 profiles. my active one is Username: Syrox. I chose to keep this one though for the message boards.

"Just when you think you have ALL the answers... I change the questions" ~ Roddy Piper.

Post #: 1

RE: Tell your story... How did you discover you were ki... - 5/16/2010 5:40:04 AM

usemetopleaseyou

Posts: 39
Joined: 5/16/2010
Status: offline

My third gf bought me a strapon for my birthday and after tieing me up to the four bedposts and riding me until I was of no use, she slapped the strapon on me and told me to continue pleasing her. I was hooked ever since especially with using a strapon to please her for hours until my neck hurt from the pleasure of pleasing.

(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)

Post #: 2

RE: Tell your story... How did you discover you were ki... - 5/16/2010 7:24:12 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

We never discovered that we are "kinky", we are not. We ran into the concept of master/slave on the internet -- SecondLife specifically -- and realized that it might fit us. We gave it a try and it did.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)

Post #: 3

RE: Tell your story... How did you discover you were ki... - 5/16/2010 7:52:31 AM

daddysprop247

Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline

like Jeff, i have never felt particularly kinky, because i am not (i also really, really dislike that word). but i was 18 when i discovered that there was a word to describe my personality, the way i naturally behaved and thought, and that word wasn't "mentally defective" as i had previously thought, but "submissive." having a submissive personality for me was pretty much like walking through life with a giant flashing neon "kick me" sign on my forehead....i was constantly being taken advantage of, used, abused, disrespected and disregarded. i hated it. i wanted desperately to be "normal," to be able to say no to people, to stand up for myself, and most of all to be accepted and loved by someone...anyone. i felt no one could love me the way i was...fortunately, i was dead wrong on that one. :)

as for how this discovery came about, i was chatting with a friend (totally "vanilla" to my knowledge) online about the most recent abuse i had suffered at another's hands, and how i was just so tired of being this way. if this was to be the standard for the rest of my life, then that life just was not worth living any longer. quite a depressing conversation. well this friend says, out of the blue, "i've been wanting to tell you this for a long time...i think you are a submissive." my thoughts were huh? what the heck is "a" submissive? but he didn't give me details, just left me to do my own research, which led me to the discovery of a whole world where submissive people were understood, accepted and desired. it was the world of M/s, and i knew instantly that the only path to possible fulfillment or even survival was slavery.

of course it was very lucky for me that i stumbled across websites dedicated to M/s first. i can only imagine if i had come across the more kink and bdsm-heavy places first i would have just been confused and felt it was yet another place where i didn't belong.

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 4

RE: Tell your story... How did you discover you were ki... - 5/16/2010 8:10:18 AM

DomImus

Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline

My story of discovering my kinkiness would likely violate the terms of service here so I will pass on that. I first found out that others were also actually kinky in their own right when I was eighteen. Between eighteen and thirty-six I dabbled in bondage and restraints (still my first love) with whatever willing partner wandered into my path. I entered into my first full time d/s relationship when I was thirty-six and all subsequent relationships since that time have also been d/s relationships. I have no intention of going back.

_____________________________

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. harris

(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)

Post #: 5

RE: Tell your story... How did you discover you were ki... - 5/16/2010 8:16:20 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

I started discovering as a mid-teen when I discovered fetish photography books at a place where I babysat (yes they were on the top shelf but I had a feeling all the good stuff would be on the top shelf so I got a chair and went snooping!)

I started off with kink games around the age of 18, but more often then not, I found men and women who wanted to dominate me. My desires were to try both but part of me feared that I could seriously harm someone if I let my desires to Top out completely. Not only was I afraid of my sadistic streak, but I was completely turned off by what I saw in terms of images of a FemDomme, that is the uber bitch castrating dominatrix. So I tried to submit. I was such a bad sub, subtly always topping from the bottom, but a trooper of a masochist.

Finally, about 8 years ago, I met a man who was a play partner, a sadistic Top and Master who became a close friend and mentor to me. He actually helped me find my own way of expressing my dominance. It wasn't until I joined Collarme 6 years ago that I found like-minded women.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to daddysprop247)

Post #: 6

RE: Tell your story... How did you discover you were ki... - 5/16/2010 8:23:45 AM

lobodomslavery

Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline

i remember coming home from college one night and having an argument with a Woman. Big mistake. She slapped me across the face a few times. it hurt but i had strangely no inclination to hit back. i convinced myself i deserved it. i felt inferior. That and other experiences online convinced me of inferiority towards Women and that Women were superior to me and i was a submissive servant that and the fact that i had unwittingly being serving Women all my life from holding the door for Women as a child to taking a submissive role in everything to not fighting back, to accepting the blame for things
kevin

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 7

RE: Tell your story... How did you discover you were ki... - 5/16/2010 8:33:08 AM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

I've only recently started going to events-people assume that if they've never seen you before you must be totally inexperienced. I keep being asked 'how long have you been intrigued by kink, then?' or 'so when did you discover kink?'

I never know what to say-I've *never* been 'intrigued by kink'-I've always just been 'kinky'. I'm a child of the 'me' generation. I don't hang around being intrigued by things, I chase them.

There are couple of stories about messing around holding girl A's wrists in bed or girl B liking a spanking or reading Boy or whatever that I tell to fill the space when people ask when I discovered I was kinky, but the question just doesn't apply-there was no magic moment for me. I've always known.

ETA: this is only in reply to DomImus because I was going to quote him but changed my mind, and then forgot I wasn't on fastreply :s

< Message edited by VaguelyCurious -- 5/16/2010 8:39:07 AM >

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(in reply to DomImus)

Post #: 8

RE: Tell your story... How did you discover you were ki... - 5/16/2010 8:36:26 AM

lobodomslavery

Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline

For me i m very much leaving fantasy behind me though. im more interested in real time experiences meeting real time people, chatting with people in the lifestyle and just getting to know them rather than going all gung ho for a relationship from the off. i think its better that way no one wants a person who is totally self indulgent and after their own interests only and i dont want to be that person
kevin

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

Post #: 9

RE: Tell your story... How did you discover you were ki... - 5/16/2010 8:54:06 AM

S1L1

Posts: 91
Joined: 5/31/2009
From: Upstate South Carolina
Status: offline

I started noticing the tied up girls in comic books when I was about 6. It grew from there.

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(in reply to lobodomslavery)

Post #: 10

RE: Tell your story... How did you discover you were ki... - 5/16/2010 8:54:53 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Windows 95/98. I discovered AOL chat and their member created rooms. That was where I found out the stuff I had done all my life was considered perversion. I had just started dating again and just this knowlege made me stop for a year.

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 5/16/2010 8:55:16 AM >

(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)

Post #: 11

RE: Tell your story... How did you discover you were ki... - 5/16/2010 9:01:36 AM

rideemwet

Posts: 93
Joined: 6/12/2009
Status: offline

Hmm, not an instant revelation. Always preferred situations where I was in control, going back to teenage years, wanted to drive my own car even if it meant passing up on drinking, etc. Got into reading some fantasy novels and realized I liked the strong power-exchange concept 15 years ago or so. Always had an inclination for submissive women in the more general sense, but ran across a gal on a non-fetish dating site that was intriguing because one of her pictures was in a corset, decided to pursue trying a little more kink in the bedroom activity with her, and fell into it quite quickly, turns out she'd had some experience. Took over a year for me to discover she was also a true masochist as it required a significant level of trust on her part (she really did loose herself to it). I'm still exploring what my limits & gratifications are a few years and partners later.

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I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.

Huh?

(in reply to lobodomslavery)

Post #: 12

RE: Tell your story... How did you discover you were ki... - 5/16/2010 10:18:08 AM

OrpheusAgonistes

Posts: 253
Joined: 3/29/2010
Status: offline

I think it went something like this:

When I was 16 or so, I swiped a copy of Story of the Eye that a friend's older sister brought home from school over winter break. I read it, returned it, mentioned that it was "weird but hot." She said "Um. That's really pervy." She was insanely hot.

So I knew I was "pervy" and started reading really scandalous, deeply depraved books. Developed a sexual crush on the Marquis de Sade's anti-heroine Justine. This was also around the time I realized other imaginary crushes from books and such (Circe, the evil cousin from Bewitched, various Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling performers) had definite cruel streaks. Everything was still pretty much entirely cerebral--it hadn't even occurred to me to look for much visual that was overtly kinky. This was in the early 90s, so for a teenager in the burbs I'm not sure how easy it would have been to find anyway. I did develop a strong interest in old pulp detective comics, but only if the detective was being tied up, drugged, or otherwise tormented by some femme fatale in gaudy furs and high heels.

Started listening to punk music to impress another older girl. Made a vague connection between the fashion and attitude and my pervy inclinations. Became obsessive about the late 70s/early 80s New York scene. Read about the Mudd Club. Read about Anya Phillips. Fell in love with Anya Phillips. Wanted desperately for her to tie me up and etc etc etc. The fact that she was dead was problematic.

This started a period that I still miss. My urges were urgent but inchoate. I still didn't know the names for the things I wanted done to me. Sometimes I'd find a like-minded girl and we'd mess around. We usually didn't know what to call the things we were doing. Much of it was probably a terrible idea. We all survived relatively unscathed, though my wrists were duct taped so often that there was a patch on each arm where the hair didn't grow back properly for some time. Looking back, it feels like that was maybe the last time it felt like we (when I found a girl who was as sadistic as I was masochistic) were inventing a universe every time we messed around--I didn't have any experience with porn movies, or "the scene" or any other such desiccating agents. We improvised, we invented, we were convinced we were geniuses exploring a new frontier.

So I guess before my senior prom, I knew that I was pretty perverted sexually. I was also aware that my lacrosse teammates wouldn't react particularly well to the news that I fantasized about being pinned down and tortured ingeniously by the girl who always wore the Jawbreaker shirts when we didn't have to be in school uniform, so I determined that I was going to be a discreet supersensualist masochist.

_____________________________

What I cannot create, I do not understand.--Feynman

Every sentence I have written here is the product of some disease.-- Wittgenstein

(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)

Post #: 13

RE: Tell your story... How did you discover you were ki... - 5/16/2010 10:29:32 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I still didn't know the names for the things I wanted done to me.

I remember wanting to do stuff and not know why. Just visceral urges. It was both intriguing and scary for me because nice girls didn't hurt people.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to OrpheusAgonistes)

Post #: 14

RE: Tell your story... How did you discover you were ki... - 5/16/2010 11:04:50 AM

mixedemotions

Posts: 123
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline

Hmm, as a youngster, discovering one of my parents "dirty" books, plus just wanting stuff to be done to me. It was around that age that I started to like older guys. However, it wasn't until I started going into chat rooms that I found out that there was name for what I liked.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 15

RE: Tell your story... How did you discover you were ki... - 5/16/2010 11:10:56 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

My own story is rather common and ho-hum for this sort of thing - nothing ground-breaking, no new territory.
My marriage had ended and I was meeting people online and sometimes dating in real life- overall having a decent time. I met someone on a bikers dating site (I ride motorcycles) and we hit it off. After getting to know him some he told me he was a Dominant. He had appealed to me instantly when I first had contact with him and I wanted to know more about this word he used to describe himself because it seemed that he was using it in a way where it wasn't just an adjective. It seemed to be 'something'. It was. I liked what it seemed to mean and how it translated into this man's character; I found I was waiting for someone like him for quite some time. We didn't last as a couple but it started a journey that led to me discovering D/s and where I fit into it, and that I wanted it in my life.

This is a segue but its funny how things turn out. Since I embraced the word submissive and now freely use it to describe myself, I feel stronger and more at peace. I feel anything but submissive as it is used in the adjectival form. It's like having all the pieces fall into place. It's as though in using this word submissive I can see myself more clearly. I am actually more in control now and dare I say -dominating- in going for I want.

I came here, met several people, dated some, then found the man I've been with now for a year and a half. D/s is still new to me, I peruse the boards frequently and learn a lot. D/s or BDSM is not a focus in my life and it's not the most important thing in my relationship but it's definitely there and I feel more complete having it there than I did before without it.
Like I said...nothing terribly exciting or fresh. SOS more or less lol....

(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)

Post #: 16

RE: Tell your story... How did you discover you were ki... - 5/16/2010 11:27:52 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Yes, you did get a ticking off. At some point, we will have to discuss the importance of observation skills as a top/Dominant. Perhaps after this.

My experience in being introduced to 'all this' is a bit different than most folks you are going to find on CM. I was never on the old discussion boards. I didn't even own a computer of My own until 2000.

No. Instead, I came in something of the old way. Completely out of the blue. Call it the 'Penthouse Forum' version if you will.

One evening, after closing hours from work in 1998, a boy knelt in front of Me and asked Me to be his Mistress.

I honestly had no idea of what the hell he was talking about.

Often, I say on these boards that I am a very curious type. That's always been a personality trait of Mine. I wasn't put off by it. I wanted to know more about it.

From there, I was introduced to the real world of BDSM. Well, for what it was back in those days in Colorado Springs. There were no clubs in the city back then. It was all about private parties and what leads you could get from picking up the Blue Oyster once a week. The Underground was more than the name of a club on Tejon St. Back then, in this location, if you really wanted to participate in this, there was a heck of a lot more effort involved than just signing on to your computer.

After a while, folks realized this wasn't just a passing fancy for Me. While I had very little interest in S/m, I fell in love with the protocol of it all. Sure, I stumbled a bit, but there was no mistaking My determination. I was there to stay.

Eventually, that was recognized. The fact that I would sit over and over at the table of men It didn't matter to Me that I had the last chair. I refused to kneel.

In 1999, I collared that first boy to Me. The one who brought Me here.

In 2002, I looked at him in a casket.

Three years later, I came back to this.

Again, I am here to stay.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to rideemwet)

Post #: 17

RE: Tell your story... How did you discover you were ki... - 5/16/2010 11:56:27 AM

GotSteel

Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline

When I was four I watched Return of the Jedi.

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 18

RE: Tell your story... How did you discover you were ki... - 5/16/2010 12:23:38 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

Fast reply:

I identified as slave from before I can remember, I think as a result of abuse when I was tiny. Of course there was no internet back then, and I was lucky to find a fabulous dom eventually, in my 20's. We adore each other, to this day.

This century: when my s side had run its course, I came over to the dom side. We have lobster!

Attachment (1)

< Message edited by dreamerdreaming -- 5/16/2010 12:24:00 PM >

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Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)

Post #: 19

RE: Tell your story... How did you discover you were ki... - 5/16/2010 2:13:24 PM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

Okay, here goes. When i was in elementary & grade school, i would use twine to tie up my Barbie dolls & pretend Ken was spanking them for being bad girls. (i've always had "a thing" for rope.) From that point on, i'd always wanted to be tied up. When i started discovering those pesky sexual urges, i still wanted to be tied up and made to do "nasty things." Then i suppressed those kinky ideas as something that was probably not normal (whatever THAT is!), although they were never very far under the surface.....

Then fast-forward about 36 years to the age of 49 when i was checking out 'nilla dating sites. i met two submissive guys on one of them, and they helped me discover that i was submissive myself and that it was okay to be me. Then, when i was 50, i had my first experience with a Dom i'd met through Alt.com, when i finally got the nerve to sign up. It was so awesomely mind-blowing and incredible, i could hardly believe it, and i KNEW i would never be 'nilla EVER again. From that point on, it's been constant self-discovery. Now i've gone through the sub-frenzy and come out on the other side with my brains and common sense still intact, knowing it's okay to be me and it's wonderful.

i've also always been a pleaser and service-oriented, and more interested in making others happy than myself. i've been that way from a very young age, and was always put down for it by my more assertive mother and sister who had more dominating personalities. i didn't know why i was so different than them, but now i know.

~sweetsub~

~edited to add the last paragraph~

< Message edited by sweetsub1957 -- 5/16/2010 2:23:46 PM >

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Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)

Post #: 20

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