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The stubborn submissive - 5/18/2010 4:14:47 PM   
domrader


Posts: 12
Joined: 11/8/2009
Status: offline 		I have been reading around on the internet on this topic and I have seen a bit more of it around.  I believe I have one of these so called "stubborn submissives".  Anyone care to share their experiences on it?  Maybe even a little advice as to how one deals with it?  
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: The stubborn submissive - 5/18/2010 4:23:24 PM   
SassySarijane


Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline 		You want to elaborate on that a little bit? What behaviors and such are leading you to this conclusion?

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers
LPTnB

(in reply to domrader)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: The stubborn submissive - 5/18/2010 4:35:40 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		wanna elaborate?

(in reply to SassySarijane)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: The stubborn submissive - 5/18/2010 4:41:49 PM   
OrpheusAgonistes


Posts: 253
Joined: 3/29/2010
Status: offline 		A popular technique seems to be to force her to post threads documenting her disobedience, airing every minor grievance, and then letting internet strangers fix things.  That's usually pretty effective.  If she refuses to do this, then you know she's difficult.

_____________________________

What I cannot create, I do not understand.--Feynman

Every sentence I have written here is the product of some disease.-- Wittgenstein

(in reply to domrader)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: The stubborn submissive - 5/18/2010 4:50:04 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domrader

I have been reading around on the internet on this topic and I have seen a bit more of it around.  I believe I have one of these so called "stubborn submissives".  Anyone care to share their experiences on it?  Maybe even a little advice as to how one deals with it?  


Either she doesn't want to obey you, or doesn't know how.

If it's the former, tell her to change, or tell her "bye bye".

If it's the latter, then lead her, and teach her.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to domrader)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: The stubborn submissive - 5/18/2010 4:54:04 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Oh Levelicious, there you go being all smart and stuff!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: The stubborn submissive - 5/18/2010 4:57:36 PM   
reynardfox


Posts: 417
Joined: 9/8/2009
Status: offline 		Stop reading and get out there and get some experience.
You won't get that from a keyboard.

(in reply to domrader)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: The stubborn submissive - 5/18/2010 4:59:26 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Oh Levelicious, there you go being all smart and stuff!


Well, it had to happen sooner or later, Hibby plus having smart friends helps!

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: The stubborn submissive - 5/18/2010 5:04:44 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		Just a stupid question.  Does this submissive meet your needs as a dominant as is?  If so, then why seek to change her?  If not, then have you considered basic compatability issues?  I am stubborn as hell, but my partner likes a bit of a challenge.  I am not flagrantly disobedient and disrespectful, but I do have to do a lot of thinking, freaking out, and plain arguing with myself and (politely in the spirit of understanding) him.  We fit each other well despite what some would call a stubborn streak.  Some wouldn't tolerate me.  Others couldn't handle me.  He both enjoys me and is able to subjugate my stubborness at any time he so desires.  The issue isn't with the submissive being stubborn necessarily, but whether that trait is functional within the relationship.

lovingpet

_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.


(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: The stubborn submissive - 5/18/2010 5:05:35 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level
Either she doesn't want to obey you, or doesn't know how.

If it's the former, tell her to change, or tell her "bye bye".

If it's the latter, then lead her, and teach her.


Right on the money!

quote:

ORIGINAL: reynardfox

Stop reading and get out there and get some experience.
You won't get that from a keyboard.


Seriously? If he wants to learn things he doesn't know, he has to ask questions. CM is a great place to do that and there are experienced people here who can help him get a head start.

____________

To the OP, I'll agree with the first few posts that says if you want to get some good advice, you might want to elaborate. Mind you, I'll repeat that Level is pretty bang on.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: The stubborn submissive - 5/18/2010 5:25:03 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Why do you think she is a sub?  Why do you think she is being stubborn?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: The stubborn submissive - 5/18/2010 5:26:46 PM   
divi


Posts: 11109
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domrader

I have been reading around on the internet on this topic and I have seen a bit more of it around.  I believe I have one of these so called "stubborn submissives".  Anyone care to share their experiences on it?  Maybe even a little advice as to how one deals with it?  

My guess would be she doesnt like you very much

_____________________________

( imho )

I really could use a wish right now

(in reply to domrader)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: The stubborn submissive - 5/18/2010 5:47:30 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level


quote:

ORIGINAL: domrader

I have been reading around on the internet on this topic and I have seen a bit more of it around.  I believe I have one of these so called "stubborn submissives".  Anyone care to share their experiences on it?  Maybe even a little advice as to how one deals with it?  


Either she doesn't want to obey you, or doesn't know how.

If it's the former, tell her to change, or tell her "bye bye".

If it's the latter, then lead her, and teach her.

That, right there.

Other than that, OP, I really can't help you.  I don't do stubborn for stubborn's sake.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: The stubborn submissive - 5/18/2010 5:55:20 PM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Why do you think she is a sub?  Why do you think she is being stubborn?


would be interested in hearing the OP's response to these questions.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: The stubborn submissive - 5/19/2010 3:08:23 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OrpheusAgonistes

A popular technique seems to be to force her to post threads documenting her disobedience, airing every minor grievance, and then letting internet strangers fix things.  That's usually pretty effective.  If she refuses to do this, then you know she's difficult.


oh please please please dont encourage them -

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to OrpheusAgonistes)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: The stubborn submissive - 5/19/2010 3:19:26 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		stubborn is so boring - .

in submission it tends to be an internal thing, as lovingpet has said, we subs might struggle internally over something but our final and ultimate course of action is to at least try to do our best and achieve what we are asked to achieve.  if that spirit of submission is lacking then youre really in a somewhat difficult position.

of course the other thing is that she's just acting up for a spanking (so much of that shit going on, thats boring too) - if thats the case then dont pander to it or youll find youreself in a never ending spiral of her acting up and you ending up as her whipping boy each time her masso needs get the better of her - in other words she's playing you and if you let her the whole thing will unravel slowly anyway.

so, my advice is to work out where this stubbornness is coming from, talk to her about it and then approach the S&m as a reward for good behaviour, not a reward for bad behaviour.  in other words, deny her massochistic needs each time she fecks about and when she's making an effort reward her massochistic needs and thus bypass the whole purile nonsense of 'ive been so naughty and now Master is going to spank me boo hoo' - ack!!

< Message edited by lally2 -- 5/19/2010 3:26:08 AM >

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: The stubborn submissive - 5/19/2010 3:28:42 AM   
LittleBroken


Posts: 207
Status: offline 		I use to be stubborn just for the sake of being stubborn.
Master use to get a vast sadistic kick out of breaking me down.
It was a sick little game we played with each other.
Who would give in first.
It was a game we both relished.

Maybe your girl is provoking you to use a firmer hand?
Maybe it's an attention seeking device?
Maybe it's time to up the force?
Pay her more attention and use a firmer hand....

If all else fails you can use the tried and trusted method of just asking her what the hell is up?

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: The stubborn submissive - 5/19/2010 3:33:07 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Oh Levelicious, there you go being all smart and stuff!


Even a blind squirrell will find a nut once in a while! (just saying...) *g*

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: The stubborn submissive - 5/19/2010 4:28:27 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		She wouldn't be stubborn if you were asking her to do smart things. If you don't make smart decisions, then her best bet is to dig in her heels and refuse.

Now if you're talking about spanky spanky, then she's just acting up to give you an excuse to play. Which she wouldn't do if she got what she wanted without having to do this. Have you said that she can ask for play without acting out? And if so, do you keep your word or is it always "yeah, yeah but now I'm busy". People do what they must to get their needs met.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: The stubborn submissive - 5/19/2010 5:01:52 AM   
Wolf2Bear


Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domrader

I have been reading around on the internet on this topic and I have seen a bit more of it around.  I believe I have one of these so called "stubborn submissives".  Anyone care to share their experiences on it?  Maybe even a little advice as to how one deals with it?  


Are you sure she/he is stubborn or simply has the ability to uphold her/his convictions and does so?

*looks at self* yes I am stubborn not for the sake of being stubborn but when I get a so called top who determines my limits are there to be broken when I say they are there for a reason. Yes I am labelled stubborn when I believe in a cause and stand up for my convictions despite the odds being stacked against me; yes that is being stubborn and an asset.


_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to domrader)
Profile   Post #: 20
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