Can BDSM, D/s, and M/s exist without ANY humiliation?

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Can BDSM, D/s, and M/s exist without ANY humiliation? - 5/20/2010 8:32:32 PM

SocratesNot

Posts: 812
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Of all the things BDSM, I am the least comfortable with humiliation.
I don't like to humiliate people nor I want to be humiliated.
I admit some humiliation games can be hot, but I sincerely think that any humiliation in the end causes more long-term psychological harm then temporary pleasure and arousal. This is especially true if the humiliation is applied on regular basis.

So my question is - Can BDSM (and other subvariants like D/s and M/s) exsist without ANY humiliation WHATSOEVER?. This includes BOTH verbal humiliation and doing humiliating TASKS.

All the other aspects of BDSM would still be present and they include obedience, control, pain, punishment (sadomasochistic aspects), serving, bondage, but without humiliation.

< Message edited by SocratesNot -- 5/20/2010 8:35:31 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: Can BDSM, D/s, and M/s exist without ANY humiliation - 5/20/2010 8:33:36 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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Yep.

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to SocratesNot)

Post #: 2

RE: Can BDSM, D/s, and M/s exist without ANY humiliation? - 5/20/2010 8:37:30 PM

DarkSteven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SocratesNot

So my question is - Can BDSM (and other subvariants like D/s and M/s) exsist without ANY humiliation WHATSOEVER?. This includes BOTH verbal humiliation and doing humiliating TASKS.

All the other aspects of BDSM would still be present and they include obedience, control, pain, punishment (sadomasochistic aspects), serving, bondage, but without humiliation.

Um, I'm not sure what you mean by humiliating tasks. But it is very possible to have BDSM relationships without verbal humiliation (as all of mine have been).

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to SocratesNot)

Post #: 3

RE: Can BDSM, D/s, and M/s exist without ANY humiliation? - 5/20/2010 8:40:27 PM

caelestis

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Joined: 9/6/2008
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Well I believe that would depend on the people in the relationship. I've found over time that things I find humiliating others don't, and visa versa.

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"We are a fountain of shimmering contradictions, most of us. Beautiful in the concept, if we're lucky, but frequently tedious or regrettable as we flesh ourselves out."
— Gregory Maguire

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 4

RE: Can BDSM, D/s, and M/s exist without ANY humiliation? - 5/20/2010 8:56:54 PM

bluefireeyez

Posts: 119
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Absolutely. Why couldn't it?

(in reply to SocratesNot)

Post #: 5

RE: Can BDSM, D/s, and M/s exist without ANY humiliation? - 5/20/2010 8:57:23 PM

lovingpet

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What do you include as part of verbal humiliation or humiliating tasks? I kind of am to the point where there is no such thing as humiliation. If I am pleasing my partner, then it is an honor...pure and simple. Whatever lowering is involved in submission elevates me in his eyes above other women, so even that is not a humiliation or degradation. There is still what I guess would be emotional sadism, but then again it is something we happen to enjoy. Most ingredients in a bdsm recipe are optional. It is whether or not the end result suits your tastes that matters.

lovingpet

_____________________________

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(in reply to caelestis)

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RE: Can BDSM, D/s, and M/s exist without ANY humiliation? - 5/20/2010 9:05:09 PM

leadership527

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ROFL... I just tell my wife what to do. Of all your "themes", the only one that is even remotely present is "serving" and we BOTH serve the relationship.

You have a particularly limited view of the various ways WIITWD can unfold.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to SocratesNot)

Post #: 7

RE: Can BDSM, D/s, and M/s exist without ANY humiliation? - 5/20/2010 9:09:28 PM

lucylucy

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Joined: 3/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet
What do you include as part of verbal humiliation or humiliating tasks? I kind of am to the point where there is no such thing as humiliation. If I am pleasing my partner, then it is an honor...pure and simple. Whatever lowering is involved in submission elevates me in his eyes above other women, so even that is not a humiliation or degradation. There is still what I guess would be emotional sadism, but then again it is something we happen to enjoy. Most ingredients in a bdsm recipe are optional. It is whether or not the end result suits your tastes that matters.

Lovingpet's comments ring true for me. I've never felt humiliation, just intimacy and trust and delicious vulnerability. Some might look at what I do and assume I must feel humiliated, but I don't. So my answer to you would be, yes, such a relationship is possible, but for me, it certainly wouldn't be devoid of things that NO ONE finds humiliating.

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 8

RE: Can BDSM, D/s, and M/s exist without ANY humiliation? - 5/20/2010 9:09:41 PM

marie2

Posts: 1690
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In theory, yes.

(in reply to SocratesNot)

Post #: 9

RE: Can BDSM, D/s, and M/s exist without ANY humiliation? - 5/20/2010 9:32:54 PM

Surrenderwithin

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Humiliation and what one finds to be humiliating varies from one person to the next. The fact is, humiliation is subjective. There is little to nothing that I find humiliating in my TPE, yet others feel the opposite.

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*15 Nz Pts*

(in reply to marie2)

Post #: 10

RE: Can BDSM, D/s, and M/s exist without ANY humiliation? - 5/20/2010 9:37:00 PM

HeathenMa1am

Posts: 48
Joined: 1/29/2010
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Sure, why not?

Say you and your partner enjoy public play. Someone else might find it humiliating to play in front of other people. But if you both like to show off then you don't find it humiliating.

Say you like to do the French maid thing. Other people might find it humiliating to wear the outfit, but if you regard all costumes as dress-up play as innocent as a child's, then it's not humiliating to you.

You see? Humiliation is in the eye of the beholder, in many cases.

Of course, humiliating talk is generally intended to humiliate, but there is no reason that has to be included. I don't enjoy humiliating anyone, and I didn't enjoy that sort of thing back when I was brand new and identified as a sub either, I've never done humiliation play and I really doubt I ever will. The same goes for punishment scenarios; didn't like them as a sub, don't like them now either. I only do fun.

(in reply to marie2)

Post #: 11

RE: Can BDSM, D/s, and M/s exist without ANY humiliation? - 5/20/2010 9:55:39 PM

LPslittleclip

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of course it can O/ours does.

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LadyPact

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Post #: 12

RE: Can BDSM, D/s, and M/s exist without ANY humiliation? - 5/20/2010 9:59:55 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

LOL. That's because you see very little as actual humiliation.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LPslittleclip)

Post #: 13

RE: Can BDSM, D/s, and M/s exist without ANY humiliation? - 5/20/2010 10:06:59 PM

LadyHibiscus

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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I don't do humiliation. Not my trip. I can't be held responsible for what goes on in someone else's brain though.

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(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 14

RE: Can BDSM, D/s, and M/s exist without ANY humiliation? - 5/20/2010 10:22:57 PM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SocratesNot
So my question is - Can BDSM (and other subvariants like D/s and M/s) exsist without ANY humiliation WHATSOEVER?. This includes BOTH verbal humiliation and doing humiliating TASKS.

Depends on what you define as humiliating. I do enjoy some degree of sexual objectification, and have been known to refer to my partners as "studmuffins" and "fucktoys". None of us consider that humiliating, since it's done with admiration and appreciation. They're both very hot, sexy, intelligent, beautiful creatures, and I love owning them.

We also share a wicked sense of humor and a solid basis of friendship and respect for one another. The dominance and submission is on a primal, almost feral level, and it's very real. I own them. They wear my collar and submit to me because it fulfills and completes us, and because it's who we are. But if I did not also respect and appreciate and admire my partners as people, I wouldn't be in a committed poly relationship with them. They are both incredibly smart, accomplished guys (one's in science, one's in academia, both are published) and really fine human beings. Not only would I never humiliate or downtalk either of them, I'd kick anyone else's ass if they treated either of my partners with disrespect.

Would I bend him over with a cruel fist in his hair, slap his ass until it was red, and make him beg me to fuck it? Oh yes I would, because he is that beautiful. It is that vulnerability that makes him beautiful. Is this humiliation? Not to him, and not to me. The look in my eyes is pure awe and admiration at how amazing he is, how brave and fine he is. How raw and authentic and naked he is in his need to submit. There is beauty in that, and freedom. I do not see humiliation, nor feel it. An outsider might, perhaps, but I don't think they would really understand what either of us was feeling.

Adoration. Awe. Reverence. Respect. I feel these things also when I dominate him; it's not just a one way street. We are mirrors and echoes of one another, yin to yang, opposite halves of the same whole. I have as high an opinion of my partners as I do of myself, because it couldn't really be any other way.

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to SocratesNot)

Post #: 15

RE: Can BDSM, D/s, and M/s exist without ANY humiliation? - 5/21/2010 2:28:50 AM

bliss4us09

Posts: 106
Joined: 3/31/2009
Status: offline

Of course it can. Humiliation is not an end but a means - if it isn't working, drop it.

(in reply to SocratesNot)

Post #: 16

RE: Can BDSM, D/s, and M/s exist without ANY humiliation? - 5/21/2010 2:50:36 AM

aldompdx

Posts: 538
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline

Absolutely, YES.
Humiliation is different than humility.

It requires communication of intentions, and great respect therefore. That is, when humiliation is a limit, that boundary must be honored and respected.

(in reply to SocratesNot)

Post #: 17

RE: Can BDSM, D/s, and M/s exist without ANY humiliation? - 5/21/2010 3:02:58 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

Yes.

the.dark.

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RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to SocratesNot)

Post #: 18

RE: Can BDSM, D/s, and M/s exist without ANY humiliation? - 5/21/2010 3:57:20 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Of all the things BDSM, I am the least comfortable with humiliation.
I don't like to humiliate people nor I want to be humiliated.
I admit some humiliation games can be hot, but I sincerely think that any humiliation in the end causes more long-term psychological harm then temporary pleasure and arousal. This is especially true if the humiliation is applied on regular basis.

So my question is - Can BDSM (and other subvariants like D/s and M/s) exsist without ANY humiliation WHATSOEVER?. This includes BOTH verbal humiliation and doing humiliating TASKS.

All the other aspects of BDSM would still be present and they include obedience, control, pain, punishment (sadomasochistic aspects), serving, bondage, but without humiliation.

< Message edited by SocratesNot -- 5/20/2010 8:35:31 PM >

SN,

The whole D/s lifestyle is on life support, but to answer directly, it is a separate kink; thus it is only an option.

CP

(in reply to SocratesNot)

Post #: 19

RE: Can BDSM, D/s, and M/s exist without ANY humiliation? - 5/21/2010 4:46:26 AM

SocratesNot

Posts: 812
Joined: 5/17/2010
Status: offline

Many of you asked me what I consider to be humiliation. Well, I will first tell you what I do NOT consider humiliation.
Humiliation is not:
- calling your partner good girl, good boy, playtoy, fucktoy, dumbfuck, slut, perv, etc. - all the "names" that have playful sexual conotation are not humiliating
- anything that is a part of well defined role-play is not humiliation - so your partner can be a doggy, a kitten, a bad boy, a bad girl, a pupil, a pony, etc, this is not humiliation, he can be even the human furniture if this is just a part of scene and roleplaying
- having your partner do things to you that are reasonable and that you really need or want is not humiliation, even if these tasks are hard - this includes cleaning house, cleaning car, cooking, etc

Now we have those few things that are indeed real humiliation, and I wouldn't personally suggest them to anyone, though, different strokes for different folks, so this is just my personal opinion. So, IMO real humiliation includes the following:

- having your partner do the things in a way which is deliberately designed to be harder and humiliating, for example - cleaning the toilet with the toothbrush or even with tongue,
- calling your partner worthless, useless, pathetic, idiot, worm, pig, inadequate, retarded etc.
- cuckolding in any way, shape and form
- expoitation of your partner for its own sake, like having her do all the chores, just because she is submissibe, while you watch TV lazily all day. The same can be in femdom situation.
- financial domination in any way shape and form, especially if it involves large amounts of money and terms like, human ATM, pay piggy and other aforementioned terms
- isolation of the sub from friends and relatives
- neglecting subs own hobbies and preferences - such as controlling what kind of music he listens to, what kind of books he read, what kind of websites he visit etc.
The one thing is suggesting him some types of music, books or websites, the other thing is forbidding him to listen to his favorite band and to read his favorite author.
- attitude that you are superior just because you are dominant, and that your subs pleasure, needs and wants aren't important at all
- anything that has to do with things which are intuitively dirty and which lack the basic dignity, such as forcing your sub to your eat shit, be your ashtray, drink your piss, eat food from the floor, clean floor with his tongue, worship your dirty feet etc. (actually foot worship is not humiliating at all if the feet are clean)
- having him do the "menial" tasks not because they have to be done, but just for the sake of humiliating him and showing him that he is incapable of any more sophisticated work

So, my question is, can BDSM be completely without such examples of humiliation that I just mentioned?

If the answer is yes, how common is such humiliation that I just mentioned. Do more relationships involve these things or lack them?

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 20

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