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ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Yes, but I made it better.

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ORIGINAL: petslave2b

Are all the points here the same for Daddy/daughter D/s relationships?

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"Now the portrayal of men in pop culture really does seem to be showing men in this helpless childlike manner that just drives me crazy. "

It happens in advertising constantly, and there the driving force is the female psyche. It appeals to women, so they buy the product. Considering how common this method is used in advertising, it must be effective. Perhaps this is also a contributing factor for the trend in sitcoms?

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"Then there's the dream employee. He or she is very efficient and a self starter, and while they really pride themselves on doing a good job, they are able to tell they are doing a good job so they need a smaller amount of coddling. They also think ahead and try to do things they know will make my job easier. They are not afraid to take calculated risks. They adapt processes so they don't have to be told three times to do something or have it show up on a list every day - they figure out what needs to be done. They are very efficient, but they never start thinking the are the boss - they know I am the boss. Together we make a great team and I may come to rely on them a lot - but at the end of the day, we both know who is boss, and will always be boss. This is the ideal femdom/malesub dynamic for me. "

This is a lot closer to my childhood than the previous two examples with all the hand holding.

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In fact, from my perspective, many profiles here seem to be strict motherly types wanting obedient (adult) children, with the obvious adult, BDSM aspects which are absent from the familial mother/child relationship. The description seems apt, even if it is just based on gender and authority.

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ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

How do you feel about dommes' tendency to refer to submales as 'boys', then?

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ORIGINAL: Venatrix

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ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

How do you feel about dommes' tendency to refer to submales as 'boys', then?

I use 'boy' or 'lad' occasionally as a general term of endearment, regardless of whether the male is submissive or not. One of the guys in the mailroom where I used to work was always very attentive and helpful, and it was such fun to watch his face light up when I said, "Oh, Isaac, you're such a good boy!"

I can, however, guarantee that there is nothing maternal in my feelings towards men. I dislike children and try to avoid them whenever possible, so a man who needs mothering would be of no interest to me. The only maternal feelings I possess are towards the cat, to whom it is perfectly acceptable to say, "Who's my silly little cutie-pie, then?"

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ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

If it's there with your cat, V, it'll be there, hiding and waiting to spring, on your poor unsuspecting male, one day.

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Thus a primary goal in developing modern attachment theory was to preserve the kernels of truth in Freud's insights about close relationships by replacing his image of a needy, dependent infant motivated by drive reduction with one of a sophisticated, competence-motivated infant using its primary caregiver as a secure base from which to explore

and, when necessary, as a haven of safety and a source of comfort.

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ORIGINAL: Venatrix

Your logic is fallacious in that you are making the assumption that mere mortals are somehow comparable to such magnificent beasts as the cat.

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Also, I'm wondering why daddy/little girl relationships within D/s are more acceptable (or appear to be) than mommy/little boy relationships.  I'm not talking so much about age play but the acceptability of the word 'daddy'.  Even in mainstream relationships you hear a woman call her partner daddy and little thought is given to it.  A man calls his partner 'mamma' or 'mommy' and suddenly he has mother issues.
 

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ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

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ORIGINAL: Venatrix

Your logic is fallacious in that you are making the assumption that mere mortals are somehow comparable to such magnificent beasts as the cat.

Jeez, V. I think you need to re-examine your use of the word 'magnificent'. Personally, I don't think it applies to that foul-tempered great tub of rancid lard that drags itself round your house looking for dead horses to eat.

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ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

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Also, I'm wondering why daddy/little girl relationships within D/s are more acceptable (or appear to be) than mommy/little boy relationships.  I'm not talking so much about age play but the acceptability of the word 'daddy'.  Even in mainstream relationships you hear a woman call her partner daddy and little thought is given to it.  A man calls his partner 'mamma' or 'mommy' and suddenly he has mother issues.

I think one of the reasons - perhaps the most superficial and obvious - is that 'Mummy' sounds old, whereas 'Daddy' doesn't. Or, at least, if 'Daddy' does make a man sound old, he doesn't care.

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Why is the expression of maternal instinct by a woman in an adult relationship viewed as being "a woman who has lost control of who she is"?  Yes, any situation where one partner sees another as permanently immature or allows immature behavior to continue to the point of acceptance is a willing participant in a parent/child dynamic with another adult. However, the idea of equating maternal with smothering actions or domineering behavior sounds like the stuff of a Pink Floyd album.

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ORIGINAL: CarrieO

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Thus a primary goal in developing modern attachment theory was to preserve the kernels of truth in Freud's insights about close relationships by replacing his image of a needy, dependent infant motivated by drive reduction with one of a sophisticated, competence-motivated infant using its primary caregiver as a secure base from which to explore and, when necessary, as a haven of safety and a source of comfort.

It's that last part, which I have bolded, that is how I view maternal within an adult/adult relationship (be it mainstream or D/s)...just replace the words 'infant' and  'caregiver' with adult and partner.

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Also, I'm wondering why daddy/little girl relationships within D/s are more acceptable (or appear to be) than mommy/little boy relationships.  I'm not talking so much about age play but the acceptability of the word 'daddy'.  Even in mainstream relationships you hear a woman call her partner daddy and little thought is given to it.  A man calls his partner 'mamma' or 'mommy' and suddenly he has mother issues. Just some observations and curiousity on my part.

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ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika



What triggered me saying this was 2 things. One was the reaction to the post quoted in the OP from the other thread, and the other was having spent my Sat evening with a friend who was at her wit's end with her partner who is a total child. For all intents and purposes, lets say my friend has a non-D/s relationship, what many call vanilla.

As I mentioned in the OP, how I see it in the vanilla world is in a struggle, where women want a certain result out of men but feel frustrated as they won't obey them and therefore reverts to browbeating them like their mothers. I see some her like this with her partners and I realise she are striving to get control over her man, but the bottom line is that he won't ever change and he has no desire to put her needs first nor is he interested in being in service to her. When she commented that she'd prefer if once in a while when they went out that he could be a little more gentlemanly and gallant, he apparently responded "Your gender wanted women's rights, well deal with all that it comes with". He has said such asinine things in my presence and I bite my tongue usually for my friend's sake. She has to remind him when it is time to mow the lawn. She has to remind him to stop playing video games and help her clean the house. She has to ask him to not wear a baseball cap in the restaurant. Do you see where I'm going with this? She has this struggle daily.

Of course, she, like many women, had the disillusion that she would "train him" over time to do these things, to domesticate him. What she is realising is that unless the desire to do this as a team is intrinsic, unless he sees exactly what this is doing to her and decides her happiness is important enough that he will change, he will continue to be an immature little boy that needs to be pushed to do just about anything that contributes to the household.


I do hope that explains my point a little bit better.

- LA[/font]

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ORIGINAL: allthatjaz
I really don't believe that women who are not into domination wish to train their man. They wrongly believe they can change them. They desperately want them to listen and take note of what they are asking but when all that fails they just become the 'nagging wife'

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My nan always said 'Nagging is just repeating yourself to someone who hasn't listened in the first place'

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I don't think this is childish behavior off men. I think its selfish behavior and its often instilled from his mother, who did all the running around for him. He doesn't want a mother but he wants a partner who behaves like his mother did.