CarrieO
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Joined: 1/27/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika
As I mentioned in the OP, how I see it in the vanilla world is in a struggle, where women want a certain result out of men but feel frustrated as they won't obey them and therefore reverts to browbeating them like their mothers.
Thank you reiterating your original point. I do agree that the example you gave was on the more extreme side.
I'd like to address the portion above which, imo, has less to do with immature men and everything to do with a woman who can't accept a partner "as is". I have a good friend who was in a marriage for 10+ with a man who was as you describe and my friend took on the role of mother, even though she complained constantly about his actions or lack of. It wasn't until she divorced him and sought therapy that she came to realize the problem wasn't so much him as much as it was her. She enabled his behavior.
This wasn't a healthy relationship and also not one I would consider between two mature individuals.
Anytime someone enters into a relationship, D/s or not, with the view to changing their partner to the image of what they think he/she could be, they're setting themselves up for disappointment.
I'd like to address your other post to me here also.
quote:
ORIGINAL: CarrieO
Thus a primary goal in developing modern attachment theory was to preserve the kernels of truth in Freud's insights about close relationships by replacing his image of a needy, dependent infant motivated by drive reduction with one of a sophisticated, competence-motivated infant using its primary caregiver as a secure base from which to explore and, when necessary, as a haven of safety and a source of comfort.
It's that last part, which I have bolded, that is how I view maternal within an adult/adult relationship (be it mainstream or D/s)...just replace the words 'infant' and 'caregiver' with adult and partner.
In your quote, you talk more about the caregiving aspects than the discipline aspects. Do I give my partner a sense of safety and comfort? Absolutely. Do I see this as me mothering? No. I see this as me caring for their well being. I understand how some people link this to their maternal instinct, I just don't link it necessarily to mine.
Well, this is where I usually say to my mom "isn't it wonderful that we're all so different". I see providing a sense of safety and comfort as an aspect of maternal/paternal which is why I included the quote. On this we can agree to disagree.
I don't see my partner as a child. To me, a child can't make many decisions for him/herself because they don't have the lifeskills to do so. I don't see this in the partners I've had. The kind of caregiving that one has to give a child is to bridge the lack of autonomy they have due to the fact that they haven't fully developed. Again, I tend to date big boys who have fully developed.
I also don't see my partner as a child. I do see it as being healthy when I can offer the secure base I mentioned in my quote just as I would like to have the same from my partner in return. This isn't parenting each other so much as supporting each other. I don't see disipline, in a D/s sense, as parenting. I see disipline as guidance...a way to learn a lesson and understanding why certain behaviors wouldn't be tolerated.
I envisage what I give them more as support (something they give me back) than caregiving.
As do I....we both offer the care and mutual support to explore and experiment in our given dynamic.
quote:
ORIGINAL: CarrieO
Also, I'm wondering why daddy/little girl relationships within D/s are more acceptable (or appear to be) than mommy/little boy relationships. I'm not talking so much about age play but the acceptability of the word 'daddy'. Even in mainstream relationships you hear a woman call her partner daddy and little thought is given to it. A man calls his partner 'mamma' or 'mommy' and suddenly he has mother issues. Just some observations and curiousity on my part.
Perhaps they are "more acceptable" because more people are into it? Maybe it is because in the traditional family model, moms where seen as those who worked for the family's well being whereas often dads were the disciplinarians? I'm just guessing here.
Maybe it's "traditional". Maybe it's also more acceptable for a woman to express vulnerability and to be in touch with her "inner child".
For the record, I want to reiterate that I have nothing against the mommy/little boy dynamic if that is what works for you, and I say that with the utmost sincerity.
Great...it's not my dynamic in a fetish sense but I do believe it has a place for some folks.
I just don't think that the parent/child dynamic is the fundamental underlying basis of the D/s relationship model.
Which is something I agreed with and what I meant when I said "Yes, any situation where one partner sees another as permanently immature or allows immature behavior to continue to the point of acceptance is a willing participant in a parent/child dynamic with another adult. "
And... "Wanting to revert to an infant/toddler frame of mind within an adult relationship, while an interesting thing to explore short-term, makes me think more of Peter Pan and his "boy who would never grow up" mindset instead of a healthy adult dynamic."
If both parties accept the immature behavior as healthy within their dynamic...fine. If not, then there's a problem that needs to be addressed with both partners not just the immature one. As with my friend I mentioned earlier, if a woman attracts this type of man, she needs to figure out why as much as the man needs to figure out why he wants to be immature in an adult relationship.
I know I seem to be talking in circles a bit but I see this from so many different angles....much like wiitwd.
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"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~
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RE: Thoughts on Dommes portrayed as Mothers - 
) I still have no interest in infantile men...which is different than being able to express a child-like sense of wonderment and willing to express vulnerability. 
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