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CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Maledom relationships vs. Femdom relationships (5/31/2010 2:24:26 PM)
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My full-time experiences have been with a multi-dominant, multi-submissive household, over time (I've been part of the House for about 15 years now, though my experiences in the community go back another 10 before that). The fact that we are a poly household and that our household has been comprised of dominant, submissive, mixed, and neutral personalities provides interesting perspective, I think... but at the same time, it limits the pool to individuals who are/would be happy in a group-oriented situation, rather than being exclusively either female dominant or male dominant oriented from the leadership perspective/female submissive or male submissive oriented from the yielding perspective. Because of that, our experience may not be reflective of the majority of the community. So use what seems useful, and discard anything that doesn't make sense for your own observations.
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- What are the main differences between the two?
In our experience, the only "difference" that relates solely to gender is the equipment. Everything else is strictly individual preference... sexual vs. asexual orientation; strict vs. relaxed discipline; micromanagement vs. extended delegation... those are present in both male and female dominants among us... so the "differences" we've experienced have only been cosmetic in relation to gender, although each of our Keepers has hir own style.
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- What are the similarities? Both male and female dominant individuals like to be in charge of their own lives and like to have some measure of control over the lives of those who yield to them.
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- In which of the two is the domination usually more strict?
This doesn't seem to have a gender correlation in our experience. We have extremely strict male and female dominants, and we also have some who are very laissez-faire about their roles.
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- Which is more risky? Risky in what way? On this one, I'm not sure I understand the question.
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- Are there differences in style of domination and submission in them?
Most of the differences we've seen are more related to individuals than to genders. Practical experience has shown that most of the stereotypes attributed to either male domination or female domination, at least in our household, are much more flexible and can be present and expressed by either gender.
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- What about the subs? What are the differences between male subs and female subs? Like the dominants, the differences between male and female submissive individuals tends, in our experience, to be cosmetic more than anything else.
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- Who of them are usually more obedient, male subs or female subs? Who have more limits?
While our experience with both male and female submissive individuals has shown both to have equal capacity to obedience, we've also noted that females tend to have more insecurity and more "limits" when they come to us. It is our experience that this is a protective feature, as women often perceive a greater danger to themselves (either physically or emotionally) at the outset of a relationship than males do. Over time, though, we find that the "limits" becomes a balanced aspect of the relationship more quickly for females as well, once they realize that they are safe and secure. By the time a year has gone by, our servants of either gender are pretty much indistinguishable in quantity and quality when limits are evaluated, and, in fact, most of them have chosen to leave the setting and releasing of boundaries to the Keepers of the house, since they know that, regardless of gender, we will care for and protect those who have yielded themselves to us.
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- And what about the Dominants? What are the differences between male dominants and female dominants? See Question 1
- Which is easier to implement, maledom relationship or femdom relationship?
No authority based relationship is "easy" to implement. They require due diligence on the part of both the dominant and the submissive individual. This section is primarily me speaking, and I can't really speak as a male dominant, though, in asking our male dominant members, they also assure me that there is no "easy" implementation... just taking your time, learning each other, and finding a way to make what you -want- from your relationship what you -get- out of it.
For me, I've found that -any- relationship worth having is going to take substantial effort to get going -- and if someone is looking for an 'easy' relationship, they're not someone I'd want to enter into a relationship with in the first place.
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Note: I am asking only about real-life full 24/7 D/s relationships, not about the fantasy, porn, or pro-domming.
Also, I don't include online relationships.
There isn't anyone in our household who finds online relationships fulfilling, but I have to offer, as a caveat, that I've actually met some folks whose online relationships were more solid and fulfilling than many marriages I've encountered.
Calla
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