When did you realize your submissive nature?

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When did you realize your submissive nature? - 5/23/2010 10:53:09 AM

babe4bdk

Posts: 11
Joined: 8/1/2009
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I realized how truly submissive I actually was, when involved with a man whose demeanor was Dominant. Although not a "lifestyle" type of relationship--it most certainly opened my eyes. Once we went our seperate ways I began to research the BDSM lifestyle more thoroughly and realized that it is where I belong. Although still relatively new..it has been a wonderful learning process and I am still a work in progress. I was just curious about the experiences of other subs/slaves.

Post #: 1

RE: When did you realize your submissive nature? - 5/23/2010 11:14:19 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I don't think I ever realized it. It's just part of the culture in which I grew up...men were head of the household, they took care of the everyday things that needed taken care of, wives followed their husbands, etc...

Ya know, traditional household.

I grew up like that. It's what always just seemed the way to be for me. I never saw it as strange or different. It's just always been that way for me and what I've always sought out in relationships. It's what I feel comfortable in.

(in reply to babe4bdk)

Post #: 2

RE: When did you realize your submissive nature? - 5/23/2010 12:27:03 PM

bluefireeyez

Posts: 119
Joined: 12/15/2008
Status: offline

I realized it when I was much too young to comprehend it. When I was in a relationship with a very un-dominant guy, I just tried to figure out what I thought was lacking...and found D/s.

(in reply to babe4bdk)

Post #: 3

RE: When did you realize your submissive nature? - 5/23/2010 4:10:30 PM

Bobanna

Posts: 95
Joined: 5/1/2009
Status: offline

I discovered that I needed to be in a submissive role about three years ago. I had been single for about a year and a half after leaving a disasterous relationship with another vanilla boyfriend. It started out fine enough, where I thought he was man enough to take on what I would consider normal, adult responsibility. But as time went on (we eventually ended up living together) I noticed he started regressing into a child like role, and I started to have to take on more and more responsibility to keep our life together. This went as far as, me working full time, coming home and having to plan the evening meal, cleaning the home, doing the laundry, getting the bills payed, going grocery shopping, gassing up the car ... I mean where did it start and where did it end? What was he doing when I was taking on all of this? ... somewhere around I'm sure, but I was too busy and exaughsted to notice. Then I DID find out where he was ... cheating on me with someone else, of motherfucking course! So I had to leave him and I took a year and a half to regroup myself ... This was just yet another "failure" I had been constantly experiencing in my relationships.

I had a friend that I had met during this year and a half of refection, and I told him about my troubles in the man dept. I was seriously beginning to think that there must be something very wrong with me for my relationships to keep going so horribly wrong. It was during this talk that he told about D/s and what I was probably needing was a stronger type of man to handle me. He saw that my personality type was such that when I was in a relationship with a weaker type of male, I would lose respect torwards him, feel like I was being taken advantage of and start to sabatoge the relationship by getting angry about it. The recipe was this easy. Find a more dominant type man, one that I could respect and wouldnt fall apart on me within the first three months. Then there might be a chance towards a successful relationship. ( It also helped that I had some serious love of kink in the bedroom as well! ) So upon discovering this, my current relationships have really fallen into place, and I stay far and clear from the submissive men type. I'll leave them for the Dommes to handle !! grins ~

_____________________________

Let them eat cake ~ !

A dream for some ... A nightmare for others

(in reply to babe4bdk)

Post #: 4

RE: When did you realize your submissive nature? - 5/23/2010 4:44:30 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

Carol and I ran into D/s about 3 years ago or so. We happened across it online in SecondLife. A bit of experimention and it kind of became obvious that this was a really useful way to understand ourselves. One thing led to another...

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to babe4bdk)

Post #: 5

RE: When did you realize your submissive nature? - 5/23/2010 5:21:40 PM

Firebirdseeking

Posts: 477
Joined: 9/3/2006
Status: offline

I can relate to everything the other submissives have said here. I was in a long marriage where eventually he became my "child", and I did everything. Then, of course, there was no sexual intimacy - because what woman wants intimacy with a man who is like a teenage boy? I too thought there was something wrong with me, because I am an intense person, and with vanilla men, just the mention of "intensity" or "intimacy" seemed to evoke stark fear in their eyes and then they would flee like a rat from a burning ship...it was very discouraging, I was sad for a long time. Then a man from a vanilla site who called himself Sir ***** ( LOL, little did I know) began communicating with me, and sent me some erotica, which rang my chimes, to my surprise. I began to surf the net in ways I had never done before, and actually landed on Taken in Hand, which is D/s and not BDSM. It was actually there that all the lights went on. I began to understand very quickly what was wrong and why my past relationships, including the long marriage, did not work. Then I found this site.

However, I have to say that until I met my One, I was also very disappointed at the players, the on -line "doms", the married "doms" the "doms who are not in control of their own lives yet thought they could control me, etc etc, I am sure most of us have encountered the same things. It was a tremendous relief - an epiphany, really - to finally understand, and to understand that a submissive is not a meek and mild woman but is actually, or can be, a very strong woman. Yeah!

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 6

RE: When did you realize your submissive nature? - 5/23/2010 5:22:50 PM

AllLockedUp

Posts: 33
Joined: 3/8/2010
Status: offline

I guess I've always known. Like bebe4bdk, I really KNEW during(after) a relationship, one in particular. That relationship was 90percent BDSM. I didn't know what it was called. I then thought about past relationships, which lasted and which didn't. The ones that "BDSM" played a heavy part, were the ones that had longevity. With them, I am still friends. The others, I have no contact.

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 7

RE: When did you realize your submissive nature? - 5/23/2010 5:59:22 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I'm not sure if the op is asking when we realized we preferred not to be in charge or when we discovered the term for what we are. The first, early on but I was sabotaged by not knowing how to refer to it.

I discovered the vocabulary for this when I typed bondage.com into the browser 8 years ago hoping to find some bondage porn, having no idea I could ever find a real live man who would want to do this to me. I found him, and a whole lot more. Not knowing the words to talk about things prevents you from explaining it well enough for someone else to understand. Or from finding books and other information to learn from.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to AllLockedUp)

Post #: 8

RE: When did you realize your submissive nature? - 5/23/2010 6:40:38 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Always there for me. I figured it was just another weird part of me and that I was ahead of my time and wouldn't ever be able to actually live that way- a servant girl in a harem.

Luckily I fell into a cyber chat room and realized "these people are actually DOING this!" and the rest is history.

Of course I learned a good 80% of them weren't actually doing it at all, but that's ok, they got me started. It took a few months to take the responsibility of being a slave, and I kept that mantle for a few years.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 9

RE: When did you realize your submissive nature? - 5/23/2010 6:42:52 PM

jbcurious

Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

I don't have a submissive nature...what I have is a need to submit to a man within a realationship. What I have is a need for that man to maintain a level of control that keeps me focused on us...that creates an air of uncertainty and intensness of what may or may not happen at any given moment.

_____________________________

'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'

I have an explosive personality...

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 10

RE: When did you realize your submissive nature? - 5/23/2010 7:32:53 PM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

From a very young age, i realized i did not want to be the one in charge of anything such as decision-making, etc. That's how my relationships with men always were and i always wondered why they were unfulfilling. Then a couple submissive guys i met on a 'nilla dating site a little over a year and a half ago explained D/s to me and i saw the light. That's what i'd been missing all my life, a Dominant Partner, Who could complement my submissiveness. Now i know what i need and want, and i know what it's called and that it's okay.

So i guess one could say i've always been that way, deep down, but i only realized it recently.

~sweetsub~

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to babe4bdk)

Post #: 11

RE: When did you realize your submissive nature? - 5/23/2010 9:16:03 PM

lucylucy

Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline

Like jbcurious, I don't have a submissive nature. She described perfectly how I feel:

quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious

I don't have a submissive nature...what I have is a need to submit to a man within a relationship.

I am not submissive to anyone but my Master.

When did I realize I needed to submit to a man in a relationship? My experience is a lot like Firebirdseeking's:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking
I was in a long marriage where eventually he became my "child", and I did everything. Then, of course, there was no sexual intimacy - because what woman wants intimacy with a man who is like a teenage boy?

I didn't connect my dissatisfaction with my marriage to sex in particular, but when my marriage broke up a couple years ago, I felt an intense need to experience bondage. I thought I would try it once and "get it out of my system." I didn't know a thing about BDSM or D/s in particular. Lucky for me, the man who ended up being my partner in my "get it out of my system" bondage experience introduced me to D/s and it immediately felt right. I realized that a lot of my dissatisfaction with my marriage was that my husband didn't have a dominant bone in his body. Because I'm not submissive in any other area of my life, it never occurred to me that I wanted a man to dominate me, I simply knew that the power distribution in my marriage didn't work for me.

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

(in reply to sweetsub1957)

Post #: 12

RE: When did you realize your submissive nature? - 5/23/2010 9:49:23 PM

kuppykake

Posts: 125
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

I think I have always known something was there that wasn't "normal" or "vanilla". I started masturbating when I was in preschool...didn't know what the hell I was doing, of course, but I remember always having thoughts of being controlled in one way or another. I never knew what it was until a couple of years ago when I googled why do I like bondage. I then realized it wasn't just physical bondage, I wanted to be a slave. Yay me! :P

(in reply to lucylucy)

Post #: 13

RE: When did you realize your submissive nature? - 5/23/2010 9:54:38 PM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

for me i didn't realize my submissive nature till i was getting deployed and my wife said i could play with 2 ladies and no sex. i got tied up and light play and i was hooked i didn't know my full place till my Mistress placed Her collar on me a few months later. now i have been collared for nearly 3 years and living in a poly relationship and i have never been happier.

_____________________________

proud to serve the awsome
LadyPact

(in reply to lucylucy)

Post #: 14

RE: When did you realize your submissive nature? - 5/23/2010 10:27:53 PM

CuriousSub2011

Posts: 4
Joined: 4/14/2010
Status: offline

I don't have a submissive nature...I'm quite dominant in my day to day life, but when it comes to my relationships, I noticed that I wanted to do anything and everything to please my man. Only recently like 4 months ago, did I realize that I was something more. I like the idea that he has control over me in the relationship especially in the bedroom. ;-) I dun know...I'm weird I guess for being pretty dominant in my day to day life, but when it comes to my relationships and especially the bedroom, I just can't be dominate...its just not me, and I feel out of my element if I do try to be.

(in reply to LPslittleclip)

Post #: 15

RE: When did you realize your submissive nature? - 5/24/2010 8:36:18 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

When did you realize your submissive nature?

when this slave got warm fuzzy satisfaction from serving another at their direction, according to their desires.
at first, completely non-sexual satisfaction serving others in a non-sexual way, as a wee one.
later, after engaging in sexual activity with the same mindset, this slave discovered it to be the ultimate sexual satisfaction for her as well.

(in reply to babe4bdk)

Post #: 16

RE: When did you realize your submissive nature? - 5/24/2010 9:08:09 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

i never actually realized it. When i was a child i was always happiest when i was doing for others. So it has always been a part of my life. There was no Ah ha moment.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 17

RE: When did you realize your submissive nature? - 5/24/2010 9:58:25 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

That's the problem when you use such a hazy term like "nature." Many slaves are dominant in personality, but submissive in relationship in orientation.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 18

RE: When did you realize your submissive nature? - 5/25/2010 5:50:23 AM

Firebirdseeking

Posts: 477
Joined: 9/3/2006
Status: offline

That's a very interesting comment, LA, "dominant in personality, but submissive in relationship in orientation". I would say that is mostly me, and not understanding this aspect of my emotional needs led me to suppress them for most of my adult life. I thought, "How can I be submissive, I am a strong, take charge woman? I am a feminist, how can I be submissive?' Fortunately, I encountered a dominant in my community early on who explained to me very well the needs of many submissives. But yes, like many have said here, including JB, for me its about the need to be submissive to a man in a relationship, and to have that depth and intensity.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 19

RE: When did you realize your submissive nature? - 5/25/2010 7:50:07 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
That's the problem when you use such a hazy term like "nature." Many slaves are dominant in personality, but submissive in relationship in orientation.

Thanks for saying that LA. I'd been struggling with these concepts recently but every set of words I came up with ended up sounding like it had an implied value judgement.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 20

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