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RE: Attitudes of people in BDSM community about vanilla... - 5/24/2010 6:13:19 AM

SpiritofaSub

Posts: 14
Joined: 5/22/2010
Status: offline

To the OP
I am a pagan and a submissive. I will not join any community, because my experience is that many have the tendency to want to group and organize everyone into what is the mentality of the group.

I though do have a community of friends, lovers, family etc, and i have never chosen anyone because they are vanilla or bdsm. I choose them and they choose me for who we are inside. To me denying involvement of someone whom I can be happy with because of their 'lifestyle community' preferrence would be sad. I am submissive and do not need kink to be that way.

With that said, no one would be in my life, if they could not tolerate who i am inside. If praying to Goddess and God cringes their being, then we cannot meet half way. That though is not a problem, for i would not be one they would want either. Just fine to say blessed be and move on. if my submissive nature bothers them then they would not be attracted to me either.

In the end, I choose those who blend well in my life. What a freeing feeling to not be bind by shoulds and coulds and restrictions of a community.

SpiritofaSub

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 21

RE: Attitudes of people in BDSM community about vanilla... - 5/24/2010 6:15:27 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

Good for you!

This is a fine journal entry, but not much of a post. Unless it is an indroduction.

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to SpiritofaSub)

Post #: 22

RE: Attitudes of people in BDSM community about vanilla... - 5/24/2010 7:54:00 AM

Silence8

Posts: 833
Joined: 11/2/2009
Status: offline

quote:

Why you can't be satisfied in vanilla relationships?

quote:

There is no them and us - only in the heads of people who want there to be.

the.dark.

Let's see here... there is no them and us - only in the heads of people who want there to be.

So, if 'they' want there to be 'them and us', then, well, there's them and us.

I guess that's a generalization, though -- you know, since that is what thought is, a generalization.

...

...

...

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 23

RE: Attitudes of people in BDSM community about vanilla... - 5/24/2010 7:55:55 AM

Silence8

Posts: 833
Joined: 11/2/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

Good for you!

This is a fine journal entry, but not much of a post. Unless it is an indroduction.

Fuck off. I'm sick of seeing your stupid one-line dismissals.

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 24

RE: Attitudes of people in BDSM community about vanilla... - 5/24/2010 8:19:58 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

Why you can't be satisfied in vanilla relationship?

because this slave's submissiveness is viewed as weakness or sickness from a conventional standpoint. within the context of an M/s relationship it is appreciated and encouraged. this slave isn't one of those that chooses to submit in the context of an intimate relationship ~ it's her default reaction to the world and those around her.
to the "vanillas", as well as many of the "alternatives" this slave has been in contact with, they believe it's all fine and dandy for an individual to choose to submit to their vanilla partner in the bedroom once certain conditions have been met...but outside of those strict parameters, relating submissively to a "vanilla" causes a lot of heartache, frustration and anxiety, on both sides of the relationship.

conventionally styled relationships are a bad fit for this slave's personality, sexual identity and spiritual purpose.

ETA: this slave's definition of "vanilla" = conventional...and doesn't apply to specific people or activities, but to relationship structures/styles.

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 5/24/2010 8:26:07 AM >

(in reply to SocratesNot)

Post #: 25

RE: Attitudes of people in BDSM community about vanilla... - 5/24/2010 8:36:34 AM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SocratesNot

Why you can't be satisfied in vanilla relationship?

Isn't it basic human nature not to be satisified? Why are we not satisfied with a simple modest car? Instead, most of us want the newest, the shiniest, the biggest, the most gadgets, a convertible, a V8 engine (I might be old-fashioned there, do they still make V8 engines? lol), one that parallel parks itself. Why not basic cable television, as opposed to satellite dish with HD and 900 channels?

Why not a simple hamburger? Why a steakhouse angus cheeseburger with bacon lettuce, tomato, onion, mayo, etc.? Yet, I enjoy a simple hamburger, and I drive a fairly simple car. We're all different. I also enjoy a simple vanilla ice cream cone, and have never really liked banana splits that much. But, I do like my satellites, both TV and radio, and I do like BDSM. I don't think I have a reason other than simply, "I like it this way."

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to SocratesNot)

Post #: 26

RE: Attitudes of people in BDSM community about vanilla... - 5/24/2010 8:40:23 AM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Silence8

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

Good for you!

This is a fine journal entry, but not much of a post. Unless it is an indroduction.

Fuck off. I'm sick of seeing your stupid one-line dismissals.

Marvelous irony! Simply marvelous!

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to Silence8)

Post #: 27

RE: Attitudes of people in BDSM community about vanilla... - 5/24/2010 8:48:40 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Well, you kind of asked the wrong person.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SocratesNot

It is often said that "vanilla people" can't understand BDSM, and that they are quite often intolerant to it.

People might be saying it, but I honestly don't run into that many on a personal level. Most of the vanilla friends that I've had are a little more open minded than that.

quote:

What happens in the opposite direction? Can people who are into WIITWD really get vanilla folks?

Do you 'get' them? Do you have no examples of vanilla folks who are happy and content? Don't you have parents, grandparents, other relatives, or friends in stable relationships where you just look at them and see how in love and happy they are?

quote:

Of course there is tollerance and "live and let live" philosophy. And also the philosophy of "this is not of my business".

But what I am interested in now is not endless repeating of these phrases.

I am interested in how BDSM community really views entire vanilla lifestyle and vanilla values such as monogamy, democratic decision making, equality, etc.

Let's get one thing straight right now. You're not going to have anybody on these boards who has the right to speak for "the community". We didn't all get together and take a vote on how we as a collective feel about anything, much less a spokesman to deliver those ideas on a message board.

quote:

Do you feel that vanilla lacks substance? Is it somewhat outdated? Are vanilla relationships more superficial? Why you can't be satisfied in vanilla relationships?

I don't believe that two people who love each other, are happy and devoted to each other lack substance. No, it's not outdated or so many people wouldn't still be doing it. I never said I was unsatisfied in My vanilla marriage. I love My husband to a depth that someone who has never been in love couldn't possibly understand.

quote:

Please, I mean please, don't start again with these "no generalizations" posts.
If you don't want to constructively answer questions, it's better not to post anything.

Then, please, I mean please, stop asking questions that are framed in such a way that you want to get uniformed answers. Kinky people, just like vanilla people, are not all the same.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to SocratesNot)

Post #: 28

RE: Attitudes of people in BDSM community about vanilla... - 5/24/2010 8:53:01 AM

January

Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I have to ask, what is your motivation for your posts? Are you writing a thesis? Taking a general survey?

I agree.

SocratesNot, I find your questions, and your attempts to control the answers, beyond tedious. The escalating aggressive tone of your posts is irritating. No one owes you answers. No one owes you what you consider to be the correct answers.

Your posts are intellectually dishonest, son.

You claim to want to learn. It doesn't look that that from my end. Read. Don't direct or reconfigure the answers. Don't get snotty if the responder's self identity doesn't correspond to your preconceived personality matrix. And certainly don't lecture. Your questions have been asked countless times (courteously): do some searching on CM, read without posting, read some more, read even more, and maybe then you'll get some insight.

By the way, unless you learn to understand people in general, you won't have a clue what a bdsm relationship is.

January

_____________________________

[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 29

RE: Attitudes of people in BDSM community about vanilla... - 5/24/2010 8:54:14 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Silence8

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

Good for you!

This is a fine journal entry, but not much of a post. Unless it is an indroduction.

Fuck off. I'm sick of seeing your stupid one-line dismissals.

You're an asshole

Blow Me.

Like that?

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to Silence8)

Post #: 30

RE: Attitudes of people in BDSM community about vanilla... - 5/24/2010 8:56:33 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Silence8
Fuck off. I'm sick of seeing your stupid one-line dismissals.

You're kind of an angry guy for only being 24. Live a little. Be a cantankerous old fart when you're a senior citizen.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Silence8)

Post #: 31

RE: Attitudes of people in BDSM community about vanilla... - 5/24/2010 9:00:52 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SocratesNot
Please, I mean please, don't start again with these "no generalizations" posts.
If you don't want to constructively answer questions, it's better not to post anything.

OK, as a guy who still largely identifies more with "vanilla" than BDSM and doesn't identify at all with "kink", I'll go ahead and give you my perceptions of what I've seen. Overall, I'd say that BDSM people are about the same as vanilla people in terms of their tolerance and empathy. That is to say... there's a small minority that are into the "we're better than them" mindset. Then there's a much larger minority that doesn't bother with the distinction at all and evaluates people as people. Then there's the majority who feel that they are superior to vanilla people but vanilla people are OK anyway.

I don't agree that the "values" you listed are vanilla.

Whether or not the relationship I am in is "vanilla" or not depends on your definition of vanilla. There is a non-trivial minority in the BDSM world that does not see D/s-only as being a part of BDSM. Whether or not I am vanilla, in fact, a M/s relationship sans whips & chains. I can, have been, and could be satisfied again with a perfectly normal marriage. I am, however, an extremely dominant personality. And in THIS marriage, I am married to an extremely submissive woman. So it's not so much a question of whether I can be satisfied with vanilla, it's that vanilla is not an option given the woman I am currently paired with.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to SocratesNot)

Post #: 32

RE: Attitudes of people in BDSM community about vanilla... - 5/24/2010 9:07:46 AM

SocratesNot

Posts: 812
Joined: 5/17/2010
Status: offline

quote:

OK, as a guy who still largely identifies more with "vanilla" than BDSM and doesn't identify at all with "kink", I'll go ahead and give you my perceptions of what I've seen. Overall, I'd say that BDSM people are about the same as vanilla people in terms of their tolerance and empathy. That is to say... there's a small minority that are into the "we're better than them" mindset. Then there's a much larger minority that doesn't bother with the distinction at all and evaluates people as people. Then there's the majority who feel that they are superior to vanilla people but vanilla people are OK anyway.

I don't agree that the "values" you listed are vanilla.

Whether or not the relationship I am in is "vanilla" or not depends on your definition of vanilla. There is a non-trivial minority in the BDSM world that does not see D/s-only as being a part of BDSM. Whether or not I am vanilla, in fact, a M/s relationship sans whips & chains. I can, have been, and could be satisfied again with a perfectly normal marriage. I am, however, an extremely dominant personality. And in THIS marriage, I am married to an extremely submissive woman. So it's not so much a question of whether I can be satisfied with vanilla, it's that vanilla is not an option given the woman I am currently paired with.

Very interesting post. Insightful, intelligent, honest. I enjoyed reading it.

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 33

RE: Attitudes of people in BDSM community about vanilla... - 5/24/2010 9:16:26 AM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: Silence8
Fuck off. I'm sick of seeing your stupid one-line dismissals.

You're kind of an angry guy for only being 24. Live a little. Be a cantankerous old fart when you're a senior citizen.

He doesn't get it, LP. Perhaps he will when he's 44.

He doesn't even see that most people see him and Jeffff very differently. One of them is an anteater who has a schtick that entertains us. The other is a troll who is in constant attack-mode without adding anything intelligent or constructive to the discussions. Bet he can't guess which one he is.

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 5/24/2010 9:22:30 AM >

_____________________________

"The thing about smart mother fuckers is that sometimes, they sound like crazy mother fuckers to stupid mother fuckers".
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(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 34

RE: Attitudes of people in BDSM community about vanilla... - 5/24/2010 9:16:52 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

No you didn't, I predict in you will contradict that statement quite soon

The over/under is..........3 posts

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to SocratesNot)

Post #: 35

RE: Attitudes of people in BDSM community about vanilla... - 5/24/2010 9:18:09 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

OP, please go back and read January's post. Honest to heaven, we are not here to entertain you, or spoon feed you tidbits that you accept or spit out. Your tone and attitude is becoming amazingly patronizing.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to SocratesNot)

Post #: 36

RE: Attitudes of people in BDSM community about vanilla... - 5/24/2010 9:20:58 AM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Silence8

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

Good for you!

This is a fine journal entry, but not much of a post. Unless it is an indroduction.

Fuck off. I'm sick of seeing your stupid one-line dismissals.

Finally a clear voice in the wilderness comes forth. You really nailed it.

_____________________________

(in reply to Silence8)

Post #: 37

RE: Attitudes of people in BDSM community about vanilla... - 5/24/2010 9:21:51 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

OP, please go back and read January's post. Honest to heaven, we are not here to entertain you, or spoon feed you tidbits that you accept or spit out. Your tone and attitude is becoming amazingly patronizing.

It has been since he began posting....... and he doesn't like me...

Everyone likes ME!

He is clearly an asshole

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 38

RE: Attitudes of people in BDSM community about vanilla... - 5/24/2010 9:27:07 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Fuck off. I'm sick of seeing your stupid one-line dismissals.

Finally a clear voice in the wilderness comes forth. You really nailed it.

I like to think of it as economical posting.

Damn I fucked up the quote thingy....... I feel like divi

< Message edited by Jeffff -- 5/24/2010 9:28:27 AM >

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 39

RE: Attitudes of people in BDSM community about vanilla... - 5/24/2010 9:27:26 AM

zephyroftheNorth

Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline

quote:

Everyone likes ME!

I don't, I hate your guts,

love and hugs,

zeph

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The pain gonna make ev'rything alright ~ Black Crows

Team Troll Trollop
Member: Cocksuckers For World Peace
Charter member: Lance's Fag Hags
Member: Subbie Mafia
Member: Hibbie's Hotties

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 40

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