RE: Attitudes of people in BDSM community about vanilla lifestyles

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RE: Attitudes of people in BDSM community about vanilla... - 5/25/2010 11:11:37 AM

SocratesNot

Posts: 812
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FlamingRedhead, would you be satisfied in vanilla relationship with a real alpha male who has a dominant personality, but just doesn't care about kink, D/s etc.
I mean he is just an alpha and naturally dominant, but doesn't care about formal D/s rituals and doesn't want to consider his wife or a girlfriend - "a submissive"?

< Message edited by SocratesNot -- 5/25/2010 11:12:21 AM >

(in reply to FlamingRedhead)

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RE: Attitudes of people in BDSM community about vanilla... - 5/25/2010 11:45:05 AM

FlamingRedhead

Posts: 451
Joined: 3/4/2007
From: Georgia
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It's funny you should ask. For the past year, I've been involved with an alpha male who isn't much interested in formal D/s. That being said, he will beat me quite convincingly when I need it, though I'm aware he only does it because I like it. He has an inner freak who likes rough sex, genital torture and consensual nonconsent on occasion, but at all times, we have sex the way he wants it. He doesn't mind if I call him "Daddy." I don't care that he refers to me as "bitch." I asked for a collar, and he gave me one that is now too small for his dog. I always thought he gave it to me to humiliate, patronize or pacify me, but lately, he's been concerned about whether I wear it or not...or whether I've left it at his house by accident or not.

I guess the answer to your question is "no." I'm a greedy bitch who just happened to get lucky.

_____________________________

I'm so addicted to
All the things you do
When you're going down on me
In between the sheets
Or the sound you make
With every breath you take
It's unlike anything
When you're loving me

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RE: Attitudes of people in BDSM community about vanilla... - 5/25/2010 1:27:06 PM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SocratesNot

It is often said that "vanilla people" can't understand BDSM, and that they are quite often intolerant to it.

I am not sure it is often said, but I know that when it is said I often disagree

quote:

What happens in the opposite direction? Can people who are into WIITWD really get vanilla folks?

When I meet one I guess I will see if I can 'get them'

quote:

I am interested in how BDSM community really views entire vanilla lifestyle and vanilla values such as monogamy, democratic decision making, equality, etc.

D/s is complex, I am sue you have seen that now, I have had many different types of D/s relationships and I have also had what I guess would be called vanilla relationships, although for me the only difference really was awareness and the words used, but I would say monogomy isnt a vanilla idea neither is equality and to be fair neither is democratic decision making.

quote:

Do you feel that vanilla lacks substance? Is it somewhat outdated? Are vanilla relationships more superficial? Why you can't be satisfied in vanilla relationships?

Framed in the way I have answered already I would say relationships without self aware power dynamics are not lacking in substance nor are they superficial. I couldn't be satisfied because I analyse the shit out of everything.

quote:

Please, I mean please, don't start again with these "no generalizations" posts.
If you don't want to constructively answer questions, it's better not to post anything.

If you know you cause it then why do it? I really fail to understand that, maybe it is that you are starting to see that actually its not porn its not them and us its not black and white? Maybe not

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Nah I am not happy to see you either

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