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RE: I need to understand...... - 4/9/2006 9:47:05 AM

kajira4aMaster

Posts: 49
Joined: 12/26/2005
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To all of those who replied I give my thanks...
I am going to forge ahead with the knowledge that he was childish and I am a strong person.. Someday I hope to look back on this and laugh and.. someday I will.

(in reply to wild1cfl)

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RE: I need to understand...... - 4/9/2006 10:01:21 AM

LadyMorgynn

Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
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Probably not. It's been 20 years since my ex-husband walked off without a word (and with another woman, when I was 6 months pregnant with our daughter), and never told me why. It took me years to get over it. It's not something I've ever been able to laugh about... but I *am* able to look on it with acceptance, and at peace with the knowledge that he did me (and Christina too) a big favor.

Although... I can't deny that I get *tremendous* satisfaction out of knowing that he hooked up with The Controlling Bitch From Hell who has made his life misery, and tied him to her so tightly that he can never escape. Ah, the joys of knowing that Justice does exist, and sometimes even prevails! LOL.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kajira4aMaster

To all of those who replied I give my thanks...
I am going to forge ahead with the knowledge that he was childish and I am a strong person.. Someday I hope to look back on this and laugh and.. someday I will.

< Message edited by LadyMorgynn -- 4/9/2006 10:02:18 AM >

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RE: I need to understand...... - 4/9/2006 10:08:23 AM

kajira4aMaster

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyMorgynn
Although... I can't deny that I get *tremendous* satisfaction out of knowing that he hooked up with The Controlling Bitch From Hell who has made his life misery, and tied him to her so tightly that he can never escape. Ah, the joys of knowing that Justice does exist, and sometimes even prevails! LOL.

quote:

Thank you.. that so made me smile!!!!

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RE: I need to understand...... - 4/9/2006 12:58:39 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
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If you can access his email account, IM logs, or cell phone account you may find the answer. JMHO

< Message edited by proudsub -- 4/9/2006 12:59:24 PM >

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RE: I need to understand...... - 4/9/2006 1:51:08 PM

Tigersprincess

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Joined: 11/9/2005
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my Ex had major issues... I stuck through it until it was a matter of my physical and emotional wellbeing being threatened... after almost 5 years I left Him.. He play the pity me card to friends we had mutually and says there was no sign.. yet I had left for 7-10 days 4 times within the final year because of His issues and abuse ... long story short... His mom and I are still best of friends and during the final splitting He followed me, destroyed my things, various other things.. when His mom finally got Him to deliver my clothes to her house for me to pick up -they were in garbage bags- He has made sure there was some dog feces in each bag....

everything just about that I had was ruined... His mom said something to me that rings so true...

"How a Man/woman breaks up with their partner reveals their true character... I am ashamed to say that my son has none at all"

-just a final note- He has seroius drug issues that he refuses to admit or acknowledge is a problem... counseling.. therapy.. rehab... all was offered and pleaded for Him to at least try... He is now living out of his car after blowing almost 10 grand in 4 weeks on his problem.... I pray He gets help before He is no longer breathing.. He was my first Master... I was clueless that He used even recreationally while at His friends... it has devestated me in many ways having seen him change into someone i dont recognize in looks or personality... I am Owned now by a wonderful Master that has guided me in healing in the aftermath of all this... my ex pretty much leaves me alone now.. occassionally he follows me but not often .

I didnt mean to ramble... but perhaps turn your perspective to another way...

If he left and there were no signs... then He is showing His lack of character in being a Man in general not even close to having the character that a True Master has... you most likely did nothing to warrant it... but even if you had... for a Owner to not address and guide and nuture their slave and instead bail out in the most terrifying hurtful way leaving the slave to worry, wonder, doubt themselves and their every action or word is inexcusable.

I am sorry that You are going through this.. if you need a shoulder or ear to listen... feel free to send me a note

princess

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RE: I need to understand...... - 4/9/2006 2:01:12 PM

slavejali

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I think cuz there were unmentionables involved it makes him even more despicable. Four months is a long time in the life of a kid, remember how long it seemed till Christmas back then? He would have developed a relationship with your unmentionables and to just leave without any prepared groundwork in relation to what was about to happen in their life is just plain...wrong. Your better off without him.

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RE: I need to understand...... - 4/9/2006 3:33:09 PM

ehlovindom

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kajira4aMaster

To all of those who replied I give my thanks...
I am going to forge ahead with the knowledge that he was childish and I am a strong person.. Someday I hope to look back on this and laugh and.. someday I will.

I wouldn't use the word childish to describe him. Just be thankful that the "relationship" didn't last any longer and you found yourself in a possibly bad situation. Move on with your life and try to see any warning signs the next time and believe in yourself that you do have something to offer.

Keep in mind, time wounds all heels!

< Message edited by ehlovindom -- 4/9/2006 3:34:46 PM >

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RE: I need to understand...... - 4/9/2006 4:37:33 PM

MstrssPassion

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kajira4aMaster

To all of those who replied I give my thanks...
I am going to forge ahead with the knowledge that he was childish and I am a strong person.. Someday I hope to look back on this and laugh and.. someday I will.

Don't ignore the suggestion about changing locks!!! Trust me on this one... a f'king dickcheese like this will come creeping around again.

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RE: I need to understand...... - 4/9/2006 4:50:24 PM

LordKhensu

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kajira little one. he is not a man much less a master. notice the small letters. No real and I emphasize REAL Master would do that to a slave. Slaves are different in that they usually give everything they own to the One they call their Master and i am not making light of what submissives give by any means. For him to just get up and leave like that shows not only a lack of character but also a lack of ability to be a real man and face whatever was bothering him. Real men don't run!!!!!!

Now some may say, how can you generalize so? Well the point is he didnt even bother to to communicate with you. That in itself makes him less of a being then he should have been. Masters who have themselves under control would have talked to you and made a semi amiable split if there was a problem. he did not even give you that benefit of a doubt so I would say little one that at this point do not put the onus of blame upon yourself. he was your Master and should have acted like one.

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RE: I need to understand...... - 4/9/2006 5:35:29 PM

kajira4aMaster

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yes.. the unmentionables were/are devistated about this.. they cried and cried.. soon hopefully life can get back to some normality and life will go on....
thank you!

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Post #: 30

RE: I need to understand...... - 4/9/2006 5:38:32 PM

kajira4aMaster

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I am glad that the relationship didn't go any longer as bad as it is now.. it would have been worse.
Once I have a bit of time I am going to look back and see if I missed any type of signs...
I will not say this is my fault, but I will own up to my own feelings on this and acknowledge them as such.

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RE: I need to understand...... - 4/9/2006 5:41:17 PM

kajira4aMaster

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I am actually going a bit further than changing the locks.. I am moving to a friends house by the 15th...

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RE: I need to understand...... - 4/9/2006 5:47:14 PM

kajira4aMaster

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<smiles> it has been a long time since I was called little one.... yes I noticed the small letters <giggles>
If he would have communicated anything on this.. I would have been ok.. I would have understood or tried to atleast.
In some ways I feel lost without him... but I know someday with time... when it is right.. He will find me (no not this master but The Master for me).

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RE: I need to understand...... - 4/9/2006 5:47:40 PM

Sensualips

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That situation has gaping lack of closure, so I am sure you will struggle with that. Please remember that it is okay for your short people to see you are upset and understand this is a sucky thing. However, it is just as important they see you move through it. You will teach them sucky things happen and this is how you deal with it and come out okay.

It is okay for them to cry, but they will reflect your mood and emotions as well. If you are devastated and unable to get past things it will increase the stress and trauma for them as well. Mourn, let them mourn, but do not wallow.

It is also crucial to make them feel safe, secure, and loved.

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RE: I need to understand...... - 4/9/2006 5:55:35 PM

kajira4aMaster

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This I know...
We can do anything when we work it through together and that is what we are doing.. We are strong in the knowledge that we love each other and that we are family.
thank you!

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RE: I need to understand...... - 4/9/2006 7:38:17 PM

ehlovindom

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kajira4aMaster

I am glad that the relationship didn't go any longer as bad as it is now.. it would have been worse.
Once I have a bit of time I am going to look back and see if I missed any type of signs...
I will not say this is my fault, but I will own up to my own feelings on this and acknowledge them as such.

From what you have written, it wasn't your fault. However, if you do not learn from this experience, then you will have to accept the responsibility.

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RE: I need to understand...... - 4/9/2006 8:54:39 PM

kajira4aMaster

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I am learning.. believe me I am learning.

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RE: I need to understand...... - 4/10/2006 6:03:20 AM

nenakajira

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I'd like to pipe up and say that obviously, we probably do not have the whole story. In every relationship there are two sides to things.
I was involved with a man.. it started as local dating.. ended up LDR as he moved though he wanted me to move to be with him. Every time I tried to tell him that we should end it he threatened to commit suicide... he would call me in the middle of the night.. ect..
He was emotionally draining, to say the least. Finally, I couldn't take it any more. I stopped calling. I stopped taking his calls. I changed my e-mail address. I just.. let it go.. and hoped that he'd get the hint at some point. I'm not even sure if he really did decide to kill himself. Who knows.
He thought he loved me but I knew that I did not love him and I could not handle any more drama, any more scenes, any more crying. I had tried to do things the right way and he did not listen. So, vanishing was the best alternative.

-nena{R}

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RE: I need to understand...... - 4/10/2006 6:43:32 AM

kajira4aMaster

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yes there are always two sides.. I just wish I knew what that other side was....
but life goes on and that is what I am now trying to do, I may never know what happened or why, but life goes on.

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Post #: 39

RE: I need to understand...... - 4/10/2006 3:47:50 PM

JoeT2000

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kajira4aMaster

A piece of advice for you. You can't rationalise the irrational. Trying to understand what was / is going on in his mind is impossible. There is also the possibility he doesn't know or understand himself (trust me on this one, and I'm not being flippant).

There are a few personality disorders, where, when the person with the disorder becomes stressed (and their stress tolerance levels can be much lower than the norm), they have a fight or flight reaction. One of these is a condition called Borderline Personality Disorder. The person can appear charming and charismatic, and many people around them have no idea. It doesn't mean he has this, but it is one possible suggestion.

Once the stressors die down, it is quite common for them to want to return. It doesn't mean they're necessarily violent or dangerous. However, due to their problems, they may be unhealthy to be in a relationship with. I think the lifestyle can attract people with this condition, and have known several people in the lifestyle diagnosed with this condition, both as Doms and subs. On the Dom side, lacking control over their own emotions and feelings, their way of being in control is controlling other people. You also get submissives with this, although they react differently, wanting to give control up to another person, and be punished due to poor self esteem. People with this condition are known as BPDs. Often, they are hypervigilant, and as a result, something inconsequential may have happened, which to anyone else would be meaningless, but which triggers a reaction in them.

It's more common than you probably realise. As someone else has in their signature... don't have a stable full of partners, have a partner who is stable (or something like it).

Joe

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