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Reality of BDSM porn and fantasy - 5/28/2010 7:40:26 AM   
SocratesNot


Posts: 812
Joined: 5/17/2010
Status: offline 		Most of people here despise any elements of BDSM that are somehow connected to things depicted in BDSM porn and fiction.
Many people also think that things depicted in BDSM porn and fiction have nothing in common with real life relationships which contain BDSM.
There are terms such as "fantasy land of internet BDSM porn" or "wanking stuff" etc.

I mostly agree with such viewpoint. We must draw a line between fantasy and reality.

However, there are some things about fantasy which are real:

Fantasy is really produced and sold. Demand for fantasy is real and quite high.
Fantasy really occupies significant part of mind of many people.
They really spend some time (or even a lot of time) fantasizing.
Fantasy scenes really cause them arousal and many really masturbate and orgasm while fantasizing.

After all said I have some questions:
Why is fantasy sometimes very extreme and in this case people would never do what they are fantasizing about in RL, but still, they are aroused by such fantasy?
How does this attraction to extreme and unsafe stuff which is depicted in fantasy influence their real life relationship?
If someone fantasize about bad and abusive Dom or Domme, what are the chances of him / her really ending up in such relationship?
What is the thing in someone's mind that cause him to be turned on by extremely unhealthy and destructive things, even if only in fantasy?
I understand that such people would never actually do this, but they still fantasize and still get turned on. What is the part of us that makes us aroused by some
really fucked up shit? I think this is not what THEY do. This is what WE do. All of us are sometimes turned on by the things which, if they became reality,
would have really bad consequences.
Can presence of such fantasies really have bad effect on our relationships.
I mean the more you pursue satisfaction of these dark fantasies the more risky, unhealthy and dangerous relationship can be.
However,
the less you pursue satisfaction of such dark fantasies, the more boring, empty and unsatisfying relationship can be.

How to be wise in such things?



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RE: Reality of BDSM porn and fantasy - 5/28/2010 7:44:31 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
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Status: offline 		Pulling your head out of your ass would be a good start.

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RE: Reality of BDSM porn and fantasy - 5/28/2010 7:50:11 AM   
peppermint


Posts: 5170
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From: Montana
Status: offline 		Any one of your questions could make a research paper.  However, i am certainly not going to do the research necessary to answer.  You may, or may not be able to interest someone in the psychology department of some university to tackle them. 

My own personal answer to your question is, "I have no idea." 

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RE: Reality of BDSM porn and fantasy - 5/28/2010 7:51:20 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		I believe it would be best for you to get out of being wrapped up in the cliches and fantasies of BDSM and then you wouldn't be making posts like this.

the.dark.

< Message edited by RCdc -- 5/28/2010 7:52:10 AM >

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RE: Reality of BDSM porn and fantasy - 5/28/2010 8:00:42 AM   
MarcEsadrian


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SocratesNot

Why is fantasy sometimes very extreme and in this case people would never do what they are fantasizing about in RL, but still, they are aroused by such fantasy?

It's human nature to imagine what we cannot have, should not have or will not experience, yet desire in some way.


quote:

ORIGINAL: SocratesNot
How does this attraction to extreme and unsafe stuff which is depicted in fantasy influence their real life relationship?


Such questions are laden with value judgments, and relative to each person. What is extreme and unsafe? This series of questions you bring to the threads is vast and complicated, and shifts with each personal opinion and taste. It's difficult attempting to organize this subject until you get more specific.


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RE: Reality of BDSM porn and fantasy - 5/28/2010 8:08:45 AM   
SocratesNot


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quote:

What is extreme and unsafe?


Castration, amputation, cannibalism, extremely prolonged chastity (longer than a year without pauses), being kept in cage for long periods of time, total isolation from the outside world, micromanagement in TPE (TPE and IE is not unsafe of itself, but if micromanagement becomes extreme, in that case it can be), extreme psychological humiliation (being told over and over that you are worthless or being forced to say things such as "I am worthless" I am a poor excuse for person. I don't exist), consumation of shit (actually swallowing it), being human ashtray, etc. Such stuff.

< Message edited by SocratesNot -- 5/28/2010 8:10:00 AM >

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Amicus Plato, sed magis amica veritas. - Aristotle
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RE: Reality of BDSM porn and fantasy - 5/28/2010 8:11:07 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
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Status: offline 		What is extreme
 
 
Silly posters!

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RE: Reality of BDSM porn and fantasy - 5/28/2010 8:15:24 AM   
Whiplashsmile4


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quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint
Any one of your questions could make a research paper. 

I was think the very same thing when reading the Opening Post for this thread.



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RE: Reality of BDSM porn and fantasy - 5/28/2010 8:20:14 AM   
caelestis


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SocratesNot

being human ashtray


See, here is a perfect point as to what I think some people have been trying to say to you. I don't find this to be extreme at all, this can be quite a passive activity, and an incredibly caring and devoted gesture in my mind. All this... is subjective. Based on personal opinions most people form after spending time actually involved in bdsm activities. A lot of the others are much too extreme for me, but at the same time some of the things I do on a regular basis would be too extreme for some people.

I've been poking around your threads for a while no and it seems that you do a lot of talking and assuming, but not much listening.




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RE: Reality of BDSM porn and fantasy - 5/28/2010 8:28:13 AM   
SocratesNot


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Status: offline 		OK, this human ashtray thing isn't that important to the topic discussed. Maybe this isn't extreme. But still people fantasize about extreme things, such as amputation, shit, castration, total isolation, etc.

Some even fantasize about being used as sexual slaves in sense that they must have sex with whoever their Master decides, including people of the same sex. even if they are not homosexual.


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Amicus Plato, sed magis amica veritas. - Aristotle
Plato is my friend, but truth is a better friend. - Aristotle

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RE: Reality of BDSM porn and fantasy - 5/28/2010 8:30:12 AM   
SimplyMichael


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SocratesNot

OK, this human ashtray thing isn't that important to the topic discussed. Maybe this isn't extreme. But still people fantasize about extreme things, such as amputation, shit, castration, total isolation, etc.

Some even fantasize about being used as sexual slaves in sense that they must have sex with whoever their Master decides, including people of the same sex. even if they are not homosexual.



Kid, if you think that is extreme, I don't recomend you ever watch me play.

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RE: Reality of BDSM porn and fantasy - 5/28/2010 8:30:29 AM   
SocratesNot


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Joined: 5/17/2010
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quote:

being human ashtray


Cigarettes are unhealthy when smoked, probably even more so if consumed. Ashes are not a healthy meal.


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Amicus Plato, sed magis amica veritas. - Aristotle
Plato is my friend, but truth is a better friend. - Aristotle

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RE: Reality of BDSM porn and fantasy - 5/28/2010 8:32:07 AM   
VaguelyCurious


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SocratesNot

Some even fantasize about being used as sexual slaves in sense that they must have sex with whoever their Master decides, including people of the same sex. even if they are not homosexual.

Good god.

Look, SN. I know people that do this. There are people on this board that do this.

You really, really, really really need to stop judging other people's relationships and get laid.


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RE: Reality of BDSM porn and fantasy - 5/28/2010 8:33:00 AM   
SocratesNot


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Joined: 5/17/2010
Status: offline
quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: SocratesNot

OK, this human ashtray thing isn't that important to the topic discussed. Maybe this isn't extreme. But still people fantasize about extreme things, such as amputation, shit, castration, total isolation, etc.

Some even fantasize about being used as sexual slaves in sense that they must have sex with whoever their Master decides, including people of the same sex. even if they are not homosexual.



Kid, if you think that is extreme, I don't recomend you ever watch me play.


I'll take your advice. I also recommend others not to watch you play.


_____________________________

Amicus Plato, sed magis amica veritas. - Aristotle
Plato is my friend, but truth is a better friend. - Aristotle

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RE: Reality of BDSM porn and fantasy - 5/28/2010 8:34:33 AM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SocratesNot
quote:

What is extreme and unsafe?

Castration, amputation, cannibalism, extremely prolonged chastity (longer than a year without pauses), being kept in cage for long periods of time, total isolation from the outside world, micromanagement in TPE (TPE and IE is not unsafe of itself, but if micromanagement becomes extreme, in that case it can be), extreme psychological humiliation (being told over and over that you are worthless or being forced to say things such as "I am worthless" I am a poor excuse for person. I don't exist), consumation of shit (actually swallowing it), being human ashtray, etc. Such stuff.


I myself think/feel that Castration, Amputation and cannibalism is extreme. Sincerely, not everybody is drawn to these kinds of activities in fantasy either.

However in regards to Micromanagment in TPE being unsafe, how do you figure?

Also some people actually choose to live in isolation from the outside world just to feel and actually be safer (ironic thought).

Chastity for a year, while extreme is not unsafe.

Some people that are into extreme psychological humiliation, well it's about like shooting them with a nerf ball gun. Some people are mentally much more stronger than you think. It's very hard to truely hurt a mental/emotional masochist, while they might get off on the humilation, they are enjoying it and it does not collapse their ego one damn bit. (ironic I know).

The consumation of shit, yeah.. I think that's rather extreme in my own book.

Being human ashtray, does not indicate one way or another about getting burned. Some people just like to be ashed upon or ash upon another. Not to mention smoke being blown about. You can also caress the skin with the tip of a smoke without touching the skin, sensation temp play. Sure, some people like to burn or be burned. This ain't too different from being branded. Burning somebody in the eye ball, ain't safe or sane in my book, a burn to the arm or leg or back, that ain't as bad. All depends upon how long it's held for. People using heat to brand or mark somebody, have to know more less what the fuck they are doing. There are different degree of burns you know. So yeah, location and degree of burn.

Nearly any activitity can be taken to an extreme. Some activitities that sound extreme, ain't always the case.

If you are really interested in knowing more, tackle these issues according to activities instead of lumping them all together.

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RE: Reality of BDSM porn and fantasy - 5/28/2010 8:35:50 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		I agree... as a matter of fact, you have changed my mind. I have seem the LIGHT!

Lets you and I band together and try and rid these poos bastards of their sickness!


Domiguy and chicagosub4u are going to be very sad to find out they are no longer  2 of the 3 normal people here.

I can live with that.

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RE: Reality of BDSM porn and fantasy - 5/28/2010 8:36:16 AM   
SocratesNot


Posts: 812
Joined: 5/17/2010
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quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: SocratesNot

Some even fantasize about being used as sexual slaves in sense that they must have sex with whoever their Master decides, including people of the same sex. even if they are not homosexual.

Good god.

Look, SN. I know people that do this. There are people on this board that do this.

You really, really, really really need to stop judging other people's relationships and get laid.


It's not judging. It's just stating the fact. I don't think they are evil because they do it. I just stated the fact.

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Amicus Plato, sed magis amica veritas. - Aristotle
Plato is my friend, but truth is a better friend. - Aristotle

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RE: Reality of BDSM porn and fantasy - 5/28/2010 8:36:26 AM   
caelestis


Posts: 195
Joined: 9/6/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SocratesNot

OK, this human ashtray thing isn't that important to the topic discussed. Maybe this isn't extreme. But still people fantasize about extreme things, such as amputation, shit, castration, total isolation, etc.


If it wasn't important or you now don't see it as extreme, why was it brought up in the first place? The intensity of the scene is also decided by the people involved. I've seen a few variations going from as simple as catching ashes in their hands, or actually having cigarettes put out on them. Each time everyone has fully consented and in the latter, was fully prepared for any accidents and made sure that after care was thoroughly provided. Beautiful scene.
quote:

ORIGINAL: SocratesNot
Some even fantasize about being used as sexual slaves in sense that they must have sex with whoever their Master decides, including people of the same sex. even if they are not homosexual.


I've met people who do this too. See, fantasy only applies to those who don't act it out. In each and every case there are people who actually do so, whether its considered extreme to some or not, and that is my point.

The extremity of any activity is dictated by the people involved in it.

_____________________________

"We are a fountain of shimmering contradictions, most of us. Beautiful in the concept, if we're lucky, but frequently tedious or regrettable as we flesh ourselves out."
— Gregory Maguire



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RE: Reality of BDSM porn and fantasy - 5/28/2010 8:38:10 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		Come to me and I shall heal you. Even if it takes weeks I shall not give up!

And if perhaps, you need this evil beaten out of you, I am good with that too.

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RE: Reality of BDSM porn and fantasy - 5/28/2010 8:39:37 AM   
BitaTruble


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quote:

Some even fantasize about being used as sexual slaves in sense that they must have sex with whoever their Master decides, including people of the same sex. even if they are not homosexual.


And some don't fantasize about such a thing but actually partake in it. It's okay if you want to take that to reality. You may find that it's incredibly hot and suits you well. Let me know when it's over if the reality was as good as your fantasy. Sometimes it is, sometimes it's better, sometimes it sucks.

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He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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