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RE: How to feel more submissive - 6/8/2010 3:14:18 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
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~FR~

i find that being submissive is a feeling in me that gets stronger and weaker by itself at times and other times it might depend on how strong my Husband's lead is.

As He can 'inspire' me to be more and deeper submissive, so i can 'inspire' Him to be more and stronger dominant

Besides our own 'cycles' we can manipulate eachother too

(in reply to wandernwonder)

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RE: How to feel more submissive - 6/8/2010 1:33:37 PM

cassandria

Posts: 86
Joined: 6/6/2010
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If your understood dynamic is that of Dominant and submissive, then I would request that he give you some time, and that you take a deep breath and start talking. It's unfair to need from him, what he isn't aware is needed. (meaning more, stronger, more aggressive etc).

~~~~

Having said that..

1) If you love the man, and you love how things are going with him, think carefully of what this relationship is to you, of value. The grass may be greener on the other side, but it still has to be mowed..

2) I completely believe in the idea of "If you desire a man to be more dominant, be more feminine"

3) It could be that what you already know, you bring out in the open. And accept that you are blessed in ways that matter. Or, that you choose to keep it to yourself, and struggle through it on your own. Sometimes it's a hard choice. But you already know how you feel.

I don't know how to "make" myself feel more submissive, if my reactions towards someone simply aren't that way. I know which qualities cause that to light up within me, and I choose to wait until I find that. I'm not walking in your shoes. Only you are..

wishing you happiness *hugs*

< Message edited by cassandria -- 6/8/2010 1:35:56 PM >

(in reply to ranja)

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RE: How to feel more submissive - 6/8/2010 5:10:00 PM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SocratesNot

In the simplest language possible, all of my arguing on this thread serves only one purpose:

I want to tell the OP that I think that she should be very happy because she found a caring and loving person to submit to, and that it would not be wise for her to try find some jerk or asshole instead.

Cherish what you have! It may be even better than something that you don't have.
Even if you can find a more satisfying partner, after you lose your current partner, you risk being alone or finding some asshole.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

This reminds me of my mothers words when I told her I was leaving my husband

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(in reply to SocratesNot)

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RE: How to feel more submissive - 6/16/2010 8:01:04 PM

wandernwonder

Posts: 5
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An update, after some consideration, I think I've finally put my finger on the root of the issue. It's not that he's not dominant "enough", or that I'm not submissive "enough", or there is a lack of chemistry, or that I'm comparing him to the past. I believe it all boils down to him being rather hard to read at times, and not indicating how he views the relationship. Are we friends with kinky benefits, Dom/sub, or something in between? I suppose I find it difficult to truely get into subspace and the letting go that goes with it, when I'm not really sure how he views me.

A different can of worms entirely that what I thought was the initial issue, and yes, I know, one that can only be addressed by him.

Now, if anybody has a good idea of how to ask A Dom just how into you he is, without sounding pushy and whiny, well, please, do share.

(in reply to allthatjaz)

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RE: How to feel more submissive - 6/17/2010 2:04:12 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
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This is difficult...
maybe you are closed to him too...

Will you take the risk and give him your trust and your all and will you let go without absolute proof from him that he thinks you are 'the one'... and maybe convince him that you are by offering it all up to him... or maybe opening yourself up for deep hurt if he is not impressed and walks away

Or will you continue to hold back until you feel safe... and can he ever make you feel safe enough?... sometimes the more time passes the more difficult it becomes to open up

It seems to me that rather than finding a way to have him tell you that you are safe you have to decide if you really want this man and take the risk or not

ETA alternatively you can ask him for a ring and see what he comes up with...

< Message edited by ranja -- 6/17/2010 2:06:09 AM >

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RE: How to feel more submissive - 6/17/2010 2:23:35 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: wandernwonder

An update, after some consideration, I think I've finally put my finger on the root of the issue. It's not that he's not dominant "enough", or that I'm not submissive "enough", or there is a lack of chemistry, or that I'm comparing him to the past. I believe it all boils down to him being rather hard to read at times, and not indicating how he views the relationship. Are we friends with kinky benefits, Dom/sub, or something in between? I suppose I find it difficult to truely get into subspace and the letting go that goes with it, when I'm not really sure how he views me.

A different can of worms entirely that what I thought was the initial issue, and yes, I know, one that can only be addressed by him.

Now, if anybody has a good idea of how to ask A Dom just how into you he is, without sounding pushy and whiny, well, please, do share.

if he's with you, fucks you, enjoys youre company - then he's into you - or am i over simplifying things again.

so..... id take a deep breath, try to stop over thinking all of this and just enjoy being with him. it might just be that he isnt into all of the protocol and whoha of Ds and Ms. maybe he just likes the natural ebb and flow of youre chemistry together. maybe you need to stop thinking and start feeling for those moments when he asks for something and expects it from you. looks for compliance in those small every day moments that might otherwise seem quite normal to you. maybe the dynamic is ticking along quite well already and youre expectation of more is youre issue and not his. as his sub the onus is on you to follow his lead in how he wants things to be. why not spend an amount of time just noticing those little moments that arent so big or noisy and maybe more subtle and natural between you.

one of the hardest things i found was to stop myself from thinking 'but i want it to be this, i want him to do that, i wish he'd respond to me this way' in the end they are leading the relationship and if we just settle down and accept that it does get easier. in the end its handing youreself over to his direction and that sometimes takes a bit of time to get the hang of.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to wandernwonder)

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Post #: 66

RE: How to feel more submissive - 6/17/2010 2:27:13 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: wandernwonder

An update, after some consideration, I think I've finally put my finger on the root of the issue. It's not that he's not dominant "enough", or that I'm not submissive "enough", or there is a lack of chemistry, or that I'm comparing him to the past. I believe it all boils down to him being rather hard to read at times, and not indicating how he views the relationship. Are we friends with kinky benefits, Dom/sub, or something in between? I suppose I find it difficult to truely get into subspace and the letting go that goes with it, when I'm not really sure how he views me.

A different can of worms entirely that what I thought was the initial issue, and yes, I know, one that can only be addressed by him.

Now, if anybody has a good idea of how to ask A Dom just how into you he is, without sounding pushy and whiny, well, please, do share.

Tell him. Talk to him. Yes, it's difficult, but the only way to know the answer is to ask him. Being a Dom isn't the issue, being a man in a relationship with you is.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to wandernwonder)

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Post #: 67

RE: How to feel more submissive - 6/17/2010 5:10:20 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Talk to him. Tell him what you've told us. "I can't really submit to you because I don't know how you view the relationship. Are we just fwbs? Because I bottom to, but don't submit to play partners. I need a stronger relationship. What do you need and how do you feel about us?"

It isn't pushy to ask for clear communication. If he says you're being pushy instead of answering openly, then I would think you have your answer. That he thinks of you as a booty call but won't tell you honestly because he knows you would walk if you knew the truth.

Beyond that, how does he treat you? Does he call just to talk to you, to hear your voice? Or only when he wants play?

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RE: How to feel more submissive - 6/17/2010 5:49:16 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
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quote:

My question is how can I feel more submissive?

no clue.
submissive is something this slave IS and DOES...not something she FEELS.

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RE: How to feel more submissive - 6/21/2010 10:19:43 PM

SirsJewel

Posts: 696
Joined: 3/23/2010
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i often do not feel submissive enough and guilt myself after seeing Master,coulda,woulda,shoulda,stuff. Then it dawns on me He's in charge. So i wait to grow as we go. But i also work hard in other areas,looks,needs checked out,small things i know He likes etc.Some of it is compatibilty,some of it trust and time,so don;t be so hard on yourself if you are happy and content overall~ jewels

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God grant me the serenity to accept people for who they are and not whom i wish they could be ~ jewels

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