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Job Applications? - 6/2/2010 11:20:43 AM

tappin

Posts: 5
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline

Don't you feel like looking for Doms/Dommes is like looking for a job? I don't know if others get this feeling, but when I look for dommes I do feel like that. As I read their profile, it reminds me of a job offer. "I am looking for an obedient slave, who would pleasure me and obey my every command. He must be 20+ and is willing to try new things." - that sounds like a job offer and then a sub sends his CV, something like "Hello Mistress. I am a young and handsome slave, who would please you any time you want. I have 4 years experience in BDSM and have tried CBT, Anal, Fireplay, crossdressing..."

Do you feel like that too? Does it bother you or not? or do you think it's normal?

Post #: 1

RE: Job Applications? - 6/2/2010 11:27:13 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Nope, because I don't approach it like that and I don't react positively to profiles that are so detailed and stringent.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to tappin)

Post #: 2

RE: Job Applications? - 6/2/2010 11:30:45 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I find it less stressful than looking for work. There are more suitable women than suitable jobs. And I enjoy talking in a noncorporate setting.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 3

RE: Job Applications? - 6/2/2010 11:34:34 AM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

There is a certain list-making side to looking for a dominant/submissive - because you have to find out if you are compatible in certain areas that matter to you. If they aren't there, then the rest is just a waste of time, but i wouldn't go so far as to say that i would send out lists of requirements. Its more likely i would attempt to tactfully ask a question in such a way as to get the response i need to make an informed decision.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 4

RE: Job Applications? - 6/2/2010 11:40:14 AM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

tappin,

quote:

Do you feel like that too? Does it bother you or not? or do you think it's normal?

In all honesty I prefer to cut to the chase. I appreciate a direct approach instead of the scenic roundabout that some employ. I won't play twenty questions or undergo a makeshift interview. Open expressions of interest that are well articulated will garner my attention much quicker than cloaked chit chat ever could.

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to tappin)

Post #: 5

RE: Job Applications? - 6/2/2010 12:58:27 PM

jbcurious

Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

My profile is mostly vanilla with strong hints of what I am... as regards to a check list I'm not experienced enough to have a clear cut idea of what I want...but I am open minded enough to know that if approached the right way there aren't many things I wouldn't be willing to explore.

Since my main interest is in a LTR I'm looking for the Dominant man more so then the Dom. Any one approaching me as a sub rather then as a woman gets a strong hint that I won't respond to that...if it continues the conversation ends.

I'm more then a list of kinks and the person I'm looking for will be as well.

_____________________________

'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'

I have an explosive personality...

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 6

RE: Job Applications? - 6/2/2010 1:19:45 PM

kitastrophe33

Posts: 85
Joined: 9/3/2007
Status: offline

Amen, sister. And going one step further, I had incredible luck once I focused on finding a compatible man rather than a compatible checklist. I started paying attention to how the men around me made me feel. And there was one that just being around him brought about the "eager to please" feeling and the urge to submit to him. It's been two years now, and he's got me doing things I never would have checked the "yes" box for, but with him it's different...sexy in an unexpected way.

But to the OP, yeah, I can see how you get this feeling, but don't feel like that's the best or only way to approach it. :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious

My profile is mostly vanilla with strong hints of what I am... as regards to a check list I'm not experienced enough to have a clear cut idea of what I want...but I am open minded enough to know that if approached the right way there aren't many things I wouldn't be willing to explore.

Since my main interest is in a LTR I'm looking for the Dominant man more so then the Dom. Any one approaching me as a sub rather then as a woman gets a strong hint that I won't respond to that...if it continues the conversation ends.

I'm more then a list of kinks and the person I'm looking for will be as well.

Edited because I can't type sometimes.

< Message edited by kitastrophe33 -- 6/2/2010 1:21:19 PM >

(in reply to jbcurious)

Post #: 7

RE: Job Applications? - 6/2/2010 1:35:34 PM

MarcEsadrian

Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tappin

Don't you feel like looking for Doms/Dommes is like looking for a job? I don't know if others get this feeling, but when I look for dommes I do feel like that. As I read their profile, it reminds me of a job offer. "I am looking for an obedient slave, who would pleasure me and obey my every command. He must be 20+ and is willing to try new things." - that sounds like a job offer and then a sub sends his CV, something like "Hello Mistress. I am a young and handsome slave, who would please you any time you want. I have 4 years experience in BDSM and have tried CBT, Anal, Fireplay, crossdressing..."

Do you feel like that too? Does it bother you or not? or do you think it's normal?

For me, it's understandable, considering the fact most of us are strangers looking for other strangers within a profile directory. When you add on to that the inevitable tomfoolery of the quasi-illiterate or insincere, it's easy to see why profiles sometimes strike a very rigid, business-like tone; several hoops need to be jumped through first for the would-be servant—namely, fitting the criteria important to the dominant individual. And of course the same can be said of what is important to the submissive, in turn. Long, flowery prose afraid of getting to the point tends to glaze the eye.

On the other hand, I do understand the overall gist you're getting at. I often see the distillation of essences into a laundry list of fetishes and X years of experience. For me, that is close to worthless information, and when displayed so prominently up front on a profile it can send the wrong message entirely. I always found short and sweet and simply stated—but illuminatingly so—more intriguing. A brief but elegant and honest description of doctrine and what is sought is more impressive. Provide some key points of back story and some general warnings / rules about contact, and things work fairly well.

For those seeking to serve (particularly the submissive male variety), starting off the first line of communication with a "Hello Mistress. I am a young and handsome slave, who would love to..." isn't the most optimized approach. Word to the wise.

_____________________________

Omnes una manet nox

Founder, Humbled Females

(in reply to tappin)

Post #: 8

RE: Job Applications? - 6/2/2010 1:54:35 PM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

From the dominant end of the spectrum, on my part, I'm not much of a one to waste time, so I tend to be pretty clear about what will and won't work for me. I also think that it is really important for someone considering being a part of my demesne to know what to expect, so I think it's worthwhile to let people know what will be expected, and what won't be considered. From that perspective, it very well may seem like a job interview -- but frankly, almost any online-type 'dating/matching' system seems like that to me.

Most of our servants haven't come from someplace like CM -- in fact, we've only had ONE serious servant who stayed with us for a while who came through online connections. The rest have come about through being introduced by friends, being part of other groups or activities we were involved in, or through meeting one or more of us at an event. Those relationships often progress much differently, since we usually start with conversations on common ground, or the individual is introduced by someone who already has a good handle on our household and our various personalities. Those situations come out a lot less like 'job interviews'.

That disparity is one reason that I much prefer meeting and getting to know people through face-to-face communication rather than through a 'funneling' service, and it's one reason that I participate here pretty much only for the discussion boards. *chuckles*

Calla

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to tappin)

Post #: 9

RE: Job Applications? - 6/2/2010 6:14:09 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

Within any online dating situation, BDSM or vanilla, one needs to start somewhere and that somewhere is often a description of what they are looking for in a partner. When you take to the very basics, after all, the first thing that is needed is some common interests, right?

Many here lists their vanilla interests, others their kink interests, some a little of both. No matter how you slice it, it is always in some way going to be a laundry list of what the person is looking for in a mate. That will be true on any kind of "dating" type of site.

However, there are those on this site (and other BDSM oriented sites) of the dominant variety who make it seem like a job interview by going so far as to saying they are accepting "applications" or some other such nonsense without listing anything that they bring to the table. I assume a good many of those types of profiles are not answered often by those seriously seeking a relationship.

The bottom line is that it can be difficult to find a partner, kink or vanilla. When I was looking, I steered away of the profiles that came off sounding too business like, as I felt they weren't looking for the same kind of relationship as I was. But I also stayed away from those who wrote all flowery prose and poetry, because I was not looking for that either.

So for the profiles that make you feel so much like you would be applying for a job, skip them and respond to the profiles that "speak" to you in a way more suitable to what you want.

(in reply to tappin)

Post #: 10

RE: Job Applications? - 6/2/2010 7:24:11 PM

marie2

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline

I think having a set of personal standards is a good thing, but I happen to think that a stringent list of criteria is an ignorant approach.

When it comes to forming relationships, I think it's more important to just be yourself, rather than trying to sell yourself.

The application process doesn't work for me at all. And I'm just as turned off by a dom who tries to impress with a laundry list of talents, endowments, toys, skills, experience etc. It's like looking at a pile of bricks that builds a wall behind which the actual person is hiding. I need to see who the man is; attitude, demeanor, sense of humor etc. I don't give a fuck about whether or not he can throw a whip and blah blah blah.

I can't imagine that most of these people who use the "job application" approach are having much luck. But who knows....maybe it works for some people.

(in reply to tappin)

Post #: 11

RE: Job Applications? - 6/2/2010 7:58:41 PM

Pyramus

Posts: 397
Joined: 5/14/2010
Status: offline

And like any job application - you are on your best behavior - at least initially!

(in reply to marie2)

Post #: 12

RE: Job Applications? - 6/2/2010 8:24:09 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

It's already been touched on here, but my biggest interest was on the person's overall character. You can't get that from an application.

From his side of things, his key interest was the same - to get to know my heart, what moves me, my outlook on life, etc. Through lots of basic human conversation, we grew to realize our compatibility and desire for each other.

An application type of approach would be way too detached and cold for me.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to tappin)

Post #: 13

RE: Job Applications? - 6/2/2010 10:27:18 PM

reynardfox

Posts: 417
Joined: 9/8/2009
Status: offline

You have no concept of wooing or seduction whatsoever, have you?
What a dull, soulless mechanical point of view.
Herself tells me she would rather read the fine print on the back of a parking ticket.

< Message edited by reynardfox -- 6/2/2010 10:28:20 PM >

(in reply to tappin)

Post #: 14

RE: Job Applications? - 6/3/2010 12:37:03 AM

Whiplashsmile4

Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline

I'm not seeking job applications nor looking for somebody so I'm not concerned with it.

_____________________________

Жизнь ума ебет.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

(in reply to tappin)

Post #: 15

RE: Job Applications? - 6/3/2010 1:12:59 AM

monzetsu

Posts: 6
Joined: 5/25/2010
From: Auburn
Status: offline

I rather work here doing that then putting out resumes. Tough job market, tons of BDSM lovers, growing by the day.

Looking for work is stressful when you're about to go broke lol.

(in reply to Whiplashsmile4)

Post #: 16

RE: Job Applications? - 6/3/2010 5:34:54 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

i think its reaching that point of balance between needs within a BDSM Ds or Ms and finding a compatible partner - theres absolutely no point getting all wound up over someone who isnt into what youre into, but then theres no point in finding someone compabible with youre BDSM Ds Ms needs if you dont get on otherwise. so in a way these people are trying to avoid the whole thing of going so far down the track, getting attached and then finding a glaring disparity.

when i was looking i did check out the lists, i read their profiles and i read between the lines - from that i was able to work out if we had enough BDSMy stuff compatible - as well as Ds Ms compabible.

just see it as weeding out the incompatibles before getting to that point of 'ouch' when incompatibility rears up and knocks it all arseways.

i got heavily into someone once who was only into bondage - bondage on that level bores me stupid - having to stand for ages while they rig you up and still waiting for the fuzzies to kick in - shrug - not my thang - some bondage with lots of other things going on, yes - but bondage on its own, not so much.

its a process that can seem a bit sterile ill agree, but it saves alot of time and trouble too.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to monzetsu)

Post #: 17

RE: Job Applications? - 6/3/2010 5:40:45 AM

Whiplashsmile4

Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline

Pondering for a moment about Job applications verses Oral interviews.

_____________________________

Жизнь ума ебет.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

(in reply to tappin)

Post #: 18

RE: Job Applications? - 6/3/2010 6:25:26 AM

UniqueRaven

Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

i often feel like i'm "interviewing" when speaking with potential Owners - but then, in a way, i'm interviewing them too.

i am a slave by vocation - it is more than just a relationship to me, it is my identity, like a nun (only naughtier). So in that regard it's difficult for me to separate the service and pleasure-based aspects of my "self" from the relationship aspects. And then men that i speak with are the same - they want a loving primary relationship, yes, but they also have a "space" in their lives, and in their homes, that needs to be filled with my service to him.

Complicated, yes. But fun. Not for everyone, but it is very fulfilling for me.

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to tappin)

Post #: 19

RE: Job Applications? - 6/3/2010 6:27:21 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

I am going to nee to see your tits, before you get called for a second interview.

If that goes well, I will send to to HR to fill out your tax forms.

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to UniqueRaven)

Post #: 20

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