quote:

ORIGINAL: kuppykake
I can understand a slave doing such when looking fr a Dom/me.  I suppose a slave should show that person why they would be worthy, but I see what you are saying...it is rather ironic.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

quote:

ORIGINAL: kuppykake
I can understand a slave doing such when looking fr a Dom/me.  I suppose a slave should show that person why they would be worthy, but I see what you are saying...it is rather ironic.

I have this mental image of somebody down on their hands and knees begging "I'm not worthy" just to prove how worthy they really are. :-/

quote:

ORIGINAL: kuppykake

I suppose a slave should show that person why they would be worthy...

quote:

i often feel like i'm "interviewing" when speaking with potential Owners - but then, in a way, i'm interviewing them too.

quote:

i am a slave by vocation

quote:

Complicated, yes.  But fun.  Not for everyone, but it is very fulfilling for me. 

quote:

I suppose a slave should show that person why they would be worthy, but I see what you are saying...it is rather ironic.

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

UniqueRaven,

quote:

i often feel like i'm "interviewing" when speaking with potential Owners - but then, in a way, i'm interviewing them too.

You are and the same holds true on their end as well. What gets a little iffy is how this plays out and I've seen varying approaches. For some, the deck is neatly stacked in their favor. They ask a lot and reveal far less which can give the feeling one is being interviewed. When I encounter that my response will be largely dependent on how it unfolds. If he dances around his interest and is neatly filling in the blanks while we speak I'll probably get irritated in all honesty. I think there must be a balance as you said but I won't waste my time. At some point we must cut to the chase and be honest with ourselves and the other person.

quote:

quote:

i am a slave by vocation

I'm simply a slave. Living as another person's property is going to impact my identity a great deal. I will change and so will he. I have no compartmentalization. I'm not a service, sexual, or domestic slave. I'm merely his. What I've come to learn over the years is that much of that goes out the window when you're in the right hands. Some situations emphasize certain aspects over others but all reflect a common theme - my willing deference to the dominant.

quote:

quote:

Complicated, yes.  But fun.  Not for everyone, but it is very fulfilling for me. 

As time wears on I find myself drawn to people that take me outside of my comfort zone. Not merely for the challenge or the stretching that ensues, but truthfully my unwillingness to develop relationships that present slavery on my terms instead of his.

quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven

You know, i contend that at some point a slave has to make that mental shift that it isn't all about him/her - and it's about the Owner, not the slave.  The slave's journey is fed by the Owner's journey - not the other way around.

Without that shift, it just isn't going to happen. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian



For me, it's understandable, considering the fact most of us are strangers looking for other strangers within a profile directory. When you add on to that the inevitable tomfoolery of the quasi-illiterate or insincere, it's easy to see why profiles sometimes strike a very rigid, business-like tone; several hoops need to be jumped through first for the would-be servant—namely, fitting the criteria important to the dominant individual. And of course the same can be said of what is important to the submissive, in turn. Long, flowery prose afraid of getting to the point tends to glaze the eye.

On the other hand, I do understand the overall gist you're getting at. I often see the distillation of essences into a laundry list of fetishes and X years of experience. For me, that is close to worthless information, and when displayed so prominently up front on a profile it can send the wrong message entirely. I always found short and sweet and simply stated—but illuminatingly so—more intriguing. A brief but elegant and honest description of doctrine and what is sought is more impressive. Provide some key points of back story and some general warnings / rules about contact, and things work fairly well.

For those seeking to serve (particularly the submissive male variety), starting off the first line of communication with a "Hello Mistress. I am a young and handsome slave, who would love to..." isn't the most optimized approach. Word to the wise.

quote:

i think this really is a matter of individual composition - for me, it is necessary to have that mental engagement with Him on many levels - however it is engagement firmly deferred to the will of a Man - it is being engaged with his will, if that makes sense.

quote:

i think i have gained a lot of compartmentalization over the years - especially in my previous long term Ownership - but for me it has been healthy, because i can quickly and easily identify exactly how my Owner is seeking my response to a need, and engage on that level - simply, without complication.

quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven

You know, i contend that at some point a slave has to make that mental shift that it isn't all about him/her - and it's about the Owner, not the slave.

quote:


The slave's journey is fed by the Owner's journey - not the other way around.

quote:


Without that shift, it just isn't going to happen. 

quote:

I'm sitting here reflecting to a few years back, I had responded to a girl with a slave profile, we exchanged a few messages and then went voice. I asked her why she was or wanted to be a slave. Her answer was because she wanted somebody to take care of her. Interview over for me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

UniqueRaven,

quote:

i think i have gained a lot of compartmentalization over the years - especially in my previous long term Ownership - but for me it has been healthy, because i can quickly and easily identify exactly how my Owner is seeking my response to a need, and engage on that level - simply, without complication.

In essence you're adding layers rather than removing them?

quote:

In my relationship, it is about "us".  Without that balance, it doesn't work.  It is his preference as well as mine.  Us as a unit, us as a relationship, comes first.  His needs are met within that, as is my drive to serve him.

quote:

We are journeying together and feed each other on it.

quote:

Without the shift from "me" to "us", I agree.   But it's not all about him any more than it is all about me.  It's all about us.  We focus on each other, on our overall goals together, and on forming one bond together.

quote:

ORIGINAL: tappin

Don't you feel like looking for Doms/Dommes is like looking for a job? I don't know if others get this feeling, but when I look for dommes I do feel like that. As I read their profile, it reminds me of a job offer. "I am looking for an obedient slave, who would pleasure me and obey my every command. He must be 20+ and is willing to try new things." - that sounds like a job offer and then a sub sends his CV, something like "Hello Mistress. I am a young and handsome slave, who would please you any time you want. I have 4 years experience in BDSM and have tried CBT, Anal, Fireplay, crossdressing..."

Do you feel like that too? Does it bother you or not? or do you think it's normal?

quote:

No - breaking them down, discarding the superfluous and making them simple and easily accessible.

quote:

For me, if i'm not aware of what the "layers" actually are, they have no utility in service.

quote:

Some are useful, some are not - and that ultimate determination is up to my future Owner, of course, which right now is a grey area.  So at this stage it is more about being ready than anything else.

quote:

The key is in the awareness and the processing of the "stuff" - which if i am reading you right, you are referring to as "layers."

quote:

it doesn't take much to get to the core of my soul.