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RE: What do YOU consider to be vanilla or kinky? - 6/3/2010 5:21:47 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Anything I do is normal (to me) and therefore vanilla. Anything that I won't do is kinky.

Snarky answer but with a lot of truth. I have no hangups about my sexuality. So I don't view it as evil or nasty or perverted or any of the other labels people like to use with pride. It's just what works for me. And I don't really think him telling me to get a chocolate ice cream, not a fruit one is kinky even though it is a clear example of him making a decision and me following it.


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(in reply to Andalusite)
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RE: What do YOU consider to be vanilla or kinky? - 6/3/2010 5:37:01 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Vanilla is whatever I do. Kinky is what all of you weirdo's and freaks do

OK, more seriously, at least in BDSM circles, I consider "kinky" to be bondage, sadism, and masochism... what I collectively call "whips & chains"... which, when you think of it, gets right back to my first answer.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to MissAsylum)
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RE: What do YOU consider to be vanilla or kinky? - 6/3/2010 5:41:30 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		Jeff, I think that's much more reasonable than someone calling me "vanilla" when I've had cane welts and bruises that lasted for 2 weeks, or was suspended 15' in the air. In any case, I figure whatever definition someone comes up with for themselves and the people they are involved with is fine. I only object if they attempt to impose it on me against my will.

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: What do YOU consider to be vanilla or kinky? - 6/3/2010 5:55:46 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Oh I don't know Andalusite. I gotta remember back to that "Spinal Tap Play" thread. I have to assume that those folks would think of mere canes as vanilla. I mean seriously, if you're not paralyzed in the hospital afterwards, can you really think of it as edge play?

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: What do YOU consider to be vanilla or kinky? - 6/3/2010 6:05:49 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		The people who were calling me vanilla weren't even necessarily into S/M at all. It wasn't that they felt I wasn't playing hard enough, rather, like LA, they feel that people who aren't in an explicit power exchange dynamic are all vanilla. Generally, I don't think of myself as a very heavy masochist or extreme edge player. I've dipped my toe into some of the edgier things, like electrical play, fireplay, breathplay, and such, but only on the lighter side. Anyway, the bottom line is, I don't feel they have any more right to call me "vanilla" against my will than to call me "slut" or "cunt" or "doormat" without having at least a play dynamic in place.

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RE: What do YOU consider to be vanilla or kinky? - 6/3/2010 6:13:29 PM   
MadameMarque


Posts: 1128
Joined: 3/19/2005
Status: offline 		I tend to use the term "kinky," - or more commonly, I prefer "perverse" ^.^ - loosely. But your post brings up the good point that those terms are relative and subjective.

Wherever terms are relative, people will tend to care where they land, on the scale, - in this case, either afraid they are, or hoping to be, more kinky, most kinky, least kinky.

It's difficult to dissuade people from thinking it's a contest, when I've heard some who are leaders of the BDSM/leather community refer to those whose kinks are considered less extreme as, "the lowest common denominator." But in fact, a person simply living their personal pleasure and way of love, without concern for how it appears or compares, from outside of the experience, ~ that is, a person simply living their pesonal pleasure, their way of love, is a pure art, is "poetry, itself."

To me, "kinky" is a very general term for practical use, to draw the attention of those who are interested in some such, and ward away those who wish to avoid it.


"If his love is to be called perverse, then let it be so, for maybe love is too great to be normal, too intense to be sane."
- from commentary on the film, Gekko no Sasayaki aka Moonlight Whispers
http://imdb.com/title/tt0208178/usercomments

(in reply to MissAsylum)
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RE: What do YOU consider to be vanilla or kinky? - 6/3/2010 9:25:01 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

Hmm I don't think anyone is vanilla, I think kink is whatever a person finds a little or a lot unusual, you set your own parameters and definition.



i agree with Lilly.  Sort of.

"Kinky" and "vanilla" are both relative terms.  There is no absolute definition of either word.  They're moving targets.  Everybody is both kinky and vanilla.

Even the most conservative 1950's couple probably had their kinky moments where they had sex on the floor (gasp!) instead of in the bed.  To them, that may have been "kinky". 

Most people eventually try to add some spice to their love life. Otherwise the sex gets stale.  While their idea of "spice" may be conservative in comparison to ours, it is nevertheless "kinky" to them.  To one person, tying them up may be considered to be "kinky".  To another, oral sex may be "kinky".  To somebody else, doggy style may seem "kinky".  It's all relative.

So "kinky" is essentially anything that is a bit more risque than the norm.  But of course, the "norm" will be located in a different place for each individual.

Personally, in my profile, i state that i am rather vanilla in my kink.  That's how i see myself.  Yet, i have worshiped my Domme's ass while standing in line at Walmart, been kept in forced chastity for months at a time, participated in "watersports", been in polyamorous relationships, been beaten, tied up, electrocuted, cut, spanked, slapped, kicked, and taken with a strap-on.  So obviously, my definition of vanilla is a little different than my grandmother's. 

BTW LadyAsylum, i think you should ask your boyfriend how most of his friends and family members would label him if they knew that he is into BDSM in the bedroom, he is in a relationship with a pro-Domme, and that he recently went to a BDSM munch.  i'll bet none of them would label him as "vanilla". 

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: What do YOU consider to be vanilla or kinky? - 6/3/2010 9:43:06 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		My best friend thinks my parents are kinky because they used to have sex 6-7 times a day, though that slowed down when they entered their 70's to only once a day. They are now 79. I have a "don't ask, don't tell" attitude toward it all now.

I met someone from here today for an early supper. It was the first time we'd met face-to-face so I told him I would look like a dumpy, middle-aged grandma because it was my secret disguise. Am I kinky? I don't know. I know I'm less a masochist than I am a submissive but I still enjoy ropes and floggers and canes and other fun stuff because they offer me a chance to submit my will to another's pleasure. Is that kinky? Maybe. Or maybe it's something different that I don't have a name for. I just know my friends have decided that I'm the "kinky" one in our group and ask my advice on "interesting" sex toys.

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"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

(in reply to Rochsub2009)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: What do YOU consider to be vanilla or kinky? - 6/3/2010 9:45:10 PM   
femasoslave


Posts: 472
Joined: 5/24/2009
Status: offline 		Ok.....this is my opinion....vanilla is straight sex, whatever position.....kinky is when one wants to experiment, whether it be tying up, blindfolding whatever.
For years i was in the vanilla world, in vanilla relationships and others thought i was kinky because i wanted MORE than just sex.

I dont think that BDSM should be labeled, we either want it as a lifestyle or we dont, it all depends on the person at the time.

BDSM means Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism......thats it.....and everyone can have different degrees of all of that.......ie:
sadism and masochism......a Master may get off on only spanking, that doesnt mean he is less of a sadist than a Master who gets off on making a subby bleed.


(in reply to MissAsylum)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: What do YOU consider to be vanilla or kinky? - 6/3/2010 10:16:16 PM   
lucylucy


Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline 		Master describes me as "kinky as hell," and I take it as a compliment.

My marriage was vanilla. When I say that, I mean that my rape fantasties were safely locked away in my mind and my husband had NO CLUE. My fantasies of being beaten with a belt were locked away. My fantasies of being overwhelmed by a man who could simply see right through me and control me by his sheer force of presence were locked away. I (now) assume that there were fantasies my husband had that I had no clue about.

When I flip through Glamour or any other mainstream women's magazine at the hair salon and I see articles like "how to drive your guy crazy in bed" that suggest running an ice cube along his thigh like it's the craziest, raciest thing in the world, I think, "Vanilla." The ice cube isn't necessarily vanilla, but that attitude about it being crazy racy is.

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

(in reply to femasoslave)
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RE: What do YOU consider to be vanilla or kinky? - 6/3/2010 10:50:34 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		People continue to be consumed with the the need to label everything. Nothing is black and white; especially about relationships, sex, BDSM....all of it. Kinky, vanilla, whatever floats your boat is fine with me.

I do understand that on sites like these people find it necessary to categorize certain behaviors to ascertain commonality. And then there are those who just like to question and hear answers.

It's all good as long as no one is getting upset. :)

(in reply to lucylucy)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: What do YOU consider to be vanilla or kinky? - 6/4/2010 6:38:15 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum

in a previous post, somebody asked me why i consider my boyfriend to be vanilla when he had attended a BDSM event with me and is dating a Lifestyle and Professional Domme.

My boyfriend feels that he is vanilla because he is only interested in BDSM in a sexual aspect and not as a lifestyle choice from his point of view.


What is your personal opinion on what makes a person to be vanilla or what makes a person kinky?


All the world is non kinky (vanilla/mundane) except thee am me and I am not sure about thee...


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to MissAsylum)
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RE: What do YOU consider to be vanilla or kinky? - 6/4/2010 7:40:00 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Honey, you're talking to somebody who, on many occasions in her life has had someone look at one of the more <cough> inspirational toys and asked, "Is that going to hurt?".


When they ask you that tell them "only when it hurts"


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"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: What do YOU consider to be vanilla or kinky? - 6/4/2010 7:47:38 AM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		thishereboi, actually, a lot of the scary toys can be used quite lightly and sensually, and if I'm in subspace, it often doesn't feel like pain per se at all, more a lick of heat over my skin, followed by a glow radiating out from that point. Sometimes it can be used hard enough to really hurt, or lands on bone or wraps accidentally, but my experiences with canes, singletails, fireplay, electrical play, dragon tongues, etc. have been generally yummy. The only one that went badly was needles, but it was the position I was in that caused the problem, not pain, and I'm fine with them now. I've been hurt worse by an intense hand spanking with no warmup than any of the above.

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 6/4/2010 7:49:11 AM >

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RE: What do YOU consider to be vanilla or kinky? - 6/4/2010 9:57:26 AM   
Blankpain


Posts: 127
Joined: 5/20/2010
Status: offline 		Vanilla is boring. Kinky is not.

(in reply to UniqueRaven)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: What do YOU consider to be vanilla or kinky? - 6/4/2010 10:12:09 AM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Blankpain

Vanilla is boring. Kinky is not.


White socks are boring.  But they look kinda kinky on you. 

(in reply to Blankpain)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: What do YOU consider to be vanilla or kinky? - 6/4/2010 11:37:12 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		Answer the question without all the BS. "What do YOU consider to be vanilla or kinky" ummmm Me

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

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We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

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RE: What do YOU consider to be vanilla or kinky? - 6/4/2010 12:07:14 PM   
MissAsylum


Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline 		well i'd say a great deal of his friends know about it, even his brother who is the same age as me- and they ALL think he is rediculously involved in bdsm. he is friends with my ex girlfriend(who consequently- i was "too freaky" for her *rolls eyes*) and she thinks we are the greatest pairing because we can be pervy together. and many people who arent really involved in the lifestyle but have a basic understanding of it, have asked him why he doesnt identify as kinky. go figure. whatever works for you(as long as you arent hurting somebody to the point of life and death)- i'm all for it.

(in reply to Rochsub2009)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: What do YOU consider to be vanilla or kinky? - 6/4/2010 1:52:12 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		If you MA, and I were to enjoy a cup of coffee or tea together, that would probably be classed as vanilla/mundane. Now were I whilst enjoying the beverage in your delightful company, imagined you naked except a pair of mid thigh leather boots with 6 inch stiletto heals; that may for some be kinky but for me that would be erotic. To continue, if whilst you were dressed like that, you were to be involved in CBT on a male sub/slave suspended naked whom you had just beaten, I would say your were kinky as I would be for imagining that. Of course if whilst all this was happening, I was enjoying sex with you, I'd say we were both kinky and erotic.  My point is that often enough there is a fine line between kinkiness and eroticism so that one person's kink is another's eroticism.

I'll return you imagined naked body to you and thank you for loaning it to my imagination.


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to MissAsylum)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: What do YOU consider to be vanilla or kinky? - 6/4/2010 2:48:22 PM   
MissAsylum


Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline 		you make a good point. a very pervy point- but a good point none the less. lol

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 60
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