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Dom learning - 6/3/2010 1:08:33 PM   
Casperhere


Posts: 5
Joined: 6/3/2010
Status: offline 		Hello
I am new to the BDSM scene. I am looking to learn how to be a better dom. I live in Calgary. I would like some one on one training. I am not looking to be dominated myself. I am looking to learn by watching. I am looking for serious replies only. Thank you,
Casper
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Dom learning - 6/3/2010 1:13:47 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Why not join your local BDSM community?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Casperhere)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Dom learning - 6/3/2010 1:22:58 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		The only leadership schools Im aware of are the military.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Dom learning - 6/3/2010 1:25:15 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		LadyPact is right, that is the best way. Get out, meet your local kinksters, go to a munch(just a dinner at a restaurant), they should be able to direct you to local parties or clubs where you can observe and talk to other folks who would be willing to "show you the ropes" so to speak.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Dom learning - 6/3/2010 1:42:30 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		This might be a good place to start...

Calgary munches, events and gatherings

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Casperhere)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Dom learning - 6/3/2010 1:49:08 PM   
Casperhere


Posts: 5
Joined: 6/3/2010
Status: offline 		Thank you greatly.
Casper

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Dom learning - 6/3/2010 2:45:16 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		You're welcome. Just an FYI, when I put "Calgary" into the search box on there it came back with 42 related groups and over 2,000 kinksters who are from that area. You may want to do that and see if there is anything that better suits you as I'm not familiar at all with the area.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Casperhere)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Dom learning - 6/3/2010 2:47:04 PM   
Casperhere


Posts: 5
Joined: 6/3/2010
Status: offline 		I appreciate that. I am a little apprehensive but eager to learn.

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Dom learning - 6/3/2010 2:56:14 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Well seriously, once you find a group and you have your first munch or party behind you, you will wonder why you were ever apprehensive in the first place. Everyone pretty much goes through it though.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Casperhere)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Dom learning - 6/3/2010 3:24:22 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

The only leadership schools Im aware of are the military.


Except that he expressly stated that he wasn't looking to be dominated, himself....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Dom learning - 6/3/2010 3:27:16 PM   
Casperhere


Posts: 5
Joined: 6/3/2010
Status: offline 		Correct. I have no interest in joining the military.
I took the comment by Sailing Bum to be meant to be funny.

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Dom learning - 6/3/2010 3:40:14 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Casperhere

Hello
I am new to the BDSM scene. I am looking to learn how to be a better dom. I live in Calgary. I would like some one on one training. I am not looking to be dominated myself. I am looking to learn by watching. I am looking for serious replies only. Thank you,
Casper

I think one of the problems you're gonna find is that there are many things in life that simply can't be taught or learnt.

Learning to be Dominant is akin to "learning" to be hetero (or gay), for eg.... Can't be done; you is or you isn't - end of story. OK, you're asking about being a *better* dom. But what does that mean? You mean technique, such as tying knots or using floggers etc? Because if you mean about D/s dynamics; of presentation; of setting standards and behavioural parameters etc, the only place you can learn that is with and from a *submissive*.

Mostly what you'll learn from observing others is a few tricks and snappy lines that hit your individual buttons. Now your own submissive, even a first day newbie, is a whole other level of "teacher". THAT'S when D/s makes sense, that's what inspires and feeds your hunger to be "better". Go get yourself a girl....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to Casperhere)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Dom learning - 6/3/2010 3:43:24 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Casperhere

I took the comment by Sailing Bum to be meant to be funny.

Lol, you really are new here....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to Casperhere)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Dom learning - 6/3/2010 3:51:19 PM   
Casperhere


Posts: 5
Joined: 6/3/2010
Status: offline 		Great advice. I appreciate it. I was more concerned with the technique. She wanted to be flogged in a way that does not leave any sign that she had been flogged as she is married. I am not sure that this is possible. I will have to learn by trial and error.
Once again, I appreciate the advice and the pep talk.

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Dom learning - 6/3/2010 5:11:34 PM   
afkarr


Posts: 328
Joined: 1/13/2010
Status: offline 		http://www.seekers.org.uk/sitemap.htm#tech

The above links tot he D/s seekers uk site techniques section, may be helpful. There are also discussion groups on every kinky/BDSM topic under the sun and then some at fetlife.

(in reply to Casperhere)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Dom learning - 6/3/2010 5:26:10 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		There are a lot of things you can do that will leave no or minimal markings, but it's hard to guarantee that you won't mark her. Bondage (unless done very tightly), hoods, nipple play, violet wands, mouth play (gags, clamps on the tongue), hand spanking (unless done very hard) and certain types of floggers such as bunny fur or hair extensions don't tend to bruise or otherwise leave any visible signs. There are probably classes in your area, both on topping (technique) and ideas and tools you can use to improve or develop a D/s or M/s dynamic. If she is married and cheating, I think you'd do better to try to find a different partner, rather than share in her dishonesty. My femsub playpartner is married, but I have met her husband a few times, and we stay within the boundaries that he has expressed. He has no problem with it if I happen to leave marks on her.

Some of the books here may be useful to you, and "Two Knotty Boys" and some other S/M and bondage experts have short how-to video clips up.

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 6/3/2010 5:30:53 PM >

(in reply to afkarr)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Dom learning - 6/3/2010 6:17:12 PM   
Pyramus


Posts: 397
Joined: 5/14/2010
Status: offline 		I think the munches and dungeons are great ideas. Out here there are SOJ classes which you might be able to find way out there.

(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Dom learning - 6/3/2010 7:11:51 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		I think SOJ (Society of Janus) is based only in the SF Bay Area, but there are probably similar groups in Calgary. If you check out their calendar, they mention events from other groups and locations as well.

(in reply to Pyramus)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Dom learning - 6/3/2010 7:16:43 PM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50


quote:

ORIGINAL: Casperhere

Hello
I am new to the BDSM scene. I am looking to learn how to be a better dom. I live in Calgary. I would like some one on one training. I am not looking to be dominated myself. I am looking to learn by watching. I am looking for serious replies only. Thank you,
Casper

I think one of the problems you're gonna find is that there are many things in life that simply can't be taught or learnt.

Learning to be Dominant is akin to "learning" to be hetero (or gay), for eg.... Can't be done; you is or you isn't - end of story. OK, you're asking about being a *better* dom. But what does that mean? You mean technique, such as tying knots or using floggers etc? Because if you mean about D/s dynamics; of presentation; of setting standards and behavioural parameters etc, the only place you can learn that is with and from a *submissive*.

Mostly what you'll learn from observing others is a few tricks and snappy lines that hit your individual buttons. Now your own submissive, even a first day newbie, is a whole other level of "teacher". THAT'S when D/s makes sense, that's what inspires and feeds your hunger to be "better". Go get yourself a girl....

Focus.



after a failed relationship or two you'll either learn or not, during this the best you can hope for is not to fuck the poor girl/s up too much

and there ought to be a law no one should be allowed to learn to be a dom before thirty



< Message edited by osf -- 6/3/2010 7:18:32 PM >

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Dom learning - 6/3/2010 8:33:23 PM   
DreamyLadySnow


Posts: 359
Joined: 1/23/2005
Status: offline 		Caspherhere, there are several active groups in cgy, including play parties, munches and workshops.
If you go to FetLife, there are a couple forums dedicated to Stampede City. You should be able to meet up with lots of locals.

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 20
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