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Why is it distant Dom's always insist on giving... - 6/4/2010 8:51:27 AM   
Hisasset


Posts: 1
Joined: 5/17/2010
Status: offline 		i have a distant Dom, i understand that distance is an issue. Punishment must be handed out for offenses, misbehavior..but why is the punishment always borderline arrestable activity? There are things that i have been asked to do that i could honestly go to jail for if the wrong person saw, or was offended.

Can someone give me some insight, as i am told, "you do it because i said so" when i ask.
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RE: Why is it distant Dom's always insist on giving... - 6/4/2010 8:54:53 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Oh. Well then your chosen master is an asshat. Choose more carefully next time.

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A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to Hisasset)
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RE: Why is it distant Dom's always insist on giving... - 6/4/2010 8:57:21 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		a dominant worth his salt would not knowingly put you in the position of risking life, limb or liberty.

I echo Blushy.. the dude is an asshat.

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Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
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(in reply to xxblushesxx)
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RE: Why is it distant Dom's always insist on giving... - 6/4/2010 8:59:08 AM   
vincentcat


Posts: 16
Joined: 6/3/2010
Status: offline 		well to al doms the reasons are different, but I assume it's because lack of establishing rules and limits. But sometimes it's because long distance BDSM is kind of like a fantasy for doms, they don't know their limits because the idea turns them on too much to care. Like if he tells you to go outside, undress and hump a nearby tree, he just fantasize about it, because he can't see you and he is in the safety of his home, while you have to do the dangerous stuff.

(in reply to Hisasset)
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RE: Why is it distant Dom's always insist on giving... - 6/4/2010 8:59:30 AM   
switch2please


Posts: 494
Joined: 12/5/2008
Status: offline 		Let your Dom know that you're uncomfortable with being asked to do something that you could receive legal action for. It's irresponsible on his part to place his submissive in a potentially compromising situation. It might be advisable for your sake to clearly state illegal activity as a soft or a hard limit, depending on the extremity of your aversion. If he respects your limits as a Dom should, he'll find new ideas for punishment...possibly something legal you enjoy less!

If you've already spoken to him about this and were told "you do it because I said so"......he probably doesn't have your best interests at heart. Sorry.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
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RE: Why is it distant Dom's always insist on giving... - 6/4/2010 9:09:19 AM   
Syrox


Posts: 260
Joined: 5/13/2010
Status: offline 		I could never possibly consider asking someone to do something that endangers them in any way.  the number one concern for me is my partner's safety and could never endanger that for a single moment.

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RE: Why is it distant Dom's always insist on giving... - 6/4/2010 9:52:49 AM   
lucylucy


Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hisasset
but why is the punishment always borderline arrestable activity? There are things that i have been asked to do that i could honestly go to jail for if the wrong person saw, or was offended.

Because your dom is an idiot with poor judgment.

If you do get arrested, will he come bail you out?

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

(in reply to Hisasset)
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RE: Why is it distant Dom's always insist on giving... - 6/4/2010 10:00:07 AM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Oh. Well then your chosen master is an asshat. Choose more carefully next time.

Oh my Goddess, i just love that word "asshat!" It sounds so funny, yet says so much!

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

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RE: Why is it distant Dom's always insist on giving... - 6/4/2010 10:04:24 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		Spell it out to him that you will not do stuff that will get you in trouble with the law/neighbours/family/work.

I think you may need to write it really big, using short words and sharp crayons or he's not going to get it.

But I'm with the rest - the dude is a fuckwit and needs a smack round the head with the shitty end of a clue-by-four.

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(in reply to Hisasset)
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RE: Why is it distant Dom's always insist on giving... - 6/4/2010 10:04:34 AM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hisasset

why is the punishment always borderline arrestable activity? There are things that i have been asked to do that i could honestly go to jail for if the wrong person saw, or was offended.

Can someone give me some insight, as i am told, "you do it because i said so" when i ask.


Because you chose to serve an idiot.  He is probably some 16 year old wanker who is masturbating to thoughts of you doing things that he never REALLY thought he'd be able to get anyone to do.

i guess the question that comes to my mind is "why do you obey him?"

The internet is full of horny idiots in the guise of "on-line Doms".  But they would simply go away if there weren't people who are gullible enough (or stupid enough) to submit to them and actually fulfill their wank fantasies.

Methinks thou shouldst reconsider whom thou dost submit to.

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 6/4/2010 10:05:22 AM >

(in reply to Hisasset)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Why is it distant Dom's always insist on giving... - 6/4/2010 10:49:07 AM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		Since you have never met this man, what makes you think that he is a Dominant?  Is it because he checked the Dom box on his profile?  Is it because he typed he was a Dom?  Is it because he tells you to do things you know you should not be doing?  Is it because his camming ability is tops? 

You have never met him.  Due to that you have NO idea if he is or is not a Dominant.  Even if he is a Dominant he is a stupid idiotic type.  Do you want to belong to a stupid idiotic Dom?   Since I really doubt this guy is a Dom, I have a feeling he is laughing and  jerking off every time you do something that could get you jailed.  Is he going to bail you out and help pay for your legal fees when you do get arrested?  Perhaps YOU should wise up and choose a Dom you can admire because he is a good person and makes you a better person. 

(in reply to Hisasset)
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RE: Why is it distant Dom's always insist on giving... - 6/4/2010 12:09:13 PM   
January


Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
Status: offline 		Hi asset,

Can you give us more information?

Is this an online relationship only? How long have you been together? Have you ever met him? What good things do YOU get out of this relationship? (i.e.. is your distant Dom called "Herasset"?).

Without knowing your situation, I do question a dynamic that purely punishment-based, unless you get a lot of pleasure out of it. If your relationship is distant, and all you get are his orders, and your failures and self-inflicted punishments--without the warm-body contact, (in my opinion), you are missing out on the real pluses of BDSM.


January


_____________________________

[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]




(in reply to Hisasset)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Why is it distant Dom's always insist on giving... - 6/4/2010 12:31:14 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline 		Hisasset,

quote:

Punishment must be handed out for offenses, misbehavior.


What are you doing to warrant correction? And what's arrestable?

quote:

There are things that i have been asked to do that i could honestly go to jail for if the wrong person saw, or was offended.


Which is impossible if it occurred in the privacy of your own home. So how public are we talking?

quote:

Can someone give me some insight, as i am told, "you do it because i said so" when i ask.


I took the liberty of looking at your profile. I'm going to be blunt. A woman of your age really shouldn't have this question. Seriously. You are knowingly engaging in activities you deem arrestable with a clear idea of the risk it involves at the behest of someone distant.

A better question should be why you're doing it and lopping the blame on someone miles away that probably won't bail you out if things unfold as suggested. Submission doesn't mean you lose your common sense or point the finger at the other person when you knowingly toss it aside.

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to Hisasset)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Why is it distant Dom's always insist on giving... - 6/4/2010 12:39:05 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		This isn't a good situation. You're the one who pays the price if you're caught, not him. What will you tell the law....he told me to do it? 'He' being someone who controls you....online? Do you see how silly that sounds? Do you have extra money laying around for a possible fine and time to spend in court or whatever? Can you afford to have the people in your community know about the games that you play with someone who tells you what to do on a computer? If you keep engaging in questionable activity there will be a time when you have to pay a price- that you haven't so far is luck. Luck runs out eventually.

The fact that you think you have to do these things because he 'says so' is nuts. Honestly you are 42, not 18. What do parents always tell their kids as a response to questionable judgement....would you jump off a cliff if your friends did it? The correct answer is no, you wouldn't jump off a cliff if your friends did it or told you to do it. You don't have to do what you are told if an activity is harmful to you. Stop putting yourself in a position where you are being told to do questionable or harmful things. Give yourself to someone that you can do what he says with a glad heart- there are plenty of other Doms out there that would have some common sense and have some respect for you. The key to being a successful submissive is finding a person who has your best interests at heart and who you can trust. Go find that man.

One more thing...the title of your thread suggests distant Doms subscribe to the idea of having their subs perform questionable activities. They don't as a group do this, however your 'Dom' does. It's really an isolated thing here, not a commonality. Don't presume that every Dom a certain number of miles from you is brainless. I've met some very wonderful Doms here on the boards that live far away from me and I know for a fact that they would not require me to do anything close to what you have described if I had a relationship with them.

(in reply to Hisasset)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Why is it distant Dom's always insist on giving... - 6/4/2010 12:44:28 PM   
heartcream


Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hisasset

i have a distant Dom, i understand that distance is an issue. Punishment must be handed out for offenses, misbehavior..but why is the punishment always borderline arrestable activity? There are things that i have been asked to do that i could honestly go to jail for if the wrong person saw, or was offended.

Can someone give me some insight, as i am told, "you do it because i said so" when i ask.


Punishment is an archaic thought form.

This guy also sounds like a jerk are you not picking up on this? Do you hate your self that much?

_____________________________

"Exaggerate the essential, leave the obvious vague." Vincent Van Gogh

I'd Rather Be With You

Every single line means something.
Jean-Michel Basquiat



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RE: Why is it distant Dom's always insist on giving... - 6/4/2010 12:46:56 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Mixed emotions o tis one....It all depends upon what is asked....Is it to kill the census worker? You might consider refraining.
If it is a blowjob down by the lake or to lift up your skirt and spread open your pussy....I guess it would all depend on where and who was around.


Without more info it really is kind of a dumb post.

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RE: Why is it distant Dom's always insist on giving... - 6/4/2010 12:52:10 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		What possible purpose can there be to trying to get yourself arrested? Your master is being an ass. Or else, maybe he's hoping you'll run into Domi, and see that there are real ChocoJesi out there that appreciate the gash.

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[page 23 girl]



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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Why is it distant Dom's always insist on giving... - 6/4/2010 12:54:08 PM   
subsfaith


Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hisasset
why is the punishment always borderline arrestable activity?


It isn't.  This isn't all distant doms... this is YOUR dom.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hisasset
There are things that i have been asked to do that i could honestly go to jail for if the wrong person saw, or was offended.


Did you do them?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hisasset
Can someone give me some insight, as i am told, "you do it because i said so" when I ask.


By definition a submissive does what is required/told/asked.  A dom doesn't need a reason, just a will or whim, and that doesn't make him an 'asshat'. 

If your definition of what a submissive does is different, like if you only want to submit when you know why you are doing x, y or z, make those conditions clear BEFORE you submit.  And to add to this, if you have things you are unwilling to do like committing certain arrestable offenses, that should have been made clear at the start or as soon as you were aware of them. 

Doing things for someone without knowing why happens every day all over the world.  A woman in a manufacturing plant can turn out millions of engine parts annually without knowing how an engine works, how it fits to together and lots of other engineering facts.  She is just doing her job.  Sometimes as a sub you might be required to just do your job.

The bottom line is you don't need to know in order to submit.  You might want to know, but that a different question.

(in reply to Hisasset)
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RE: Why is it distant Dom's always insist on giving... - 6/4/2010 12:55:51 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

Spell it out to him that you will not do stuff that will get you in trouble with the law/neighbours/family/work.

I think you may need to write it really big, using short words and sharp crayons or he's not going to get it.

But I'm with the rest - the dude is a fuckwit and needs a smack round the head with the shitty end of a clue-by-four.



LOL Agreed!

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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RE: Why is it distant Dom's always insist on giving... - 6/4/2010 1:00:54 PM   
GraciousLady


Posts: 529
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline 		After reading the OP's profile I think it is very likely we are dealing with a man.

(in reply to Hisasset)
Profile   Post #: 20
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