RE: If I knew then, what I know now

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LittleBroken -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/6/2010 6:43:44 AM)
If I knew then what I know now...... I wouldn't have accepted to invite to a Christmas party at a so called "friends" place. Accepting a (sic) locked guest room for the night and the product of that acceptance had lasting ramifications of merely getting past that one incident alone. It has became a catalyst and the first domino to fall that unleashed a chain reaction that swiftly unraveled a seemly secure and ideal fools paradise. Being owned is NOT absolute. Promises will and can be broken. Fear and horror CAN over come love and understanding. And lastly you can do and give your all and there will be NOTHING you can do to stop it. This is a cold reality and has little to do with bitterness.

ranja -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/6/2010 8:07:22 AM)
mistakes not so much, but i regret wasting so much time being quite unrealistic and wishing my Husband to be some sort of mind reader and total awesome superman lover who always does exactly what i want without me ever having to say anything... i really really value to have learnt how to ask for things nicely, instead of getting all sulky or demanding about it... however at times i still struggle with it... and if i could change anything... obviously i might change Him into a mind reading awesome superman lover... ... i think it is fortunate that i can not... it might bore me...

Andalusite -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/6/2010 10:32:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: reynardfox Once I was dumb enough to believe a girl who expressed a wish to be picked up by her tits. Well, you can't just reach out, grab, and lift! My former Master crossed his arms over my chest, cupping my breasts, and picked me up, when we were talking with people at a private playparty. I hooked my feet around his thighs to support some of my weight, and he cuddled me like that for 10 minutes or so before putting me down. He also held my bottom and slid me up his body until my cleavage was in his face, which we referred to as "picking me up by my ass." [:D]

Rochsub2009 -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/6/2010 11:46:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 I would have controlled my sub frenzy and waited for the "One". Being with people I didn't really click with just to experience the thrill has been a huge regret. Yeah, i think that most of us have had to learn that hard lesson. Both males and females.

lucylucy -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/6/2010 11:59:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: reynardfox The saddest mistake ever in our personal experience was when my nineteen year old son proved that men don't read profiles and wrote a long and very graphic plea for domination to his Mum. Teach him to stay local. We heard the scream from his room when she emailed him back. Oh, how mortifying! Poor guy. And now I have to reconsider one of my criticism of the movie Must Love Dogs. I always thought it was so stupid that the Diane Lane character wouldn't recognize her own father in a personal ad. Silly me. I stand corrected.

laurell3 -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/6/2010 8:07:43 PM)
LB, That's really hard, I'm sorry you are suffering. If it's any solace, I really don't think you're alone here. Everyone, thank you for sharing.

UniqueRaven -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/6/2010 8:51:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: laurell3 In the context of bdsm and D/s, it's easy to toss advice to someone that's new, but can you admit the mistakes you have made? Did you struggle with accepting this part of you and if so, how did you deal with that? Do you ever still struggle with it? What have you learned about yourself and others? Is there anything you would change if you could? What do you think is the most important learning experience you have had? i think the biggest mistake i made starting out was assuming that Doms/Masters were somehow better or more enlightened then men who don't identify as such. i think i honestly misled myself for a period of time into believing that i could just fling my basket of grief at my Master and he would "fix everything" for me as a slave - which simply isn't true. Individual reponsibility is a requirement for everyone in WIITWD, even slaves. i know some don't agree with this, but it's true. i also have undergone a change over the years to realize that a M/s relationship is about two people functioning together as a team - and my journey in life is fulfilled via the fulfillment of my Master's journey. He isn't a "tool" for my self-improvement - he's a Man with his own passions, thoughts, needs, desires, fantasies, flaws, strengths, weaknesses, emotions, needs - in short, he's a human being, just like me, and he needs me just as much as i need him.

IronBear -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/6/2010 9:25:14 PM)
Which beautiful lady (UR), is why one life motto I use and incidentally wrote is: "Do not take what I teach as Gospel, but as a working hypotheses until you prove it otherwise or find your own unique answers.. " It pays, I have found in life generally, to be upfront in what you know and more importantly what you don't know or have little experience in. Some of the best teachers have been slaves and subs.

LadyPact -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/6/2010 9:32:29 PM)
Fast Reply. It's not My norm, but I'm going to answer and then read the thread. If I knew then what I know now, I'm not especially sure that I would have collared My first. We really weren't suited for each other. Don't get Me wrong. I think of him very fondly. It's more a case in point of masochists not pairing well with someone who has no taste for sadism. (I didn't then. The fact that it appealed to Me years later doesn't count in My book.) Then, there's the sadism itself. I'll cop to the fact that I didn't really 'get it' at first. I slipped quietly out of the room during quite a few scenes that first year. I wasn't against it for others, but I sure didn't see Myself wanting to do it. Fast forward a bit, I actually had some struggle with accepting sadism for Myself. It took Me a bit to get over that 'nice people don't hurt other people' thing. I'd even go so far as to say there was some guilt mixed up in there. Luckily, I had enough background and education from folks involved in the lifestyle that I had an easier time of it than someone who might have been trying to reconcile those issues on their own. I would have done a better job at discussing My prior lifestyle experience with My husband. I certainly wouldn't change the way it turned out, but I still think I could have done a better job of it.

Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/6/2010 9:58:46 PM)
Looking back on life, if I only knew then the things I know now. Some of what LittleBroken resonates with me. Relationships are not absolutes, Promises will and can be broken, yeah.. fear and horror CAN prevail over love and understanding. Yes, lastly you can give something your all, give it everything you got, down to your very last breath and still there will be NOTHING you can do to stop it, or change things. Wish this was as simple as being about BDSM, D/s, or kink even. To be honest those experiences I would not change for the life of me. I think in hindsight in the here and now, It would have been better for me to have let go and walked away from certain things. Then again, there were certain things I did let go and walked away from, things that well... looking back I can see now were not exactly wise, knowing what I know now. But I was young and the world felt like I had a whole eternity ahead of me. Don't get me wrong, I've had some amazing experiences along the way in this thing called life. I really was not looking at things back then, with the knowledge that opportunities start to fade along with the years that pass.

Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/6/2010 10:07:03 PM)
I'm 44 now and I seriously question of my choices made in say the last 18 years of my life. Some choices themselves painful, however I did what I thought, felt and believed was the right thing to do. However, when I look back I wonder just how "right" or "wrong" I really was. There were situations where I had very little control over what the hell was going on. I'm not saying every day, or every year over the last 18 have been that way. There are just some moments when I had to cross over rivers, rivers to which there's no crossing back. Rubicon moments.

porcelaine -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/7/2010 12:12:20 AM)
If I knew then what I know now...... I wouldn't be where I am. I'd be somewhere else instead. The reflections would continue along with the lessons and mistakes. It's a part life. Looking back I can honestly say that if I knew then what I know now I would have missed out on some amazing experiences. Things that have altered the landscape of my life and heart in remarkable ways. So I'm glad I didn't. And because I didn't. I'm a better person in the long run. ~porcelaine

DesFIP -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/7/2010 5:21:48 AM)
Considering I was in my late forties before I entered into a d/s relationship, I had made all the wrong decisions prior to this. Before I started looking for a d/s relationship I had already had a fair bit of therapy. I never succumbed to sub frenzy. I've probably added more hard limits than I've removed. And my screening technique was stringent to say the least. Vanillas make all the same mistakes, that kinky people do. But I grew up in a gay beach community so I have never had sexual hang ups of any great extent.

hereyesruponyou -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/7/2010 4:50:16 PM)
Important to realize from the start for me would have been that "years of experience" does not necessarily translate into actual knowledge. When a moron is doing the same wrong things for a long time, they just get really good at doing those things... Definately I would have cut myself more slack in trying to fit into a mold of what i thought i should be, if that makes sense. I appreciate that my mistakes have made me into who i am, but i regret that i could have learned some of this information without hurting myself or someone else as much. As a dominant, I would say that I have truely learned that i needed to find how much i am willing to give of myself, my time, etc... and be very clear about it, but also to watch and see if the person on the other side is being realistic, or are they in a frenzy or infatuated into thinking it will change... My only real regret was doing the stupid thing of thinking someone who i was chatting with for a period of months was "safe" because they seemed nice and they were on the other side of the country. I proudly shared my company website, not thinking this gave the person a whole heck of alot of information that could be used to show up at my work unannounced when they were on the east coast for a trip (2 states away), and when things didn't work out, it gave them the chance to involve my boss and trash my reputation. The implications of the fact that they could have followed me from work to pick up my daughter ended up freaking me out and made me super cautious after that. In the end the one person you have to answer to at the end of each day is yourself.

mummyman321 -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/7/2010 7:07:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: laurell3 In the context of bdsm and D/s, it's easy to toss advice to someone that's new, but can you admit the mistakes you have made? Did you struggle with accepting this part of you and if so, how did you deal with that? Do you ever still struggle with it? What have you learned about yourself and others? Is there anything you would change if you could? What do you think is the most important learning experience you have had? Looking back over the past 20 years I have made plenty of mistakes. Would I change anything if I could. Not in a heartbeat! I am where I am at today because of th choices I made (good or bad). I truely think we learn from every decision we make. I am very happy where I am at and happy with all the decisions I made to get here. I just hope the next 20 years are just as much fun. I need to give credit to Miss Dominque, as she was my 3rd Mistress I had met in my journey. After every time we played she would set aside a time to talk and ask what I did not like, what I did like, and why I liked it. The first couple of times I was dumb founded that I knew I liked some of things but had no idea why! So as to the question what was one of the most important learning experiences, I would say learning to understand my own feelings and then being able to communicate those feelings to others.

zephyroftheNorth -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/8/2010 9:53:55 AM)
I wouldn't take profiles at face value and judge the Doms whose profiles I've read solely on their profiles before taking the time to get to know him. ETA: I haven't asked questions about their profiles that I should have. As I said, it's never a good idea to assume that someone's profile is the truth - or at least the whole truth.

LadySilver0523 -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/8/2010 10:33:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: laurell3 In the context of bdsm and D/s, it's easy to toss advice to someone that's new, but can you admit the mistakes you have made? Did you struggle with accepting this part of you and if so, how did you deal with that? Do you ever still struggle with it? What have you learned about yourself and others? Is there anything you would change if you could? What do you think is the most important learning experience you have had? (this is a list of possible discussion topics, not necessarily all inclusive, feel free to expound and as always, humor is welcome). Yes, I can and do admit the mistakes that I've made. It keeps me humble, open, and above all else; Honest. Yes, I did struggle with accepting this part of myself. Not because I tried to hide it, but because those that I chose to tell about it in my life did not accept it as part of me and tried to stear (sp??) me away from it. It's taken me four or five years to fully come to grips with it. But now that I have I wouldn't give it up for anything. It adds spice and color to my life that wasn't there before. It's broadened my horizons and my views on others as well as all other walks of life. It's opened me up in ways that I could discribe, but that are so beautiful and amazing that, at this present moment, words really do escape me... I believe the hardest thing that I've had to deal with in this lifestyle is the fakes, wanna-bes, and lossers out there that I've met. Not to mention the ones that give off the creepy vibes that you can feel from a million miles away that make you feel that you are in danger even in the sanctity of your own home. But yeah... Moving on.... As for what I've learned about myself and others... I'll start with others first; A lot! There's to much to sum it up. I've learned to appriciate every disability, every handicap, every truama, every life situation, every everything. Seriously. Every mental disability, everything. And I'm glad because it's made me a better person because of it. As for what I've learned of myself.... laughs wickedly Well... where shall I start? Hahaha.... Hmmm... I'm beautiful. I'm kinky. I'm senual. I'm smart. I'm outgoing and likeable. I'm social and also know when to be humble and quiet. Or, silent. Depending on what the situation calls for. I look hot in clothes or without them or anything in between. grins I look good with body pericings or without and I can pull off the shy, innocent, coy girl quite well. I'm multi-ligual and multitalented as well as a multi-tasker. I am a jack of all trades but a master of few. grins And I much enjoy learning as well as reading, writing, biology, genetics, ect. ect. ect. The list goes on. I dabble in every religion but do not practice black magick(s), bindings, (unless ABSOLUTELY necessary), and I do not dabble in vu-do because I don't feel it's personally necessary. When angry at someone to the utmost extream, I bless rather than curse because I believe that cursing doesn't do anyone any good and it doesn't help it only hinders. I'd rather heal than be the 'cause or root of only more ill will or "evil" as some would say. I am a healer. I am a traveler of the astral planes and I am, as far as I've been made aware, asseneded. (If you'd like to know more, you can look it up on line and read for yourself or you may e-mail me on here and ask anything you like. I will, as always, awnser your questions openly and with the utmost respect and honesty.) I have five best friends and about 30 others that I consider friends besides that as well as many many aquaintences besides. I enjoy staying in touch with those I love and care for and am good with computers as well as all other forms of tech. I love video games that make me think, I love movies from all different genres. I love to laugh and laugh hard and often, and not may people piss me off unless they're shallow ect. I am cultured and eloquent and can be very elegant. I look very nice dressed up and with a bit of makeup. I am very nuturing and kind and would make an excellent mother even though I've never before had a child of my own. (That will come soon enough.) And if I'm to old to have children of my own before it happens, I will either adopt or become a foster parent to older children that need a good home. smiles Yes, I love children and the world that much. I can't bear to see those that suffer out on the streets because I know what it's like to live that way... I am verbose and well spoken and can talk most under the table. But most don't get to see that side of me. ;) I have learned to be the very best submissive that I possibly can be, and I think that, if put in a room of Dominates, (either male or female) most would say that I have some of the very best qualities they've seen in a sub. As for a slaves persona, I'm still coming to grips with that, but don't mind the thought of giving myself to someone so completely as long as there is an agreement between the two of us and my boundries and limits are NEVER compromised. smiles Other than that, I've dabbled in what is known as the, "gorean" life style, but find that it's just a slave lifestyle to the extream. So, there you have it. My final words on this; First and foremost I have learned to come to understand that I am speical and unique in my own ways. I have much to offer those that choose to see me as a "paly mate", "friend", "partner", or otherwise. I love to discuss things openly and I love to meet new and interesting people. There is nothing that I would change as all that happens in life happens for a reason. Wheather it is to learn, change, grow, ect. :) My single most important learning experience was realizing that I didn't need to be a cyber slut to get the guys/girls' attentions. ;) You don't need to be either. :D Much love always, Silver

laurell3 -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/8/2010 11:04:31 AM)
No offense, ladysilver, but that red and pink and purple font thing, makes it incredibly difficult for me to read what you actually are typing. If it's possible, can you consider just using black for us visually impaired folk?

petmonkey -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/9/2010 2:25:54 AM)
i would have liked to know that there is as much to learn from happy, pleasurable experiences as there is from painful ones. i would have learned self-discipline first, before seeking discipline from others. i would have liked to know that wearing my big girl pants over my head was not, in fact, the proper way to wear them. i would have avoided "walking hard-on's" more and ignored maintaining certain outside friendships less. i would have rejected negativity-mongers more quickly. Fiddling around, wishing for them to not be what they were was a waste of time. i'd take that time back if i could. i have learned that not all the billions of people will, should or can like me nor will, should or can i like all the billions of them. This is alright. i didn't necessarily have trouble accepting what i was like and what i liked, i did have trouble conjuring the scenario that i could be that way and have a healthy, sane partner and therefore a healthy, sane relationship. i dealt and deal with this pre-conceived notion by treating it as just that and seeking-out what i sense as healthy relationship models (kinky and not) to observe and learn from.

sir1969 -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/9/2010 11:56:19 AM)
I spent too many years apologizing for or simply hiding who I am. Now at 41, I'm struggling to just simply be me. Thankfully I found my wife who loves the real me - still a struggle though.

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