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Boring Boyfriend... - 6/6/2010 1:17:23 AM   
spankthesub25


Posts: 2
Joined: 6/6/2010
Status: offline 		How do I tell my boyfirend to be more dominant and creative in the bedroom? I have been with him for three years and don't want to hurt his feelings!

I have already tried, pulling his hair, thrusting him deeper inside of me, biting his neck, going down on him while he watches his favorite TV shows, etc...

Please Help!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Boring Boyfriend... - 6/6/2010 1:34:34 AM   
KyttynTheMynx


Posts: 4880
Joined: 5/10/2006
From: Moosecrotch, Va
Status: offline 		Go search online for stories, or videos or whatever and ask him to view said items with you. Check out Amazon.com's book selection, get one you find interesting, read it, and then tell him you wanna read him something that interested you. Acting out the way you mentioned seems quite childish, and counterproductive to what you are trying to achieve.

In a relationship, you should be able to tell a partner what you want or are interested in, or curious about. You seem to not be taking advantage of that detail. You do know that it is ok to speak up, right?

_____________________________

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The next time you think I give a fuck, remember the 3 F's... Unless you are Feeding me, Financing me, or Fucking me, I don't give a fuck!!

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(in reply to spankthesub25)
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RE: Boring Boyfriend... - 6/6/2010 3:17:32 AM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		Well, i suppose if you can't talk to him about it, you could check some books out from the library on bdsm (it is possible even if you have to "special order" them), buy some, or print out some internet info on bdsm, and leave it where he could read it and possibly get interested. Don't know what else to say. Talking to him about it would be the most direct way though.''

~sweetsub~

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

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RE: Boring Boyfriend... - 6/6/2010 3:58:29 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		First off, have you tried telling him in plain English?

Second, you knew he was vanilla when you began with him.  He's had three years of feeling comfortable with vanilla sex.  Telling him that you want him to suddenly change to being a Dom will confuse him.

It's worth a try to convert him.  But I don't give it much hope.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Boring Boyfriend... - 6/6/2010 4:19:49 AM   
January


Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
Status: offline 		spank,

How is pulling his hair, and biting his neck, going to make him more Dominant? How are your actions in any way submissive?

It sounds like you just want wilder sex, rather than dominance. I would just talk to him. By talk, I actually mean: screaming, "harder!" during sex. Hotly begging for a swat during foreplay. That sort of thing. You do this during the heat of passion, when he's losing control as it is. Rough sex requires a different sort of seduction. And if you want him to continue the rough stuff, you'd be wise to make it clear (in words, in orgasms, in sighs) how much he fulfilled you.

And your desire to turn him into a more creative lover? That is a gradual thing--if it can be done at all. How can you make someone more creative? You can't. You just offer them freedom to experiment. Don't criticize, just enjoy, even if he makes mistakes... Creativity has to come from inside a man--at his own pace. Some people are not creative. But instead of expecting him to do the heavy creative lifting, why don't YOU be creative? Giving him a blow job while he's watching TV isn't creative. Why don't you try something to appeal to a fantasy of HIS (or of men in general), with role-play costumes and all, and see if he responds?

January

_____________________________

[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]




(in reply to spankthesub25)
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RE: Boring Boyfriend... - 6/6/2010 4:22:10 AM   
elleX


Posts: 161
Joined: 10/24/2009
Status: offline 		hello spank , i agree with DarkSteven here ,
that you  should be capable  for an open talk with him , and if you love each other ,it worth to try to open his mind,
but there might be real limits to the changes you hope to produce in him,,,,, he might not been interested at all,, no matter what you do.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Boring Boyfriend... - 6/6/2010 4:32:41 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: January

spank,

How is pulling his hair, and biting his neck, going to make him more Dominant? How are your actions in any way submissive?

.January


that hit me in the face a bit too

it is tricky - a while back i was with this guy who was a dominant vanilla -  but nothing ever happened other than he was just a strong dominant type - so one day i asked him if he had any kinky fantasies at all and maybe we could trade - so he went along with that and said that he had always liked the idea of golden showers and then i told him i liked being spanked.  he baulked a bit at the idea but was so keen for me to let him pee on me he went along with it.  it worked out well

try that.  but be prepared - he might come up with something you might not like the idea of -  i wasnt too keen on golden showers to be honest, but id made the offer and anyway i wanted to do it for him and i wanted to be spanked so it was a fair trade and we went from strength to strength after that.

but pick a horny moment when he's more likely to get into the swing of the exchanging sometimes quite embarrassing kinky fantasies - not something to ask while he's watching the footie or cleaning out the draines IMO

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to January)
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RE: Boring Boyfriend... - 6/6/2010 4:37:39 AM   
January


Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
Status: offline
quote:

i asked him if he had any kinky fantasies at all and maybe we could trade


Genius, lally! A kink barter system. I love it.

January

_____________________________

[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]




(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Boring Boyfriend... - 6/6/2010 4:53:52 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: January

quote:

i asked him if he had any kinky fantasies at all and maybe we could trade


Genius, lally! A kink barter system. I love it.

January


 - i have my devious, sneaky moments - and something such as this requires feminine guile i think

turning it into a serious chat will just turn it into something heavy and then this whole pressure thing occurs.

the codicil is that you have to be ready with a smile and an 'OK great' when he suggests he wants to roll you in butter and stick feathers up youre arse - avoid the whole 'Oh My God! you freako!' expression - also you have to be really encouraging, so if its spanking youre after and im guessing it is from youre handle there OP, dont lie there in an inanimate, awkward knot - be responsive and sexy about it - in other words encourage him.

of course he might want you to spank him - it could be anything, you really have to be ready for whatever he comes up with.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to January)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Boring Boyfriend... - 6/6/2010 7:18:02 AM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		when he wants to have sex, avoid it at all costs; when he asks you what the problem is, tell him that you're bored in the sack so it's just not worth your time anymore. that might light a fire under his ass, then again, it may not.

< Message edited by daddysliloneds -- 6/6/2010 7:19:46 AM >

(in reply to spankthesub25)
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RE: Boring Boyfriend... - 6/6/2010 8:33:07 AM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

when he wants to have sex, avoid it at all costs; when he asks you what the problem is, tell him that you're bored in the sack so it's just not worth your time anymore. that might light a fire under his ass, then again, it may not.

i never thought using sex as a bargaining chip was fair, no matter what it was for. If it was just because she's not interested anymore, i can see why she'd not do it, but if it's to "make a point" that's a bargaining chip. And how is that submissive?

~sweetsub~

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to daddysliloneds)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Boring Boyfriend... - 6/6/2010 9:41:46 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		How would you feel if he came to you and said you need to be more creative and not just want kink in the bedroom all the time? How do you think he should best approach that to make you most receptive to that change?

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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RE: Boring Boyfriend... - 6/6/2010 10:11:01 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Grins, nice LA. Great point.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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RE: Boring Boyfriend... - 6/6/2010 10:33:31 AM   
afkarr


Posts: 328
Joined: 1/13/2010
Status: offline 		Whatever you do, be prepared for the possibility that he just isn't interested in kink. In which case you have three options:
1. Settle for vanilla
2. End the relationship, and hope you find someone that you like as much and is kinky.
3. keep the nilla man, and find the kinky sex with someone else.

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Boring Boyfriend... - 6/7/2010 6:47:06 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		How about stop treating him like a blow up doll there to fulfill you? He deserves someone who thinks his style of lovemaking is absolutely wonderful. You obviously aren't her.

And in the future, try observing this rule of thumb: If you can't talk about sex with someone, then you shouldn't be having it.


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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Boring Boyfriend... - 6/7/2010 6:49:05 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		Not sure, but if you can't get him to turn off the tv during sex, I think you have bigger problems than him not being dominant enough.

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This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


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RE: Boring Boyfriend... - 6/7/2010 6:56:11 AM   
GraciousLady


Posts: 529
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline 		Talk to him. Comminication is important. If he isn't interested in being as kinky as you try a compromise. You must care for each other if you've been together for 3 years. It would be a shame to not be fully happy together.

(in reply to spankthesub25)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Boring Boyfriend... - 6/7/2010 10:10:43 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		You do not tell him.... you have to ask nicely and precisely... probably again and again and again (some men are a bit slow)

also you could give him control of your orgasms... ask him for permission if you want one...

(in reply to spankthesub25)
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RE: Boring Boyfriend... - 6/7/2010 10:17:36 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

How about stop treating him like a blow up doll there to fulfill you? He deserves someone who thinks his style of lovemaking is absolutely wonderful. You obviously aren't her.

And in the future, try observing this rule of thumb: If you can't talk about sex with someone, then you shouldn't be having it.



... some people get lazy in the bedroom department.... some people need a desperate shake up, there is nothing wrong with trying to find a way to have more 'interesting' sex and asking for advice

some people might be a bit stuck and find it very difficult to actually talk about sex... sometimes these people still do the deed though...
sometimes people can change things for the better by adjusting their attitude or reaction to situations without having to talk about the matter

Des i think your advice to this 1st time poster stinks

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Boring Boyfriend... - 6/7/2010 10:39:40 AM   
divi


Posts: 11109
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		Why not try discussing this with him ..
Tell him what you like.. Try porn and show him and be like why dont we try this or that. 

If that doesnt work .. kick his boring ass to the curb

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( imho )

I really could use a wish right now

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