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RE: Are pro dommes really dominant? - 6/6/2010 2:02:22 PM

LadyHibiscus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

American beer? Do I seem like some kind of a piker??

You're so near to being made an honorary Brit. Get to a dentist to crook up your teeth, and you'd be there!

We can pretend that I am a faux-royal and an afford the many years of orthodontia that I had.

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RE: Are pro dommes really dominant? - 6/6/2010 2:02:29 PM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyCimarron

I wonder if subs who go to professional Dommes are submissive in their personal lives?

*Chuckle* Good point.

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RE: Are pro dommes really dominant? - 6/6/2010 2:04:21 PM

GraciousLady

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ORIGINAL: submale4u2spank

From what I've seen, women that work as professional dominatrices often aren't dominant in their personal relationship. Is this accurate and if so why?

I'm sure they can be dominant, submissive, equal or, like most relationships, variable. They may not even be in this lifestyle personally. After all, it's their job, not what they may do at home. I know some may really get ruffled over my next statement but I do not consider pro's to be dominant at all. They do what their clients want. That's good business not dominance.

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RE: Are pro dommes really dominant? - 6/6/2010 2:07:10 PM

LadyHibiscus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GraciousLady

quote:

ORIGINAL: submale4u2spank

From what I've seen, women that work as professional dominatrices often aren't dominant in their personal relationship. Is this accurate and if so why?

I'm sure they can be dominant, submissive, equal or, like most relationships, variable. They may not even be in this lifestyle personally. After all, it's their job, not what they may do at home. I know some may really get ruffled over my next statement but I do not consider pro's to be dominant at all. They do what their clients want. That's good business not dominance.

You're perfectly correct, GL---Pro domination is the business of fantasy fulfillment. It CAN be as real as any non-business relationship, but by and large, they get what they pay for.

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RE: Are pro dommes really dominant? - 6/6/2010 2:20:41 PM

ElanSubdued

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Lady Hibiscus,

quote:

Since I don't drink American beer myself, Elan, you need not worry!! I'll take a Labatt's or Molson over our stuff any day! With the EXCEPTION of Sam Adams.

Well, well, well. Crooked teeth or not, I can see our British, subbie, six-pack is in fine hands. :-)

E.

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RE: Are pro dommes really dominant? - 6/6/2010 2:25:43 PM

MarcEsadrian

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quote:

ORIGINAL: submale4u2spank
From what I've seen, women that work as professional dominatrices often aren't dominant in their personal relationship. Is this accurate and if so why?

If it is accurate for those you've met, it could be any number of reasons. Topping for money can be simply for that; there is no promise beyond the ephemeral acts. There are many ex pros who will tell you the service orientation of the arrangement didn't sit well with them over time.

Melissa Febos articulates that fairly well in her book Whipsmart. She came to see much of the clientele as enacting a form of inverted misogyny, where she felt more humiliated than her clients in the end. A part of the "pro" gamut does fit that mold, and so it's not so surprising that some females who persist in being "pro" really aren't fulfilling the spirit of dominance much at all past the paycheck—and they couldn't care less.

On the other hand, those who think all pros are equal in caliber, motive or method are pretty naive. There are certainly Pro Dominas who are lifestyle as well, and have found the key to employment zen (doing what you love). It's a mistake to assume all professional domination is simply an indiscriminant "service", too. Some professionals are very choosy about who pays to be in their presence, and would find the idea that they really aren't dominant rather amusing. In short, the world is vast, as are the number of people in it. You'll be hard pressed to find any absolutes about personality types across the board in a profession like domination.

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RE: Are pro dommes really dominant? - 6/6/2010 2:52:42 PM

Rochsub2009

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Since we're talking American beer here, I think five pints would be more reasonable.

Hmmmmm, i'm not sure, but i think i should resent that remark.

-The Yankee Brewmeister

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RE: Are pro dommes really dominant? - 6/6/2010 4:51:30 PM

thishereboi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: submale4u2spank

From what I've seen, women that work as professional dominatrices often aren't dominant in their personal relationship. Is this accurate and if so why?

How many pro dommes do you actually know? Oh and I am talking about in real life, not online.

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RE: Are pro dommes really dominant? - 6/6/2010 4:56:33 PM

LadyHibiscus

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Oh cripes, REAL LIFE? Sheesh. Making it hard for him.

Good thing it's time for me to log off and watch my shows. THB, coffee this week?

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RE: Are pro dommes really dominant? - 6/6/2010 6:07:29 PM

PeonForHer

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Hmm. I've just been contemplating one of your earlier points, Lady Hib, and have concluded that you may have been talking bollocks. I do think it's possible for a sub to enjoy dominating - because, thinking back on it, I did, with those ex GFs who pressured me into topping. Simple, really - you get vicarious fun. I'd get 'her' to do whatever it was that *I'd* enjoy if I were in her position. The only trouble was that I'd become resentful, natch. However, I'd probably have been a tad less resentful if said ex GFs coughed up some money for my efforts.

< Message edited by PeonForHer -- 6/6/2010 6:09:21 PM >

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RE: Are pro dommes really dominant? - 6/6/2010 6:14:00 PM

MsAlisedeSade

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian

On the other hand, those who think all pros are equal in caliber, motive or method are pretty naive. There are certainly Pro Dominas who are lifestyle as well, and have found the key to employment zen (doing what you love). It's a mistake to assume all professional domination is simply an indiscriminant "service", too. Some professionals are very choosy about who pays to be in their presence, and would find the idea that they really aren't dominant rather amusing. In short, the world is vast, as are the number of people in it. You'll be hard pressed to find any absolutes about personality types across the board in a profession like domination.

I have to agree with you being one of the choosey ones. The money is an added bonus but I do not tolerate anymore as a professional than I do in my personal life. Once you cross my threshold there is one understanding to be had and that is that that domain is mine. I'm not anyone's puppet because they pay me and if their kink is not my kink then we never meet. In my personal life submission is just not in me even though I understand it and respect it , being dominant is who I am.

< Message edited by MsAlisedeSade -- 6/6/2010 6:31:12 PM >

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RE: Are pro dommes really dominant? - 6/6/2010 8:16:36 PM

slavekal

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Some of them are, but not all of them. No idea what the percentages are. We would need to do a huge survey.

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RE: Are pro dommes really dominant? - 6/6/2010 8:43:30 PM

sweetsub1957

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quote:

ORIGINAL: submale4u2spank

From what I've seen, women that work as professional dominatrices often aren't dominant in their personal relationship. Is this accurate and if so why?

i'm sure Some are and Some aren't. But does that make a difference if They're good at what They do? It's a job, and one is very lucky if they have a job they also love and it pays good (if it does). Are ditch diggers ditch diggers in their personal lives? i'm sure not, but they can still be good ditch diggers and they and ProDommes both work very hard at what they do.

~sweetsub~

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RE: Are pro dommes really dominant? - 6/8/2010 5:48:21 AM

MarcEsadrian

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsAlisedeSade
• I do not tolerate anymore as a professional than I do in my personal life.
• I'm not anyone's puppet because they pay me and if their kink is not my kink then we never meet.
• In my personal life submission is just not in me even though I understand it and respect it, being dominant is who I am.

Key points demonstrating that not all pros are Febos clones.

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RE: Are pro dommes really dominant? - 6/8/2010 6:33:49 AM

MissAsylum

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~FR~

i am dominant in every aspect of my life. I'm that way with friends, family, and my romantic relationship. I also play with certain people where no labour or money is involved. I love my work as a ProDomme, the money is really just a perk.

i've met a ProDomme in who was a "textbook" submissive. She made me cringe. I've also tried being a submissive with my boyfriend. He didn't like it because its not who i am, and i felt like vomiting the entire time. So while i don't approve of a submissive playing the part of a PD, its still a job and i give them kudos because i would find it maddening to do it.

While the conversation of ProDomme vs Prositute has come up many times before, Steven and Alisede said it best: A prostitute has sex for money and a ProDomme (typically) only does what she interested in and happens to get paid for it.

I have sex with only my boyfriend and I am not an every-kink-under-the-sun machine just because I'm getting paid.

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RE: Are pro dommes really dominant? - 6/21/2010 6:03:12 PM

MsNightShade

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I was a professional for 3 years and chose to leave that as one source of my income. I had a select, discreet, upscale clientel. I found that it became a "job" and not enjoyable. In the end, the client is paying for a feeling, scene or paricular fetish to be satisfied. This to me represented topping from the bottom essentially. Particularly since I dont have any specific fetishes. What gets me randy is TPE and the control. The rest is just a means to that end.

I'm a natural dominant so my dominance is as much a part of me as is my sense of humor. It ebbs and flows with my moods and whims. I also dont switch nor goad my personal chain slaves into topping me. I have no submissive tendencies. So having to be "on" at certian times got to be tedious and made me rather resentful. I consentrated my efforts on other aspects of my business life to make money and kept my M/s inclinations as a preference.

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RE: Are pro dommes really dominant? - 6/21/2010 11:50:35 PM

SexyBossyBBW

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Some are, some aren't.... Much like pro subs. M

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RE: Are pro dommes really dominant? - 6/22/2010 5:56:02 AM

Lockit

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Who cares? I mean really... think about it. A guy goes to a pro dominant, not for who she really is, but what she can do to him. Why would he care what, who and why she is outside of that fact unless he is trying to get more for his buck?

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RE: Are pro dommes really dominant? - 6/22/2010 7:37:37 AM

allthatjaz

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Every man that entered my chamber was hand selected by me and had to play along with my ways of dominance. I turned customer after customer away because he didn't fit with my way. I feel dominant to all men and so I never needed to act. It was a joy to dominate all of these men and the money was just an added bonus.
Oh and just in case you were wondering, I live in my chambers and wear latex and a strap-on 24/7

This is what every potential customer wants to hear

but as an ex pro Im going to tell it like it was for me.
I didn't do this for hobby money. I often worked a 10 hour day and this wasn't to pay for new shoes but to pay my mortgage and living costs.
When you work a 10 hour day you don't sit their cherry picking. The only guys I cherry picked were the men I wanted in my life as my sub.

The most important thing for me as a pro Mistress was, they were serious clients that would turn up, they were happy to be dominated within my limits, they were clean, they had good manners and they understood that this was a business deal and they wouldn't be coming home with me!
I always say, you can get anyone to come to you once but your main goal as a pro Mistress, is getting them to come back for more. Building a client base of regular customers is ones ultimate goal.
Did I like every customer that walked into my chambers? hell no
Did I pick and choose only the men I felt dominant towards? that would be ridiculous

Did I feel dominant towards every client that got out a wad of cash? unfortunately not but I can be a bloody good actress!
Does that make me less dominant than those women who claim they feel dominance for every man they dominate? no but I don't have to bullshit anymore!

Now of course I got some clients (regulars) who I really liked and who did bring the best out of me. Some days I would wake up thinking waaahoooo. mr pickle is coming to see me today!
There were some clients I felt so dominant towards that the fee was removed and it was removed so that I could go into a deeper head space with them without having to think of it as business.
I wish people would stop fooling themselves that the money is secondary and that a real dominant woman would feel dominant to every one of her customers.

Of course some pro Dommes aren't dominant at all. Some pro Dommes do feel dominant to a majority of their clients, some to a minority. Some pro Dommes go home to a Master, some go home to their submissives. All of them, every last one, has to act at some point and if you believe otherwise your living in lala land.

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RE: Are pro dommes really dominant? - 6/25/2010 5:16:25 PM

GoodSub333

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It depends on the person. I think online dommes are not dominate in there personal life but it may not apply to all of them. And the subs that actually engage in live session most of them are in charge in there carreers. It is just my guess because I am in charge of my carreer but enjoy submitting.

To be on one role 24/7 would be tuff if a domme was not dominate in there personally life I would not look down on them. It does not matter as long as both parties like eachother.

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