blackpearl81
Posts: 506
Joined: 8/30/2005
From: Home of the Yankees
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer
quote:
ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
No worries. And for the record: I even quite like a certain degree of narcissism in a dominant. Though maybe that's a subject for a different thread.
An interesting topic indeed. There is certainly more than one way to be a dominant, and more than one way to be dominant. As a probably over-broad generality, I've observed a spectrum that goes between "I get off on what you can do for me and how you make me feel" and "I get off on what I can make you feel and what I can do to you." I tend to lean a ways over into the latter end of this spectrum. In scene space, it fascinates me to get into a submissive or bottom's head and play him like a fine instrument. I want to make him feel. I want to hear his breath come in little gasps as he moans into my mouth. I want to feel the hot pulse in his throat accelerate as his heart pounds in fear and ecstasy. I want to see his pale skin redden under my hard slaps. I am definitely a do-stuff-to-you dominant rather than a do-stuff-for-me dominant.
Outside of scene space, with my secondary partner, the dynamic tends to be more about me being the big strong dominant and taking care of my pet than about him serving me. With my primary partner, we're both natural caretakers, so we have each other's backs, and he goes out of his way to do for me and take care of me because he's just wired that way. Our dynamic ends up being as much or more about me doing things to or for them rather than them doing things for me, though my primary is so service oriented and so much of a caretaker that he actually does find things to do for me despite my lack of inclination to order up very much in the way of service. I'm a very active, aggressive, "get out of the way so I can do it myself and do it right" kind of person, so it's rare that I have the patience to sit back and be served. At times this can frustrate both of my partners to distraction, albeit in different ways. LOL
Anyhow, that's just me, and your mileage may of course vary. Ain't no wrong or right about it so much as different strokes working for different folks. There's doms and subs on both sides of the kneel who are likely to identify as preferring to do to/for or be done to/for in relation to their partners.
Dominants, do you focus more on your partner doing things for you and on your own feelings, or do you derive as much or more pleasure from doing to or for your partner?
Submissives, do you spend most of your time yearning for your dominant do to things to you and to make you feel a certain way or experience certain things, or do you get the most happiness from doing things for her?
Do your percentages shift depending on whether or not you're in scene space or talking about overall relationship dynamics?
Doms and subs, does it drive you nuts if your desires in this respect don't match up with your partner's? Eg, if you're both focusing more on your partner than yourselves, or if you're both focusing more on your own feelings and what you want your partner to do to or for you?
Nice post!
I'm definitely more of a "do things to/for her" type person.
This manifested itself in a few ways for me, namely with learning how to cook something other than Hot Pockets & Totino's Pizza rolls, and by learning massage techniques. (I bought some books on that several years ago)
For me anyway, I think I'm geared more toward overall relationship dynamics, as I've never "played" in a scene. As far as focusing, ehhh... I don't really know how to answer that question, as I've never been involved in a dynamic.
_____________________________
~ Karma. Being a motherfucker since 1981 ~
Ms. Pacman was the greatest prostitute that ever lived. For 25 cents, that bitch swallowed balls 'till she died.
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