LadyNTrainer -> RE: Why Do So Many Mistresses Want Money First? (6/18/2010 2:08:57 PM)
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ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan Lots of guys like flowers. Most men will not directly stand up and say so mostly because they have NEVER received them. Getting flowers made me feel special. It also made me realize how giving flowers should not be due to expectation but rather because one is inspired to give them. The statement that flowers help to associate the individual with natural beauty, well I don't know that the association could be made as a psycological statement but I see the point. More over when I see the flowers I do specifically think of the person who brought them to me. I think the biggest impression that was ever left on me and it still to this day is one I hold many others in comparison to is the one where I was specifically thought of and everything this person did was with purpose and intention. I came over to pick her up she handed me a rose and asked if I minded not doing what I had planned and instead if she could treat me. I was Shocked and Impressed. She got all my favorite things, she could not cook so she went and got them and that was what we ate. Then she treated me to her favorite dessert cause I didn't have a favorite. Then she gave me a Old VHS Copy of my favorite movie, which I had told her on our first date that I loved that movie but could never find it to buy and would love to own it. Well she found it and bought it for me. So I am not saying that women do not do the same things guys do, they do and it has happened to me, however the reason this sparked such a reaction in me is because how out of sorts it was. Never since have I been treated this way, oddly enough I have treated MANY women with this same appreciation and attention to detail, but never since have I had it returned. The Double Standard for Gender is a sadly misguided one. To every woman here, if you have a special male in your life and you have the opportunity show them that you pay attention to them, without having to ask find a perfect Flower, Card, and Trinket and give it to them, if you have been together for 9 days or 9 years and see how he reacts. Then Ask yourself how offten in your life things like this have been done for you and how rarely you have returned this action. Sure, there will be people who comment on this and point out how they did this or that, but you know more offten then not women are treated and rarely return that treat in the same way. Truth is women more offten then not do not return the way they are treated back the same way that men do. I'm not complaining about how I have been treated after doing such things, I happen to rather like being seen like prince charming. But the fact remains only once in my life have I had a woman do for me what I have always done for them. QSM The fucked up thing here is this is pretty much exactly how I treat the men in my life, but I would never be attracted to a man who was angry and bitter about how unfair it is that most women don't treat him that way. I spend the majority of my entertainment budget and disposable income on buying pretty clothes and special things for my boys, or good things for them to eat. I spend far more on their clothing and jewelry than on my own, because what I wear doesn't particularly thrill me, but I like them to look good, and I want them to feel cherished and treasured and special. I also like being taken out to dinner and on dates. It feels good to be cared for in this way and treated as special, as someone worth taking out on a date. Because this is a fun dynamic for me, and because I have professional cooking and nutritionist skills, I normally handle most of the shopping and cooking in, and my boys generally pick up the tab on the rarer occasions when we go out. It's hard to say who spends more; it probably goes back and forth from month to month, because some months we might go out several times and other months not at all. The arrangement has also been reversed for me in the past, when I made a lot more money than my submissive partner and had less time to spend on cooking while he had more. It can be a positive relationship dynamic no matter who pays, and it can feel good on both sides when one person does something nice for the other and they take real pleasure in it. Going Dutch is a good thing to do with friends and casual acquaintances, because it's not romantic and it is more of a distancing dynamic than an intimate or loving one. If someone suggests going Dutch, and I'm interested in him personally at all, I'd much rather pay. I'll probably insist on doing so. But the fact that he suggested it will make me assume that he neither wants to take care of me nor be taken care of, and that he wants to keep some distance between us. He'll probably get what he asked for, and I'll put him on the "just friends" list for the forseeable future. This isn't because I'm a gold digger or expect a man to pay for me. I'm perfectly fine with somebody on a budget who says up front that they can't afford to pay for dinner, and if I'm interested in them I'll certainly offer to take them out and make it clear that I will pay their way and take care of them. That still feels good to me because someone is making the romantic gesture and someone else is accepting it. I go Dutch with my friends, but if there's any possibility of romance in the air, somebody is taking somebody out. If that doesn't happen, then the emotional dynamic for me is that we're just friends.
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