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RE: Well trained sub/slave... - 6/9/2010 6:19:04 AM

Jeffff

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Tarn ate it. As one who has washed them I can tell ya, don't fuck around!

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RE: Well trained sub/slave... - 6/9/2010 6:20:32 AM

kiwisub12

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pshaw - trained is code for "figured out how to make coffee and suck dick so he liked it and let me do it some more". Trained just is less wordy and sounds cooler if you are into ritual.

My Sir told me how he liked his coffee served, and how he enjoyed waking up in the mornings, so training it wasn't. But, gosh, i enjoyed serving him,. so figuring it out wasn't hard.

To my mind, intelligent and mentally flexible are more important than "trained".

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RE: Well trained sub/slave... - 6/9/2010 6:20:34 AM

GraciousLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sir1969

Just curious about something. Wife and I have been searching for our sub for 2+ years now, no luck. Mostly run into fakes or when we do communicate for a while, they'll just up and vanish. Maybe just our bad luck as some people on here are actually finding what they seek - at least that is what I wish to believe .

My question though is more about what some subs/slaves put in their profiles. Often, many will claim they are well trained by such and such a dom/domme, etc. As if that is a strong selling point.
But I'm wondering if that is actually a good thing. Just because they are "trained" doesn't mean they would be a good sub/slave for me - I have very particular tastes and rules, etc. It almost seems it would be better to find someone with little or no training. Maybe just enough experience to know they want more.

Thoughts?

As someone who has expierence in the swinging community as both a single female and part of a couple I wish you luck finding a female for a 3rd. As a single female I was bombarded with requests ranging from polite to offering me money. I was even offered a boob job which I certainly do not need for one hour of my time! As part of a couple we competed with the million other couples for one female. I can't help but think your chances are even less because you want a female 3rd for a stable relationship and submissive. Have patience and keep looking. What you seek is very, very rare.

< Message edited by GraciousLady -- 6/9/2010 6:21:15 AM >

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RE: Well trained sub/slave... - 6/9/2010 6:22:27 AM

IronBear

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"Never argue with an idiot. He'll bring you down to his level, then beat you with experience" - Nancy Morris

Not worth your time nor energy to reply to him lass. I only see what he writes if someone quotes him and even then I rarely read it.

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RE: Well trained sub/slave... - 6/9/2010 6:24:34 AM

sunshinemiss

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*wobbles*

I've been lass-oed by Mr. Iron Bear....

:: thud ::

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RE: Well trained sub/slave... - 6/9/2010 6:33:17 AM

IronBear

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Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

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RE: Well trained sub/slave... - 6/9/2010 6:34:18 AM

leadership527

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I just ignore the word. In the end, I can have no idea what it means. Does that mean someone "trained" her to deep-throat? Or maybe it means someone trained her to do the 1,296 true slave positions? Whatever it means, I have no interest in it. I'm more interested in forming my own opinions about whether this person is a good match for me or not.

Since you say you have very particular tastes and rules, I'd urge you to ignore whatever training someone has and instead seek a submissive who sees obedience as an important part of the role.

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Well trained sub/slave... - 6/9/2010 8:15:19 AM

porcelaine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

I just ignore the word. In the end, I can have no idea what it means. Does that mean someone "trained" her to deep-throat?

Fail.

quote:

Or maybe it means someone trained her to do the 1,296 true slave positions?

Kinky yoga. Who knew!

~porcelaine

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RE: Well trained sub/slave... - 6/9/2010 8:22:07 AM

Andalusite

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I just recently begged release from a 1 year relationship as a slave (the M/s aspect was still working very well, but I had a different issue). I was a submissive to a different man for 3 years before that, both in person. They had fairly similar expectations of me, but I didn't assume that my former Master's wishes would always align with my previous Dominant's. If I serve someone in the future, claiming to be "trained" beforehand would feel a bit presumptuous, as I would still need to learn what his expectations and tastes were. I would be rather aghast at the idea of saying, "Oh, I already know how to do that" instead of focusing on the way he wanted me to accomplish it.

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RE: Well trained sub/slave... - 6/9/2010 8:24:36 AM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

quote:

Or maybe it means someone trained her to do the 1,296 true slave positions?

Kinky yoga. Who knew!

OK, that made me burst out laughing.

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Well trained sub/slave... - 6/9/2010 8:25:50 AM

VirginPotty

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.....

< Message edited by VirginPotty -- 6/9/2010 8:42:49 AM >

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RE: Well trained sub/slave... - 6/9/2010 8:54:49 AM

Rochsub2009

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In my experience, YMMV.

i have never used the term "trained". i've been in this lifestyle for almost 20 years, and i've served many Dommes. The one thing that i've learned is that each one was different. So no level of "training" ever seemed to be relevant. Each one had different protocols, likes, and desires. So i always felt like a newbie in each relationship. i always had to unlearn the old stuff, and learn the new stuff. So IMO, the prior training had little value.

Sure, previous experience does mean that a person may already know how to end his/her sentences with "Sir" or "Ma'am", but other than that, you are going to have to instill your preferences, regardless of whether they have previous experience or not.

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RE: Well trained sub/slave... - 6/9/2010 9:40:27 AM

sir1969

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Wow, a lot of great comments, thanks.

As per the vanishing - ok, maybe its just us. Maybe not "fakes" as I stated. But after multiple communications and the woman telling us how interested she is, don't you think it's simply rude to disappear without a word - yet still keep logging into collarme? A simple "i'm not interested" would be nice. Our experience here would lead one to believe that courtesy is a thing of the past. One recently disappeared right in the middle of IM chat after she asked my wife a really good question about daily life with us. Bam! Logged out. Multiple days later, still no message, she's been multiple times on Collarme though. This has happened to us more times than I can count.

Again, thanks for all the great comments and wisdom.

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RE: Well trained sub/slave... - 6/9/2010 9:46:47 AM

BitaTruble

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sir1969

Just curious about something. Wife and I have been searching for our sub for 2+ years now, no luck. Mostly run into fakes or when we do communicate for a while, they'll just up and vanish. Maybe just our bad luck as some people on here are actually finding what they seek - at least that is what I wish to believe .

My question though is more about what some subs/slaves put in their profiles. Often, many will claim they are well trained by such and such a dom/domme, etc. As if that is a strong selling point.
But I'm wondering if that is actually a good thing. Just because they are "trained" doesn't mean they would be a good sub/slave for me - I have very particular tastes and rules, etc. It almost seems it would be better to find someone with little or no training. Maybe just enough experience to know they want more.

Thoughts?

I think it's best to be grateful that people have shown their real interest before you had to put in too much time or really a lot of effort.

Personally, I haven't been trained because Himself was pretty happy with the person I already am but he did some tweaking to round out edges so we fit together more smoothly.

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Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

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RE: Well trained sub/slave... - 6/9/2010 10:23:16 AM

Kana

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Regarding experience I have two base thoughts-
-Often, it is sometimes less to teach them from scratch, there is nothing to unlearn, the slave is a tabula rosa.
-Attitude means everything-all else can be taught. I care a whole lot more about how she approaches things than what she has or has not done.

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RE: Well trained sub/slave... - 6/9/2010 10:28:08 AM

KariCloud

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There could be offline things happening, that because these women weren't yet close to you, could not be discussed.

There are myriad reasons why I might be able to log on and check CM and yet not respond to any messages, many of which I do not feel willing to discuss to near-strangers. I expect people I talk to to be mature and self-confident enough to not assume right off that I'm simply blowing them off. I do try to make explanations, but I can't always do that. If someone is insecure enough as to be upset by real life taking me away from the computer, likely we aren't a good match. Too many signs of insecurity makes me unwilling to respond at all.

And of course, I require any potential dominants to be respectful of me as I am respectful of them. To demand otherwise by insisting on my time and attention when the person has no right to demand anything from me is a clear sign that we aren't well matched. In the early stages of getting to know me, respect is the magical key to winning me. :) Part of that respect involves not insisting that I alter my daily life by gluing myself to the computer to the exclusion of the rest of my life. I've had some people get really irritated that I don't respond for a few days, which is always the signal for me to just stop responding entirely.

All subs are, in the end, ordinary people with lives, responsibilities, likes, dislikes, personality quirks, and such things just like regular people. Getting to know one is just as complicated as getting to know a regular person, and probably has as many difficulties as one would expect in the regular dating world.

Edited to add: I find that claiming to be "trained" is presumptuous, no matter how much experience
I might have... I'm quite happy to learn what a potential dominant wants from me without trying to assume that I can guess their desires. That, to me, is what "trained" seems to imply.

< Message edited by KariCloud -- 6/9/2010 10:30:01 AM >

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RE: Well trained sub/slave... - 6/9/2010 11:08:13 AM

cassandria

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umm..I wanted to address why one of us slave-like people might not respond immediately...or have to leave in the middle of a conversation...or just simply stop talking to you, at least temporarily.

I've been on this site for hmm..3 days? The first day I had more than 300 msgs. The second, even more. Now I'm not looking at it. I'm probably being rude to a lot of people, but I'm not sure what else to do - it'll take me a week or so to actually just get through yesterday's mail and do it justice...and if I get distracted in the meantime, a truly spectacular msg comes in...welllll......even though I don't want to be impolite, I'm here for a reason. Well, three reasons. To re-aquaint myself with like minds, to learn and grow. To make a friend or two, with other slaves. And maybe to find what I need, or be found. And if I feel that there's some serious potential with someone...and he reaches out...I may feel compelled to reach back. Even if I've already reached out to you. He's reaching further, that's why.

I found after answering a few, that I was "weeding"...which is annoying. But, there's a lot of decent ones too and for myself, I can say that if you're coming across "fakes", well, I'm unsure of what that means to you, but what it means to me is simply that these individuals aren't my cuppa tea, so to speak.

It's possible that the girl began speaking with you, and if she had a child or family obligations, a phone call, the doorbell rang...whoooo knows....it took her away from her computer. If you're like me, and you do NOT live your life on a computer (imagine a slave who did - talk about needing to be retrained!) it's sooo easy to be distracted back into your real life. It's not an intentional slight, it's more like how you're originally wired. Some people are less technologically-inclined. There's a reason I like phones, and swiftly will take a meaningful conversation offline if I feel it's worthwhile, and I'm given the opportunity.

I'm not saying it's not rude of her, she should at least say something...but giving people the benefit of the doubt, within reason, is usually a good idea, in my experience.

I had some NASTY msgs yesterday, from men who were madder than mad that I hadn't answered them yet and they saw I was online apparently. I have two monitors, and unbeknownst to me, I had somehow opened two sites - both collarme - one for reading here on the boards, one for looking at all the messages. (which is fun btw - some of these people are quite hilarious). NASTY messages, I tell you...informing me I was this fake person, how dare I, how this was my last chance, etc etc. I was like...what the heck??? I shut it off last night....and then I turned on the other monitor, and went sheeeesh.....

Fetlife is so much easier in that sense lol - no online monitoring! Really saves on the nasty messages :P

Anyways, that was just to share with you some of the glitches that can happen, just because it says someone is *here*...maybe they're not. I was dreaming of canes at the time, personally...

~~

Another thing that may have happened is that she was approached by someone without a wife/submissive/slave. Let's face it, poly has a lousy success rate in north america.

Also, do you have ANY idea how competitive women are? It's not my first choice to walk into a situation where they're all comfy-cosy and I'm on the outside. It's intimidating, it's more than frightening (because if his love, commitment and history he has for/with her trumps his to you, which is typically would, if there's any problems.. you lose all - they lose nothing, they still have each other), it's potentially very hurtful and frankly, the investment may not be worth it.

Having said all that...if it works...it can be beautiful, truly, and I have huge respect for poly families. And you seem like a nice guy, so maybe you'll find someone to join your family. I hope everyone finds what makes them intimately happy.

~~~~

When it comes to training...umm, as ridiculously long as my profile is, I'm thinking that I didn't put anything about training in it. Not because I haven't been trained - I have been. Thoroughly. But I'm unsure as to how that would be relevant, because I'm thinking that each relationships is new, each person different, therefore what he wants from ME might be different too.

I'm not so sure that I should retain the arrogance of believing that because someone took the time to 'train' me, that that would automatically apply to another as well.

I think I might be more inclined to say something like "I watch closely, and look to please you." Meaning I might not succeed...but gosh I'll try.

< Message edited by cassandria -- 6/9/2010 11:24:57 AM >

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RE: Well trained sub/slave... - 6/9/2010 11:19:14 AM

RedMagic1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cassandria
I've been on this site for hmm..3 days? The first day I had more than 300 msgs. The second, even more. Now I'm not looking at it. I'm probably being rude to a lot of people, but I'm not sure what else to do

After three weeks on the site, it gets more manageable. Don't worry. You're an intelligent, attractive female with a photo up, and you're new. Yum.

Besides, most of the guys emailing you right now haven't even read your whole profile.

Consider it training for kinky internet dating.

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RE: Well trained sub/slave... - 6/9/2010 11:24:57 AM

subtee

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sir1969

Wow, a lot of great comments, thanks.

As per the vanishing - ok, maybe its just us. Maybe not "fakes" as I stated. But after multiple communications and the woman telling us how interested she is, don't you think it's simply rude to disappear without a word - yet still keep logging into collarme? A simple "i'm not interested" would be nice. Our experience here would lead one to believe that courtesy is a thing of the past. One recently disappeared right in the middle of IM chat after she asked my wife a really good question about daily life with us. Bam! Logged out. Multiple days later, still no message, she's been multiple times on Collarme though. This has happened to us more times than I can count.

Again, thanks for all the great comments and wisdom.

No, it isn't just you. It happens all the time to both sexes and on both sides of the kneel.

It seems to me there are many starry-eyed ______s (fill in the blank) who learn just a little about PE, BDSM, etc., and join up. Assumptions are made, (i.e., this is a cool, kinky site; these people are cool and kinky! They get me!) and based on those assumptions, connections are made (nothing could go wrong since they get me and they're cool and kinky). Then reality hits and they realize they don't really know what to do because they've forged ahead in many ways as they wouldn't do vanilla or anywhere else.

How to proceed with kinky people? No idea, but it must be mysterious and ritualistic and now I'm practically owned already by this _______ I just started talking to.

Panic and *poof*

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RE: Well trained sub/slave... - 6/9/2010 11:33:47 AM

sir1969

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I need to visit the forums more often! I am pleased with the wit and wisdom presented here just within this topic I started. Thanks again everyone.

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