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I'm going to answer you honestly because I think I get where you're coming from. Yes, we all enter relationships with areas of interests and things we'd like to do and explore in our lifetime. That's normal and I don't know many that can't say the same. But in terms of the exchange, the exploration of such is dependent on the initial agreement and the finality that the dominant possesses. Because as we've already covered, he can and does change his mind.

It is true that for some slavery is a vocation. It is the essence of their being and they exist to serve and please the owner. Persons with that aspiration may or may not work outside of the home. And that is typically based on financial necessity in all truth. In terms of the other things she finds enjoyable, the majority relate back to the owner, dynamic, or service in some manner. She improves herself in areas she knows he finds interesting and beneficial. Her personal desires are well aligned with his. Setting aside is a pretty strong word because it's really not an issue. She's moving to his cadence.

Other slaves have a more well rounded approach that may include the above and other activities that benefit their personal growth and development. Whether the dominant will permit them to engage in that manner while in the relationship depends on the dynamic. It behooves the girl to ask; especially where career, education, and important hobbies are involved. Getting everything upfront alleviates frustration and sour grapes later on. So, are there dominants that will ask you to give it up to be with them? You betcha. Have I encountered them in relationships and in conversations with potentials? Most definitely.

In terms of my experiences the big ones were career, education, and relocation. They desired someone that would remain at home, school was iffy to say the least, and relocation was a necessity. The latter has never been an issue in terms of travel or moving. But the first two were very bothersome for me. In fact, I wondered why they ever looked at me because I have never promoted the idea that I wanted to remain at home, but I digress it happens. I don't need to revisit the potential problems a situation like that might cause. The financial issues were addressed upfront and the solution was fair but something gnawed at me nonetheless.

I'd be sacrificing a great deal. Everything I enjoyed that made me uniquely porcelaine would come to a halt. My whole world would revolve around a dynamic and I'd have a laundry list of things I'd never done. I couldn't accept that. Not only because I had reservations and believed myself much too young to live that way, but I'd be compromising my happiness in the long run. I would have been miserable. As much as I would have enjoyed the relationship, I needed much more at the time. So I politely declined.

If you asked me today would I do the same I would admit it depends on the person and the dynamic we have. I don't know if I'm happy with that answer right now. I waver between healthy compromise and unreasonable contortion. But that's usually when I'm moving away from my mindset and not towards it. I believe we should strike a balance. Determining what that balance implies is up to the parties involved.

~porcelaine

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ORIGINAL: SocratesNot

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1) Do you understand that you can mandate requirements of your D before entering a relationship with them?

Yes, but some dominants want to dominate from the very beginning, and if you don't comply, you'll not be able to start relationship with them. They don't want any negotiation.

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Carol is my property. She has the plans and aspirations that I give her... not simply outside, but inside as well. If I tell her I want her to focus on X an defocus on Y, then she will.

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ORIGINAL: SocratesNot

If the to the second question is answer is yes, I would never be able to be in such relationship, but if this is good for you and Carol and makes both of you happy, then fine.

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ORIGINAL: SocratesNot
OK, did Carol have any strong  already established long-term goals, ambitions and  aspirations BEFORE entering relationship with you, and did you do anything to prevent her from pursuing or achieving them?

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ORIGINAL: SocratesNot

Wow, porcelaine, this was fantastic reply, and I really enjoyed reading it. You gave me a lot of insight in these issues.
Thank you a lot.

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Yes, but some dominants want to dominate from the very beginning, and if you don't comply, you'll not be able to start relationship with them. They don't want any negotiation.

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And then many subs end up with such dominants because they prefer to be in any kind of relationship rather than in no relationship at all.

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Sometimes it is hard to find a dominant who is willing to negotiate. Actually it's hard to find adequate dominant at all, even more so if you are selective and have specific requirements.

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Yes, of course, but again, it's quite hard thing to do.

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Not actually. I am quite aware of how is it possible in theory to be selective and to negotiate and to find a perfect partner for yourself.
In reality it is very hard to find a dominant partner if you are submissive and then it is very easy to end up with compromises that you'll regret later.

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ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

I can have dreams, aspirations and plans for my life. Whether I am allowed to pursue them is completely up to him. He has complete authority over everything in my life. Some things he will allow and other things just don't work for where our life is at right now. He has the authority and he decides what direction our life will go in.

If someone is not willing to give someone else complete authority over all aspects of their life, then I suggest they seek a different type of relationship than M/s.

Knight's Kyra

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I can have dreams, aspirations and plans for my life. Whether I am allowed to pursue them is completely up to him. He has complete authority over everything in my life. Some things he will allow and other things just don't work for where our life is at right now. He has the authority and he decides what direction our life will go in.

If someone is not willing to give someone else complete authority over all aspects of their life, then I suggest they seek a different type of relationship than M/s.

Knight's Kyra

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ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

I can have dreams, aspirations and plans for my life. Whether I am allowed to pursue them is completely up to him. He has complete authority over everything in my life. Some things he will allow and other things just don't work for where our life is at right now. He has the authority and he decides what direction our life will go in.

If someone is not willing to give someone else complete authority over all aspects of their life, then I suggest they seek a different type of relationship than M/s.

Knight's Kyra

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

I can have dreams, aspirations and plans for my life. Whether I am allowed to pursue them is completely up to him. He has complete authority over everything in my life. Some things he will allow and other things just don't work for where our life is at right now. He has the authority and he decides what direction our life will go in.

If someone is not willing to give someone else complete authority over all aspects of their life, then I suggest they seek a different type of relationship than M/s.

Knight's Kyra