RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out (Full Version)

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servantforuse -> RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out (6/14/2010 12:31:14 PM)

I sincerely hope that the OP listens to some of the very good advice here. I have a feeling that she already has ( had ) her mind made up and will make a very big mistake..



KariCloud -> RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out (6/14/2010 12:35:11 PM)

A bit over ten years ago (when I was just under 18 years old), I moved in with a supposed dominant guy who was about a decade older than me, give or take a few years..

My situation was different. I was homeless, my mom had kicked me out at the tender age of 16. I had no other place to go. I was living under bridges, literally. I'd also known him for longer than a week, and had been introduced by a mutual friend who I'd known for a lot longer. So, supposedly safer. Of course, it wasn't safe enough.

I ended up chained to the guy's steel-frame bed for three years. I had numerous emergency room experiences, too. It took me an entire year to get myself back together enough to be able to care for myself, I was a wreck in so many ways. My best friends at the time also suffered from my experience in terms of the time, effort, money, and pain of helping me put myself back together; I could not have recovered on my own. And, unlike you, I had no parents waiting under me with a safety net.

I did, however, have my own personal safety net. I had IT skills such that I was able to get a job that paid enough to support myself from the age of 15, a year before I was on my own. Those skills were my saving grace, and the key that ensured my survival. If you do not have such skills, life will be that much harder for you should things turn out badly. If you really want independence, I would suggest you get such skills before leaving your parents' house.

I learned a heck of a lot about myself and the world, chained to that guy's bed (ex: sometimes being homeless is better than living with an abusive asshole). But I would have preferred to learn it in a less painful manner. Also, fewer near-death experiences would have been appreciated..



FetishRose -> RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out (6/14/2010 12:41:14 PM)

As someone who is very much on the same level, at 22, I have to say...really?  Don't you remember those obnoxious girls in junior high who date a guy for an hour and are "madly in love with him?"  You are basically doing the same thing.  A week is nothing.  He could stop talking to you tomorrow, out of the blue...you have no idea.
As for the age factor, that's not an issue for me, but I can see how it would be for your parents.  Are you really willing to give up the cake life you have with them for some guy who could be abusive, a flake, or anything else?  And also...how terrible to put your parents in that position, where you say you could just "come back" if it doesn't work out.
I'm young.  I'm idealistic and foolish, too.  But you know what?  I'm just rational enough to realize I'm borderline stupid with youth, and I hope you can find that rationality in yourself.  Not that I advocate lying, but why would you tell your parents you were dating this guy anyone, at least until it had become serious?  And why tell them you are kinky?  My parents adore my Sir, whom I've been with for about seven months.  They know him as my doting, wonderful boyfriend.  They invite him over.  So when I am ready to move in with him, there won't be any flack.
Please...if it's just a moving out thing...find some girlfriends and move out with them.  I think you'll regret it, otherwise.



brainiacsub -> RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out (6/14/2010 12:53:03 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Silver, could you write in a larger font next time so us old folks can read the print?

lol...a darker font would help too. Pink is the new white after 40.



KYsissy -> RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out (6/14/2010 12:56:48 PM)

If you REALLY REALLY want to do this. You should move out and get your own place.Do it with absolutely no help whatsoever from your parents.  Find an apartment, pay the security deposit and first months rent.  Do NOT ask anyone for money or to sign any paperwork. Do it ALL by yourself.  Learn how to take care of yourself.  Then you will fully appreciate how much your parents are doing for you now. 

I will be difficult, you will make mistakes. You will have to choose between paying the rent or put off replacing your worn out shoes. But you will be free to choose completely.

If you do not want to move out and support yourself.  Don't move out.



JstAnotherSub -> RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out (6/14/2010 1:26:20 PM)

Lawd, to be 18 agaun.  I knew everything then!  Even for the hot body and getting rid of stretch marks, you could not pay me to go back.  Anyhow....

Telling your mom was not a good move.  Period.

The difference between 18 and 27 is a big one.  Those are 9 years that you learn a lot of stuff about your self and how you see the world.  I could be wrong, but I will bet that if you leave and go with him, it will not last 6 months (actually I think not even 3 months, but I am being kind).

Then you get to face asking your parents to let you come back, and that is one fun conversation lemme tell ya.

I would say to you that the best decision would be to agree to not seeing this man again, and stay home and get an education.  You can date and meet more men, and then do not run home and tell mom about them.  She does not want to know, and it will not end well.  As long as your actions show you are acting in a responsible matter, I doubt they will check each time you go out.

Curfews are what parents do.  There are worse things in life.

This guy is not the last one on earth.  You have learned something that can be valuable to you, and it is not too late to make the best choice for your future.

All that said, you are 18 and you are horny and you are ready to experience "freedom".  What you dont realize is that you are the most free now that you will ever be.   You will do what you will do, and I wish you luck in which ever way you choose to go.   I learned every lesson the hard way when I was your age, lawd I wouldnt go back for money!



Elisabella -> RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out (6/14/2010 3:52:50 PM)

-FR to the OP-

If you really think the relationship will work out, then do it.

Personally I don't think the relationship will work, but if you believe it, do it now, when you're 18, when you can still move back in your parents house, when you're in community college instead of a 4 year one, when you're not working, etc. Do it when you're young enough to make such a stupid mistake without horrible consequences.

Because if you really, deep down, believe that sort of shit will work, and you postpone it, you'll be one of those idiot 40 year old women who move in with someone after a week. And shit gets more serious then.

So long as you don't get pregnant and you're able to finish college, go make the stupid mistakes young people need to make in order to grow. Just don't burn bridges with your family - you're going to need their help when you realize that being an adult is hard enough without the added difficulty of being unemployed and uneducated.



sweetsub1957 -> RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out (6/14/2010 4:26:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: girlygurl


quote:

ORIGINAL: petbangar

well i have all the goodies to offer daddies and some mummification!!!!!!!!!


Why did this make me laugh?

Maybe cause she offers the goodies right there in her picture.......[8|]



Ishtarr -> RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out (6/14/2010 4:29:43 PM)

 
Okay...

Speaking from nothing but personal experience here...

I "moved out" of my parent's when I was 14 years old.
Moving out in this context meaning: running away from home and basically temporarily moving in with just about any guy that would offer me a bed for the night.
Sometimes, in a bad period, I "moved back in" with my parents, only to take off again a few days/weeks later.

I've done a lot of weird shit in the past decade since I first ran away.
I've been treated like a queen, a whore, a lady and a piece of filth in those years while I was "claiming my independence and spreading my wings".
I've slept in luxury hotels, shitty apartments, basement, parks, abandoned houses, cars, upper class villas, and in the rain on the street.
I dropped out of high school, have been broke, have not had to worry about money at all, worked shitty low paying jobs, worked fabulous well paying jobs, fell in love, fell out of love, been raped, made love on a moonlit beach in France, made stupid mistakes, made one in a million right decisions, been through hell, flown in heaven, got my GED and am currently going to college.

After all has been said and done...
It turned out good.... FOR ME.
I don't really regret much of what I've done, or much of what I haven't done.
I'm in a place right now where I have few regrets, and no trouble looking at myself in the mirror.
I'm working towards a successful, stable, secure future, and have little worries of what tomorrow will bring.

If I could do it all again... I would, and there is very little I would do differently.
However, it's almost a miracle that I've turned out the way I have.
Most people I've spend time with during that phase in my life didn't turn out this well at all.
In fact, a lot of them are death, depressed, a $$$$$ in debt, in jail, or laying addicted in a gutter somewhere.

I came out of that phase a stronger, more confident, more experienced, more in control, more mature person.
I could have just as easily been death by now.

So what advise do I have for you?
If you are absolutely sure that you can handle the consequences... go chase your own tail until you find what you are looking for, but if you do, make sure you're able to do it without regrets.
If you have even the least bit of doubt about the future (which you seem to have, or you wouldn't ask a bunch of strangers online about this) then be a good girl and stay with your parents, and do as you're told.
You're young, you're not in a hurry, there will be plenty of time to spread your wings once you're ready to do so.



slaveluci -> RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out (6/14/2010 4:35:18 PM)

[sm=bowdown.gif] Beautifully said, Ishtarr. I could say many of the same things about my own life's choices and I couldn't agree with you more........luci



LanceHughes -> RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out (6/14/2010 4:38:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ishtarr
If you have even the least bit of doubt about the future (which you seem to have, or you wouldn't ask a bunch of strangers online about this) then be a good girl and stay with your parents, and do as you're told.


I've been waitng for the right place to copy in my signature line.... If I don't copy it in here and then if I change it later, this won't make a lick of sense.

Ishtarr has it absoluetly correct!  The whole post is fantastic, but I emphasize what I've left of it above by saying:

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." - Erica Jong




ricken -> RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out (6/14/2010 4:45:46 PM)

I dunno....I had to go past all the other replys....REALLY A WEEK?

To me you sound like a spoiled little kid that just doesn't want to listen to mommy and daddy, stay home, go to school. IF this guy "LOVES" you he can wait 4 years for you to get an education. You can see him evenings and weekends, just don't spend the weekend with him, yeah lie to your parents....or just find some other guy closer to your age and learn together.

Ishtarr....this describes most of the people I grew up with...
".....However, it's almost a miracle that I've turned out the way I have.
Most people I've spend time with during that phase in my life didn't turn out this well at all.
In fact, a lot of them are death, depressed, a $$$$$ in debt, in jail, or laying addicted in a gutter somewhere...."

NOW, knowing now what I know, if all it takes is 4 years of listening to your parents to get a free ride to collage and you don't want to go...can you PM me so I can take up that deal ? Free room and board, and an education....



Ishtarr -> RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out (6/14/2010 4:55:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ricken

NOW, knowing now what I know, if all it takes is 4 years of listening to your parents to get a free ride to collage and you don't want to go...can you PM me so I can take up that deal ? Free room and board, and an education....



I understand that most would see it like that... however, I still don't have the best relationship with my parents and I consider it to be a very big and proud "fuck you asshole" to my dad that at 25 years of age, not only am I in college doing what *I* want to do instead of what *he* wanted me to do, in a foreign country (and one that he hates at that), but I'm also fully paying for it out of my own pocket...
No money from daddy, loans, scholarships, friends, partners, or anything like that... just me, taking care of me... like I always have, and like I always knew I would.

I understand that most people with my history would be thrilled with a "free ride" by now, but I'm rather fucking proud at myself for doing things on my own. If the only way I could go to college was on my parent's terms, then, thank you very much, but I'll pass.
I'm too proud still to take the money my dad is offering to help me out if that means that he'll get some measure of control over me. I do not want to owe him ANYTHING, not even gratitude.

I really can be freaking independent as shit for somebody who claims to be submissive.[image]http://www.collarchat.com/image/s2.gif[/image]





osf -> RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out (6/14/2010 5:01:58 PM)

Some years ago I knew a girl of 15 that looked 25 that was interested in something with me but 15 wasn't something i was willing to mess with.

Acouple years later I met her in a go go bar in DC dancing and on drugs, she would have been better off in the clutches of an older pervert like me.

The thing was she had nothing going for her and no prospects so being with me would have been the better outcome.

But you have more going for you so maybe it is best to delay things bacause our relationships are nortoriously short lived especially our first ones and at your age more so.

So mostly what you're going to do is loose a year of your life

But all bets are off if your raging hormones take control.




zephyroftheNorth -> RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out (6/14/2010 5:30:46 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

FR - i dont see the logic here at all.  if they dont want you going out with a 27 year old surely kicking you out is just going to throw you in his direction more.  i just dont see the reasoning.  anyhoo, off to work..


I suspect it's less being thrown out and more "I really, really, really wanna get out of the house and with this guy"

OP does he even know about this plan of yours to move in with him, or are you assuming he'll let you. Boy if you think you have rules now, you should see what it's like as a slave. Seriously! You sound like a "gottahaveitnowcan'twaitgottagottagottahave it now" kind of person. Slow down! If it's right with this guy it'll wait til you're done with school.



girlygurl -> RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out (6/14/2010 5:37:49 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957

quote:

ORIGINAL: girlygurl


quote:

ORIGINAL: petbangar

well i have all the goodies to offer daddies and some mummification!!!!!!!!!


Why did this make me laugh?

Maybe cause she offers the goodies right there in her picture.......[8|]


You got it!

Love the fairy btw sweetsub.



thishereboi -> RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out (6/14/2010 6:26:49 PM)

I'll probably catch flak for this but I don't really care. Stay in school and get through it. If you can't see the guy until you are through, you will live. 4 years is nothing compared to the rest of your life and your parents views could change if they see you acting responsibly and doing well in school.



LafayetteLady -> RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out (6/14/2010 6:43:18 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadySilver0523

Oh my... I have so much to say about this... *sighs* It's personal... But I'll sum it up to say; I've been there. I was 19 when my father figured me out and I came out and told him and low and behold, I was 19 1/2 when, after having been kicked out six months earlier, I finally made some friends that helped me find a place of my own. :) There are good and bad things to moving out, and honestly, I'm rather impressed that you took the initiative to think things through and do the "pros" and "cons" thing. Most wouldn't.
 
Now, as for the age difference. MY PERSONAL OPINION is this; AGE DOES NOT MATTER! I've ALWAYS perfered older "men" or "guys" whichever way you'd like to put it, because to ME, more often than not they have a higher degree of maturity. MOST OF THE TIME! BUT! Here's the downside to your particular perdicament; He's 27. He's been around longer. He knows, more than likely, how to manipulate a "girl" or "woman" into doing the things that HE wants. And him being a Dom of sorts, of whatever he claims to be, just puts him in a better position to mess with your mind and do with you as HE pleases if he so chooses and he COULD tell you that it's not for you to say how he treats you. What then? How would you handle that situation? Not good times or good memories. And situations like that take a long time to heal and the scars NEVER go away hun...
 
Think about that.
 
As for school, if it's your first time attending, you should be able to qualify for pel grant and scholarships as well as grants and loans. Downside; You're 18. Not 24 or older which is the age in most states where you're considered to be legally indipendant so that you can sign for yourself and not have to disclose your parents' financial income on your fasfa. ... Food for thought. :D (I know, I'm going to collage soon myself and I'm currently 27.) So yeah....
 
There are ways around every situation and every pro and ever con usually. But sometimes... You do have to compromise. Now, what I would do if I were you;
 
I would stay at home and see this guy on the side and just not tell your parents. Make it seem like you don't know him any more and that he's not a part of your life. But you could have him meet you at the school to go out to lunch on occasion. Or you could go to the park together from time to time. Heck, you could even go to his house on occasion and "play" if you two wanted to, and just tell your parents that you're going to a friends house to study or something and then have them cover for you. LOL Mischvious? Nah... lol Just creative. :D Believe me, I had parents that were over protective and overbearing. I worked around them. So can you. ;)
 
Good luck, and be safe. And remember, keep HIM on his toes until you've known him long enough to know that you're not going to get hurt. And by the way, you want to be ready for the day when he says, "Well, if you're not going to do what I want, then see ya!" And you're going to have to let him go, move on, and find someone else. There are PLENTY of "masters" out there waiting to find someone like you. *smiles*
 
Many blessings,
 
Silver


Besides the insanely small font and irritating color.....

You advocate the OP lying to her parents. That's truly mature. Are you learning that in "collage" (by the way, is that Martha Stewart's version of higher education?)

As for you and all the other people touting the "age is just a number" mantra. She is 18, he is 27. Really? If he were just TWO years younger, 25, she would be 16. Would you still think it didn't matter? How about if he were 21? She would be TWELVE! Would that also still be "age is just a number?

"Age is just a number" is the mantra of pedophiles everywhere. It IS just a number when it involves two mature adults, and even then there will be such "life goal" differences that it can create problems. Sure when SHE is 27, he will be 36 and the age difference will be less dramatic. But that isn't the case now.

For those saying how the "older" guys tend to be more mature....Is it really more mature for an adult to want someone so much younger than them who has so little life experience, such different goals and such a different level of maturity?

As I said in my earlier post, and many others have said as well....The OP is going to do whatever she wants anyway. It doesn't matter whether the advice she gets is soft and fluffy, or straight up common sense. In the end, when it doesn't work out, and she starts posting about horrible the experience is, sadly she will get more soft and fluffy "we are so sorry this happened to you, and it will be ok in time," comments. Luckily she will also get a good number of "really, it didn't work? what a shocker, guess it sucks to be you and maybe you learned something" comments from those of us with longer memories who are tired of those who seek advice, get it and ignore it and them come crying back when it all went south.



Glasgow -> RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out (6/14/2010 6:45:41 PM)

The issue is resolved now, guys. Thanks for all your help :)



DarlingSavage -> RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out (6/14/2010 6:45:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Glasgow

So... anyone recall how I said I told my mom about how I was into bdsm? And that the 27 year old guy I was hanging out with was from a bdsm site?

Yeah. Not going over so well.

She and my father are having lots of very long talks, and it looks like it's going to boil down to either an 'us or him' situation (For the record, my father does not know about the kink factor).

I believe that they (or rather, she) doesn't care so much about the kinktastic aspects, but just that they 100% do not want me with someone 9 years older than I. So I am in desperate need of a few wise comments. Jeffff, you can post too anyway.

So here are some l33t pros and cons:

Pros (of moving out):
  • I am ready to move out. I'm actually a little tired of my house, which I have been living in my entire life. Also, no curfew!
  • The Dom I'm talking to will let me move in with him, rent-free. He also lives alone in a very nice house in a good neighborhood.
  • Being the magnificent age of 18, I'm tired of my parents telling me what to do because I know best, dammit! and I want to spread my wings, as it were.
  • If it didn't work out with him, my parents would let me move in (as long as we weren't together anymore).
  • I really like this guy--- quite a bit. We've hit it off very well.
Cons (of moving out):

  • I have no job (naturally, this would be helped some if I tried to get one :/)
  • I just started at my community college, and would have to drop out if he doesn't want to pay for it (or, again, if I can't get a job).
  • Ready for the one I'm sure you all will have the biggest problem with? ...I've only known him for about a week.

And if I stayed home... I wouldn't be able to see him anymore, and would probably have to suppress the life I want to live for several years until I finish a 4-year university and become financially independent.


Why oh why did you tell them in the first place?  I agree with the 9 yrs older bit, but still, dearest, if my sex life isn't going to introduce a drastic new member into the family, such as a same sex partner or a transvestite, the special particulars of my sex life are of no concern to my family.  Good Lord, child!  What were you thinkin?  However, you DO need to find someone your own age.  You don't want to get a little older to find out that you are now too old for this guy, among many other different possible worst case scenarios which could occur here.

OMG!  Now that I've read the rest of your post...  You've known him for a WHOLE WEEK?  You need something more substantial than that.  I'm sure your parent's know this, child.  Stop being so silly and go to community college and broaden your horizons.  I'm not gonna tell you to grow up cause I always hate it when people say that to me, mainly cause I don't want to and I refuse based on moral grounds.  But, honey, you need to know you're own place in this world and to know that you can take care of yourself no matter what.  You need to know that you have something to contribute to society and the world at large that is valuable.  All people need this.  It doesn't matter how small it is.



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