CallaFirestormBW
Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008 Status: offline
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quote:
For me it is incredibly harsh concept to look at people and value them just for their utility and usefulness, as if there isn't anything in themselves for themselves that has any value. I think, from my perspective, that this is a rather naive perspective. Different people get into different relationships for different reasons. Some of those reasons are purely "mercenary" -- about the service or the sex, etc. The company I work for doesn't give a darn about my happiness -- they're worried about what I can do for them. The thing is, it is important to know WHY one is getting into a relationship. This is why I am VERY clear in letting those who are interested in getting involved with me know that I am NOT looking for a romantic relationship. What I am looking for is someone who will be "in service" to me -- and the exchange point becomes VERY important in situations like this, and when you break it down, it looks very much like a 'transaction'. "In exchange for these services, which you will provide with complete obedience, according to -my- protocols, I will take care of -these- needs." In the end, every relationship breaks down to these things. There is no such thing as "altruism"... we're -all- getting something or expecting something for what we give, whether we openly, honestly acknowledge it or not -- but we don't like to think about the "mercenary" nature of how we relate to others. That being said, even romantic relationships break down to this... "I will love you and care for you, and in exchange, you will love and care for me" is -also- a negotiated give-and-take agreement. Very, very few of us have any interest in doing for another person without getting -something-, even if it is solely recognition for our efforts, in return. Even for those who ask nothing from the outside world in exchange for their services, there tends to be the expectation of a reward in the afterlife ("God" will give me something for what I am doing) or there is an -internal- reward (I feel good/look good when I do this, so I'm going to do it even though it's really hard/expensive/painful). To me, I find it refreshing to see people who actually acknowledge that at least ONE of the motivators for taking good care of the people we are close to is that, by taking care of them, we are, in fact, helping to take care of ourselves. Calla
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*** Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!" "Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer
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