CallaFirestormBW
Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008 Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: leadership527 True, but I still disagree. This fails the common sense test. When I watch some show on TV and someone risks their life to save another, I do not say, "Oh yeah, big deal. He was just being selfish because he didn't want to sleep with himself at night if he'd done nothing". I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in that. It isn't "selfishness" -- it is just a recognition that, in any instance in which we make a certain choice, we do so using criteria that are self-fulfilling. What brings us fulfillment/satisfaction differs from person to person, but anyone with a background in psychology or counseling (mine is in ministerial counseling) learns that the reason people make choices is because they are getting something out of that choice -- it may not seem like there is any valuable return to someone outside the equation, but to the individual making the choice, the reason Choice A is made rather than Choice B is because Choice A provides a "better" return from the perspective of the person making the choice. As an expansion based on your example, an individual who is NOT a professional firefighter/police officer risks hir life to, say, enter a burning building and rescue someone makes a decision to do that, rather than stand and watch the proceedings. In the end, the decision may boil down to "I couldn't feel right about myself if I let that person die!" -- while it appears heroic and altruistic ("look, that person risked hir life to rescue that other person!!!"), in reality the equation is more about the rescuer's sense of self-worth ("I don't think I could live with myself/I would hate myself if I didn't go in and get that person, so the risk to my life is less horrible for me than living for the rest of my life hating myself.") Professional risk-takers often have other "rewards" from their behavior, including (but not limited to) the adrenalin high, the desire for accolades (hero-worship), or the desire to pit themselves against the greatest dangers they can perceive of as a measure of their self-perceived courage/skill. In either case, though, the reason the choice is made is not completely self-less, and, to be honest, as a counselor, when we encounter those who -do- act with complete dismissal of their own well-being, those individuals are considered to be less than mentally fit. In the context we're using it for this situation, this means that, to a greater or lesser extent, though it sounds selfish, one of the motivators for protecting one's servant is the self-serving realization that this person is valuable to the Keeper, and failure to care for one's servant means that one will not have those services available. It sounds harsh to some people to express it so blatantly, but especially in non-romantic relationships (including traditional work relationships), this is actually the most common reason for a manager to attend to the needs of a subordinate. Romantic relationships like yours and Carols have additional criteria by which situations are managed and decisions are made, but even those, over time, boil down to what will best serve the survival and well-being of the individuals involved in their own minds. Calla
< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 6/15/2010 8:38:18 AM >
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*** Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!" "Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer
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