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CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Never ever. Ever!!! (6/14/2010 12:07:28 PM)
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quote:
I want to ask, why are these things such a tremendously big deal?
I think they're a big deal for two reasons. One is strictly pragmatic, and the other tends to be more... ethereal.
On a strictly practical level, it is often because of the sheer volume of emails from people who want you to "switch for them" or participate in X activity that you clearly state you won't "just for them". Unfortunately, this becomes a lesson in frustration since the people who don't pay enough attention to your profile to know that you align as dominant or don't do needle play or don't cuckold -still- aren't going to pay any attention -- they're going to continue to spam every account in a given category or two or three, just to see if they can get a rise out of someone.
On the more ethereal/philosophical level, it may be because, on some level, these areas are things that the person uses to define hirself. Having to yield on them would profoundly affect that person's vision of hirself, and in truth, xhe feels that xhe is being honest in that xhe can't see hirself doing those things.
For myself, I know that there are some things that I just don't do. I don't do scat or adult baby play. One I find unpleasant, even when the discharges are my own to deal with, and the other comes from having actually -raised- offspring and, frankly, not really being interested, now that mine are grown, in establishing that kind of relationship as part of an ongoing dynamic. However, I won't use the term "never", because things can happen.
In the same way, I am a dominant personality... however, circumstances required that I spend some time in a very yielding role on two occasions. While I was not facile at it, and it was frustrating for everyone involved, I actually managed to comport myself rather well most of the time and found that I didn't need to -define- myself by my tendency to dominate a situation... rather, I could just -be-, and choose to embrace the directions in which I was best fulfilled, while remaining flexible enough to be able to further my own progress via those other directions, should the need arise.
While I don't do "scat", I would have no problem cleaning up after a family member or friend who was incontinent due to medical reasons. While I don't do "adult baby" play, I am perfectly fine with the idea that sometimes I have to shelter and nurture the friends and family who need a mother-counselor more than the need a peer.
Absolutes are external expressions of our own internal priorities, discomforts, fears, and canalization to society's mores. They are what they are, and, like everything else, they help to define us to others (and sometimes to ourselves). Developing a flexible definition of oneself is challenging and takes a lifetime of learning flexibility, and I think it is valuable to know whether the person one is dealing with is flexible in certain areas, or leans towards being more rigid, as it helps one to know how to approach the person and how interaction might progress.
Calla
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