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Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpretation? - 6/16/2010 4:43:54 AM

mistoferin

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We've all heard it a million times over. Some feel that it dictates limitless acceptance. Some view it as express permission to do whatever the heck they want without regard to anyone else around them. Others take a more conservative view of it. I believe that it is often misunderstood and misused. What does it mean to you? I've been reading some interesting discussion on the topic and thought I would bring it here.

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~erin~

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When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 4:54:03 AM

lally2

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i wouldnt say its limitless acceptance as such. i might see something and think Holy Shit thats sick - but i wouldnt say so and i wouldnt proffer my opinion (unless it involved kids or animals then i would) - id just apply that maxim - its their thing, not mine and id move swiftly on.

during extreme moments of boredom i have browsed through the pic galleries of some of the more extreme S&m sites and been seriously horrified and baffled as to how anyone could endure that sort of pain and at that level of intensity - but its all relative isnt it. someone could have witnessed a session i was in and from their level of acceptance it might have seemed completely out there and incomprehensible to them.

so long as it isnt abusing the unwitting i take the view that its their kink not mine and keep my opinions to myself.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to mistoferin)

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RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 5:03:23 AM

xssve

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I think it's good that people have different kinks than mine - that way when somebody squicks on something I'm doing, I can say, "you think this is weird"...

Seriously, short of scat or pedo, I haven't seen too much that I can't at least partially wrap my head around, there are some people into extreme surgical modifications that strikes me as something I'd really have to think long and hard about, but in some ways it's not that much different that people who have so many face lifts their faces get all hard and shiny looking.

I do sort of try to confine myself to things that are at least theoretically reversible.

(in reply to lally2)

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RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 5:22:33 AM

mistoferin

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A few examples that I've run across in the last 24 hours...just for perspective...

A guy who thinks that there should be NO rules or protocols at parties and clubs. Adults should be treated like adults and be free to practice whatever kinks they wish, however they wish.

Forced anorexia.

Hot wax enemas.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to xssve)

Post #: 4

RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 5:40:06 AM

xssve

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I saw the hot wax enema thing too - *shudder*.

(in reply to mistoferin)

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RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 5:47:19 AM

lally2

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Joined: 4/16/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

A few examples that I've run across in the last 24 hours...just for perspective...

A guy who thinks that there should be NO rules or protocols at parties and clubs. Adults should be treated like adults and be free to practice whatever kinks they wish, however they wish.

Forced anorexia.

Hot wax enemas.

the first i guess is possible but it would have to be with hard core folk not fluffy-pants people like me

anorexia is a death sentance so far as im concerned and falls into the 'Are you Fucking Nuts' category - id probably shoot my mouth off to be honest - anyone who agreed to forced anorexia would have to be either unclued up about the health ramifications or incapable of making a sensible decision. therefore if they came here and asked id have to say something.

hot wax enema - wowy ouch!! - again a health issue - if they know what theyre doing i guess youd just leave them to it - but i wouldnt be queing up.

when you come up with specifics like that i start to see what you mean - hard not to have an opinion and voice it.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 6

RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 6:03:06 AM

mistoferin

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Well see, that's just it...in theory it all sounds very sweet. A world where there are no judgments, only tolerance and acceptance.

But in my first example for instance, clubs and public parties are held in places that are generally leased. That venue is generally not on a private island. It stands within a greater community and therefore has to abide by the laws laid down by that greater community. Hence rules regarding things like alcohol consumption, nudity, penetrative sex, fire, bodily fluids, etc. Then one also has to consider that NO rules = chaos...unless of course EVERY single person conducts themselves in a responsible manner that takes into account EVERY other person in attendance. I have yet to see that ever happen because the reality is is that there are lots of folks who simply don't care about anyone but themselves. That doesn't even take into account the clueless or those incapable of practicing their kinks with any degree of common sense.

What I do in my own home with other consenting adults is one thing. Taking my kinks to a public venue is entirely different and I must take into account the other people in attendance who also laid down their monies to be there. If my kink were gun play, for example, I can not expect that I can go down to the local dungeon full of people and practice my kink there.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to lally2)

Post #: 7

RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 6:42:45 AM

DomImus

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I have usually seen the phrase (or acronym) as "Your kink is not my kink but your kink is ok" or something to that effect. Personally for me it means a sense of tolerance more than acceptance. There are some things whose existence I accept which is not to say that I am an advocate of said things... I would classify my feelings as tolerance meaning I won't meddle in your affairs if you don't meddle in mine.

To me this is a philosophical discussion. Examples of specific kinks are not terribly relevant to the discussion.

_____________________________

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. harris

(in reply to mistoferin)

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RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 6:46:23 AM

DarkSteven

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To me, YKINMK means the following:

1. I'm not into it.
2. I'm not passing judgment on it. You're cool doing it. But there's no point in discussing it with me further.
3. We're not compatible.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to DomImus)

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RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 6:50:15 AM

LaTigresse

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There was a time when I was less confident about myself and my opinions. Not so much so now.

Now, I have no problem voicing my opinion. Saying when I think someone is crossing a line, or just purely, a dumbass.

To me, the whole concept is just another version of wussy political correctness. I don't think I have it in me to be PC and the truth is, I don't want to be.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 10

RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 6:50:58 AM

GreedyTop

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From: Savannah, GA
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what Steven said

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(in reply to DarkSteven)

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RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 6:53:16 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

We've all heard it a million times over. Some feel that it dictates limitless acceptance. Some view it as express permission to do whatever the heck they want without regard to anyone else around them. Others take a more conservative view of it. I believe that it is often misunderstood and misused. What does it mean to you? I've been reading some interesting discussion on the topic and thought I would bring it here.

We are closer to the tolerance school of thought than acceptance. Once we close the front door of the house, we really don't have much regard for the thoughts or opinions of those who remain outside. It's a nunya thing.. as in.. none of your business. Flip side as well. What you (the masses) do with you and yours is not my business either. I do assume adult and knowledgeable consent.. I'm sorta Pollyanna thata way. :D When out and about, we make it a point to find out what's going down so that we have the opportunity to consent or not and make the choice which works for us. In other words, we take responsibility for what we do and what we view.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to mistoferin)

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RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 7:02:10 AM

LadyPact

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I didn't see the other discussion, so this may be taking the conversation in a different direction than you intended.

I think there really are some folks out there who get Your Kink Is Not My Kink But Your Kink Is Ok confused with their own interpretation. That comes across as them seeing it as Your Kink Is Not My Kink, But As Long As I Call It Kink, Anything And Everything I Do Is Ok. This is that messy little area where all of the other cute acronyms get thrown out the window because any act that someone can come up with is supposed to acceptable because the carte blanche excuse of "it's kink" comes out. Harming third parties? So what. It's kink. Lack integrity in the actions? So what. It's kink.

I don't think the concept of YKINMK was ever supposed to be viewed as that.

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to mistoferin)

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RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 7:07:04 AM

mistoferin

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Joined: 10/27/2004
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LadyPact, I think you hit the nail on the proverbial head.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 14

RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 7:16:59 AM

Whiplashsmile4

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Joined: 12/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
To me, YKINMK means the following:

1. I'm not into it.
2. I'm not passing judgment on it. You're cool doing it. But there's no point in discussing it with me further.
3. We're not compatible.

For me it's...

1. I'm not into it.
2. I may or may not pass judgement on it. You may or may not be cool doing it. There may or may not be a point in discussing it.
3. We're probally not compatiable.

I'm not accepting of everything and I'm not going to pretend that I am, however I'm not so closed minded that I have no acceptence for things people are into which I'm not.

I don't buy into full throttle politically correctness, nor the "I'm Okay and you're Okay" line of thinking. When I was younger I was more prone to these lines of thinking, however in time, I've learned that some people ain't fucking Okay, and that I myself ain't always Okay.

Seriously, at times conflict produces personal growth and understanding not only of oneself but other people.

I can not adopt a motto such as "I'm okay and you're okay" on a broad generalized level of anything. "I might be okay and you might be okay", then again "I might be fucked up and you might be fucked up." it all sort of depends upon what specifically were are discussing. It may or may not be worth discussing, all depends.

_____________________________

Жизнь ума ебет.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

(in reply to DarkSteven)

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RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 7:18:53 AM

juliaoceania

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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It means simply as long as everyone is consenting adults I have no opinion about their kink. If I don't like it, I don't have to watch/be around it... simple as that...And there are some things that gross me out, cross my line...

It is kinda like seeing an obese man wearing a pair of pants without a belt and a shirt that does not cover his belly... letting a little ass crack show with the wonderful touch of being hairy in that spot...I don't think he should dress that way, I don't like looking at it, and I try my best not to pay attention to it...

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to mistoferin)

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RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 7:23:55 AM

juliaoceania

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quote:

Taking my kinks to a public venue is entirely different and I must take into account the other people in attendance who also laid down their monies to be there. If my kink were gun play, for example, I can not expect that I can go down to the local dungeon full of people and practice my kink there.

I was responding to the OP in my last reply, not this scenario

I think cubs have the right to take into account the tastes of their clientèle. I think they have the right to restrict a hot wax enema. I do not think that we have the right to restrict that behavior from someone in their home...

Actually when I say your kink is not my kink... I am saying "something about your kink bugs me, but it aint my life, so go over there and do it away from me:

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 6/16/2010 7:24:16 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to mistoferin)

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RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 7:30:10 AM

Whiplashsmile4

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
I don't think the concept of YKINMK was ever supposed to be viewed as that.

However, there are people do manipulate it, which is why I make it a point to let it be known that I don't buy into this generalized motto.

_____________________________

Жизнь ума ебет.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

(in reply to LadyPact)

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RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 7:38:45 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

LadyPact, I think you hit the nail on the proverbial head.

I get the feeling that this thread is all about the public scene and not about what people do in their homes....

If we see a thread on CM about a hot wax enema, does this have anything to do with your local real life community? I am just failing to see the connection.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 19

RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 7:45:10 AM

cloudboy

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Your kink is not my kink, so something is wrong with you.

Your kink is not my kink, and people into that are self absorbed.

Your kink is not my kink, and added to that, I prefer masculine men, real men.

Your kink is not my kink, and I am not a fetish delivery system for you.

--------------

In sum, when Your kink is not my kink becomes an issue on the CMMB, I've always seen it as a ripe invitation for responders to go negative, and they usually embrace the opportunity with (at times self righteous) abandon.

Sometimes the attacked kinky person runs away (too bad), fights back (in which case he's labeled maladjusted), or throws the kink even further in everyone's faces (which is seen as really crossing the line.)

When I feel the same way (negative about another's "kink"), I try to keep it to myself. I do this b/c I know what it feels like to be judged negatively, what it feels like to be alone with one's kink, and how piling onto someone does not help them. The nub of the situation is, its not easy to be different. Its not easy to be in a minority. Its not easy to be "the freak." (Although Macy Gray likes the freak.)

Because in theory we are all freaks of BDSM, one would think we'd know how to treat others, but from what I've seen, those in BDSM are not much different than the general public. (I do think we are somewhat better than the general public...)

--------

There was a pretty good thread on kink incompatibility not too long ago, and I felt it may have opened up some poster's eyes about the value of being negative.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 6/16/2010 8:14:54 AM >

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 20

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