RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (Full Version)

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nyrisa -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/16/2007 12:43:07 PM)

Dress the chipmunks in drag, and leave them chained up for the squirrels to toy with and punish for their misdeeds.

I want to hire a maid to clean my house, but no sane person would ever take this job after seeing it. What should I do?



QuietlySeeking -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/16/2007 1:18:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: nyrisa
I want to hire a maid to clean my house, but no sane person would ever take this job after seeing it. What should I do?


Retrieve the squirrels and chipmunks, inject them with rabies, put scrubbies all over their backs and watch everything get clean in no time.

quote:

ORIGINAL: UtopianRanger
Grab a lead pipe and tell him to use it instead of his feet.

I just pulled of the freeway and coasted into a service station, because the temperature gauge on my instrument panel says it's nearly 300 degrees. What should I do?


Pour 5 gallons of ice water into the radiator directly and another 5 gallons of iced Coca Cola into the engine compartment.

One of my little sister's sorority sisters has expressed an interest in dating...where should we go on our first date?



nyrisa -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/16/2007 1:26:58 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: QuietlySeeking


One of my little sister's sorority sisters has expressed an interest in dating...where should we go on our first date?


Take her to a strip club. This is always an exciting evening out, and it will demonstrate to her that you respect and revere women. Buy her a drink; if she is underage, she will be impressed that you respect her maturity. Suggest to her that working in the strip club is an excellent way to earn college money, and have her invited up on stage for amateur's hour.


My son wants to learn how to drive, but after teaching his sister's how, I don't think my nerves can take another round. What should I do?



Mikal -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/16/2007 1:50:30 PM)

Shame on you! Boys are born knowing how to drive... they drive you crazy, drive you to your wits end, drive you to bankcruptcy, etc. Just get him a car and let him go.

I am developing an addiction to plain potatoe chips dipped in chocolate. Apparently, this is not a socially acceptable food group. How do I get rid of my addiction OR make it more socially acceptable?



nyrisa -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/16/2007 2:42:15 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Mikal



I am developing an addiction to plain potatoe chips dipped in chocolate. Apparently, this is not a socially acceptable food group. How do I get rid of my addiction OR make it more socially acceptable?[/color]




Use only the light potato chips prepared with Olestra instead of oil. Fewer calories, no saturated fats, and the anal leakage you experience will soon make you lose your taste for chocolate, or anything else brown and runny.


I want a new hairdo, but everything seems to have been done before. What are some exciting new looks I might achieve with long hair?



dawntreader -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/16/2007 2:50:18 PM)

potatoe chips and chocolate are the yummiest!!
Ok, for your hairstyle nyrisa...go to a salon and ask them to pull all the color out of your hair, they will put peroxide on it and ask them to leave on till the color is out. When they go to rinse and shampoo, you will most likley lose a good bit of hair from the crown of your head - i am sure it will be a style like no other! (except mine, maybe[:(])
 
i am getting ready to do a Brazilian. what liquer should i drink to kill the pain?
 
 



nyrisa -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/16/2007 3:03:36 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader


i am getting ready to do a Brazilian. what liquer should i drink to kill the pain?
 
 



It really depends on what the Brazilian looks like, and how well endowed he is. If he is handsome, merely a small glass of champagne should add to the mood. If he is ugly, or has very small endowments, then a bottle of tequila should help you endure the experience.

My car needs new tires, but I don't want to spend a lot of money. How can I replace my tires cheaply?



softness -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/16/2007 3:06:13 PM)

i'll send round some kids from school .. they will steal you new ones in exchange for crack

i havea  sore throat .. what should i do?



dawntreader -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/16/2007 3:21:24 PM)

Have your Dom put orajel on his cock and ask to deep throat him[;)]
 
So what music should i listen to to enhance the mood with the Brazilian?
 



dawntreader -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/16/2007 3:22:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: nyrisa


It really depends on what the Brazilian looks like, and how well endowed he is. If he is handsome, merely a small glass of champagne should add to the mood. If he is ugly, or has very small endowments, then a bottle of tequila should help you endure the experience.



This was hysterical, btw![:D]



Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/17/2007 3:11:30 PM)

quote:

So what music should i listen to to enhance the mood with the Brazilian?


Everyones mind would shout out "Latin Music of course!" to this question but you know better. Brazilians love Death Metal. A bit of nice, ambient Cannibal Corpse or Behemoth should set the mood quite nicely.

My oldest boy would be proud of my answer to this last inquiry. Am I turning into a closet metal head? If so, what can I do to stop it?



dawntreader -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/17/2007 3:27:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

My oldest boy would be proud of my answer to this last inquiry. Am I turning into a closet metal head? If so, what can I do to stop it?


Buy a ticket to "Warp Tour" coming to a city near you! Delicious young alternative rock bands, drink lots of beer in the sun, and forget you are older than 99% of the attendees~
 
So, i AM attending Warp Tour...what should i wear?



backdoorlover -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/17/2007 4:25:24 PM)

What you have on in your picture looks perfect to me.

I want to find someone that actually uses their brain for more then a hat rack, what should I do?



Mikal -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/17/2007 8:48:44 PM)

Go out and buy a hat rack. Take it with you wherever you go to find that 'someone'. All the other hat-racks-for-brains will flock to your hat rack, thereby leaving the brains used for assored other things exposed.

I'm being perved by quite a few people... and I think I should start im'ing them to ask why they're looking at my profile. But, what should I say?



Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/17/2007 9:13:28 PM)

quote:

I'm being perved by quite a few people... and I think I should start im'ing them to ask why they're looking at my profile. But, what should I say?


You pathetic gopher testicle wiping heap of over-processed Gorgonzola cheese! Why the FUCK did you look at my profile? What? Old reruns of Leave It To Beaver not good enough wanking material? June Cleaver not getting the 'ol Captain to stand at attention is she? Have nothing better to do than to look at someones profile that you are hardly even worthy of catching the shit that falls from their ass?

If that does not work then try something a little more harsh.

It is thundering and kicking up lightening outside. I want to stay on the computer but I fear the electric going out when I am about to say something absolutely brilliant. What should I do?



dawntreader -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/17/2007 9:20:08 PM)

LMAO!!!!!!!! i have no answers or questions but the last three posts almost caused me to enhale and choke on my popcorn!!

And backdoorlover, does your name mean what i think it does?



Mikal -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/18/2007 8:01:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

It is thundering and kicking up lightening outside. I want to stay on the computer but I fear the electric going out when I am about to say something absolutely brilliant. What should I do?

Ignore your flash of brilliance... it may knock out the electric on its own!

quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

LMAO!!!!!!!! i have no answers or questions but the last three posts almost caused me to enhale and choke on my popcorn!!

Hmmm... while it's nice to know that we affect you so, 'almost' is simply not good enough.

Ok people, how do I (or the poster below me who's answering) make dawn enhale AND choke on her popcorn? (Kinky breath play, no? *snickers*)



petdave -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/18/2007 5:23:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mikal
Ok people, how do I (or the poster below me who's answering) make dawn enhale AND choke on her popcorn? (Kinky breath play, no? *snickers*)



First, of course, you need to chain her hands together behind her back. Next, get a large gas mask (Russian should work), and fill it with a layer of popcorn. Strap it securely onto her head, and lay her down on her back, to give the popcorn a gravity feed. Straddle her hips to hold her securely in place, and give her a good hard punch in the stomach. Repeat if necessary.

i am on dial-up, and suffer tremendously from porn withdrawal.  How do i get more girl-on-girl action in random stupidity?



Mikal -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/18/2007 8:12:01 PM)

Make two new profiles. Both female. Domme, sub, other... doesn't matter. That way, you can log on as one girl, make a post regarding the other girl, get off & switch users... repeat. Soon you will have your very own girl-on-girl thread, with posts that truely matter & move you.

Hmmm... I don't think that is really, really bad advice... soooo, pbm... can you do better?



tatangel -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/18/2007 9:01:41 PM)

Go on every website you can access for lesbians and announce that if they just talked to you, you could cure them of their lesbianism. Better yet, include your phone number and address. Now you are assured of having them in your living room! ----Do you think I could be held as an accessory to murder for my last post?



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