RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Polls and Other Random Stupidity



Message

gwendolyn -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/14/2007 2:55:48 PM)

Pick up an inflatable mattress and a plastic pillow from Walmart, then head on over to your local carwash with a bag of quarters. Set up your own little open ended apartment in one of the bays. Voila!

I'm trying to quit smoking, but nothing seems to be csalming the cravings. How do I avoid the withdrawl symptoms while I'm on the wagon?



Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/14/2007 3:33:36 PM)

quote:

I'm trying to quit smoking, but nothing seems to be csalming the cravings. How do I avoid the withdrawl symptoms while I'm on the wagon?


Heroin.


I just got back from the grocery store and I am too tired to put away my food items. What should I do?



ready4srvce4all -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/14/2007 7:44:10 PM)

Eat everything, then go back to the store. You'll come back with a lot less this time.

I'm rewiring the house, but I don't have a voltmeter to tell me the 110 and 220 lines apart.  How do I tell the difference?



beargonewild -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/14/2007 7:49:32 PM)

Get the twuely domwy dom dwagon to come over and test the wiring in your house.

I have a chipmunk eating all the seeds in the feeder, what is the best way to get rid of it?



ready4srvce4all -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/14/2007 7:52:14 PM)

Now that we got that 220 ready.....

I have all kinds of fried chipmunks to eat, what to do with the leftovers?



Mikal -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/14/2007 8:32:50 PM)

HEY! I LIKE CHIPMUNKS!!! [sm=sodoff.gif][sm=sodoff.gif] Use your leppy powers to re-animate the leftover bits... and pray that they don't go the way of Black Sheep!

Great. Now I'm in a not-so-happy mood. How do I get my previous elation back?



ready4srvce4all -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/14/2007 9:33:24 PM)

Poof!!!  Chipmunks reanimated, running like the crazy rodents they are.  Now, to get even more happier, I suggest sending nude photos to the old folks home. 

I want to know what old folks home Mikal is sending her nude pics to.  How do I find out?



Mikal -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/14/2007 9:41:12 PM)

Move to my area, become a geriatric, move into various homes until you start recieving my nudy pics.

Is snuffaluppapuss a word? If not, how do I make it one?



Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/14/2007 10:27:40 PM)

quote:

Is snuffaluppapuss a word? If not, how do I make it one?


I think you just did, but everyone knows that a word isn't really a word until it appears in the New York Times crossword puzzle. Write to the editor and insist that your new word be used on Sunday.

I think my new cat might be part of an international terrorist group that is trying to corner the world tuna market. What should I do?



stella40 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/15/2007 3:25:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

I think my new cat might be part of an international terrorist group that is trying to corner the world tuna market. What should I do?


Climb a tree and wait for the next cow to appear.

I want to convince my next door neighbour that I'm a Martian, what should I do?



dawntreader -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/15/2007 7:37:43 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

quote:

I'm trying to quit smoking, but nothing seems to be csalming the cravings. How do I avoid the withdrawl symptoms while I'm on the wagon?


Heroin.


LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



FullCircle -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/15/2007 11:25:01 AM)

Offer him an anal probe as not seen in any good sci-fi movies but often spoken of.

My feet smell rank and I want to use this to my advantage to create more space for myself. How can I maximise my foot odour dispersion and maybe make it a more unique smell?



Mikal -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/15/2007 1:03:04 PM)

Shove your foot up your a$$ and wiggle it around. That way, you'll be forcing air into your tush, which will cause you to fart. The fart will contain some of your rank foot smell. Also, your foot should be a wee bit ranker from it's foray into Hersheyville.

Procede to wave your feet around, and eat some re-fried beans to help your toot factory.

I think I may have helped create a massive stink bomb... how do I diffuse it?



ready4srvce4all -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/15/2007 6:25:08 PM)

Invite the  neighborhood over, and say "take a deep wiff everyone, there's vitamins in the air".  Tell them to keep wiffing till the stink bomb is defused.

People say I'm a fraud with my knowledge of airborne vitamins.  How can I convince them I know what I'm talking about?




Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/15/2007 8:43:28 PM)

quote:

People say I'm a fraud with my knowledge of airborne vitamins.  How can I convince them I know what I'm talking about?


This is the Internet, if a teenager can convince a 56 year old that he is 18, female, from Nigeria and in desperate need of cash to come be his slave, the vitamin pitch should be an easy sell.

My two sons are over for their bi-weekly visit and I have nothing planned for them to do. What fun stuff can I do with them?



Mikal -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/15/2007 9:18:33 PM)

You already answered your question: get them to "convince a 56 year old that he is 18, female, from Nigeria and in desperate need of cash to come be [their] slave". Then, you'll have mobey to go out and do nifty stuff. And you'll be teaching your kids to be industrious and self-sufficient.

How do I convince my friends to come over and help me redecorate my place? They all have lives.



Raechard -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/16/2007 5:05:06 AM)

Tell them they will be appearing on that programme ‘extreme makeover’. To convince them you might need to hire some heavy mechanical plant such as bulldozers etc.

I start reading books but not finishing them which means I now have hundreds of mixed up stories in my head. How can I ensure I only buy books that I will not get bored of half way through?



Mikal -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/16/2007 7:26:09 AM)

Buy the kind with pictures... comic books, young readers, etc. That way, you won't have to read so much and each is only a few pages (maybe a dozen) long.

I need food, but don't feel like getting dressed... what should I do?



dawntreader -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/16/2007 7:48:57 AM)

Food is really overrated - just keep a few bananas on your bedside table and no worries of dressing - that way the bananas won't feel awkward when you peel their skins off[:D]
 
i will be shopping for a fettish outfit to wear tonight, what should i buy?



Mikal -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/16/2007 8:34:06 AM)

Fishhooks, a nail gun, some silk thread, uncut car keys, and a can opener. Let us know how the outfit looks. [:D]

I just found out that the chipmunk has been the culprit in digging up my herbs... I had been blaming the squirrels... how do I make up to the squirrels, and punish the chipmunk (whom I still like... *sigh*... I'm such a sap)?



Page: <<   < prev  209 210 [211] 212 213   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.0625