RE: Really, Really Bad Advice

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (Full Version)

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Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/23/2007 9:18:44 PM)
quote: I was offered a very cute puppy today, and I'd love to have him, but I know he will grow into a big dog, and I can't have a big dog. What should I do? Have the little guy stuffed right away. PRESTO! Instant permanent puppy! I fear animal rights activists will attempt to have me run over by a bus due to my last post. What can I do to make sure that doesn't happen?

Mikal -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/23/2007 10:39:11 PM)
Pour sugar into the gas/diesel/whatever tanks of all the buses in your state. That way, no bus can run you over. Should I tell a family member to bite me? To my knowledge, they aren't kinky, but I'm worried that they may be diseased.

wandersalone -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/24/2007 1:59:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mikal Should I tell a family member to bite me? To my knowledge, they aren't kinky, but I'm worried that they may be diseased. Tell them first to bite that awful cousin of yours that has always creeped you out...wait three months for any diseases to emerge. How do I find out exactly which days and times the cute guy I know goes to my gym without ending up in jail for stalking?

ready4srvce4all -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/24/2007 6:12:29 AM)
Buy the gym, and make everyone sign up for gym times like tee times at a golf course. When he reserves his time, you can block all others. A lady I know bought a gym just to meet a really cute guy, but the guy is gay. How do I tell her she just wasted a shitload of money?

LadyPact -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/24/2007 11:21:20 PM)
Ask her if she noticed this guy always wearing chaps for his workouts. I know, I know.... The comment above was a terrible stereotype just to get a laugh. How should I make it up to anyone I offended?

wandersalone -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/24/2007 11:28:06 PM)
Send money to my nigerian bank account immediately to take care of the trauma and offense that everyone here has forthwith experienced.... I am a religious and very skilled DOMINATE - I will make sure that everyone else gets some of your multiple kindnesses and will be much gratified when you go to heaven. I worry that so many others on this thread are funnier than me, how can I get rid of the opposition?

Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/25/2007 9:56:16 AM)
quote: I worry that so many others on this thread are funnier than me, how can I get rid of the opposition? Form your own country. Join the nuclear arms race. Gain large amounts of weapons of mass destruction. Start World War 3. Oh... build a bomb shelter first. I need to get a Crock Pot for my oldest son. He is getting his own apartment but I do not have the money for it right now. How can I get one without paying for it?

IEvolve -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/25/2007 11:22:37 AM)
You've heard of becoming a "crock whore"?! I tell my friends that I will answer to any name not ending in "hole". Why do they continue to think I'm ignoring them?

Mikal -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/25/2007 4:32:09 PM)
Because you are an assemptyspace. Hard to pay attention to empty space. I have to return a defective book, but I'm lazy. What's the quickest way to get it to the post office?

SeeksOnlyOne -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/25/2007 4:46:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mikal I have to return a defective book, but I'm lazy. What's the quickest way to get it to the post office? hit the postman upside the head with it........ how should i know the correct voices in my head to listen to?

ready4srvce4all -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/25/2007 8:36:34 PM)
The best way to know is the "death test". If you wake up dead, you chose...poorly. How can I properly explain what the hell "waking up" dead means to someone?

Mikal -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/25/2007 10:27:03 PM)
You can't. You have to make them experience it for themselves... just make sure you have a really good lawyer on retainer when you do. I think I just advised someone to try to commit murder. Should I be concerned about this?

ready4srvce4all -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/26/2007 5:02:43 AM)
Of course not my dear, I'm your leprechaun...trust me...what time do the banks open in Canada, and do you have a mask and a gun? I'm wondering if I should spend the money on myself from Mikal's bank heist, or should I bail her out instead?

SeeksOnlyOne -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/26/2007 5:30:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ready4srvce4all I'm wondering if I should spend the money on myself from Mikal's bank heist, or should I bail her out instead? spend it all on you....her brothers vinnie and slasher will come thank you personally..... i bit the inside of my cheek yesterday and now i keep biting the same spot and it hurts...how can i stop this?

ready4srvce4all -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/26/2007 5:35:27 AM)
Just keep going till there's a hole, then you can start chewing on straws. I'm thinking about opening a business, how do I find trustworthy employees?

SeeksOnlyOne -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/26/2007 5:37:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ready4srvce4all I'm thinking about opening a business, how do I find trustworthy employees? just put an ad on the "services sought" thread and demand only twue twustworthy folks reply...be sure to mention the $10k buy in for each of them so its not a surprise... i cant think of a question to ask now.........does this mean im not creative enough?

ready4srvce4all -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/26/2007 5:40:57 AM)
It only means you are twue, so invite everyone to chat with you, to share the twue-ativity I have 10 Calvin and Hobbes books. Who should I will them to?

Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/26/2007 8:20:47 AM)
quote: I have 10 Calvin and Hobbes books. Who should I will them to? Spongebob. It is supposed to get wickedly hot over the next few days. Any thoughts on how to stay cool?

IEvolve -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/26/2007 9:10:06 AM)
Keep thinking of images of Sam the Butcher boinking Alice. If a bear shits in the woods and no one is there to hear it....does the Pope have lips?

earthycouple -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/26/2007 10:07:03 AM)
my advice is to never talk about the pope and bears at the same time unless you also mention dolphins too because you are gauche otherwise...sheesh I thought everyone knew this! Tis like a martini without an olive or onion. I want to make sure Robert gets this position today. How can I influence his potential new employer but without Robert's knowlege?

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